4. Isabella

The shelter has beena nice escape for a few days, but I've been thinking a lot about what Stella said and getting some money together. Once I get to Houston, I've no idea what's in the safety deposit box. When my grandmother gave me the key a few months ago before she died, I didn't think anything of it. Now it could be my only lifeline…

"Promise me, Isabella. Promise me you'll never go there unless you have no other choice."

I stared at her, unable to fathom what the heck she was talking about.

Nonna had never liked my father, and it was obvious that after losing her daughter in that fiery crash, it wasn't going to change anytime soon. She hated him with a vengeance, and she'd often tried to convince me to come and live with her. I knew that my father would only make things difficult for her if I left the family home, and now I was betrothed to that awful Leonardo, I literally didn't have a life of my own any more.

I was to act and play the part of a good daughter of a wealthy man, and not bring disgrace on the family.

"Nonna, you're scaring me," I whispered.

She cupped my face with one hand; it was cold and I shuddered slightly. She was dying. This was probably going to be the last time I saw her.

"You must always do what's in your heart, Isabella. Never settle for anything less than you deserve."

I shook my head, my eyes cast down. "I don't know how to break free."

She smiled, her blue eyes like mine, her smile holding so much sadness and pain. "Yes, you do. You have the spirit and heart of your mother. She was a fighter. A Romano. We're survivors. You will survive this, Isabella. You have your mother's blood running through your veins."

My eyes clouded over as I rested my head on her shoulder. "I have nobody left except you, Nonna."

She kissed me on the head. "And even after I'm gone, you'll still have me. Whenever you need me, and your mother, you just have to ask. They can take many things from you, my sweet girl. But they'll never take the pureness in your heart. You know what you have to do. You'll find your opportunity to make a new life, and you'll take it."

Nonna had never been a rich woman, but she'd always given me love; the biggest gift of all. I got everything I needed from her emotionally, but what was I going to do without her?

"I want to come with you. I can't do this alone."

She held me for the longest time. "But it's not your time, my sweet girl. You have a long and beautiful life to live, and you must make good choices. Marrying Leonardo is not one of them."

"But I can't fight my father." I looked into her eyes and she smiled softly.

"You're smart. You'll find a way to break free. And when you do, I will be there, looking down on you so proud."

"I can't…"

"Yes, you can. I know you can. I have faith that this life you were given was to do very important things."

"I want to make you proud, and Mama too."

"You already do, just by being you."

I looked down for a moment. "Why are you giving me this key?"

She took a few moments to answer, then regretfully, she said, "There are things to do with your mother's past that I wanted no part in. And she wanted me to pass this on once you were old enough to understand with specific instructions. This is in your hands now, child. Just know all she wanted was for you to be happy and safe." She paused. We both know that while my family home is like Fort Knox, but that doesn't mean the monsters inside it are good people who care about me. I'm a commodity to all of them, nothing more. "In the end, that's all that matters."

And those are the words I will carry with me forever.

In the end, that's all that matters…. She's right. Everything she ever told me came from the heart, but now I have to be smart. I have to follow my heart, and also listen to my head. I have to run…

"You got a light?" the guy asks as I wait in line to get into the Soup Kitchen, a cigarette dangling between his lips.

I shake my head.

"Too bad. What's your name?"

I don't like people talking to me. "Sarah."

"Nice to meet you, I'm Rueben."

He looks shady; and I get the feeling that he's a wheeler and dealer. Not just because he keeps glancing around, then looking back to me with a cocky look on his face, but his whole vibe is off. But I smile politely, then cast my eyes down to the floor. Hopefully he'll get the hint. I need to get inside. Helping out at the soup kitchen and being around Stella and Priest has become my lifeline. I look forward to every single evening, and I've been making it a regular thing. Enjoying the company of others is a foreign concept to me.

"Seen you around a couple of times. I sometimes help out at the drop-in center."

I've never noticed him before. I know he's just trying to be nice, but I don't need people noticing me.

"This place is amazing though, right? Have you had the Gumbo yet?"

Oh, no. Now I have to answer him.

I nod. "Yeah."

He leans closer. "The cook is a real weirdo, though. Check how he dresses? Pretty sure he's batting for the other team, if you get my drift." He gives me a wink.

I recoil. How dare he talk about Manny that way. He's been nothing but nice to me and always friendly and smiling. Annoyance flows through my veins as I try not to get mad. I guess I did inherit my father's temper after all. One of the few traits I got from him.

The doors finally open and everyone files in. I get out of line the second I'm in the door, and head to the kitchen. That's my MO now. I help first, eat later. And today it's given me an excuse to get away from that Rueben guy.

I grab an apron, say hi to Manny and Shanice and run right into Priest. I crash into his strong body as he holds me by the shoulders to stop me from stumbling sideways.

"Hey, little one," he chuckles. "Like a bat outta hell today, huh?"

"Uh, sorry," I say, looking up into his pretty eyes from under my cap. I never let my hair down or have it out. It's easier to go unrecognized if I have a little bit of a disguise. "I wasn't looking where I was going."

He moves one way and at the same time, so do I, and we do this dance in the doorway, neither of us getting by one another.

My shoulders shake with laughter. "See, it's not just me. You're uncoordinated, too."

"This is why I normally stay in my own penalty box. I don't get out much."

"And when you do, you're a little off." The words fly out of my mouth.

But he's not annoyed. If anything, he's amused. "Just a little, but don't tell anyone, okay?"

I nod, making my way toward the counter where Luna and another girl I've never met before called Payden — Luna's best friend — are serving. Luna tells me Stella couldn't make it tonight and my heart drops a little. We've become friends and she's easy to talk to. I like Luna too, but Stella and I just seemed to hit it off.

I'm thrilled that tomorrow I'm helping Manny with the carbonara. Tonight we're serving the famous pumpkin and chickpea curry with rice, and Luna laughs and says how pissed Stella is gonna be and we'll have to save her a dish.

I work hard, clearing tables, wiping them down and collecting food from the kitchen. I catch Rueben watching me a few times, but I steer clear of him. Before I leave for the night, Manny asks if I can come back around three so we can prepare for the dinner rush. I'm thrilled and excited. Priest gives me a ride back to the shelter and he talks openly about his sister, Hope, and that she might be visiting soon.

I don't know why he's so talkative, but it's soothing somehow. As stupid as that sounds. I listen to him telling me about how his sister changes her job every week and still hasn't found her niche. I know how she feels, even though I stay silent.

"Thanks… for the ride," I say as he stops right in front of the shelter doors.

"Anytime. How long are you plannin' on bein' here for?"

I shrug. If you're going to be around, as long as possible… "I'm not sure."

"Have you thought any more about Stella's job offer?"

I swallow hard. It's not that I don't like hard work, it's that I can't afford to be complacent. And if I'm supposed to be dead, then I'm to remain that way. Then again, nobody is looking for me.

"I think it could be a good option for me," I say. It's non-committal, but I have to make it sound like I'm all for it. I don't want him to think I'm ungrateful. "It was kind of her to offer."

"It might help you get back on your feet…" I know he's fishing just a little, but the reality is, he knows nothing about me. Just the few little bits of information I shouldn't have shared.

I nod. "Well, goodnight. I'll see you tomorrow?"

He opens his mouth and my lips drop for a second. Whatever he was going to say is lost. "I worry about you, if I'm being honest." He thumbs to the shelter behind him. "I know you're safe here for the time being, but it's not a permanent solution."

I frown. "What are you saying?"

"Well, Linda probably spoke with you about what the shelter can do to help with life on the other side… when you leave for good."

Leave for good?

"She's been very kind."

I know he's prompting me for a response, but I don't have one to give him. I can't gain employment when I'm technically dead. I've given them a false name already… though going by Isabella Romano is hardly a lie. It's my mom's maiden name.

"Well, let me know if there's anything I can do. I know you have great potential."

I frown. "At what?" I blurt out.

He blinks a couple of times, clearly not expecting me to ask. "Well, you enjoy cooking, and from what I hear, you're good at it. You could do some work experience with Manny and then maybe look at culinary school classes."

I stare at him, unmoving. Culinary classes? I've never even considered such an idea.

I try not to let the smile show on my face at how sweet he's being, suggesting such a thing. The reality of my former life is that women like me don't work. We had staff — many, many staff over the years — who took care of everything, including the meals. My only role in the family unit was to stay a virgin and marry within the ranks that made our family empire even stronger. The reins were so tight that I still second guess every move I make, not quite believing that I'm free of it all.

Occasionally, I'd sneak into the kitchen and help the chef. He'd always be kind and let me annoy him, and he taught me many things. But it was Nonna who taught me how to cook properly. I'll always be grateful for that.

"I've never even considered that," I admit.

"Maybe talk to Father Dan about it when he's back. I know he's been mentoring you and he'll know a lot more people than I do."

I feel a slight tinge of disappointment because I want it to be Priest who's mentoring me, but that's only because I've developed this little crush on him. I really hope it's not obvious; that would be embarrassing.

"I will," I say. "I'll talk to Father Dan, and Linda. She's been helpful and I want you to know how grateful I am, to you and to Stella and Manny for being so kind…"

He watches me carefully. "Is everything okay in there?" He thumbs behind him again.

I nod. I don't get one of the private rooms as they're reserved for women with children, or families. "They're great, but as you say, it isn't a long-term solution." I need to get to Texas…

"Well, we can talk about some options with Linda and Dan, if you'd like?"

I like it when he says we.

I nod. As long as he's involved in the process, I'm keen. "That sounds good."

He smiles. "Alright, we'll see you tomorrow."

"Goodnight, Priest." I pull on the door handle to let myself out.

"Goodnight, Bella."

I hurry inside, and Priest doesn't pull away from the curb until I'm safely inside the doors. I can't help the way my heart thumps in my chest when he's like this. He does genuinely care about me, and as much as I try to tamper down those feelings, I know that I'm feeling things for him that I shouldn't.

A man like him could never want me anyway. He's older than me, for one. And he's not interested in me in that way. He's just being nice because he's a good person.

Nothing can or will come of this because I'm a ghost. A shadow. Nobody. And for a few fleeting seconds I have this fantasy that I have a life here. My own apartment. Going to culinary school. Working at the Soup Kitchen alongside Priest.

I smile to myself as I walk toward the dorm.

It's a pleasant fiction; one that I'll hold onto because right now… it's all I have.

The next day my sides hurt from laughing.

Manny insists I do everything and he'll act as my Sous chef. I have to admit, I've never cooked for this many people before, but with Manny by my side, I feel like I can conquer anything.

I chop mushrooms and onions, Manny sings and hums along to the radio. I've never really had friends like I have here. I was never allowed to associate with anyone other than those my father approved of, and most of them were my stuck up cousins and the children of the men he worked with. We had nothing in common aside from our backgrounds. Everything in my former life was curated.

"Turn that frown upside down!" Manny waves a wooden spoon at me and I shake myself out of my reverie.

"Sorry," I say. "I used to make this recipe with my Nonna. She was really special to me, but she passed away recently."

He stops in his tracks and then gives me a sympathetic smile. "I'm sorry, honey. I'm taking it you guys were close?"

"Yeah, we were." Something about being around these people makes me want to open up. But I can't do that. Nobody can know the real truth. If they do, I'm dead. For real this time. "I miss her every day."

"I'm sure she's looking down on you now, cooking her food and helping the needy. I'm sure she'd be proud."

Even though I'm homeless and destitute, I know she would be too because I did what she said; I took my opportunity and I ran.

I didn't know that night that I'd be running for my life. I had no freaking idea, but leaving on my own accord wasn't an option. My family would've found me and brought me back, and the consequences of that would've been disastrous. Nobody defames or embarrasses the family by voluntarily leaving. I also know Leo would've found me. He had an unhealthy obsession with me being his wife, all while screwing around behind my back. I would run again, a million times over, if it meant I was free of him.

"I don't know about that, but I know she'd be happy I was doing things my way. Even if it means I don't have much."

I don't know why I even say that, but he looks like he understands. "I come from a small town. Let's just say diversity is not a celebrated thing where I grew up. I know about not fitting in."

I look down at my chopping board. "I've never really fit in anywhere," I admit. "Except here. I like coming here. I can forget about things for a while."

"Well, that's a good thing then. And the bonus is you get to share a home-grown recipe with me." He beams and I can't help but smile as well. My heart swells with the idea that I'm even being helpful to someone, instead of in the way or a general nuisance.

"Let's say we knock ‘em dead, honey buns?"

I nod. "I think that sounds like a plan I can get on board with."

I begin to chop more mushrooms and then Manny brings out one of the huge pots and puts it on the stove. The order of ingredients is important, and we can't let the cream curdle too early. When I begin putting the ingredients into the pot and the aroma floods the kitchen, I can't help but think of my Nonna and all the memories we shared when I was allowed to see her as a child.Us cooking in her kitchen and me getting flour everywhere still makes me laugh. She never got mad, she always encouraged me and believed that food brought people together. I guess she was right.

I opened up to Manny and I realize now that I shouldn't have said anything. But I really don't feel like the people here will hurt me. They're my people.

"That smells delicious," I hear Priest behind me as I stir the pot and turn off the heat. It's cooked to perfection. It's been a while since I made this dish, but I can see that I'm not as rusty as I thought.

"Hopefully it tastes even better," I say over my shoulder. "Did you want to try some?"

He starts to head my way and I try not to notice his large frame. The way the tattoos on his neck peek out from under his shirt. He's washed his hair, though it's cropped really short, I can see it's wet. He smells divine, like the woods and something spicy… all things I should not be noticing.

"You mean, I'm allowed a taste test before anyone else?"

I nod, eager to hear what he thinks.

I dip the spoon into the pot without thinking and then hold it out to him. Before I know what's even happening, he leans down and blows on the spoon, steam billowing from the cauldron.

My eyes meet his and the humor he had vanishes suddenly. I don't know what he sees when he looks at me, but I hope to God it's not sympathy. His lips part and I feed him the food. Feed him!

I try to stop the racing of my heart, the thrill of seeing his eyes close and hearing his groan leave his lips as he tastes my food, the throb between my legs grows. This man does things to me that no man ever has. He makes me feel things that are forbidden and wrong. But every time he utters a kind word, I want to bury myself in all things Priest and not come up for air.

The level of feeling astonishes me as I look away. "Is that a good groan, or a bad one?" I try to keep my tone light.

"That is the best thing I've ever tasted," he tells me. When I meet his gaze again, he's being deadly serious. "And I'm not even that much a fan of mushrooms."

"The trick is to not crowd them," I whisper. "We also hand-made the pasta, it's not that hard."

For a split second, something passes between us. I know he feels it. I'm not a complete imbecile. I just don't know what any of it means.

This man can't have feelings for me because look at me… who would want a girl like me the way I look now? I don't even have a home or a dime to my name. I don't have anything to make myself look pretty for him. Just soap and water and shampoo. It isn"t enough. It would never be enough to hold a man like him. Yet, when he looks at me, I feel like he can see into my soul. Like he really gets me.

Priest is the only man who's ever looked at me like I'm not a ghost.

I'll take that as a win.