16. Priest

I haveno clue what this woman is doing to me, but I see the determination in her eyes.

I should have let her keep dancing, but I didn't like the way she was drawing attention to herself, even if she was just having fun. She isn't mine to claim, and though the guys wouldn't push the issue of her being at the club, we still have rules.

And any woman who comes into the club — aside from ol' ladies and club sisters like Stella — are fair game to hit on. I know for a fact that if any tried what Nevada did earlier, I'd end up in a brawl. I'm not exactly known as the beast in the club — that title belongs to Jett when he's angry, and Tag all of the time — but when I'm pushed far enough, I will retaliate.

I also didn't want Tag and Harlem baring down on her with a million questions, making her uncomfortable. The pair of assholes just don't listen, and that pissed me off.

Bella might think she's bulletproof, but we both know she's not.

I'm not admitting to her that I was jealous…

"No, but I'm second guessin' bringin' you here because I know you're not ready to be hit on and stared at like a new animal at the zoo."

She rolls her lips at my words.

Is she laughing at me?

"Somethin' funny?" I cock my head.

"You're kinda hot when you're mad."

Her words shoot straight to my groin. I palm the back of my neck, hoping she won't notice the expanding bulge in my pants "I'm not mad."

"Whatever you say, but while I was out there enjoying myself, I had an idea."

"God help me."

I pull the door open, place my hand on the small of her back and lead her outside.

It's cool out and I notice her shiver a little. I pull my cut off and place it over her shoulders.

She instantly inhales. My dick swells a little more.

"Thank you," she whispers.

I take her hand again and lead her to my motorcycle. "You were sayin'?"

"Oh, right… Well, I was thinking earlier about what we said and how I'm used to going to confession…" I already don't like the sounds of this. "…and I feel good when I talk about things that bother me to my priest…" Dear God, no.

I turn. "What exactly are you askin'?" I may have been okay with it before, encouraged it even, but that was before I rolled her over in my bed and gave her three orgasms.

"If we can go to Confession."

I breathe a sigh of relief. "Of course."

"With you," she adds.

I pull the helmets from my saddle bag and my eyes meet hers. "I'll take you."

She looks down at the ground. One day — soon, I hope — I won't have to keep tilting her chin up and reminding her that she doesn't have to hide from me. Still, that doesn't stop me from doing just that.

Yeah, I was a jealous asshole tonight and that has to stop.

"Breathe, Bella."

She does, her words coming out shaky; "I want it to be you… even though I know you're not Catholic… but you are helping out Father Dan, so it's sorta the same."

"I don't know if that's such a good idea."

"Because of this morning?"

I place the helmet over her head and pull it down, securing the strap for her. I like that she lets me take care of her.

"That's one reason."

"What's another?"

Uh. I can think of at least a hundred reasons why this is a bad idea, but then I see the look in her eyes. She needs this. "I just think… maybe after we've been so close… it might be awkward. Confessions are usually of an impure nature…"

Her voice lowers. "Do you think what we did was impure?"

I swallow the lump in my throat. "Of course not. But I…"

She places a finger over my lips to shut me up. "Sometimes you talk too much. Maybe it's time to listen instead?"

My heart thuds in my chest at her words.

Her confessions.

Her very private thoughts.

The way she feels.

What we did.

I should tell her to talk to Dan. To wait until the morning, but the plead in her eyes makes me want to give her the fucking world if it'll wipe that frown off her face.

"I've never been inside a confessional for years," I tell her. "And even then, I was a teenager and the one confessin'."

A smile warms her face. "And I'll bet you had your share of sins to be cleansed."

My lips twitch. "You could say that."

"What's the worst thing you've ever done."

Killed a man.

I touch her nose lightly. "Anyone ever told you that you talk a lot?"

She shakes her head. "Never, but I think I'm coming out of my shell."

A chuckle escapes me. "Fine. If you really insist on it, we can stop by the parish. I have a key."

Her eyes light up and she jumps into my arms, wrapping her arms around me as I shake my head. "Thank you, Priest. I really appreciate this."

She lets go and I slide my own helmet on before I do or say anything else I might regret. I climb on my sled, and she climbs on behind me as I start the engine.

She wraps her arms around my waist and my dick stands to attention. Not that it ever goes down when she's around.

I've no fucking clue what I've gotten myself into, but I know that if it makes Bella feel safe and helps her recovery, then I'll do it.

Or at least give it my best shot.

The parish is quiet, of course, and I refrain from turning the lights on to draw any attention. Instead, I light the candles on the precipice so we can find our way.

It's beautiful in here by candlelight. The ethereal feel flows through the building and up the high ceilings, making it feel more godly than ever.

It also reminds me we shouldn't be doing this.

I'm not a Catholic priest, and I'm sure as shit not qualified to hear any of what Bella has to confess. The idea unnerves me even if I have heard more than my fair share of confessions from my club brothers.

Still, the look on her face when I said we'd come did it for me. It's like I can't say no to her. And why would I want to?

"Priest?" she whispers.

"Don't be afraid," I tell her, wrapping her hand in mine.

"It's so beautiful in here."

I walk toward the confessional box. Some of the older parishes and churches still have them. "It is. And if this is where you feel safe to talk, then we'll talk."

She nods, her eyes full of trust that makes me feel even more guilty.

I gesture toward the right hand side as I grip the door handle. "Make yourself at home."

She slips inside and I close the door, raising my eyes to the heavens as I say a prayer of my own that I'll get through this. I also ask the Lord for my forgiveness as I let myself inside the left door.

I take a seat and slide the grille across. I can't see her of course, but fuck if I don't feel her.

"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned," she begins. Holy Mother of…. "My last confession was… well, a while ago."

I don't wanna address her as ‘my child' but I know I have to at least make it sound like I'm being some sort of professional. "A sin in one's heart can only be halved by the baring your soul to God," I say.

I hear her intake of breath.

Oh, this ain't my first rodeo.

Silence.

"Where do I begin?"

"Wherever you want to. This is about you. Atonement can only be resolved by workin' through your troubles."

"I hate my family."

Okay. So that isn't so bad. They're a bunch of assholes. "Why do you say that?"

Of course, I know why, but she needs to get this off her chest.

"Because they're bad people."

A chill runs through me and I see the loading dock. Guns firing. People running. My heartbeat quickens.

"What did they do to make them bad?"

"I can't tell you."

"You're not tellin' me, Bella. You're tellin' God, remember."

I hear the seat creak as she shifts and I wince. I don't like the idea of her being in any kind of pain. Physical or emotional.

"They killed someone." I barely hear her words. "Lots of someones."

Fuck.

Who the hell are these people?

My mind shifts to the night of the killing spree when we took down the mob. She couldn't be related to them… though, she is Italian. Also, they wouldn't take her there… not to a gun fight.

"Were you there? Is that why you ran away?"

"Y—yes. I was scared."

The plot fucking thickens.

"Is this why your family think you're dead, too?"

"There was… a lot of… bodies…"

Hell no.

She couldn't be related to the Caruso's, but even as I think it, my mind spins with possibilities as I try to piece it together.

I was there that night. Cash killed the Underboss. The club annihilated half the mob.

"That must've been a traumatic experience for you."

"I haven't been able to tell anyone in fear they'd go to the police."

"And you trust me not to?"

"Of course. I trust you with my life."

Her statement goes straight to my heart. I feel the thrum in my chest and the pounding of blood in my ears. "Bella…"

"I've also been having bad thoughts."

I clear my throat. "Of an ungodly nature?"

"Yes… first about Rueben and wanting him to suffer."

"That's understandable after what he put you through."

"I didn't feel bad about wanting him dead," she whispers. "Does that make me a bad person, just like my family?"

I rub my chin. "It's not wrong to want justice, but to move forward we have to have forgiveness in our hearts. Even for those that mean to hurt us." I hope I sound believable, even if I truly hope Rueben suffers.

"Do you forgive me, Father, for thinking those things?"

"Of course. The lord loves all of his…"

"What about my impure thoughts?"

Fuck. This is quite the confessional.

I interlace my fingers and let out a slow breath. "Tell me about them."

"I've been having… not just thoughts but, you see, I— I let a man touch me."

I'm so going to hell for this.

I'm tempted to ask her if she liked it. I crack my neck instead, knowing it's wrong to have a wood in church while listening to this beautiful woman talk about me as if I'm not here.

"Where did he touch you?"

"You know where," she whispers.

"I'll atone you for these sins." Who's going to atone me for mine?

"What about what I did to him?" she breathes.

"Did you want to talk about it?" The words are out before I can even stop them. Please, say no.

"I let him feel me and then he came in his pants."

I swallow hard. My cock swelling. I go to open my mouth but no sound comes out.

"I don't think I can Hail Mary my way out of that. Do you?"

Think of something intelligent to say. "You're not the only one to blame," I tell her. "Sometimes when we lower our guard, that's when we let sin creep in and before we know it, we're not thinking rationally."

"Do you think what we did was evil?"

"No, Bella. But you're a virgin for a reason."

"What if I don't want to be?"

I shake my head. "Ridding yourself of your virginity isn't something you should just check off your bucket list."

"But I felt a connection with you I've never felt before."

I feel it too. You don't know how much…

"Do you think I'm impure now, because I let… this man… do things?" She sounds completely at my mercy and it makes the knot in my chest tighten.

"I don't think you're impure," I say. "Not one little bit. But you're a beautiful woman, and sometimes even the people sent to protect you can lose themselves in the moment. It's no excuse, but when two souls collide…" What in the ever-living fuck am I saying? "That's when we lose all sense of ourselves."

"And what if I liked it? Do I fight against what feels right?" She makes a valid point. "Do I keep saving myself even though I know I feel that we connected? That if I don't have you — I don't even know if I want to live another day…"

Her words are my undoing.

Why should anyone fight anything that makes them feel good?

Confessional, I remind myself. This is a fucking confessional!

"You can only do what feels right in your heart." Do I tell her it's not a sin when really — for all intents and purposes, especially in her religion — it is? Or do I try and backpedal my way out and pretend nothing ever happened?

"Passion is a strong emotion…"

"It's taking over my mind, my soul… my body."

Her body is not just a gift from God, but a gift from the heavens above. I could worship this woman for as long as it takes for her to never want to confess her sins again.

I'm the fucking problem here, but she doesn't see it that way.

She's put me up on a pedestal where I don't belong.

Have I done this? Have I made her lust after me because I'm not strong enough to send her away? And if I did, where would she go? She has nowhere else.

I need to make a decision to help her on her way, or take what I want for myself.

It's like I have the fucking devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other. The devil is definitely winning out.

"Bella…"

"I don't want to fight it."

"We must."

"Why?"

"Because…" I can't think of one valid reason right now so I have to fucking lie. "Because I don't want it to stop you from moving on… when the time is right. This place, it's no good for you, not when you're running away from your past."

The silence hangs in the air like a cold, wet cloud. I don't like it one bit, but giving her false hope is wrong.

What's she going to do; live here when she's in trouble and be a part of the MC? She's already escaped from a violent family — and she could have very well witnessed a crime the MC were involved in, something I'll have to get to the bottom of. All I know for sure is that Bella spells danger. And I vowed to keep her from danger.

"Moving on?"

"Isn't that what Texas is about?"

"Yes — but I'm coming back. I promised." She pauses. "Do you not want me to come back?"

That's the last thing I want. "I didn't say that."

"I don't mean to be needy… I just… I've never had people before… people who get me like you and Stella do and how I felt at the club or when I'm around you."

"You're not needy. I like that you feel good around us, but, I never meant to lead you on."

"So that's it?" she breathes. "There's nothing between us?"

I close my eyes.

I fucking did this.

"I didn't say that."

"So stop treating me like a child, Priest. I'm not."

I'm out of my seat, hearing her feet on the wood floor.

I'm at her door before she even turns the handle, blocking her exit. "You can't run at the first sign of trouble."

She stares at me, defiant. "Are you trouble?"

I cup her face. "What if I am? What does that make me?"

"Human?"

I scoff. "You think it makes me feel good taking advantage…"

She shoves me in the chest. I barely move but the motion has me quirking my brow.

"Stop saying that!"

I move toward her as she steps back. I move again. For every step I take, she moves backward. "You think this is easy for me? Hearing you say those things?"

"I don't want to fight it. This is all I have."

"Yes, and my fear is you're clingin' to that and I'm not gonna live up to what you want. To what you expect. To what you fuckin' deserve!"

She frowns.

I move again and cage her in, her ass hitting the seat as I effectively trap her in.

"You deserve it too." Her voice is soft.

"What?" I press. "What is it I deserve?"

"To be happy. Isn't that what anybody wants?"

Not people like me. People like me just get by. I'm here to help people, not to serve myself. That was my vow when I made it out of prison. After I atoned for my own sins.

I don't mean for my lips to find hers, but they do. With her hands pressed against the wall and my body pushing into hers, I kiss her with a vengeance against the world and every asshole in it. Not her. Never her. She did nothing wrong. My sweet, dear, precious Isabella.

I slide my tongue in her mouth and a moan leaves her throat.

Not here.

We're in fucking church.

When I pull back she whimpers. I press my forehead against hers. "I knew this was a bad idea."

"You're overthinking it."

I chuckle. "You think?" Her chest moves rapidly and I tilt her chin. "Don't hide from me. Never hide from me."

"I want to go now. Please, Priest. That's enough atonement for one day."

Hearing her say please like that, it warms me inside and it shouldn't.

I push off the wall but remain in front of her. I'm not going to run away.

That's one promise I know I can keep.