Chapter 6

Marissa

It”s the worst and most wonderful day of my life.

I”m on the run on a day that”s supposed to be full of love and laughter and celebration, still wearing rumpled clothing, my stomach rumbling with hunger because those measly donuts have been long since forgotten.

But I”m sitting beside Nicolai, the man I”ve loved since before I even knew what love was. The man I thought hated me, and now... now I hope and pray with everything I’ve got that somehow, some way, we escape the danger we”re in. That we get a second chance.

The way we both realized I”m legal now.

Sweet Jesus.

My heart goes all fluttery in my chest at the memory.

We ride in comfortable silence, and I”m not even sure where we”re going.

”We need to ditch this car,” he says. ”Don”t be alarmed. I know what I”m doing.”

Of course he does. I know I can trust him. I”m with the only person in the world I really can trust.

”Alright,” I say, nodding. ”Oh, maybe we can get a motorcycle somewhere. Wouldn”t that be fun?”

”Fun?” he says, giving my knee a squeeze.

”Think about it,” I say. ”If anyone else pursues us, we can weave in and out of traffic easily, and they won”t be able to catch us. Plus, it”s easy to ditch.”

He gives me a curious look. ”You sound as if you have some experience with this. Something I need to know?” I look away bashfully. I feel weirdly shy when he gets all stern with me like that.

I clear my throat. ”I”ve seen movies,” I protest lamely.

”Have you ever seen how easily a semi sends a motorcycle careening to certain death?” he asks, his accent thicker and more pronounced when he”s lecturing me.

”Oh, ouch,” I say with a grimace.

”Yeah. And anyway, you let me worry about a replacement. You worry about what you want for dinner.”

”At this point, I would eat microwaved mac and cheese, or one of those nasty burritos you find at a truck stop.”

He chuckles at that, and a shiver of delight glides through me. I made him chuckle.

”We can do better than that,” he says. ”But first, let”s get some distance between us and the people who were following us... after we get a new set of wheels.”

He pulls off the highway and into a rest stop, parking as deeply in the middle of the huge, crowded parking lot as he can. I don”t think we have anything to take with us, but he quietly takes out several guns and rounds of ammunition, tucking them into a duffel bag he”s stored under the front seat. It”s a stark reminder that we aren”t normal, this is hardly a road trip for fun, and not only are we being pursued, he says I”m in danger. If he”s with me, that means both of us are.

”Nicolai,” I say in awe, looking at the pile of weapons and ammunition he”s loaded into the black bag, zipped, and slung across his chest.

He only looks at me. Holds my gaze for long seconds, and I stare back into the depths of his eyes, before he reaches a hand to the side of my face and draws his thumb down the side of my cheek. Something shifts in me then, seeing the real man behind the mask. The one who”s risked everything to protect me.

”Trust me,” he says into my ear.

It”s a physical act, I think, trusting someone. It”s more than letting go of a mental road block. It”s releasing a burden you carry, giving the weight to someone else. And when I make that decision... when I tell him I trust him... I feel somehow a little lighter.

We go into the rest area together, and he buys snacks from the vending machine. I freshen up in the bathroom, then we head back to the main lot. He fiddles on his phone and finally points to a car. ”There,” he says, pointing to a car that”s way up in the front of the lot.

”Why that one?”

”It”s parked up front. Belongs to an employee who works here, who won”t realize it”s gone until his shift is up, which is in...” he checks his phone again. ”Eight more hours. Locks are easy to disengage, and the windows are tinted.”

”How”d you know all that?” I ask in awe.

”Narcissistic social media makes it easy,” he mutters, but say nothing else. I shrug, then follow him.

He keeps his head down and I follow him, all casual, like we”re not about to steal a car and run for our lives. Like I”m not the daughter of one of America”s most wanted, and he”s not my bodyguard carrying a bag of weapons fit for a small army. Like this is all just normal.

And for one brief moment, I wish it was. God, how I wish it was.

”Passenger side door,” he orders low, while he pulls something out of his pocket. Gliding it into the window, the lock pops up effortlessly. He shoots me a wink that goes straight to my panties, opens the door, and hits the auto-lock. ”In,” he says. ”Now.”

I obey, sliding into the seat and fastening my seatbelt while he takes his seat, then reaches under the steering wheel and yanks some wires out. I look out the window, and suddenly my pulse begins to race. He”s about to steal a car, we just ditched one, and someone tried to run us off the road.

Is anyone else after us? God, of course they are.

He guns the engine to life, adjusts the seat for his large frame, and puts the car in drive. I look out the window, expecting someone to chase after us waving a fist or something, but no one notices. No one cares.

We drive for a while in silence, and I begin to think of what he”s said to me. It”s my birthday. He”s getting me something to eat. And I”m legal now.

But what happens after today? Where are we going? How will we hide?

”Nicolai? Where are we going?”

”Boston,” he says shortly, his jaw tensing.

I don”t know anything about Boston. I”ve never visited, and I”m not sure why that”s a safe place for us to go.

”All I know about Boston is the tea party thing,” I tell him. ”What else is there?”

He gives me a short look, his lips tight. ”There”s another branch of the Bratva there that could help.”

”Are you guys everywhere?”

”Just about.”

We drive for a little while longer, and talk easily to one another. He tells me about his home in Russia. I”ve never seen him look like this, when he speaks of Russia. His eyes are bright and vivid with memory, the one hand that doesn”t hold the steering wheel animated as he tells me stories. Though his father, the pakhan of our American outfit, lives in America now, he grew up in Russia. Nicolai served in the Russian special forces after high school.

”I”ve known you for years and never knew you were in the military,” I tell him.

He smiles. ”There are many things you don”t know about me.” He isn”t accusatory, though, but a little sad.

It”s hard to get to know someone who”s tight-lipped and nearly silent most of the time. But now that he”s opening up to me... if we survive this, I will do everything in my power to be sure to learn everything I can about him.

We drive for hours and hours, until the sun sets and my stomach rumbles with hunger again. We talk easily, as if this is normal and right. He asks me about the books I read, the music I listen to, what I want to study at college. I don”t feel like I need to censor myself at all. He listens eagerly, about college and books and friends and plans, about where I want to travel and what I want to see.

”And I want that for you, too,” he says at one point, squeezing my hand. I squeeze him gently back.

”We”ll get out of this,” I tell him. ”Then maybe we can travel together.”

”Let”s do that,” he agrees softly. ”Though I don”t much care about traveling.”

”No? Don”t you want to see things? Visit the wonders of the world? Taste the food of the tropics, or dip your toes in another ocean?”

He shakes his head. ”I”ve already traveled more than I ever wanted to.” He doesn”t offer much more than that, and I wonder what it is he”s seen and experienced. ”The comforts of home are what I want, more than the adventure of other countries. But I understand. When you”re young, the appeal of foreign lands holds an appeal like nothing else.”

I snort out loud. ”You say I”m young, as if you”re an old man.”

He smiles sadly but doesn”t reply at first, and then he shakes his head. ”Let”s focus on what we need to do right now before we plan where we travel to.”

I sober. It”s a quiet reminder of the danger we”re in, one that I don”t miss. But soon, he flicks on his turn signal to get off the highway and follows signs for a swanky hotel.

”Well this is a step up from last night.” I tell him. ”We get to stay here?”

”Just for tonight. Tomorrow, we go to Boston. A place like this offers better security, and privacy can be bought.”

He”s thought this through.

Walking in here without bags is a little different than the last place we stayed, but before we even check in at the desk, he leads me to a gift shop and purchase a pretty little sundress and sandals for me, and a t-shirt and shorts for himself. The dress he picked out for me is a pretty pale pink, one of my favorite colors.

”It”s gorgeous,” I breathe. ”Thank you.”

He kisses my forehead in response. Aw, hell, I love that. Taking both bags in one hand, he leads me to the main desk, and commands me to be quiet with one stern look. I nod. This afternoon”s car chase wasn”t something I”ll forget anytime soon. I believe him when he says we”re in danger, and I trust him enough to follow his lead.

This is the most danger I”ve ever been in, and yet my heart feels lighter than I ever remember it feeling before. My heart sings with hope and promise. Nicolai doesn”t hate me. He”s taken me here to keep me safe. He doesn”t hate me.

And I”m legal now.

He has a hushed, brief conversation with the man at the front desk, who nods soberly. ”Yes, sir. Of course, sir.” Nicolai reaches for my hand and leads me down a private hall to a large elevator. After pushing the button, he waits in silence beside me. Brooding. Alert. Ever watchful. Will he ever truly rest?

We arrive on our floor and my heartbeat accelerates. We”ve flirted with what me being legal means, now, and I know what happened last night. How he punished me. And how that made me feel, to be dominated by him. I”m so in my head, I”m not even looking around us when we arrive. Of course, he”s doing his usual scan of the place.

Unlike the place where we stayed the night before, this hotel room is simple but fancy and impeccably clean. I flop down on my back on the enormous, luxurious bed. After hours and hours in the car, this feels amazing. I close my eyes and inhale deeply. It smells so good in here, so clean and fresh, and I want to stay here for days and days.

But it”s only one night. Just one night to really relax and sleep well before we arrive at our new destination tomorrow.

”Hungry, Marissa?”

I open my eyes to see Nicolai stripping out of his shirt and walking toward the bathroom. I sit upright, and pull a room service menu over to me.

”Starving,” I tell him. ”And honest to God, you should warn a girl,” I mutter under my breath.

”Excuse me?” he says, halfway to the bathroom.

”Oh, nothing,” I say, opening the menu.

But he”s already making his way back toward me.

”Not nothing. You said something.”

”The cheeseburger with fries looks excellent.” I hand him the menu but my distraction plan doesn”t work.

”Out with it.”

He”s so damn stubborn.

”I just said you should warn a girl when you”re going to strip like that!” I blurt out. My cheeks immediately heat with embarrassment. ”I mean, I—well, you know.” I”m stammering like a fool. ”Forget it. I didn”t mean anything by it.”

He looks down at his bare chest as if he”s just realized he took his shirt off. ”Warn you,” he mutters.

”Warn me,” I croak.

And when he looks at me, with a rakish grin and one eyebrow perched in curiosity, my heart tumbles in my chest.

”Marissa,” he says. ”I”m taking a shower. There, I warned you.”

”Thank you,” I barely choke out. ”Have a good shower.” And then while he showers like a normal person, I sit and berate myself for being such a dumbass. It”s a quick shower, and I”m not surprised. He doesn”t want to leave me alone.

”Now your turn,” he says, but he”s standing there wrapped in a towel, so my feet are tied in knots like pretzels. I stumble, and he reaches for my arm, my skin electrified at his touch.

”You okay?” he murmurs.

”Fine,” I breathe, mortified.

”You should warn a guy,” he says. I look up at him, and his eyes are twinkling at me.

”Warn them about what?”

”That you”re going to trip and make them touch you.”

I can”t breathe, I can”t think, I”m standing here like a dope, not even knowing what to do with myself.

Twenty-four hours ago, I was a teenaged girl with a crush on her bodyguard, convinced he hated her. I was free, but with restrictions.

And now? Now, I”m under his protection. And tonight there is no pullout sofa.

It”s shocking how quickly things can change.

But there”s no way anything will happen between us. Not now. Not like this.

”You”re still holding my elbow,” I whisper.

”I am,” he agrees, nodding. But he doesn”t make a move to let me go. Still holding me, he places one knuckle under my chin and draws my eyes to his. I want to ask him to do something. To kiss me. To let me sit on his lap and make out with him until he lays me on the bed and claims me in the way that I know only Nicolai, only Nicolai, ever could.

Does he want me that way?

He opens his mouth to say something, then closes it, takes a deep breath and speaks into my ear, his thick accent and deep voice all gravelly and husky-deep and so sexy I”m stifling a moan. God, what he does to me. ”Go take your shower. I”ll order food.” Then he lets me go and takes a step back.

And that”s what we need right then. A step back.

I blink in surprise, not knowing what to do or how I got here. He looks at me and points toward the bathroom.

”Shower,” he orders.

”Shower,” I breathe.

I turn and walk toward the bathroom tingling from my head to my toes. I shut the door tentatively, and just like last night, press myself against it and close my eyes. I”m sharing a room with the sexiest man I”ve ever known, and I come alive at the slightest touch from him. What would it be like if he took it to the next level?

Or do I need to?

I”m so much younger than he is. He has a whole lifetime of experiences I don”t have...

But if I”m honest, that only makes me more attracted to him than before. I put the shower on, then strip out of my clothes and stand in front of the large, opulent mirror, rimmed with small oval lights. My eyes are bright and wide, my cheeks vivid with color. My hair hangs around me in crazy, unruly waves.

I trail a hand down to the fullness of my naked breasts, the flat of my stomach, my softly-rounded belly. And lower still. I close my eyes. Imagining Nicolai”s hands on my body, touching me like this. I bite my lip and glide my fingers lower still. I stifle a little gasp. I”m slick between my legs, just from being near him, just from the thought of what he could do to me.

I hold onto the edge of the sink with one hand and work my body harder with the other, my mind playing an endless reel of me with Nicolai. Beneath him, Straddling him. Over his lap.

The bathroom is filled with billows of steam as I throw my head back and climax, stifling the noise so he doesn”t hear. Blissful release washes through me. I”m panting, easing myself back to the present when I hear a sound just on the other side of the door. He’s right there. He heard me.

I turn to the door and place my palm on the smooth wood, then my forehead. I close my eyes. Now that momentary ecstasy has abated, a sort of emptiness fills me. I don”t want to chase my pleasure alone. And I want more. I want him.

I love you, Nicolai, I think in silent adulation.

I”d give him anything he wanted.

I step into the shower. It feels so good to stand under the hot water. I let it run over my head, my face, down my back and body, but it isn”t hot enough. I want it scalding, to burn the memory of the man I cannot have from my mind and heart.