Chapter 4

Marissa

I don”t even know how I make it to the bathroom. I”m shaking from what just happened.

And I”m so confused, I don”t even know how to sort my wild thoughts. Hell, forget my thoughts.

My feelings. My body”s absurd reactions.

I”m sad and confused... but hopeful.

Nicolai took me, but he swears it”s for my own good. He won”t tell me why he took me or where we”re going, and he wants me to trust him. And deep inside me, I want to.

For years, I”ve longed for attention from him.

I”m struck with the irony of the situation.

Tomorrow”s my birthday. I”ll be eighteen years old. An adult.

And he just punished my like an errant child. It”s hardly an acknowledgment of my adulthood.

But though I”m embarrassed, I”m beginning to feel things I never felt before. I”ve always been inexplicably aroused by his brooding, dominant nature, but now—now, he”s stoked a fire in me so hot, the threads of my being are incandescent.

The woodsy, masculine, powerful scent of him... the feel of his powerfully muscled body, even the command of his hand, the smack of his vicious palm on my ass. The first spank both shocked and humiliated me. The second broke me open. The third lit a fire. By the time he was finished, my whole body was aflame, exhilarated.

My breasts tingle with awareness and feel weirdly heavier, and there”s an aching need between my thighs that yearns for pressure and release.

I don”t understand it. I don”t understand anything.

He doesn”t even know what I said to Eric, before we left. The text I sent him in the car.

The one thing that gives me comfort is the knowledge that he isn”t immune to this. To any of this. I saw the way he swallowed hard with me pressed up against him. The way he growled, low and deep, and hungry, when he lifted my dress. The way his eyes drink me in like he”s dying of thirst and I”m his salvation.

Maybe my feelings for him aren”t one-sided like I thought, and it”s the one hope that brings me comfort.

He doesn”t want to hurt me. I know that now. He isn”t one of the bad guys.

He can”t be.

I quickly use the bathroom and splash some water on my face. I pull my shoulders back and steel myself.

I don”t know why we”re here or what he”s planned, but he”s the man I”ve trusted to protect me for years.

And I need to trust him now.

This growing... something between us... can”t be. We both know this.

My father holds the keys to Nicolai”s future. There is no escape from Bratva life, only promotion, earned in ways I choose to ignore.

I”m suddenly so tired, my eyes feel too heavy to keep open. I exit the bathroom to see he”s folded down the sheets on the bed, and my heart does a funny little dance in my chest.

And aw, hell.

He”s stripped to his t-shirt, the crinkled fabric that worked as my makeshift gag stretched across the muscled planes of his perfect body.

”Sleep,” he orders, pointing to the bed, and a lump rises in my throat. I don”t want to sleep. I want to crawl up on his lap and wrap my arms around his neck and burrow deep into that strong, powerful chest of his.

And I want to kiss him so badly my mouth goes dry at the very thought. Just one kiss, and I can rest.

”Where are you going to sleep?” I ask, not bothering to mask the concern in my voice.

He shrugs a shoulder. ”You let me worry about me.” His voice hardens. ”Get in bed.”

”Nicolai, you can”t just—”

He anchors his hands on his hips and raises one stern, formidable brow. My heartbeat races in my chest and my knees feel a little wobbly. ”Excuse me?”

Okay, yeah, the spanking he gave me clearly had an effect on me, for even though he”s lectured me before, this time is different. This time, my ass still throbs from the punishment I suffered at his hand. This time, instinct kicks in.

My heart still hammering in my chest in warning, I quickly move to obey. I swear a corner of his lips quirks up, but when I look in surprise at him to confirm my suspicion, he”s only stern once more.

”Should I... um... I have nothing to wear...” I kinda do want to strip. I want to affect that chiseled, statuesque face of his. I want to break down his resolve.

Tempt him, as it were.

I climb between the sheets in my clothes. Gross.

”Sleep in your dress for now,” he says. ”If we need to move quickly, I want you fully clothed.” But his voice is weirdly choked. I look at him in confusion, then pull the blankets up. It feels weird, not being in my pajamas or even brushing my teeth, but I”m so tired, even this dismal excuse for a mattress makes me yawn widely. His biceps bulge when he crosses his arms on his chest. Just watching that fabric stretch over his skin, and the tattoos that snake up and down both arms…

”Are you just going to stand there all night? Standing sentry by my bedside?” I ask, pretending the mere sight of him doesn”t turn me on.

He grunts in reply and crosses his arms on his chest.

”Nicolai,” I say softly. Pleading, even. ”It”s okay to sleep on the other side of the bed. I... I won”t move or touch you or anything.” As I stammer, I feel heat suffusing my cheeks again.

”Go to sleep, Marissa,” he says in a clipped, stern tone. I close my mouth and watch as he checks the window, then prowls the room, making sure we”re safe. That no one”s come to accost us or take us by surprise.

Despite the fact that my body”s on fire and my mind spirals from one thing to the next in random, haphazard swirls and loops, I”m tired.

This place is creepy as fuck, though. I”m not used to hotels like this. Is anybody? I haven”t traveled much, but when I”ve gone on trips with my father, we stay in luxury hotels with soft, silky sheets, ample space, and pillows so soft it”s like sleeping on a cloud. This is such a far cry from the luxury I”m accustomed to, it isn”t even funny.

I”m tired. So tired. I close my eyes, and allow myself to rest in the knowledge that he is here to protect me.

He wouldn”t just take me for no good reason. He would never take advantage of me. I know he wouldn”t.

He wouldn”t.

Just as I fall into a deep, dreamless sleep I hear a door open on the other side of the wall. Someone”s coming into the room next to us. My eyes fly open, but Nicolai just stands, arms still crossed over his chest. I hear a high-pitched giggle and the sound of a man”s growl, then the bed squeaks. I stifle a groan. We can hear everything.

Muffled conversation, the jingle of a belt buckle, soon followed by lewd moans and groans and suckles.

Oh, God. The people in the next room are going at it hot and heavy and I can”t hide from this. We”re going to hear everything. Together. It”s like someone”s playing cheap porno flicks on a widescreen TV in a continual loop.

I want to die.

Every creak of the mattress, every moan of delight, they”re going at it like rabbits and I can practically see them. With a groan, I pull the covers up right over my head, and I swear this time I actually do hear Nicolai laugh, but I don”t remove the covers to confirm. My body heats with the knowledge that all six foot two of muscled, raw, Russian alpha male complete with formidable shaved head and tattoos galore stands on the other side of these covers. Hearing the groans of pleasure. As submerged in this lewd slice of carnal indulgence as I am.

The man who just kidnapped me and spanked me.

”Go to sleep, Marissa,” he repeats, though this time the command is less harsh.

”I”m trying,” I tell him, and thank God the horny little couple next door doesn”t last long, as soon the sounds fade and I hear the unmistakable sound of a cigarette lighter, followed by the scent of cigarettes.

And then I wonder... if I can hear the people next door so clearly, did anyone hear what he did to me? Did anyone hear him punish me? I would absolutely die. These people next door weren”t in yet, but there are other rooms on this floor.

Great.

It”s hot under here and I”m sweating bullets, so I take the blanket off my head, and accidentally catch Nicolai”s eye. He actually looks amused. Though his lips are pulled tight, his eyes twinkle in a way that”s rare for him.

”Sounds like they”re done for now,” he says, with obvious disdain. The smirk on his face leads me to believe he”s not so impressed with our neighbors” stamina.

”You could do better?” I blurt out before I can stop myself. His eyes widen in surprise before he actually smiles at me.

Aw, hell. Did I just say that?

”Fuck yes I could do better,” he says with a laugh. ”I lasted longer as a seventeen-year-old boy.”

He laughed.

I”ve never seen him laugh before, and it warms something deep inside me. And then my mind”s on Nicolai and... um, lasting... and I imagine what it would be like to be beneath him while he straddles me from above.

I close my eyes, feigning exhaustion, but I”m really just trying to get my shit together.

”Marissa, get some sleep before our neighbors get a show of their own.”

I feel my jaw literally drop. Did he just say—did he mean—no way did he—

But he shakes his head at me. ”I mean a repeat of what happened earlier, little girl, and nothing more. Now sleep.”

I close my eyes so I don”t have to look at him again, and also to hide the way I am literally dying of embarrassment. I can”t believe he thought that I thought he wanted to fuck me, or was threatening to fuck me, or—oh God I have no idea.

It takes me a long time to settle. I hear him walk about the room a few times but then he”s quiet. I feel him standing over me. Watching. Protecting. And I settle in the knowledge that I”m safe with him.

Finally, after what seems like hours, I fall to sleep.

When I wake the next morning, I can”t remember where I am at first. I look all around me, but I don”t recognize anything, and quickly, panic overtakes me at the unfamiliar curtains, bedside table, and bedding. I blink at the vibrant red numbers on the alarm clock on the bedside table. 5:00.

I sit up in bed.

Then I remember.

I remember everything.

”What is it?” Nicolai is slouched over on the crappy little armchair across the room, rubbing his eyes, and he looks like he hardly slept at all.

I blink again, and look around the room. I finally release a breath I didn”t know I held. ”Nothing,” I tell him, shaking my head. ”It was nothing.”

”Did you see something?” he asks, getting to his feet. ”Hear something?”

”No,” I tell him truthfully, lifting the covers off and swinging my legs out of bed. ”I just thought for a minute I was home, and it freaked me out when I wasn”t.” I get to my feet, and don”t meet his eyes. It”s awkward, standing here like this in my rumpled dress and messy hair, like I just spent the night at his place, and it couldn”t be further from the truth.

”Did you get any sleep at all?” I ask him, but he ignores me and pushing himself to standing.

”Go use the bathroom,” he says, not answering my question.

”I don”t need to.” Jesus, will he order me to swallow and blink next?

”Didn”t ask you,” he says. ”Do what you have to, since you”ll have limited access to the facilities for a while.”

I spin around to look at him. ”And why is that?” Will he tell me anything?

”Because the bastards who want you won”t stop until they have you, and we”re not planting roots anywhere.”

”Fine. Got it, boss,” I say, pretending to salute him. I walk past him to go to the bathroom, but gasp when his palm smacks into my ass and I stumble a little.

”Hey!” I yell over my shoulder. I won”t look at him. I don”t want him to see the way my cheeks flame with embarrassment, so I pretend I”m not as affected as I really am.

”Hey yourself,” he repeats, scolding me. “Behave.”

”Is this going to be like a new thing with you?” I snap, racing to the bathroom so he can”t smack my ass again.

”Depends,” he says, as I step into the bathroom. ”If I made myself clear enough last night or not.”

I shut the door and press my back against the cool wood, my mouth forming a little ”o” I can see in the mirror directly across from where I stand. My eyes are wide and vibrant, my cheeks pink, and I”m breathing heavily.

For years, Nicolai has been the stern, foreboding bodyguard with zero sense of humor. Now, he”s... something else. And I don”t know how I feel about this. Now that he”s stopped censoring every word that comes out of his mouth, every move that he makes, things are radically different.

I don”t take much time getting ready, as I still have hardly any toiletries. I”d give anything for some arctic mint toothpaste, my cleanser, a clean pair of panties, and my razor.

I wonder what he did with my phone. I feel weird without it, like a part of me is missing. I check my messages first thing in the morning when I wake up, and I wonder who”s trying to reach me. I also wonder where we”re going next.

After I use the bathroom, I return to find him holding his wallet and keys, but he”s stripped his t-shirt off.

Oh.

Oh God.

I find myself staring open-mouthed at the expanse of his chest. Yesterday was the first time I”d seen him bare-chested. It”s shocking to me, somehow, to be so close to his bare skin. He walks in the bathroom after me, but leaves the door open. I surreptitiously sneak glances at him as he makes good use of a washcloth and the slim bar of soap.

There were 500 people in my graduating class in high school and not one of those boys looked like him.

”I take it we”re not ordering room service?”

”Room service? Does this look like a place that would have room service?”

I feel my cheeks color. ”Guess not. And we”re packing light,” I mutter.

”Hell yes.” He leads me to the door and just in time, since it sounds like our neighbors are ready for a little round two, and if I have to hear those two going at it again—

But shit, it”s louder in the hall than in the room.

”Bets on how long he lasts this time,” I mutter under my breath. We push the button for the elevator and when it arrives, he holds the door open for me with an arm up, gesturing for me to go inside. But the second the door closes, he”s in my space, standing right up next to me, a knuckle under my chin. Holding my gaze to his.

”Listen to me,” he says. ”When we get out there you will do exactly what I say. Speak to no one. Eye contact with no one. You keep your eyes and head down at all times. If I tell you anything, you do it immediately and without question. Understood?”

”Yeah,” I breathe, feeling shy in his immediate presence like this. My voice feels smaller. Hell, everything feels smaller.

In the hotel room, I could convince myself for a little while that he wasn”t evil. That he didn”t have a hidden agenda.

Still, it”s hard pretending I”m some sort of prisoner. It”s Nicolai after all.

But when I think about the way he gagged me... the way he pushed me over the desk and spanked me... it”s a little easier to keep my mouth closed and not give him an attitude.

He quickly checks out at the main desk. It”s still dark out, the sky behind the windows around us showing the faintest gleam of morning. I draw closer to him without thinking why or how. I can”t shake the eerie, unsettling feeling that someone is watching me. That someone is watching us.

And when the clerk hands him the invoice, I glance at the date.

My heart sinks, and I sigh when realization hits me.

It”s my damn birthday.