Chapter 2

Marissa

Nicolai always looksangry and brooding, but I swear, he looks angrier than I”ve ever seen him look. And it makes me want to cry.

I try not to look at him if I can avoid it, since I”m terrified he”ll see me gawking at him one of these days. That one day, he”ll know the way I feel about him. And today will not be that day.

But even when I”m actively not looking at him... even as I look past him and focus on my boyfriend, my friends, hell, even my father, I feel him. His brooding, powerful presence. Stern blue eyes on me. Those full lips and taut, tattooed, muscles, the way his—

God.

I”m a wreck. I can”t think about him now.

But how can I not?

I swallow back tears as I accept the praise of everyone but the one man I would do anything to please.

I worked hard at achieving high honors. I was proud walking across that stage, earning my ribbons and diploma with the rest of my class. And I”ll miss the friends I met here, as I go off to college.

So it hurts when he does nothing but glare at me when I get my diploma. It isn”t fair.

I did nothing to deserve his hate. If I could control this, I never would have had him work for my father at all. For over four years, I”ve endured his endless hovering and thin-lipped silence, his complete lack of humor and smothering overprotection. His stern lectures about how to behave and keeping myself safe. He”d wrap me in fucking bubble wrap if he could.

Because I”m nothing but a child to him.

I”m ready to move on, move away from his ridiculous, patronizing ways. Ready to branch out and become who I”m meant to be.

”Marissa!” Chelsea runs to me when we go outside to the school lawn and throws her arms around me, her blonde hair billowing in the wind. ”We did it!” She brings her mouth to my ear and whispers. ”Meet me at my house tonight? My parents are out of town. Epic party.”

”Maybe I will,” I reply. If I can get away from my bodyguard, that is.

”Maybe you will what?” Nicolai is standing right there. Of course he is.I feel heat creep up my neck to my cheeks.

”Nothing,” I toss over my shoulder, sliding into the car when he opens the door for me, but he gives me that probing look only I’m all too familiar with.

”Marissa,” he warns, and hell, the way he says my name, that warning tone of his, makes my body react of its own accord. I close my eyes as a rush of heat flares across my chest, my heartbeat accelerates, and my breathing becomes ragged. From his voice. I can”t understand why I react this way when he goes all stern and dominant on me. Why it excites me but incites fear, too, like standing at the very edge of a cliff.

”Nicolai,” I singsong back, my voice a little wobbly. I won”t look at him. I know those ice-blue eyes too well. Just meeting his gaze will betray too much.

My inner thoughts. My plans. My feelings toward him.

”Answer me,” he says, and then he does the very thing he shouldn”t. He touches me, grasping my elbow.

My skin”s on fire, my pulse racing so hard and fast I can”t fight the heady feeling he gives me. God, he smells so good, all masculine and powerful. Though he”s barely touching me, it’s like his fingers brand my skin. Every cell in my body snaps to life with vivid, visceral awareness.

I sigh, and though it kills me, shrug him off. ”Nowhere, Nicolai. I”m going to my party. Okay?”

He climbs in the car, looks both ways, then shuts the door, because that”s what he does. The constant vigilance can be a bit stifling.

When he takes his seat, he sits as far away from me as possible, in the corner of the small interior.

”Buckle your belt,” he mutters.

”Fuck you,” I mutter under my breath, not even thinking about what I”m saying.

That gets his attention.

”Excuse me?”

The sharp tone does nothing to quench the raging fire being in his near proximity causes. To save me from dying of mortification, I take out my phone and pretend I didn”t just curse at Nicolai. I have literally dozens of missed texts and notifications, mostly from the graduation, and I”m going through each one when my phone vanishes from my fingers.

”Hey!”

Nicolai”s molten gaze makes my heart stutter to a stop.

”Care to repeat what you just said?” he asks. A muscle ticks in his jaw.

”Actually, no,” I quip, reaching in vain for my phone. ”Give me that!”

He raises a dark brow at me, and I swallow hard.

He”s like the polar opposite of my boyfriend. Eric”s long hair is sort of rockstar-ish, whereas Nicolai”s head is shaved. Eric wears loose, comfortable clothing—he”s an artist—and Nicolai”s dark, fitted clothing hugs his thick, powerful body like a glove, his muscles defined and intimidating. Eric quotes poetry and talks about anything and everything, and Nicolai says as little as humanly possible in his thick Russian accent.

Eric is a boy... and Nicolai is a man.

Oh hell, is he a man.

”I don”t care if you think you”re all grown up now that you have a diploma,” he says in a clipped tone, his nostrils flaring, betraying his temper. ”I won”t allow you to speak to me that way.”

My body is an electric wire, humming with need and want and shame and something deeper... darker... something I can”t put my finger on.

”Really,” I sputter. ”And what are you going to do about it? Ground me?” Like a petulant child I cross my arms on my chest. ”You can”t—discipline me.”

At most, he reports what I”ve done to my father, which is infinitely worse, so I shouldn”t be poking the bear. And even as I”m challenging him, I”m ashamed of the way I”m behaving. I pride myself on being more mature than the silly girls in my class, and yet...

”Isn”t that the truth,” he says softly. ”If I were you, I”d consider myself lucky that”s the case.”

I blink, and my pulse races impossibly faster.

There”s nothing sexual about this encounter at all, and yet—why does excitement race through me like this? Why do I feel like I”m spiraling out of control, into the unknown?

”Then give me my phone, please,” I say in a whisper.

”Apologize, Marissa,” he orders, holding my gaze.

”I”m sorry.” I acquiesce without a second thought, and it”s not just because I want my phone. I don”t like making him angry. And I don”t like the way his stern correction is making me feel like I”m losing all control. I need to end this confrontation, and now.

He hands me my phone back, then takes his out, punching out a text so angrily I swear he”ll break the damn screen. Something”s under his skin, and I have no idea what. It can”t just be me, is it?

Or maybe it is. My heart sinks.

”Nicolai, I”m really sorry,” I say a second time. This time, I feel truly repentant. I don”t like making him angry at me.

He looks up from his phone.

”What was that?”

”I”m really sorry,” I say. ”I shouldn”t have been so rude to you.”

A corner of his lips quirks up, making my heart stutter in my chest. The man never smiles.

”You shouldn”t have, but I forgive you. All is well.”

Warmth floods my chest from his forgiveness and reassurance that everything is okay, bright and beaming like the midday sun. Then he”s back at his phone, concentrating on something. I pretend I”m on my phone, but I can”t help but watch as his gaze goes from casual to dark, and his jaw tightens. He curses under his breath.

”Nicolai?” I ask curiously. ”What is it?”

But the car cruises to a stop at the hall where my party is being held. Nicolai gets out of the car first, then extends his hand to me. I look at him for a moment in bewilderment. It”s unusual for him to touch me like this.

”Let”s go,” he says. ”You earned this party. You”ll enjoy it.”

”Will I?” I ask, with a little snort of laughter.

But he doesn”t respond. He”s already on guard, taking in every detail as I step out into the bright sun. Eric is waiting for us, and when I get out of the car he pulls me to him in a quick hug.

”There she is,” he says, handing me a brightly-wrapped package. ”Congrats, babe.”

”Thank you,” I tell him, squirming under Nicolai”s stern glare. I feel him watching as Eric slides his arm around my lower back and pulls me closer to him, then leans in for a brief kiss. Guiding me to the door, we enter, and cheers erupt. I forget Nicolai for a little while. All my friends are here. Every one of them, as well as my family. I join them, allowing myself to be swept away by their enthusiasm.

And when I look up, Nicolai is gone. I know he isn”t truly gone, though. He never takes his eyes off of me.

We party late into the night. Eric gives me a spiked ginger ale, which I pass off as a regular soda, and by the time they”re closing the doors to the rental hall, I”m feeling a little tipsy.

Eric leads me to an empty hallway, and pulls me to him. ”Come back to my place tonight?” he asks.

”I...” my voice trails off. It”s hard ditching Nicolai, and after that display in the car earlier, I”m not sure I”m game for pushing him. ”I”m tired, Eric.”

”Are you serious?” he asks. ”C”mon, Marissa. Just for one night. Ditch that oaf that follows you around like a puppy dog and head out with me. Just for tonight.”

”He is not an oaf,” I say tightly. ”And I don”t think so.”

Eric turns on me, his playful attitude growing quickly cold and demanding. His grip on my arm tightens to painful. ”One night,” he says.

My pulse quickens at his angry temper. I”ve never seen him drunk before. Is he a mean drunk?

”I-I don”t think so,” I tell him.

”That necklace I got you wasn”t good enough?”

I try to pull away but he grabs my wrist.

”She said no. Do you need me to say it for her?” The deep voice makes both me and Eric freeze.

Nicolai stands a few feet away, and he looks angry enough to kill. I look from him to Eric, and can tell they”re on the verge of an epic pissing match.

”Yeah, no,” Eric says, rolling his eyes at Nicolai. ”All good there, chief.”

”Marissa, come with me,” Nicolai says, quirking a finger at me.

This time, I go willingly, though at the look on Nicolai”s face, I”m not sure he”s the safer choice than Eric. When I”m within arm”s reach of Nicolai, he shocks me by grabbing my arm and yanking me close to him.

”Nicolai!” I say in shock. ”What are you—”

His mouth comes to my ear. ”You listen to me. You go back in that room and say good-bye. Tell them all you”re going to a friend”s house tonight and you”ll be there a few days.”

”What?” I whisper. He wants me to lie? My heart hammers in my chest. I don”t know why he”s demanding this, what his endgame is—

”Yes. Now.”

The blue fire in his eyes tells me he”s deadly serious. I shake my head in confusion, but he grips my arm tightly. ”Go.”

”You”re scaring me, Nicolai,” I whisper, shaking my head. This isn”t the man who”s protected me for nearly five years, but someone deadly. Dangerous. Terrifying.

I know he”s a prominent member of The Bratva, but I”ve chosen to remain deliberately ignorant of all things Bratva.

And then he”s caging me in, one arm above my head and one at my throat. I can”t breathe, my lungs frozen as shock and terror sweep through me.

”You ought to be scared,” he whispers in my ear. What?

”Go in there. Tell them you”re going to your friend”s house. Then you come right back here to me.”

Releasing me, he takes a step back and points toward the other room. I quickly weigh my options.

I could tell him no and straight out defy him. Report him to my father, or the police even. This is probably what I should do. I could run from him.

Or I could do what he says.

Could I have been blind to who he really was, after all these years? I thought he was my protector, and now...

Tears well in my eyes, but I do what he says, making my way toward the bar where my father is having a final drink, saying good-bye to his friends. I paste on a fake smile.

”I”m spending the night at Emily”s,” I tell him. ”She”s invited me to go to her beach house for a few days. Okay?”

My father polishes his drink off, his eyes blood-shot and unfocused.

”Nicolai knows?”

Oh, Nicolai knows.

”Yeah,” I say, a lump rising in my throat. My voice is high-pitched and a little squeaky. ”He knows.”

”Be good,” he says, leaning in to kiss my cheek.

Maybe the implied threat in Nicolai”s tone is only in my head. For years and years, he”s been the one constant in my life, and even though he drives me crazy, he”s done nothing but take care of me.

While I grew from childhood into adulthood, with all the awkward phases in between. And now, what is his purpose with me?

I take out my phone and shoot Laina a quick text, too. She felt badly she couldn”t be at my graduation today. I want to confide in her. She”s like a sister to me, and she knows Nicolai well, since he”s her brother.

Heading to Emily”s. See you soon?

But she doesn”t respond.

Nicolai stands like he always does. Brooding and stern, his arms crossed, watching me. Wordlessly, he unfolds his arms and points to the floor beside him.

I inhale sharply. A silent command to come.

Feeling like I”m making a decision that will affect the direction of my entire life, I walk to him on shaky legs. He doesn”t even wait for me to reach him, but takes me by the hand and leads me to an exit at the far end of the hall. A running car awaits.

I begin to panic.

”Nicolai...” I whisper, shaking my head. ”I can”t...”

”Don”t make this harder than it needs to be,” he says out of the side of his mouth. ”I swear to God, Marissa. Come with me. Walk quietly.”

He quickens his pace. I fall into step beside him, swallowing the lump in my throat. I”m scared. So fucking scared. Then we”re out the door and he”s opening the passenger door. Something tells me if I set foot in that car, nothing will ever be the same again. That going with him now will change the course of my life forever.

”No,” I tell him. I shake my head. ”You”re scaring me. Nicolai, no.” I turn away from him, but don”t get far. In one swift motion, he grabs me by the back of the neck like an errant puppy and hauls me over to the car. I try to twist out of his grip, but he”s too fast. Why, of all nights, does the parking lot have to be vacant? I try to move away, but he effortlessly lifts me in his arms, carrying me like I”m a baby. I should scream, but panic freezes my voice, and I can”t make a sound.

The door opens and I hear a car approach us. I crane my head to look, but he pulls me to his chest. I can”t breathe or speak.

”Too much to drink,” he says to someone over his shoulder with a laugh. ”Silly girl.”

The other person laughs in response, and then he”s bending down and buckling me in. I try to squirm and get out of his grip, but he quickly overpowers me and shuts the door. The second he”s gone, I fumble with the locks, trying to unfasten it. This isn”t right, something is so wrong, and I don”t know what to do, but he”s fastened the lock in such a way I can”t open the door.

It”s late out, and the parking lot is cloaked in darkness. For one wild minute, I wonder if he”s done something to the lighting so he can take me away unseen. I look to him then out the window again. I could call someone. Laina? I could text someone, even. But I still don”t really know what he”s planning on doing.

He sits in the driver”s seat, then drives out of the parking lot.

”What the hell are you doing?” I demand. I”m doing my best to keep full-fledged panic from taking over. I still trust this man.

His jaw clenches and he grips the steering wheel so tightly, his knuckles turn white. He says nothing in response.

”Nicolai, I feel like there”s something I should know,” I say, my voice shaking a little. ”I don”t get why you would do this.” Tears fill my eyes, and I hastily swipe them away. ”Please.”

A moment of silent passes, and I try one last time. ”What are you doing?” I whisper.

His features are granite, immovable.

”Be quiet, Marissa,” he orders.

I don”t even bother hiding my tears. I cry freely, as my heart shatters into pieces.

I thought I loved this man. I thought he couldn”t stand me. And now, not only do I know this to be true, but he isn”t the man I thought him to be.