19. NINETEEN

NINETEEN

I wake before Luca for once, wrapped up in his arms and bloody sheets. For a giant who spends most of his days exercising, drinking, and fucking, he certainly seems to have evolved to need very little sleep. My phone buzzes against the wooden side table again. I've ignored it for a while; I need to edit my "do not disturb" timer. Ten in the morning is far too early for me these days.

I reach for the phone slowly, careful not to wake him, and open my messages.

BLAKELY You need to answer your phone NOW, Teagan.

BLAKELY You were right about them—you're not safe.

BLAKELY This isn't a joke, Teagan. ANSWER YOUR FUCKING PHONE.

Somewhere in the middle, there's a link to an article: Heidi Collins Speaks: The girl found in the woods claims she was held prisoner by ex, Luca De Rossi.

Oh…shit.

BLAKELY Leaving now. I'm bringing you home. See you in a couple of hours.

I click the link and jump out of bed, my mind reeling as I read through Heidi's recount of events. The man in the bed stirs, stretching his arms over his head.

"What's up, baby?"

"Nothing," I say, backing into the wall. My voice doesn't come out right; it's too fast, too high-pitched, and he notices. He knows something is wrong.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" he asks. His brow furrows. "What are you reading?"

"Nothing…just…a text from my sister," I tell him. "I'm going to go…see if there's coffee."

I move a little too quickly, and he lunges out of bed, standing between me and the door.

"Teagan…let me see your phone."

"There's nothing on my—"

Luca snatches it from my hand before I can finish the sentence.

"Oh…shit," he says. "Shit…"

While he's distracted, I go for the door, but I'm not quick enough. He drops the phone, then grabs me by the hair and slams it shut.

"Declan!" I shout, hoping he can hear me. "Let me go! Don't hurt me, please."

He throws me down on the bed and climbs on top of me, his legs on top of my thighs while he holds my wrists against the bed, effectively immobilizing me.

"I'm not going to hurt you, Teagan," he says. "I love you. Just listen to me."

"You're hurting me right now! Let me go, and I'll listen to you!"

"I don't believe you—so no—fuck that! Teagan," his voice is softer this time, "tell me it's okay and that you still love me. Please?"

He leans in and kisses me on the mouth; I turn my head to the side, and he trails kisses up my jaw.

"Stop…"

"Please, Teagan."

Behind him, the door opens, and Declan walks into the room.

"We have a fucking problem," Declan says.

"I'm aware," Luca says.

"She saw it?" Declan asks.

"Yep."

Declan sighs and sits on the edge of the bed. "Teagan…"

"Get him off of me!"

"Let go of her," Declan says.

Luca releases my wrists and climbs off of my body, and I sit up quickly. Tears well in my eyes.

"Don't do that to me!" I yell, punching him in the back.

Luca looks at me, his eyes filled with rage. Arms circle my waist and pull me away from him.

"Not fucking smart, Teag," Declan says. "You need to calm down."

"Me!?"

"Yes, you," he says.

"It's fine," Luca says. "I'm not worried about Teagan's teeny tiny baby fists. Feels kind of good, actually."

"What are you even trying to do, huh? What are you even upset about?" Declan asks.

"What? I—"

"Teagan, I warned you," Declan says. "You didn't care. You know who he is, and you know what he is. He did it to you, didn't he?"

"Not exactly—"

"And you love him," Declan continues. "You love him so much you cried last night because you thought he left with someone else. You let him carve his initial into your skin, and you liked it. You knew, Teagan. Stop thinking about how you should react based on societal conditioning. You don't really care, do you?"

"I do care about this!" I tell him.

"Why?" he asks flippantly.

"She's jealous," Luca laughs. "There's nothing to be jealous about, Teagan."

"I am not fucking jealous!"

Beside me, Declan's phone rings.

"Hold on," Declan says. He answers the call and paces in front of the bed. "Yeah?"

"I love you, Teagan. I never loved her like I love you. I could never do that to you."

I drop my head in my hands; tears leak from the corners of my eyes.

"Declan told me you're just obsessed with the idea of love. I could be anyone."

I'm just the one who's broken and stupid enough to believe it.

"That's not true. You know that's not true now, right? You're my black licorice," Luca says, nuzzling his face against my neck while running his fingers down my back. "My pretty, poisonous girl. You're so sweet, Teagan. I'll let you kill me before I'll hurt you; I'll never get enough of you. I'll love you until my heart stops."

"Stop it," I sob.

"We have another problem," Declan tells us. "Teagan's sister is here."

"How did she—" I start.

Never mind. I share my location with her. That's why she was calling—she's already here. I didn't even see what time those texts were sent.

"Well, tell her to fuck off," Luca says.

"I can't do that," Declan says. "She told the front desk that if Teagan wasn't downstairs in fifteen minutes, she would send the police to do a welfare check. Teagan needs to go downstairs and talk to her. Get dressed."

I wipe my eyes and get dressed like he said, pulling on a pair of jeans, a hoodie, and my black Chucks.

"I'll go with her," Luca says.

"No," Declan tells him. "She has to go by herself."

"That's a terrible fucking idea!" Luca says. "She's going to fuck with her head—you go with her, then!"

"Teagan is free to come and go as she pleases," Declan says. "We need to show her that. Come on, Teagan."

Declan wraps his arm around me, and we walk out of the room and then through the hallway to the elevator with Luca behind us.

"You can't come downstairs, Luca—you need to stay here and calm the fuck down."

"You said you wouldn't leave me," Luca says as I step into the elevator with Declan. "You fucking promised me."

I avert my eyes and wait for the doors to close.

"Think about what I said, Teagan," Declan says after the doors close.

"I am thinking about it," I say softly.

"I didn't realize what he was doing. I was…distracted by my fight with Layla. And once I did, it was too late. I thought we were going to have to kill her. He left a knife close enough that she was able to get free. I don't know if it was on purpose or not."

"Please stop."

When the doors open on the first floor, Luca is waiting in front of them.

"How the fuck did you get down here?" Declan asks.

"Ran down the stairs," Luca says. "Or jumped down most of them. I'm in better shape than you—fuck off."

"Teagan!"

Blakely stands in the lobby beside a security guard, calling for me.

"I love you, Teagan," Luca says.

"Get the fuck away from her, you psychopath!" Blakely yells. "You should be in jail!"

"You know what, bitch?! Fuck you! I know all about you. Maybe if you didn't treat her like shit—" Luca starts before Declan cuts him off.

"Luca, don't. Go upstairs. Now."

"I love you so much, baby," he says again. "Please don't leave me."

I meet his eyes but say nothing as I step around him, and Declan guides me through the lobby toward Blakely.

"Get your stuff, Teagan," Blakely says. "We're leaving. If I have to get the police, I will."

"That's really unnecessary," Declan tells her. "No one is making Teagan stay here. Why don't you two go somewhere and talk? There's a cafe around the corner."

"Yeah, let's go, Blake," I say.

"Call me if you need anything," Declan says.

"She doesn't need anything from you—you're a fucking criminal."

Declan laughs. "If you do decide you want to go, I'll bring your stuff down, Teagan."

"Okay."

"And if your sister wants a ticket for the show, I'll leave one at the box office for her."

"We'll be long gone by then," Blakely says.

"You know, it sounds like you actually care about her; that's pleasantly surprising."

"She's my fucking sister, you asshole!"

"See you later, Teagan."

Declan reaches beneath my chin, tilting it upward before kissing me softly on the mouth. He flashes Blakely a smile before he walks away—back toward the elevators where Luca still waits.

"What the fuck was that?" Blakely asks. "Which one are you sleeping with now?"

"Let's just go," I say, my cheeks flushing as I hurry through the doors, eager to escape the scene we just made in the lobby.

"Are you fucking both of them?"

I don't answer her question. "It's just right here," I tell her, turning the corner.

"Are you?!" she asks again, stopping me with a hand on my shoulder.

"That's none of your business."

I turn and push through the doors of the small cafe.

"Teagan, that's disgusting!" she exclaims. "You're…you're a whore!"

The bustling cafe becomes unreasonably quiet. I swallow a lump in my throat and blink back tears.

I will not let her see me cry—not over that.

"Well, that's a really fucking nice thing to say to me."

"Well, what would you call it, Teagan?" Blakely asks. "Huh? God, it literally makes me sick."

I ignore her, stepping forward to place my order. "Hi, can I get a club sandwich and a large Americano with an extra shot, please?"

"Sure, that'll be…$20.78," the woman says.

"I've got it," Blakely says. "She doesn't have a job. Make it two clubs and add a water, please."

I roll my eyes. "My boyfriend gave her five thousand dollars yesterday," I tell the woman.

"Her boyfriend passes her around to his friends and abuses women."

I scoff.

"Um…$34.76."

Blakely taps her phone on the screen, and I take the number sign the woman gave us and find an empty table. I slouch in my chair with my arms crossed in front of me and wait for her to join me.

"You don't have a boyfriend. You realize that, right? That's not what you are to him."

"So, is this your big plan to convince me to come home with you? Remind me how shitty you make me feel all the time?"

"I'm sorry," Blakely says. "I'm frustrated, and I'm stressed. I was up all night worrying about you—I went straight to the airport and flew all the way out here because I love you, Teagan. I'm trying to help you. And you were right about the brothers the whole time."

"You laughed at me."

"Well, I'm not fucking laughing now, am I? Did you read the article?"

"Yeah…some of it."

"Teagan, she said he kept her tied to a bed in the basement for—she doesn't even know how long. He sexually assaulted her, he cut her, he didn't even let her go to the bathroom."

"Stop…"

"He left her there to soil herself."

"I said stop! Okay? I don't want to hear it."

"Well, you need to hear it!" Blakely shouts.

"Um…I have two clubs, an Americano, and a water…is everything okay?"

"Yes, it's fine," Blakely tells the server. "That's ours; thank you."

I realize that I'm fucking starving. I pick up the sandwich and take a bite, then notice Rhett and Brady sitting at a table just over Blakely's right shoulder. Rhett gives me a nod, and I quickly look away.

"Teagan, this is serious," Blakely says. "This isn't a movie or book or a fucking episode of Dateline . I would have thought you'd have learned your lesson by now. That girl…she says they're part of a cult. She says they kill people."

"Luca has never killed anyone."

"Open your eyes! How do you know? You haven't even known this person for a month; look what he's capable of. What do you think he would do if he found out that you pursued him to expose him? Why do you keep looking behind me?"

She whips around in her chair, looks directly at Rhett, and then turns back around. "Oh my god. That's the drummer from the band, isn't it?"

I shrug.

"They're having you followed, Teagan. Do you know how fucked that is?"

She gets up and stomps over to the table. "Hey! I know who you are."

"I know who you are, too," Rhett says.

"I'm not afraid of you! You leave my sister alone, or I'm calling the police."

"Go ahead and call them," Rhett challenges. "What are you going to tell them?"

"You're following her," Blakely says. "You're trying to intimidate her."

"Blakely," I say, putting my hand on her shoulder. "You need to calm down. They're going to throw us out; everyone is staring."

"I'm not trying to intimidate Teagan," Rhett says. "We just want to make sure that wherever she goes, she goes willingly—that's all."

"You think I'm a threat to her? She's my little sister, and I love her."

"She's our friend, and we love her," Brady says. "I heard what you called her."

"Blake, we need to sit down," I tell her. "Sorry, guys."

"Are you fucking them, too?" she asks loudly.

I lower both my gaze and my tone. "No, Blakely, I'm not."

"I wouldn't say no," Rhett taunts.

"I would," Brady says. "It's not personal—I just don't like women."

"This is so fucked up," Blakely says, throwing her arms up before stomping back to the table.

I sit down in my chair and go back to my sandwich. Blakely rests her head in her hands with her elbows on the table. When she looks up, she has tears in her eyes. "Teag?"

"Yeah?"

"Teagan…please let me help you. I know that you've been through some fucked up shit, and maybe we didn't do a good enough job helping you after it happened. Maybe…we didn't realize how bad it was, but I want to help you now. I'm sorry, Teagan. I'm sorry I didn't realize how they were treating you at school; I'm sorry I didn't realize how lonely you were. I was too young and too self-absorbed, and Mom and Dad were too busy—"

"I don't want to talk about that," I tell her. "I don't want to think about that."

"We didn't want to talk about it either, and maybe that was the problem, Teagan. You're my best friend. I don't want to lose you. I don't want to bury you."

"I don't want to lose you, either."

Blakely reaches across the table and takes my hand. "Our flight is at three," she says. "Finish your food, and I'll call an Uber, okay?"

"You said I was disgusting." My lower lip starts to shake; I choke on a sob, and this time, I do let the tears fall. "You said I make you sick."

"I'm sorry," Blakely says. "I didn't mean it."

"You said I embarrass you—that I always embarrass you—the day before I left. You're throwing me out, and I'm going to be homeless."

"I'll take care of you until you get better. We'll figure it out when we get home."

"I'm not going to get better. I'm not sick, Blake. Whatever's wrong with me—it's too late. You should have paid more attention. You can't fix me now."

I release her hand and push out of my chair. "You know, I was happy," I tell her. "Not in high school, but I was happy in that apartment with you. My social media and my podcast made me happy. I liked myself…for once. And I still wasn't good enough for you."

"Teagan, don't go! Please, come home with me."

"Are you ready to leave, Teagan?" Rhett asks.

"Yeah, I am."

"You can't be serious! He is a monster, Teagan."

I wipe the tears from under my eyes as Rhett and Brady stand and push their chairs in.

"Come on," Brady says. He takes my hand in his and starts toward the door.

Before we leave, I turn back to Blakely one more time.

"I really love you, Blake," I tell her. "So much."

"Are you okay?" Brady asks once we're outside.

"No," I sob. "I'm not okay in any way."

"You will be," Brady says. "People like us always are."

"Teagan!" Blakely calls after me. She catches up to us and grabs me by my shoulder. "Don't do this!"

"I'm sorry," I cry.

"I'll never talk to you again," Blakely says. "If you do this, don't call me when it happens to you. And you can't come to my wedding."

"Blake…you don't mean that."

"I do mean it! I can't believe I came all the way out here," she says. "I should have listened to Austin—you're a lost cause."

She reaches into her purse, pulls out an envelope, and thrusts it at my chest. "Here. In case you change your mind."

Once she storms off, I realize it's a ticket for a direct flight from Denver to Santa Ana, leaving in about three hours.

"You want me to throw that away for you?" Rhett asks.

I nod, handing it to him, and then watch him tear it in half and throw it into a trash can on the street.

"You didn't deserve that," Rhett says. "You know that, right?"

"I don't know," I reply honestly. "I feel pretty stupid right now."

"You're not stupid, honey," he says.

"I'm sorry. I know how it feels, Teagan," Brady says.

He opens the door to the hotel, and I step inside.

I'm not so sure Brady does know how I feel. He told me he knows Rhett loves him—that he can see himself growing old with him, having children. Rhett isn't…whatever Luca is.

But Declan is right, too. Yesterday, I didn't care.

"Teagan!" I turn and see Luca sitting on a couch in the lobby. "Thank fuck."

He stands and rushes over to me, picking me up, and I wrap my arms around him, burying my head in his neck.

"You scared the shit out of me," he says. "I'm so fucking happy to see you."

Maybe I'm an idiot. Maybe I was wrong in my initial assessment that I'd know love when I saw it—that I'd recognize it when I finally felt it because I feel loved right now.

I felt loved last night.

The elevator doors open behind us, and he sets me down. I wipe under my eyes as I step into the elevator with the three of them.

"What happened?" Luca asks.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Go easy on her," Rhett says. "It was bad."

"I'm always nice to Teagan," he says. "She's my sweet angel, aren't you, Teag?"

I choke back a sob. I miss not crying.

He threads his fingers through my hair and kisses the top of my head. "I love you so much, Teagan."

I step out of the elevator and walk to the room, stopping for him to unlock the door for us.

"I'm still the same person," Luca says.

"I know."

"I wash your hair for you and hold you while you sleep."

I bite my lower lip. "I know."

"Okay," he says. He attempts a smile and, with his other hand on my lower back, pushes the door open.

"Teagan!"

River rushes over to me and pulls me into a hug. She looks like she's been crying, too; she buries a sob into my neck.

"You can't cry," I tell her. "I'm having a really hard time with my own crying, and I fucking hate crying. I hate everything about it. I hate how ugly I look, I hate how it fucks up my face, I hate the tightness in my chest, and that feeling like I can't fucking swallow. So please…stop."

"I'm sorry," she says. "I just don't want to lose any more people."

It's then that I realize we're in a room full of faces I don't recognize.

"Are you finally ready to sit down and deal with this?" a greasy, irritated man in a suit asks. "Maybe his girlfriend could be with him when he makes a statement."

"No," Declan says. "Teagan is not good PR."

"Declan…" Hazel says, shaking her head.

"I'm not talking about the book shit," he says. "She knows what I'm talking about."

"One of the other two, then."

"They're married…to each other. That might not be a good idea, either. And they had a relationship with her, too. Look, Luca speaking on camera is just an all-around terrible idea. You're going to have to trust me on that."

"Well, what do you have on this person that you could use?" the man asks.

I look back and forth between the two brothers and shake my head. "Are you serious?"

"It actually works in your favor that they reported the weird shit she said about cults," another man says. "That was a dumb move by the journalist; it diminishes her credibility. No one is going to take that seriously."

"So, we'll say the two of you were doing drugs; you passed out, you're not sure how much time passed, but when you woke up, she was gone. Had she let you restrain her in the past, and do you have any proof?"

"Umm…" Luca starts.

"Teagan shouldn't have to listen to this," Rhett says.

"No, I agree," Declan says. "The girls and Brady need to go."

"Yeah, okay," Hazel says. "We'll just…go watch a movie or something. We can go to our room."

I follow them to their room, and when the door closes behind us, I say, "So…I guess I know why Luca was in timeout now."

"He was fucked up," River says. "She saw some things, he did some shit that freaked her out, and she…threatened him, I guess. He freaked out, too."

"And you guys are all…fine with this?" I ask. "Because…I'm having a really hard time."

"But you didn't leave. You know him."

I climb into bed next to Riv and rest my head on her chest.

"You're good for him, Teagan," Hazel adds. "Even Declan knows it."

"What do you think is going to happen to him?" I ask.

"I don't know," Hazel says. "Probably nothing. We'll see."

"What do you want to watch, Teag?" River asks. "Something scary?"

"Whatever you want to watch is fine, Riv. We can watch one of your shows."

"Nooooo," Brady says. "Not another one of Riv's cheesy romcoms. I watched like seventeen of them on the bus this week."

"Shut up. Your favorite movie is Mean Girls, " River says.

He scoffs. "Well, that's not cheesy—it's iconic."

"No, he's right. Mean Girls is iconic," I say. "Plus, it's Lindsay Lohan at her peak hotness."

"And it's more of just a com than a romcom," he adds.

"Well…we'll watch that then," River says. "I'm glad you stayed."

"Yeah, me too. I think."

"It'll be fine," Hazel tells me as the movie starts playing. "You'll see. In a couple of weeks, we'll go home for a good, long while, and it'll be like a reset. Everything will feel normal again."

I don't answer, pretending to be wrapped up in the movie already.

But all I can do is worry—and not just about Luca, but about myself. And what this all means about me.