16. SIXTEEN

SIXTEEN

L uca's rifling around the room wakes me much sooner than I'd like. He sits on the end of the bed, slipping on his shoes.

"What are you doing?" I ask.

"Going to the gym for a couple of hours," he says.

"Don't we have to leave?"

"Not yet. It's a long drive to Reno; Declan wants to leave at night so we can sleep. He wants to go get doughnuts. I can't eat fucking doughnuts."

"Why not?"

He scoffs. "Because I don't eat trash. Only sweet thing I need to eat is your pussy. Do you want to go with me?"

"To the gym? Not really. I eat trash."

"You do whatever you want, baby."

He pulls on a hoodie that matches his sweats, then runs his hands through his blonde hair before covering it with a backward baseball cap.

His normal guy disguise.

"Luca?"

"Hmm?"

I love you.

I don't know exactly what I intended to say, but that's what pops into my head. I don't say it, of course. I scold myself for thinking it, quickly shutting it down.

"I like looking at you," I tell him instead.

He smiles, and somehow, it hits me right in the fucking chest. How the hell did he do that?

"I like looking at you, too, Teagan."

I crawl out from under the covers, then stand on the bed and walk to him. I throw my arms around his neck and rest my head on his shoulder.

"Don't leave me alone," I tell him. "Please?"

He lifts me into his arms, and I wrap my legs around his waist. "I won't leave you alone," Luca says. "You're never alone."

"What are you doing?" I ask as he carries me out the door and into the hallway.

He uses a key to unlock the door across the hall, then steps inside and lays me down on the bed between River and Hazel.

"I need you guys to watch my baby for me while I'm gone," he tells them.

"Does she have any allergies we need to know about?" River asks.

"I actually don't know the answer to that," Luca says. "Hey, baby. Do you have any allergies?"

I nod. "Kiwi."

"Really?" he asks.

"Uh-huh. I have an EpiPen in my bag."

"Don't give her any fucking kiwi."

"We have a nurse on staff," Hazel says. "She'll be fine."

"What the fuck happened to you?" River asks, referring to the bandage on my chest.

"Umm…" I look over her shoulder at Luca, who only laughs a little. "Nothing."

River gasps. "What did you do to her?"

I cover my face with my hands as she pushes the strap of my tank top aside so she can peel the top of the bandage back.

"Holy shit, Luca," she says.

"Jesus…" Hazel says. "Does it hurt?"

"A little bit, yeah."

"She likes it," Luca tells them.

"Do you like it?" Hazel asks.

I nod.

I love it.

"It actually doesn't look that bad," River says. "It'll scar, for sure, but it looks like you cleaned it up okay."

"I took care of it," Luca tells her. "I know what I'm doing."

"And when you get sick of him, it'll be pretty easy to turn the 'L' into an 'H,' so that's good," Hazel says.

"Don't fuck with me, Hazel," Luca says. "I haven't had any caffeine yet; I'm in no fucking mood. I'll carve my full fucking name into your ass cheek."

"I'm just trying to be positive. Calm down. Go to the fucking gym and burn off some of that toxic masculinity—that's what you're doing, isn't it?" Hazel looks at me, points to the desk, and adds, "We ordered coffee. You can have some if you want."

"All right. I'm leaving," Luca says. He leans over the bed and kisses me.

"Bye," I tell him.

"Bye," Hazel says. "Don't be mad at me, Luca. You're my best friend."

"You're a fucking liar, Hazel," he says. "You like Eli and Declan better than me." He kisses her on the forehead. "I forgive you, though."

"Bye, Luca," River says as he heads out the door.

"Behave," he tells her. "No fucking kiwi." Luca nods to someone outside the door and holds it open. "Oh, hey."

"Hey. See you later," Declan says. His voice makes my heart stop. I feel my cheeks flush red. I'm not sure why—I'm not embarrassed or ashamed of what happened. But it's just…him.

"What's wrong with kiwi?" Declan asks as the door closes behind him. I don't look at him as he crosses the room, turning to face River instead, twirling her hair in my fingers.

"Teagan is allergic," River tells him.

"Really?" he asks, standing at the foot of the bed.

He's in a pair of jeans and a long-sleeved henley; the buttons are left open, and the sleeves pushed up to his elbows. His dark hair falls over his forehead in that way that looks like a perfect accident, just barely brushing his eyebrows.

I kind of hate it.

Assuming his question is rhetorical, I don't answer.

"And what's wrong with Teagan?"

"Um, nothing…I think," River says.

"Luca sliced her up—you should see it. But I think she's fine," Hazel tells him.

"I've seen it," he says. "Good morning, Teagan."

I turn and look somewhere over his shoulder. "Morning."

He lies across the bed between Hazel and me.

"I missed you," Hazel says, resting her head on his shoulder. "I feel like I've barely seen you since we left home."

"I've been busy," Declan says. His hand finds mine in the small space between us, and I hold my breath as his fingers thread between mine.

"Have you talked to her at all, Declan?"

He shrugs. "What? Who?"

"Alana."

"Oh…no."

"I miss her. She blocked me," River says. "On everything. Hazel, too."

"We cried all night," Hazel adds.

"I miss them so much."

"I'm sorry," Declan says. "There's nothing we can do about it; it's Alana's life and her choice. Not ours."

Them. River said them, not just her. His detached, diplomatic response fails to address the plurality in her statement, reminding me exactly what I'm dealing with—the man who, after years, couldn't tell Layla he loved her while she was dying.

"Let's go get doughnuts," Declan says. "The best place is just a few blocks away. We can walk."

"Oh my god, yes," Hazel says. "I'll text Brady."

"Teagan, are you coming?" he asks.

"Um, I just realized I'm locked out of my room. And I need to change."

"Go change," he says, handing me a key from his pocket.

"…Thanks."

I walk across the hall, then put on a pair of jeans, my boots, and a vintage black crewneck sweatshirt. I pull my hair into a bun on top of my head, put on my sunglasses, and then meet them in the hallway.

I follow them to the elevator, where we're joined by Rhett and Brady. We pass Eli and a girl in the lobby, but he only nods at Declan and heads for the elevator.

"What's his deal?" I ask River. "He's barely around."

"Eli? Oh, he has a wife and kids in Idaho. He prefers to keep a low profile."

"A low profile?"

I've seen him jack off in public and sucking blood from the inside of a stranger's thigh. He's with a different girl every time I see him—how's that a low profile?

"He was Declan's best friend in prep school—they were all friends," River says. "He's still one of us; he's just focused on the music."

It's warm for early March in Portland but still cold for a Southern California girl. When we step outside, the breeze hits me head-on, and I shiver, hugging my arms to my body for warmth. Declan must notice because he wraps his arm around me and pulls me into his side.

It's only four blocks but it feels like a very long four blocks. Luckily, the others are talking enough that it doesn't seem so weird that I'm not; there's no space to fill.

I take my voodoo doll doughnut, sit beside Declan at the table, and bite its head off.

"You can pretend that's me and stab it in the heart with that pretzel a few times if you want," he says quietly.

"I would, but I don't think it would bleed," I tell him.

"Teagan…" He laughs and shakes his head. "I can assure you it would. You've got something right…" he pauses and leans in. He runs his tongue over the corner of my mouth, then kisses me softly. "Here. Chocolate."

He takes one finger and pushes my sunglasses up on top of my head, then tips my chin up, forcing me to look at him in the eyes. I can barely breathe.

"Hey, Teagan."

"Hi."

"Teagan!" River says as she and Hazel join us. "Let's take a selfie."

Grateful for the interruption, I lean across the table and smile with my headless doughnut, and then lean back in my chair.

I can literally feel the frustration coming off of him, and I hate it. I hate that he's behaving so…human…when I know that isn't what he is.

"Teagan, you're so quiet," Hazel says.

"I'm just tired," I tell them. "A little hungover, too."

"I'll get you some more coffee," Declan says.

"Thanks."

"What do you think, Teagan?" Brady asks. "Want to go?"

"Go where?"

"We're going to rent bikes," Rhett says.

"No," Declan answers, setting another coffee in front of me. "Teagan is coming back with me."

"I guess not," I say, shrugging.

Brady pulls up a map, and they start planning their afternoon while they eat.

I keep quiet until we finish, and they head in the opposite direction, leaving me alone with Declan.

"Quiet doesn't bother me," he says. "You can go ahead and not talk to me if that's what you feel like you need to do. But if something is bothering you, you should say something."

"Quiet just doesn't bother me either," I tell him.

"Well, okay."

We pass a flower shop where an older woman sets up tulips and roses on a cart outside.

"Good afternoon," she says as we pass. "Pretty flower for a pretty girl?"

Declan stops in front of the cart and picks up a red tulip. "Maybe," he says. "What do you think, Teagan? You like tulips, don't you?"

I guess he's referring to my tattoo. He traces my jawline with the flower's soft petals.

"It's complicated," I say softly.

"Whether or not you like a flower is complicated?"

I shake my head. "Declan, why are you doing this?"

"I like you, Teagan," he says, running the petals over my lips. "Let me be nice to you."

My breath catches. If I were standing here on the street like this with any other man who looked like him, who could do the things he can do to me, but who wasn't a sadistic, manipulative murderer, I'd melt into him right now.

But he is what he is, and I am whatever I am, so I don't.

I take the flower from his hand and smell it before setting it back down on the cart.

"No, thanks," I tell the woman. "Besides, he's a lot prettier than me anyway. Maybe I should be the one buying him flowers."

The woman laughs as I step around Declan and continue down the street. "Oh, honey, I don't disagree with you there," she says.

"Teagan, what are you doing?" he asks, trailing behind me.

I don't have a good answer for that, though. I'm not sure what I'm doing.

"What are you doing?" I counter, walking through the front doors of the hotel. I stop in front of the elevator, pushing the button about a hundred times as if that will make it show up any faster. When I give up, I cross my arms in front of me and stare straight ahead.

"Would you relax? I just want to spend time with you, Teagan. I told you…I like you. I would have thought that after last night, you wouldn't be afraid of me anymore."

"You mean after you took me to another house with dead bodies?"

"Teagan, Jesus." He looks around the lobby. "Get a fucking filter. You can't just say shit like that." He reaches for me and snatches my sunglasses from my face. "And take the fucking shades off, Elton John. You're inside. Look at me."

I bite my bottom lip and shake my head.

He reaches for me, tucking a stray lock of hair behind my ear. "Who hurt you?" he asks.

I shrug. "Everyone."

Finally, the elevator doors open. I sidestep around Declan and make myself comfortable in the back corner.

But when the doors close, he leans down and kisses me hard, his tongue tangling with my own. I moan and return that same desperation; I wrap my arms around his neck, and he backs me into the wall, lifting me by the back of my thighs until my legs are around his waist. He grinds his dick into me while his mouth devours mine until the elevator doors open.

I try to pull away from him, but he holds me tighter. "Don't," he says. "I'm not letting you go."

He carries me through the doors and sets me down outside his hotel room, digs out his room key, and pushes open the door.

"Declan—"

He grabs me by my arm and pulls me inside, letting the door close behind us, and backs me into the room until my legs hit the bed.

"Are you going to tell me you don't want me, Teagan?" he asks, pulling his own shirt over his head.

I swallow hard, my reply barely comes out a whisper. "No."

"Take off your clothes," he says. "All of them."

He crosses his arms in front of him and waits, watching me. I step out of my boots and pull my sweatshirt over my head.

"You're moving too slowly," he says as I pull my jeans over my hips. "Are you nervous?"

I know that; I'm aware. "Yes. You're unnerving. And it's different."

He reaches behind my back and unhooks my bra, pulling it down my arms, then pushes me back on the bed. He pulls my underwear down my legs and over my feet and then moves on top of me.

"You mean sober, in the light of day, with no one else here as a buffer—it's different."

"Yes."

He pushes his fingers inside of me. I gasp, and my hips lift off the mattress.

"Well, your body seems okay with it," Declan says. "Your pussy is soaked. I can't fucking wait to taste it."

He closes the space between my mouth and his, stopping just a couple of inches short. "You can't scratch me like you do to him," Declan says. "Not even a little bit."

I don't tell him I know that already. "Okay."

"I'll pull all of your nails out with pliers if you do. Got it?"

"Yeah…I got it."

He licks his lips before diving into mine, fucking me with his fingers while he devours me. His mouth moves down my throat, licking and sucking, then drops to my chest.

"Your body is so fucking perfect, Teagan," he says. "You have no idea how long I've wanted this."

He runs his hand over my tits, gentle with the side his brother carved his initial into first, and then not so gentle on the other, sucking the nipple into his mouth. His thumb finds my clit while he fingers me. I moan, quickly taking my hands off of his body because I'm afraid I will scratch him.

"Declan…please, just fuck me."

"Not yet, sweetheart," he says. He licks me down my center until his mouth is just above my slit, then spreads me with his fingers before his tongue runs over me.

I grip the comforter in my fists as he licks every fucking centimeter of my dripping wet pussy, up and down slowly, and then thrusts his fucking tongue inside me and moans.

He moans.

I'm about to fucking lose it, whimpering and squirming against him.

He replaces his tongue with two fingers again, and his mouth closes over my clit—kissing me, rolling it between his lips before sucking it into his mouth.

"Oh, fuck…Declan…"

Then, I'm rolling my hips against his face. I've fought the urge for minutes, and I fucking lose now. One of my hands grips his hair while I ride his mouth and fingers, digging my heels into the mattress as he takes me over the fucking edge.

"Declan, I'm gonna…"

But the pressure of that tongue rolling my clit, up and down, back and forth, is too much. I don't get the words out before I'm coming on his face, shuddering as the orgasm rolls through me. The high-pitched scream that comes out of me while I come is something new, and if I were anything except a wet, shaking mess of limbs right now, I might be embarrassed. I let go of his hair and fall back on the mattress, unable to speak.

It's almost a relief when his mouth leaves my too-sensitive body. He kneels between my legs on the bed and pulls his jeans and boxers over his hips, fisting his hard cock.

"You taste so fucking sweet, Teagan," he says, pumping his dick in his hand. "Is your tight little pussy still sore from what we did to you last night?"

"Yes…" I tell him.

"Good," he says. "Turn over."

I do as he asks and then start pushing up onto my knees, but his hand on my lower back forces me flat onto the bed.

"No," he says. "I want you just like this."

I feel the head of his dick slide over my center before he plunges inside me with a groan.

"Fuck, Teagan," he says. He holds his cock deep inside me, moving his hips from side to side to get it in just a little deeper—buried to the hilt. I clench my teeth, and my feet come off the mattress.

"Oh, god, you're…"

You're ruining me.

"What is it, baby?" Declan asks. One hand grips my hair, holding my head against the mattress, and the other has a firm grip on my ass cheek as he finds his rhythm, thrusting deep inside me.

"Fuck, it feels so good," I tell him. "It hurts. Oh, fuck."

"You like the way I fuck your pussy, baby?"

"Yes," I moan.

All I can do is squirm against the mattress in his hold as he drills into me over and over again. The headboard thumps loudly against the wall in rhythm with his thrusts and my cries.

He grips my cheek harder as he picks up his pace again; he might leave a bruise if this continues for much longer.

"Declan!" I cry out. "Oh, fuck…"

He's not as big as his brother, but he's thicker. And he knows exactly what to fucking do with it. I squeeze my eyes shut and saliva drips down my chin. I'm so literally fucked. "Don't stop. Oh my god."

I'm going to come. Again.

"I need you to come again, Teagan," Declan says. "Come on my dick, baby. I won't stop until I feel it."

I bite the mattress and moan, my pussy clenching around his dick as I writhe beneath him.

"There you go, baby," he groans. "I'm going to fill your mouth with cum, Teagan. And you're going to take it all like a good little slut."

He pumps into my pussy for a couple more minutes before he loses his rhythm, using a grip on my hair to turn my head to the side.

"Open your mouth, Teagan," he grits through clenched teeth.

I open wide and turn onto my back, and he shoves his dick into my mouth and comes down my throat.

He pulls out and collapses next to me on the bed. I swallow the rest of his cum and lie there, spent and breathless.

"Are you over it now?" Declan asks.

"What?"

"Whatever it was that was bothering you—are you over it?"

"No."

"No?"

"I'm not going to kill myself," I tell him. "Ever."

I surprise myself when the words come out of my mouth; it must have been the orgasms—they weakened my resolve, and I said the quiet part out loud.

"What?" Declan shifts onto his side, propping his head up with his elbow. He drapes his arm over me and looks into my eyes, which I quickly avert. "Teagan, I don't want that. Why would you think that?"

Someone pounds against the door from outside.

"Don't move," he says. He gets up, steps back into his pants, and walks toward the door. The person on the other side pounds their fist on it again, harder this time.

Declan looks through the peephole.

"Hey! Open the fucking door!" Luca says. "I hear you there."

He opens it just a few inches.

"I think I'm in fucking trouble," Luca says.

Declan steps out into the hallway, closing the door behind him, and I scramble to get dressed.

I miss Luca.

Their tone is hushed but harsh when I reach the door. I step out into the hallway and lock eyes with Luca.

"Hey," I say. "Are you okay? What's wrong?"

I reach for Luca, but Declan holds me back, stepping between us.

"And you're going to fucking do it to me, too, aren't you?! You're all the fucking same," Luca shouts.

"What?" I ask. "Why are you—"

"Go back in the room, Teagan," Declan says. "It's not a good time."

"I don't want to. I can help—just tell me what's wrong."

"No," Declan says.

"No, I think she can help," Luca says. And I see it in his eyes—what Declan meant. It's not a good time. "Come here, Teagan. I wanna make you cry again."

"Everything good?"

I look over and see Eli standing in the doorway of a room a few doors down.

"Nope," Declan says.

Eli rolls his eyes. "Fucking hell."

He steps out of the room, and they both charge at Luca at the same time. The two of them almost don't get ahold of him, but Rhett steps out of the elevator just in time and runs down the hallway to help. Declan gets his arm around his neck, and they drag him into Eli's room.

"What the fuck happened?" Hazel asks.

"I have no idea," I tell her. "He just…he came back and said he was in trouble; he was angry. You guys are back early."

"It started raining," Hazel says.

"Yeah, and good fucking thing," Brady adds.

"River?" Rhett calls from the doorway of Eli's room.

"I'll get my bag," she tells him.

"He's okay," Hazel says, taking my hand in hers. "Don't worry; whatever it is, Declan will take care of it."

River rushes over to Eli's room. Rhett opens it just enough for her to slip inside, and Hazel and I wait in the hallway.

About five minutes later, Rhett and River leave the room.

"Pack up and come downstairs; the bus will be here in fifteen minutes," Rhett says.

"Is Luca okay?" I call after him.

"He's fine; just stay away from him for now," Rhett says. "I mean it, Teagan."

"…Okay. I'll just…go pack our stuff…"

Confused, I go into our shared hotel room and pack both of our bags.

Fifteen minutes later, I'm eating pizza on the bus as we leave Portland. I don't see Luca, but I'm told he's sleeping in the back room where I stayed with River and Hazel that first night, that Rhett and Eli are watching him, and to leave him alone.

It's tense; I can tell they all know something I don't, and I hate it.

Declan goes in and out of the room several times, disappearing upstairs with his face buried in his phone in between, which he never does.

River flips through Netflix until she settles on a romcom while Brady works on a crossword puzzle.

Once it gets dark and everyone goes upstairs to sleep, I find Declan in bed, reading under a small, dim light, and lie down beside him.

"Do you want to read with me?" he asks. "I can move the light."

I shake my head. "I finished my book. I'll just watch you. Declan?"

"Hmm?"

"Is he mad at me?"

"No, he's not mad at you, Teagan. We need to talk about what you said, though."

"I'd rather not."

"No shit," he says. "I don't want to hurt you, and I don't want you to hurt yourself. I'm sorry you had to see what happened at home last week. I'm sorry that my reaction wasn't what you wanted and that you have this idea about me and what I want now, but it isn't accurate."

"Alana told me that's what you want. She said that's why she left."

Declan shakes his head. "She's wrong, Teagan. I love my family. And I miss Layla—a lot. She was special to me."

"But when she killed herself, you were happy."

"Both things can be true. They aren't necessarily related. I'm not glad she's gone; I think about her all the time."

"I'm tired," I tell him. "I'm going to go to sleep. Um, can I sleep here? With you?"

"Of course, you can," he says. He kisses me on the lips before I turn my back to him and pull the covers up to my neck.

He sighs and goes back to reading, resting his free hand on my hip. I close my eyes, but I don't fall asleep until his light clicks off, and I feel his breath on the back of my neck.

"Teagan? Teagan, wake up, baby," a voice whispers.

I feel a hand on my cheek, and when I open my eyes, I see Luca beside me on the bed.

"Luca?" I wrap my entire body around him. "I missed you."

"I'm sorry if I scared you," he whispers.

"I wasn't scared," I tell him. "I was just worried about you. What happened?"

Behind me, Declan stirs. "Teagan? Luca, what are you—"

"Relax," Luca says. "I'm fine."

"Luca isn't going to hurt me," I tell him. I close my eyes, bury my head in his chest, and breathe him in. "He loves me."

"Yeah, I do love you, baby," he says. "You're right."

Declan sighs. "Okay," he says.

He kisses the back of my head and goes back to sleep.