Chapter 23

“ C an I walk with you back to Jude’s? I’m going that way.”

Jess slid a glance at Gil as they strode up the slope from the barn to the main house. “You happen to be going that way?” She couldn’t help teasing. Only rocks and trees lay in the direction of Jude and Angela’s cabin.

He gave a casual shrug. “I’m going that way if you are.” The corners of his mouth tugged. “I told Jude I’d bring him a bag of nails too.”

With the warm afternoon sun chasing away the deepest autumn chill and almost a full day spent with Gil and the Coulter women, how could Jess not smile?

These five days since they’d arrived on the ranch had been a little slice of heaven. A heaven she’d dreamed of but hadn’t been sure even existed this side of eternity.

The only thing that spoiled her peace was the ever-present threat of an attack from her father’s men. Gil’s brothers were keeping guard, though, and not one of them treated her like she was connected with her father’s sins in any way. She’d never expected to feel so welcome here. Or anywhere, for that matter. She hadn’t experienced a similar feeling since her mother’s passing.

Watching Gil interact with his family gave her so much insight into how he’d come by his easy charm. The tender affection in his smile as he played with his nieces, the little girls' delighted giggles ringing out across the yard. The respect and camaraderie evident in his conversations with his brothers.

And when his gaze met hers across the room, the warmth and tenderness there stole her breath. She could imagine a future where she belonged on this ranch. With Gil. Where her child would be surrounded by love and laughter. They would both be free from the shadows of her past.

“Is that a yes then?” Gil nudged her back to the present with his words.

She sent another look, this time maybe a little coy. “I suppose that would be fine.”

They both knew she wanted him near anytime he could manage it. His ribs were starting to heal, and since Dinah wrapped them in a tight bandage, he’d been out of bed far more than he’d rested. The swelling had almost completely left his face too. Now when he smiled—as he was doing at the moment—both sides of his mouth rose equally.

The bruises had lightened to a pale yellow-green. An awful color, truth be told, but at least she could better see the real Gil through the bruising.

They reached the house, and he opened the door for her.

“Let me just get my heavier coat and I’ll be ready.” She stepped inside and pulled her jacket from the peg by the door.

Dinah emerged from her bed chamber, wiping her hands on her apron. "Heading back down the mountain?" Her smile felt so warm and genuine. Like a motherly elder sister.

"Yes, Gil’s walking with me." She couldn't help the hint of pleasure that crept into her voice. It’d been wonderful having him so near these past few days.

She’d been staying with Jude and Angela, which was about a ten-minute walk from the main house, close enough she saw him and the others often. But it was nice to have the quiet there with Angela too. Neither Angela nor Jude talked overmuch, which was a relief. And for the first time since Jess had learned of the baby, she could finally speak openly about her condition and ask Angela all the things she’d wondered.

With a final wave to Dinah, she and Gil stepped back into the crisp mountain air.

As they walked the worn path to Jude and Angela's cabin, Jess breathed deeply, savoring the sweet scent of pine and wood smoke that always seemed to hang in the air here. Peace settled over her, a peace she'd only ever found in Gil's presence. With him, the burdens of her past seemed to lift away. She could be open with him, free to speak her thoughts.

He’d already witnessed her greatest shame—her father’s evil—and he didn’t blame her for it. He treated her like she was her own person, not permanently soiled by her blood connection to Simon McPharland.

Gil showed her so much respect, far more than she deserved. Sometimes so much she didn’t always know what to do with it.

They walked in companionable silence for a time, arms brushing occasionally.

The babe delivered a firm kick on her right side, and she pressed a hand there, rubbing the spot. If only she could rub the tiny foot instead, cradling little toes and kissing them.

Gil’s gaze slipped into her awareness, and she glanced over to see him watching her with uncertain eyes. “Is everything all right?”

“All is well. The little one kicked harder than usual.”

Something flickered in his warm brown eyes. Longing? Curiosity? He didn’t speak at first, but the air grew thick between them. Her stomach twisted. Was he wondering about…?

Finally, he cleared his throat. "Jess, I know it’s not my place to ask, and you don't have to say if it's too hard, but..." He tucked his hands in his coat pockets. "The baby's father. Who is he?"

She'd known this question would come eventually, but a part of her had hoped to avoid it forever. Shame heated her cheeks as she remembered her foolish choices with Alex.

Gil deserved the truth, no matter how much it pained her to speak it.

If he grew angry and sent her away, better now than before she became too comfortable here with his family. But even as that thought slipped in, she pushed it back. Gil wouldn’t send her away.

He would be disappointed, though, and she hated the thought of him looking at her like that.

Yet he should be disappointed in her. She was disappointed in herself.

She slowed to a stop. They would reach Angela’s cabin soon, and she didn’t want this conversation overheard.

She took a breath for courage but could only fix her gaze on a branch ahead of her. "His name was Alex. He worked for my father. I thought..." She shook her head. How could she put into words what she’d done? What she’d been thinking. "I let him go too far. I...I encouraged it even. I thought it would give me power, a way to take back control of my life." She could barely breathe through the weight on her chest.

Did she need to say more?

She risked a glance at Gil's face, bracing herself for the disappointment, and probably even judgment, she was sure she would find there.

But those eyes she loved didn’t hold censure, only a deep sadness that echoed the ache in her heart. "Jess. I'm so sorry."

The grief in his tone made the knot in her middle twist even tighter. The last thing she wanted was to bring him more pain. He should be angry at her, not share in her pain.

His mouth parted like he wanted to say something, so she waited. He searched her face as he spoke. “What did you do when you found out…about the baby?”

She swallowed hard. "I started to suspect after a couple months. When I was fairly certain, I snuck away to Helena. I saw a doctor there who confirmed it." Her voice caught, so she took a breath before continuing. "Then I started asking around about Alex. But Jedidiah and his men found me before I could go any further."

His expression turned sober. “Did he hurt you? Or did Jedidiah?”

She shook her head. “No.”

Gil took in an audible breath, his shoulders sinking as he blew it out. This didn’t feel like an interrogation, despite how he watched her. Maybe because he kept his voice so low and gentle. “Do you know what happened to Alex? Where he went?”

Her chest tightened again. She hated to think about this part. “I don’t…I don’t know. I’m still not sure how he managed to leave in the first place. I wonder if…” Her eyes burned thinking about what could have been done to him. “I wonder if Jedediah found him and…punished him for leaving.”

Gil was silent a moment before speaking quietly. “I was afraid of that.” Another beat of silence. “Did you love him? Alex, I mean.” Though his tone didn’t change, she felt the tension in his words.

She turned to meet his gaze. “I never loved Alex. What I allowed with him was a foolish decision, one I've wished I could take back so many times. One I've begged God to forgive me for." She had to swallow down the sting of tears.

She lifted her hand to the swell of her belly, a touch that was becoming so natural. So automatic. "I’m thankful for this babe, though. I know now that God wouldn’t have allowed him or her to grow unless He had a plan. And I get to be part of that plan. I'm praying every day that He’ll help me raise this babe to be a godly man or woman."

As Gil studied her, the corners of his eyes creased. Not quite a smile. It was more like he was thinking hard on what she'd said. Slowly, he reached out and rested his hand on her arm, the warmth of his touch seeping through her coat sleeve. Then he slid his hand down to cover hers where it rested on the curve of her belly. His larger hand completely enveloped her own.

He looked up to her eyes and locked his gaze with hers. "Jess, I'm so sorry you've had such a hard life. I'm sorry you didn't have a father who could show you what real love looks and feels like. But I need you to know—God forgave you the very first time you asked. He doesn't hold your past against you."

Emotion welled in her throat. She knew the truth of Gil’s words in her head—Ezekiel had told her that—but hearing Gil say them with such conviction made them sink deeper into her heart.

He moved his hands to her elbows and tugged her closer, sliding his arms around her back, cradling her in the security of his embrace. "I've known from the very beginning that God brought us together for a reason. And Jess." His eyes searched hers. "When you're ready, I want to take the next step with you.”

The next step? Did he mean…?

“I'm not rushing you at all. I know you need time. I just want you to know where I stand, so you don't have to worry about the future...or make other plans."

Her heart quickened, hope and longing swirling together. Even now that he knew the truth, he wanted her?

Keeping one arm around her, he took her hand in his free one. Once again, he pressed her palm to her belly and covered it with his own. "I want to help you raise this little one. I want to be a father to him or her, to show a reflection of God's love, as close as I can get. I want to love you and our family—whatever that family looks like—for as long as I live."

Tears blurred her vision. This man—this wonderful, honorable man—wanted her, broken past and all. Wanted to build a life with her, wanted to be a father to her child. It was more than she'd ever dared hope for.

"You don't have to answer right now." His words came quick, as if he saw the overwhelming emotion on her face. "Take as long as you need to heal, to decide when you're ready. I'll be here always. I promise."

He pulled her close.

She snuggled in, laying her head on his chest, one hand resting over his beating heart.

Peace and contentment, more complete than she'd ever known, eased through her. Cocooned in Gil's embrace with her unborn child sheltered between them, the trials of her past finally felt far behind her.

This was her new beginning. No, their new beginning.

She tilted her head back to meet Gil's tender gaze and smiled through her tears. "I want that too."

He rubbed moisture from her cheek with his thumb, then lowered his head to brush the sweetest of kisses across her lips.

This man.

With Gil by her side and God's grace to guide them, surely they could weather any storm and build a life—a family—grounded in faith and love. Together.

And she couldn’t wait.

I pray you loved Gil and Jess’s story!

Miles finally gets his story in the next book in the series, and what a surprise he’s in for as the danger to his family’s ranch escalates…