53. kane

53

KANE

I look at the engagement ring I got my girlfriend. It's a natural diamond, an oval cut, that glimmers beautifully underneath the jewelry store lights.

I smirk, and my heart twinges as I hand it back to the store associate. She gives me a pained smile like she has an idea of what happened. I'm sure this happens a lot.

The memory of me returning home with flowers and the wedding ring box sitting in my pocket hits me.

I walk up to my girlfriend's front door, eager to see her little man I've treated like a son. In my other hand, I hold his favorite superhero toy. Before I left, he's been all about Batman, so I got him this before I showed up. As soon as my knuckle touches the doorframe, it pushes forward, and my breath hitches in my throat.

Weird.

I'm about to call out for her.

This was a turn of events. I wasn't supposed to be back home for another month or so, so I thought it would be a good idea to surprise her. I didn't notify her of my departure. I'm only here because I was to drop off Alessia and then return to Iraq and be with my team.

My girlfriend doesn't know anyone on the team just yet, so my unexpected appearance was locked in and ready to go.

Perfect moment to propose.

This was it. This was the moment that I thought about even as a teenage boy. I would commit to another soul with a promise never to hurt her. Never betray her. Never be selfish.

I was going to make a promise to cherish her and put her needs before mine. Something I was willing to do with someone else a year ago.

My heart thunders in my chest. I was going to propose to the girl who made me feel something after I destroyed myself, loving someone who never belonged to me.

The door glides open, and my heart rhythm starts to skip.

The sight before me is sickening.

My girlfriend is kissing the father of her child on the dining room table. His hands are on her ass as they make out. Their tongues slide in and out of their mouths. But the sun shining from behind me is on them like a spotlight into the horror that is my life.

This was supposed to be our moment.

I drop the red roses and toy, and they fall to the floor. I clench my jaw, hoping it conceals the burning betrayal that hits me in the chest and shatters my heart. The box in my pocket suddenly feels heavier than usual.

"Kane! What…what're you doing back?" She stops kissing him, and her ex-husband clears his throat and turns away from the door. He looks full of remorse…almost.

I scoff, and I put on a smile. The same smile I give in fucked up situations because no matter how shitty the moment is, I always try to stay positive.

I don't answer her. I'm a good man. I've worked hard every day to forgive myself for the mistakes I've made, and I know I'm strong enough to walk away from situations that only drag me down.

What hurts the most, more than the damn ring, more than the girl that I thought was for me…is her son. I will no longer be a part of the little man's life. I know she won't allow it.

"Goodbye, Rose," I tell her as I close the front door for them, correctly this time.

Anna, the store clerk, interrupts the memory.

"What happened?" She takes the ring from me. She holds it between her fingers, admiring it.

I give her a shrug. "Nothing much. It was going to go to the wrong girl…that's all."

"I'm sorry to hear that, darling." Her shaky voice slightly cracks from a dry throat. She holds my hand and gives it a comforting squeeze.

I smile. Even with my crappy luck with love lately, I still have hope that I'll find the one to fill the hole that Ari Alvarez left in my heart. "Don't be ma'am. I know one day…I'll find my girl."

Usually, I would call up Rider in a situation like this—even Alvarez. But Paul is gone. And so is Danny, in a way. I've lost the two closest men I've looked up to. I lost Paul to war. And Rider…well, I lost my brother because we fell in love with the same woman.

Rider is a leader on the team and even in life. He pushes people to their limits. And when they reach it, he makes them realize there's a new one…they just hadn't been challenged in ways they needed to be.

Here I am at home in the old room I shared with my brother while growing up. My mother still keeps it occupied with some of our things. I stare at the black wall with the Red Hot Chilli Peppers poster on my side of the bedroom. There's a framed photo of my graduation day when I became a Navy SEAL. I'm surrounded by my family while I stand there in the middle with my trident. I have so many brothers and sisters.

I was supposed to get out of the Navy. But I made the decision to stay in when Ari rejected me. It felt like the right thing to do.

Then my eyes catch the soccer ball in the corner. Ari gave me her soccer ball as a Christmas gift…right before she fell asleep on my chest from crying all night after we watched Scream together. She left a cute little note on it, scribbled on it drunkenly.

I smile and remember the night I kissed her at the military ball. She kissed me back. Even if it was for a second, she did. In that one second, my entire world stopped.

It was wrong. I hurt so many people. I'll never do that shit again.

I don't realize I'm balling my fists so hard until the circulation has been cut off, and the pins and needles sensation ripples. I let go and run a hand through my hair.

The memory is painful.

Fuck.

Will I ever love anyone else like I fell for her?

Suddenly, my phone buzzes. It's a text message. I pull it out of my pocket and grin at the name.

Alessia.

I sent her a text earlier, checking in on her and her mental health. She's filled me in on pretty much everything. She hasn't told me specific details, just that she left and where she is. She made me promise not to tell anyone—specifically Daegan.

I don't have many female friends, but starting this friendship with Alessia has been the most heartwarming thing I've had in a long time. I care a lot about her. She's a beautiful girl with a fun personality, and I'm glad we get to call each other friends. Even though I'm done with the personal security assignment, our communication has stayed consistent.

"Son!" My mom calls out for me from downstairs.

"Yes, mom?"

"Dinner is ready!"

I put my phone back into my pocket and head downstairs. My mom likes to suffocate me with her love and fill my belly with food until I can't move when I'm home. She's a mom to four boys. She can't help it. Two of them in which are SEALS.

"On my way!" I shout.