36. alessia

36

ALESSIA

Daegan was supposed to be here tonight, but he's not, and it's making me question everything. Kane is not the one who's supposed to be watching me right now, but he stands outside my door, awake and on the job.

I've sent him multiple text messages, but he hasn't responded. I may be coming off as needy, but all I want is transparency. Is he already going back on what we agreed on? Does he regret it?

I close the book I'm reading and get dressed in civilian clothing. I put on leggings and a black tank top. My dog tags are still on, along with my seashell necklace, which I got as a gift from my biological father when I was in college. I love the beach. It's always been a place where I can relax, no matter how bad things are.

I replay the way his eyes looked painful in the conference room. We found another high-value target that works under ‘The Surgeon.' It must be triggering for Daegan, knowing we're so close to catching him. It's personal for him, I know it. How can it not be after what he's been through? He's witnessed firsthand the brutality this person holds.

After putting my shoes on, I swing open my room door, and Kane looks up at me.

He puts his phone away and stands. "Umm, hi? Where are we going?" Kane asks while putting his hands in his pocket.

I give him a contemplative look and purse my lips together.

"Where's Hannibal?" I ask, trying to keep my tone calm.

He sighs, readjusts his posture, and then stands straight again. Then he places his hands behind his back.

"I don't know. All I know is that he's not in his room, and he asked me to take over."

My shoulders sink down, and I look around the hallway, thinking of all the places he could be at this time of night.

"I need to ask him something, and he's not answering me."

"He likes to be alone, Alessia…for the most part. Let him be."

Frustration and worry build, forcing me to crumble. I don't care if he knows about us. I don't want him to be alone. It's like these men don't want to show that they're human, as if it's so weak to feel pain.

"No one should be alone after hearing what I said earlier in the conference room. I'm going to find him, and you're going to let me."

He places his hands on his hips over his belt. He sighs deeply, rubbing the temples of his forehead.

"Look…fine." He huffs out. His dark blue eyes soften just a bit. "I'll help you."

"No, let me do this alone." I bite my lip as a memory floods my scrambled mind. Kane stops moving and stares at me like I asked him to do something crazy.

"I can't let you do that, Valentin. Your step-father?—"

"Just please. Let me do this alone." I quip, urgently grabbing his arm and begging him to understand me. Kane ponders my request with vivid creases near his brows.

"I'll be careful. Plus…I think I know where he is."

I push open the door to the rooftop of the building alone. Kane stayed behind, guarding my room as if I were still there. The dry air immediately greets me, and I soak it in as I walk forward. A helicopter can be heard from a distance. Its blades whip the air as the moon shines bright over it.

I turn to my right, and sure enough, there's an ominous dragon on a scarred back facing me. Daegan's shirtless with only black sweatpants on. His back muscles tighten and untighten as he leans on a railing in front of him.

He's staring at the sky, smoking a cigarette, like he's lost in thought. I watch a cloud of smoke swirl into the air as he blows it out. Finally, he puts it out. Then he lets his head fall, and he stares at the ground. He grips the railing tight, his mask tucked under his palm.

I want to help. I want him to open up to me…but only if he wants to. It must be frustrating, dark, and painful in his head. I can't even imagine the things he's had to go through and experience firsthand. I only get videos and photos of evidence. He had to live through it.

I stroll toward him and palm the railing when I'm side by side with him. He doesn't move or acknowledge my presence, and I'm trying not to let it affect me.

Maybe I should leave him alone.

But I'm a bleeding heart, and I can't help it sometimes.

No one should be alone when they're going through something. At least, that's how I feel when I'm going through it.

"Daegan?" I arch a brow, longing to hear his deep voice.

He doesn't answer me. It's rare when he doesn't wear his mask. His scars are on full display, and his waves fall over his face as he continues to ignore me.

"Daegan? Why did you switch with Kane tonight?"

Still…nothing. He won't talk to me. The side of Daegan that's familiar to everyone else but me. He's known for not saying much to everyone in the military, and now he's doing it to me. But why? What did I do for him to change his demeanor?

"Did I do something, Daegan? Are you…?" I choke up, unsure of my ability to finish that question.

Crap, why am I acting so immature? Why can't I be honest with him and just ask him if he regrets our secret agreement of just sex?

"Are you having regrets? Do you regret that night?" I whisper softly, making sure no one can hear me. My paranoia gets to me, and I look around the rooftop to make sure we're truly alone. After doing a 360 glance, we're in the clear. It's empty, except for his rucksack.

"Daegan, talk to me. Please?"

Silence.

Daegan locks his jaw over and over again, unbothered. His triceps tighten, and his archangel tattoo catches my attention on his arm. I reach for it slowly and rub my thumb over his scars. They're soft like it's still fresh to the touch.

"We're going to get him, Daegan."

Nothing.

"He did this to you? Didn't he? All of these scars are from him?"

He looks at me like I hit a nerve, and then he retracts his arm. I frown when he pulls away from me. I look up at him; his grey eyes are ice-cold, capable of making me freeze so hard I can't even think.

But I don't take offense. I keep trying. So he understands that no matter what, I'm not going anywhere.

"You could have walked away from all of this…and got out of the Navy. Why didn't you?"

He doesn't want to talk about it.

I take a few steps back from him with patience. Tears are already threatening to fall. I must go back, anyway. I promised Kane I would be quick…and now that I know he's okay, I can go to sleep.

"I'm sorry if I did something wrong. I don't know what I did, but I hope you can forgive me. You don't have to. We can call off whatever we agreed on. I can see you have a lot on your mind already, and I won't?—"

Daegan grabs my arms and puts me against the railing until I'm facing the ground below. He has me by both of my wrists with one hand. The edge digs into my ribs, and Daegan is quick to palm my screams.

"Daegan, what the hell?!" I muffle against his hand.

Still, he doesn't say anything. He's manhandling me, throwing me like I'm a doll. He pulls down my tank top until my breasts fall out, and I'm heating up.

Oh my god. He's not going to do what I think, is he?!

He lets go of my hand as if he trusts me to stay quiet. He hums behind me when he finds my nipple. My heart flutters as he roams my body. My breast fills his hand, and he squeezes it hard until it's painful. Making me moan from the agonizing pleasure. He's being rough and angry. My curls fall forward in my face, and all I can do is let him do what he wants to me.

I want whatever is about to happen.

My pussy throbs and I can feel myself getting wet.

Still…he doesn't say anything. My hands are still tied together. Both of my wrists are crushed together, and he pulls down his sweats until they're at his thick thighs.

"Daegan," I murmur.

He growls as I call out for him. He pulls down my leggings until I'm bare and exposed. He starts circling my swollen clit, causing me to drip more and more.

I can't take it.

"Daegan, talk to me!" I whisper-yell. But he ignores me. He puts his fingers into my mouth, making me warm his flesh as he pulls out his cock. I feel like a fish on a hook as I taste myself on his fingers. He won't remove his hand.

I feel his piercings at my entrance.

"Fuck me, Daegan, please."

He doesn't hesitate any longer.

He pushes into me, and my wetness lets him glide easily. With one hand on my breast and the other in my mouth. He forces me to tip-toe so he can fuck me while we're standing.

Then, he pulls backward so the crown of his dick is almost out, and just when he's going to pull out, he rails into me hard and fast.

He begins to fuck me deep and cruelly, making it so hard not to scream. My body jolts from colliding with his waist, and every time I think I'm going to fall over from the power he inflicts, he pulls me back into him like he wants to break me. So, I suck on his finger harder to stop the incoherent sounds from coming out of my tightening lungs. I stare down at the ground below from stories above, doing everything I can not to moan.

If he wanted to, he could lift me up by a few inches, and I'd fall off.

What in the world has gotten into him?

Still, it's driving me crazy because I want him to keep fucking me like this. Then his cock hits that one spot inside me, making me squeeze my eyes shut tight. He hits it over and over again, making the pleasure fucking blinding, and I'm seeing golden sparkles. Finally, I'm orgasming, coming all over his cock as he pounds me. But he doesn't let me ride my orgasm out like he's done before. He's fucking me like I'm nothing to him. He keeps thrusting in and out until I'm biting my lip.

He feels so good.

My pussy tightens as euphoria spreads into my core and throughout my veins. I'm imploding from his massive cock that makes me full. So. Goddamn. Full.

Finally, he pulls my hair back so that our cheeks are side by side. He grips it so tight that I'm hissing. Then he grunts into the shell of my ear. His cock twitches and jabs into me hard and slow as he fills me with his come.

He's emptying himself inside me, and I'm happily taking it. He rests his nose on my cheek as he evens out his breaths. We're both panting, hot, and soaking in this weird moment for a few more seconds.

He pulls out of me and readjusts himself. I push myself off the railing, used and abused in all the best ways…like I wanted. Like he wanted.

I'm breathless, my leg muscles quaking from how rough he gave it to me. I brush my curls out of my face as sweat forms on my chest and forehead.

I still want more.

What is wrong with me?

He walks away from me after he picks up my leggings with my underwear and dresses me so I'm not exposed anymore. He tucks my breasts back into my top, and I help him. I turn to him, but he's already looking the other way. This time, I'm speechless, and all I can do is watch him leave the rooftop without one word. I'm left dazed, confused, and used.