8 - Joanna

8

Joanna

I drove home feeling confused.

I'd had plenty of dates where we had chemistry all night, then it fizzled out when we eventually kissed. But this was the opposite: zero chemistry all night, then a sudden spark when we kissed goodbye. That had never happened to me before. Probably because when I didn't have chemistry with a guy, the date didn't end with a kiss.

This was why I had a point system. To keep my stupid body from making bad decisions.

I changed into comfortable clothes when I got home, then texted Landon.

Me : Home safe, honey bunny.

Landon : You can drop the act. The night's over.

Me : It is over, and I NAILED IT. Your mom loves me. I've met my end of the bargain, so now it's your turn.

Landon : Bullshit. You ruined everything by inviting yourself to the wedding.

Me : I didn't invite myself! Marisa and your mother invited me. Because they love me so much. On account of how well I did tonight. Your mom and I even gossiped in the bathroom. She hates Marisa's dress, by the way.

Landon : The entire point of you pretending to be my girlfriend was to keep her from setting me up with people during the wedding and honeymoon. But if you bail on the wedding after promising to go, she's going to decide you're not good enough for me.

Me : I'm sorry your mom has unrealistic expectations for her little boy. I did my part, now do yours.

Landon didn't respond for a while. I washed my face and then sat on the couch to watch hockey playoff highlights. That's when I got a phone call from my brother.

"How did you fuck it up?" Jack immediately asked.

"I didn't fuck anything up!" I retorted. "I nailed the assignment. His mother loved me so much she invited me to the wedding next weekend."

"And you said yes?"

"What else was I supposed to say?"

"No! You should have said no! Landon is pissed at me."

"You weren't there. Landon was being a total dick all night. And I still did an amazing job. It's not my fault he didn't give me enough information ahead of time."

Jack groaned. "Joanna…"

"No," I snapped. "I'm not the fuck-up here. Landon's wrong. And tell him to respond to my text rather than complaining to you."

Jack must have done that, because I got a text as soon as I hung up with him.

Landon : You have to come to the wedding now.

Me : Like hell I do!

Landon : It's the only way to make my mom happy. And it will solidify our story.

Me : That wasn't part of the deal.

Landon : The deal changed when you invited yourself to a major family event.

I growled to myself and resisted the urge to throw my phone at the wall. This guy was insufferable. Whatever spark I felt during our kiss was now fully extinguished.

Me : If you want to change the deal, then so can I. If you don't honor your side of it, I'm going to call your mom and tell her everything.

Landon : You wouldn't.

Me : Why? Because you know me so well?

Landon : Because if you do that, I'll make sure you never get a job at DefTec.

Me : Who gives a shit? You're already not helping me. I might as well go scorched earth on your ass and find a different job.

Me : And no, I'm not bluffing.

Landon : I have a compromise.

Me : I hope the compromise involves you doing what you promised.

Landon : In the original deal, I was going to make sure your application went to the top of the pile.

Me : Thanks for typing out what I already know. That wasn't a waste of time at all.

Landon : If you come to the wedding next Saturday, I'll do more than just put your application on the top. I'll email the hiring manager and strongly encourage him to hire you.

Me : How well do you know the hiring manager?

Landon : We get lunch together once a week and talk about the Bears. He'll listen to my opinion.

Now I was intrigued. Talking to the manager was so much better than just making sure my application was favored. It sounded like the job was mine.

If I agreed to go to the wedding.

Me : You have a deal. And unlike the first deal, I'm going to hold you to it.

Landon : I knew you'd see reason. I'll text you the details later. Thanks again. You were a convincing girlfriend tonight.

I read and re-read the text. Was he referring to the kiss? That's what it felt like. Or maybe I was over-analyzing things. It was still fresh in my mind, the way his lips felt churning against mine, heat flushing through my body as he pulled me close…

Instead of replying to Landon, I texted someone else.

Me : Are you sure you're gone for the next two weeks? Because I can't stop picturing your face between my legs.

Theo : Glad I left an impression. But yes, I leave for Columbus in the morning. I pop back into town next weekend, but then I'm flying out of the country Sunday morning.

Me : Columbus sounds dumb. You should come over to my place. I'll show you my full-sized refrigerator.

Theo : My flight leaves O'Hare at six in the morning. I have to be at the airport at four :-(

Me : Counter-offer: come over to my place, we have fun not sleeping until three, and then I'll drive you to the airport.

Theo : Driving someone to the airport is a serious commitment. There's no way I can repay that favor. I think we're moving too fast.

Me : Boo. I guess I can wait two weeks. But I have a really good story to tell you when I see you.

Theo : You don't want to tell me about it now, while I'm packing?

Me : It's a better story in person. Plus it will give us something to talk about.

Theo : That's funny, because I wasn't planning on doing a lot of talking when I see you.

Me : You're so much smoother than my boyfriend.

Theo : Excuse me, what?

Me : I'm joking. But that's part of the story I'm going to tell you. How's my boy Connor Bedard doing?

Theo : He's doing fine. I fixed him up yesterday, but we'll do most of the dental reconstruction in the off-season.

Theo : Oh, that reminds me! He signed his jersey as a thank-you. You can have it if you want.

Me : Are you offering me a signed game-worn Connor Bedard playoff jersey?

Theo : Only if you want it. There's some blood on it.

Me : My panties just hit the floor at supersonic speed.

Theo : You hockey girls are seriously messed up in the head. I'll bring the jersey over when I see you in two weeks ;-)

Me : What if you put the jersey on while we're in bed?

Theo : That's a funny joke.

Me : I'm as serious as a heart attack right now.

Theo : You hockey girls are something else.

Me : I'll take that as a compliment. Have a safe trip to Columbus (barf)

I slept well that night, bolstered by dreams of Theo's skilled tongue between my legs and bloody hockey jerseys and wedding wagyu filets. The week went by quickly at work, even though I was doing boring paperwork for my boss.

I thought everything was great until I got a text from Landon at lunch on Friday:

Landon : I need to change our deal again.