Chapter 5

Blaine

"Are you just using me?" Julie blurts, her face going pink as she speaks. The words knock into my chest like a linebacker sacking a quarterback.

I was relieved when she asked to stop by earlier tonight. It meant that I hadn't damaged things beyond repair. At least, that's what I thought before right now. Who knows what kind of narrative she has in her head? Or if she'll accept my explanation?

I must stay silent for too long, because Julie starts talking again, this time with a put-on sort of confidence. "If that's all you want, fine. I just don't think I want that. I won't tell the school about what happened, and I'm sorry if–"

"I don't just want you for sex," I say, cutting her off before she can get too worked up. "I know I acted like an asshole yesterday, but I have an explanation if you're willing to hear me out."

Julie hesitates, but after a long second, she nods her head.

"Thank you," I say, letting out a breath I didn't know I was holding. "Let's sit down. I'll make us coffee."

"That sounds nice," she says, giving me a brave smile.

I lead her to the table, and once she gets settled in, I pop a pod into my coffee machine. Neither of us speak as I prepare our mugs, adding cream and sugar to hers even though I don't know how she prefers it. Hopefully, if this conversation goes well, I'll have the opportunity to learn how she likes it one day.

"I hope that's okay," I say as I place her steaming cup on the table.

She sniffs the liquid before taking a sip and humming. "This is perfect, actually."

"Perfect," I parrot as I sit in the chair beside her. I hold my mug in my palms on the table in front of me, looking into the milky-brown liquid as I carefully put together my thoughts. Finally, after a few moments of internal debate, I say, "I shouldn't have taken my frustration out on you like that last night."

"Because I didn't text?"

"That's part of it," I admit. "I was just so disappointed."

"Disappointed in me?" she asks, her voice small and so, so vulnerable. It breaks my heart.

"No, not you. Not exactly," I sigh, shaking my head. "It's just… Well, I cooked you dinner yesterday, made up this whole scenario in my mind about what would happen. When you didn't show up when you said you would and didn't let me know what was holding you up, I thought I scared you off."

"You didn't," she says softly.

"I know," I laugh before bringing my mug to my lips. Then, after swallowing a mouthful, I say, "I sure tried to, though. I really don't know what I was thinking, letting you blow me like that."

"But I wanted to," she assures me. "I actually didn't mind that at all. It's just… you kicked me out right after you finished. It felt like you only wanted me around to help you get off. I didn't know what else to think."

"That's not true at all," I say, reaching out to cover her hand with mine. "Your body is incredible, don't get me wrong, but you're so much more to me than that. You're one of the smartest people I've ever met. You have a unique perspective on everything, and I think you're so, so charming."

Julie ducks her head and giggles, looking up at me with those gorgeous brown eyes through thick lashes. "Well, I'm really sorry I stood you up for dinner, then. That wasn't very nice of me."

"I'm not upset with you," I tell her, giving her hand a squeeze. "It's not like I told you I was planning on feeding you."

"That's true," she concedes, turning her palm upward to allow me to entwine our fingers. "It's still kind of my fault, though. I could have let you know I was running late. I could have found time to send a message."

"And I could have reacted better," I say.

"Yeah, you could have," she agrees. "Why did you kick me out, anyway?"

"I didn't kick you out," I say, knocking our knees together under the table.

"You kinda did," she replies, swinging her leg into mine.

"We'll agree to disagree, then," I say. "But I should have explained this last night. I had a meeting with my advisor early this morning about my graduation requirements. As much as I wanted to spend time with you, I had to get to bed."

"That makes sense," she says softly. "Is that why you left class so quickly today?"

"It is," I confirm. "There were a few documents that I needed to get submitted. If my attendance wasn't a requirement, I would have just skipped."

"You got everything taken care of though, right?" she asks, tilting her head in the most adorable way.

"Yeah," I say, struck by how domestic this feels. I'm overcome by the urge to sit here and talk to her about the future – our future. It seems like it would be so easy with her.

"You okay?" Julie says, breaking me out of my thoughts. "You look a little lost over there."

"I'm fine," I say, smiling at her warmly.

"What were you thinking about?"

"Us," I say without hesitation.

"What about us?" she murmurs, squeezing my hand.

"If we have a future," I say as I lift her hand to my mouth and press a kiss to her milky white skin. "Because I'd really like one with you."

"I'd like that too," she says, her voice barely above a whisper.

"Yeah?" I say, a hopeful feeling swelling in my chest.

"Yeah," she replies, smiling so wide I'm sure her cheeks hurt.

"I'm going to kiss you now," I say.

That's all the warning I give her before I'm leaning in and capturing her mouth in a hot kiss full of passion. Julie makes a surprised noise against my lips before responding with equal fervor. I wonder if she can understand all of the things I'm trying to say with this gesture – that I truly mean it when I say I want a future with her, that I love her for her mind and her body, that I want this forever.

When she grabs my wrist and pulls me closer, I know that I'm getting my message across.