12. If Only…

TWELVE

IF ONLY…

BAILEY

T he morning comes way too early after a late night. There’s a knock at the door and the rumbling of a snowplow clearing the road.

“Good morning, happy couple. This is Mal,” she calls through the door. “Just letting you know the roads are cleared and check out is in about an hour.” Her footsteps pound down each porch step.

Behind my well-worn, completely satiated body is Kris, the human furnace. The air outside our cozy bed remains chilly.

I don’t know what to expect today, the dreaded morning after. I haven’t had many of those. Prior to my ex, I had a boyfriend for a while in L.A., James the surfer, but I was so career focused it didn’t last. Other than that, I’ve had a few very short romances.

Kris stirs. “Morning, Irish. Were you warm enough all night?” Oof, his rough morning voice near my ear hits so good.

“Next to you? Yes.”

“I always run warm.”

“I’m often cold.”

“Count my body heat as one of the top ten things you like about me, then.”

“Who says I like you?” I chuckle. I do like him, but when I think about our shared past, the future is full of question marks.

“You do. I can tell. That was me fishing for you to tell me the other nine, by the way.”

“I’ll give that some thought and get back to you,” I tease. My heart feels lighter today, like the confrontation with Mom and Dad, and the closure with William, have released me from chains. And I owe it all to Kris. I turn to face him, adoring his sleepy face. “Once we dig out of these blankets, we’ll freeze.”

“I’ll build us a small fire to hold us over until we leave. That’ll make it warm enough for you to get dressed.” His eyes open to half slits and he kisses my forehead. “Will that help?”

“Very much.”

He moves off the bed, taking some of the warmth with him until I burrow back under the covers, taking over his warmer spot. We already showered together earlier this morning, somehow managing to do it one more time in the cramped stall, while also washing away the evidence of our passionate night.

I watch him shuffle about at first, putting on his boxers, then setting wood in the fire. My eyes open again when I hear coffee brewing and smell the aromatic scent of it. I wait a few more minutes, then get up. The temperature has improved a little, and I spy Kris squatting and managing the fire with a poker.

Having put my thong back on after the shower, I have nothing else to put on but a wrinkled satin gown. It absolutely served its purpose, making William regret his choices. The bonus is, it kept Kris’ eyes on me all night.

I’ll have to report the good news back to Maggie, since she helped me pick out the perfect dress. I wonder how her romantic weekend went? She’ll never believe it when I tell her about Kris.

Dressed, I pour two mugs of coffee and join Kris by the fireplace. “Black will have to do. No cream or sugar.”

“I noticed there isn’t any. But I think I had plenty of sweetness last night.” His flirtatious tone and quick wink flutter my insides. I think this will be okay between us. He’s so easygoing, and the morning so far has been nice, not awkward at all. There’s definitely something between us. My heart soars, wrapped up in hope anew.

“So, um, about last night…” Until he says those five words. My smile freezes on my face. All the fluttering of butterflies in my stomach dies. This is déjà vu of the night I thought William was going to propose, only to dump me instead.

Kris takes a sip and grimaces, then sets his coffee down, not seeming in a hurry to finish that thought.

Anxiety returns, smacking me in the head. I know exactly how this is going to go. I might as well finish his thoughts for him.

“Say no more. I’m sure neither of us expected to come up here, have sex, and leave with a relationship.” While dying inside, I play it cool, like this is a casual conversation about sex with a hot hockey player, and I have these all the time. “I came up here to put my ex behind me. Consider that accomplished. You came up here to help me and you did. Done, and thank you. So. This is me, letting you off the hook. Last night was…good.”

“Good? Only good?” He scowls.

“Great?”

“You don’t sound so sure.” He stands with his coffee mug, and I watch the nicest ass ever cross a room in tight black boxers. He dumps his coffee down the drain, avoiding my eyes. Clearly, his ego is hurt.

“Fine, it was amazing. The best I’ve ever had.” I backtrack and give him that. “Feel better now? But I’m sure you know how good you are. You call yourself a ten all the time.”

His cocky smile returns while he gets dressed, and I hate how I want to put in a request to go back to bed with him a little while longer.

“I just think we can be adults and recognize this for what it was,” I say, very practical and matter of fact, leaving the comfort of the fire to find my coat.

“Which was?”

“A totally unexpected good time. A romantic encounter brought on by the storm, Valentine’s, and our success at the wedding. Besides, you’re new to town and to your team, so I’m sure you don’t want a relationship, and I’m not in a hurry to jump right back into one. So we can agree this was fun and move on.”

He sighs, crossing his arms and leaning against the counter of the small kitchenette. “Is that what you really want, Irish?”

“Of course. Look, I know we had a past, but it’s good we’ve moved beyond that. We live in the same building, and we can be friendly, right?”

“Sure, Irish. If that’s what you want.”

I want him to not call me by that nickname because it makes things even more messed up in my brain. But I like the word from his lips too much.

“Yes. It feels good to get this behind us and not have the past bearing down on our heads.” I chuckle, every bit nerve-ridden.

“Sounds to me like you’ve given it more consideration over the years than I have. I left L.A. and didn’t give it another moment of my time.”

“Seriously?”

“I know who I am, and I’m not a cheater. Despite your reports, I didn’t fool around. But I’m pretty sure Tia did on me. Then two weeks after we break up she marries her manager? I always felt there was something going on between them. The guy didn’t like me at all. I figure you did me a favor. There was no way I would have ended up happy in anything long term with her. I should be thanking you instead.”

Good to hear he has the right instincts about Tia and her manager. What a relief. There’s more to the story than he realizes, of course, but he doesn’t want to know. He says he’s moved on and barely thinks about her or the past. I shouldn’t upset the balance of his life now.

“You can let it go, too, Bailey. In fact, you paid big money to let it all go. Fifty thousand to a good cause, so you can move on now.”

“Right. Forward motion feels great.” I absentmindedly agree as I walk through the little cabin, ensuring I have all my belongings. “I guess we should head back down the mountain?”

“Yeah, about that.” He rubs the back of his neck. “Would it be okay if you dropped me back at the lodge? When I ran into my teammate, Flynn Peterson, last night, he mentioned that if I wanted to join him and his wife for a couple of days of skiing, they have room for me to stay in their suite. I don’t start practice until Wednesday, so I have a few days to kill.”

“Absolutely, I can take you back, but skiing in a tuxedo can’t be very fun. Although you managed to ice skate well enough in it, I suppose.” Kill me now. If things had worked out differently, we could have spent the next few days in Portland doing more of the things he did with me last night in bed. But this isn’t meant to be between us.

“I’ll buy what I need from the shop here and rent a snowboard,” he explains.

“Enjoy yourself then. It’s back to work for me tomorrow.”

“About that. Will you be mentioning my name in your articles about the heart association fundraiser or the wedding?” He raises an eyebrow, giving me a stern look laced with trust issues. So the past still haunts.

I hadn’t actually given the articles a moment’s thought. “I’ll have to mention you were one of the bachelors. Is that okay?” Not that I need his approval, but I do feel it’s the least I could do.

“Fair enough.” He shrugs. “You understand why I had to ask.”

“The past. Got it. Guess we can’t totally leave things back there. You’ll provably never trust me to report on you again.”

“No. I didn’t mean?—”

“It’s fine, Kris. I understand. How about I even add how wonderful it was of you to volunteer your time for such a good cause now that you’re looking to make Portland your home, and how you hope to win the hearts of the Glaciers’ fans?”

A smile breaks out across his face. “Perfect. Yeah. Thanks. Are you going to be okay driving back on your own?”

“I’ll be fine.” So much for romance. Once we’re back in Portland, I have no intention of running into him on purpose. Ever. I’ll stop hanging out in my car for crying, eating, and drinking. I’ll tour the parking garage once to make sure he’s not lurking anywhere before I make a mad dash for my apartment.

The stairs will become my friend instead of the elevator, because I’m pretty sure if I ever run into him again, my cheeks will burn red at the sight of him, knowing exactly how he felt in my arms for one, special romantic night.

Best and worst Valentine’s ever.

As he heads out to the car with his jacket over his shoulder, I hang back. The mattress complains as I sit again and take a wistful glance around the cozy space and the memories we made here, where I became intimately aware of what makes Kris Kringer a total ten.

Once he starts playing, there’s no doubt he’ll be great. He’ll have admirers allover Portland, women swooning over him and men wishing they could be him, especially if he helps bring home the championship cup.

He’ll be the talk of the town, the savior finally putting Oregon on the map as a serious contender for professional sports. But he won’t be mine. He’ll be famous, and he’ll forget all about me.

A heavy sigh escapes me. Then a tear rolls down my cheek. If only we met as strangers and not had the past hanging over our heads. Would we have been something more than a one-night stand? Lovers? Married? Damn shame there couldn’t be anything more between us now.