10. Diem

10

Diem

T he descending sun, still atrociously hot that time of year, assaulted us the minute we stepped outside. My skin blistered under the confines of the suit. My mood and temper steadily worsened, and I didn’t want to be an asshole, but what an utter and complete waste of time. I knew talking to the hypnotist would be a dead end. I knew I should have made Tallus wait until I heard back from my guy at the forensic pathology lab. We could have saved ourselves the trouble of driving halfway across the city because there was no fucking case.

“Well, that was a letdown.” Tallus sulked as he buckled himself into the Jeep. “What now?”

Without responding, I took out my phone and pulled up my contact’s number. When I’d talked to Kelly earlier, I’d gotten his personal cell. He’d told me he might need a couple of days, but I crossed my fingers he’d gotten answers that afternoon and hadn’t found time to report back.

I removed the strangling tie as the phone rang and unbuttoned the top three buttons of my shirt. I was melting. Sweat trickled down my spine.

Tallus played with the dials on the console, cranking the air to maximum and angling the vents so they blew toward me. It wasn’t helping.

When Kelly answered, I cut right to the chase, doing away with congenial small talk and barking, “For the love of god, tell me you found something.”

“Hello, Diem. This is why I didn’t want to give you my phone number.”

“I need answers.”

“And I told you I needed a few days.”

“It can’t wait. Did you look her up?”

“Yes, but I didn’t call you back because I don’t have a full report. The toxicology is incomplete at this time, and I wanted to poke around and see if we were expecting the rest of it soon.”

“Incomplete? It’s been fucking weeks since she died. What the hell have they been doing?” I growled under my breath. “Christ. Can you tell me anything?”

Kelly spoke to someone who wasn’t me, his voice muffled as though he was covering the phone. Then he was back. “There was a preliminary report in her file, but that’s it.”

“That’s all I need. What did it say?” Preliminary reports tested for illegal or overly abused drugs.

Kelly sighed. “You know, I don’t appreciate you harassing me after hours.”

“I paid you, didn’t I?”

Another sigh. “Hang on. I wrote it down. You realize I’ve got my girlfriend over right now, and we’re trying to have a nice dinner.”

“Did you use my fifty bucks to organize that nice dinner?”

Kelly mumbled under his breath and put me on hold.

“That’s what I thought.”

When I glanced at Tallus, a smirk filled his face. “You’re so charming. A real people person. It’s a wonder anyone helps you.”

“I’m hot and cranky. Even my ass crack is sweating.”

“Lovely image. The faster we get you home, the faster I can undress you, so be nice to the man. Put the call on speaker. I want to hear too.”

It was the third or fourth time Tallus had alluded to taking my clothes off, and I wasn’t any more comfortable with the idea now than I was the first time he’d said it. It was a joke, right? Another one of Tallus’s games? He knew the mere notion made me squirm. He knew I struggled with our random encounters to begin with, never mind introducing nakedness and intent to the mix.

Kelly came back on the line as I pulled onto the Don Valley Parkway.

“Okay. Like I said, the toxicology report isn’t complete. As you know, these things take fucking ages, so don’t bite the head off the man trying to help you. The standard forensic testing came back as follows. Negative for opiates, amphetamines, marijuana, alcohol, and barbiturates. Therapeutic doses of codeine and promethazine were found in her blood. Diphenhydramine was found at a higher level than therapeutic but is not indicated as being in a toxic range. No lethal doses of prescription or nonprescription drugs. Hair analysis showed low-level triptans. That’s all that stands out. The rest of what they tested for were either zero or negligible. But, like I said, they are still waiting on a full report.”

“In English?”

“Triptans are often used to—”

“Help with migraines,” Tallus said, interrupting. “I take them too.”

Kelly went quiet, then, “Who the fuck is that? Diem—”

“Relax. He’s…”

“I’m consulting on the case. Acting partner. Undercover.”

“He’s fine,” Diem growled.

“If I get fired—”

“You’re not getting fired. What the fuck is promethazine?”

Kelly cleared his throat. “It has various uses, but primarily it’s found in allergy medications or anti-nausea medications. Sometimes in sleep meds. Diphenhydramine is an allergy medication.”

“Fuck. All right. Thanks.”

“Do you want the full report when it’s in?”

“No.” The important stuff was on the paper in Kelly’s hand, and it hadn’t proven my theory. Amber Wells was not high on drugs when she jumped from her balcony, and there was no immediate explanation for her odd behavior in the days leading up to her death.

It didn’t mean Tallus had a case. I could come up with a dozen far better theories for Amber’s suicide than psychic manipulation or mind control. Like fucking teenage depression. Teenage hormones. Teenage angst. Teenage stupidity. For all we knew, she’d been recently dumped by her boyfriend.

I worked my jaw, analyzing every angle. Tallus had heard the entire conversation with Kelly. It supported his stupid, convoluted theory, and even though I knew the whole thing was a waste of time, I was unexpectedly glad Kelly hadn’t proven me right.

If I had been right, Tallus’s stupid case would be over.

If I had been right, he wouldn’t have an excuse to hang around.

If I had been right, I would be one step closer to being background noise. A fleeting memory. Tallus would only put up with so much stalking and depressing midnight visits. Virtually any other man on the planet was better than me, and once he came to his senses and realized that I would never see him again.

“We’ll talk to Allan’s neighbor,” I said, exiting the parkway and aiming for the office. “Although, we don’t know if he was seeing Madame Rowena. You’re acting on a hunch.”

“Isn’t a good deal of police work based on hunches?”

“No.”

“Are you saying that because you’re hot and miserable?”

“I’m not… No.”

“Are you saying it because you’re upset Kelly didn’t have the answers you hoped for?”

“No,” I said, quieter than before.

“Are you saying it because—”

“Tallus, shut up. I said we can talk to the neighbor.”

“Okay.”

We drove the rest of the way in silence, arriving at the office shortly after seven. Exiting the Jeep, our actions mirrored the previous night: Tallus leaned against the vehicle, showing no intention of joining me upstairs, while I was unsure where to put myself and shuffled between feet, baking in a wool suit.

“Any plans for your Tuesday night, D?” Tallus asked.

It was on the tip of my tongue to grouch that I was hot and wanted nothing more than to strip out of the godforsaken suit, but I choked on the words before they escaped, hearing how they sounded, knowing Tallus would take it as an insinuation for something else and run with it.

“No.”

“Me neither.” He pinned me with a look I couldn’t read. He seemed to be trying to relay a message with his eyes, but I couldn’t figure it out. I was too hot to think. Plus, Tallus had a knack for turning me inside out. When he looked at me the way he was now, I became hyper-aware of all my flaws, both physical and psychological.

I scanned the parking structure instead of meeting his gaze, shifting uncomfortably under his prolonged scrutiny.

“I want to take my clothes off.” I cringed and pinched the bridge of my nose when Tallus chuckled. “I mean—”

“I know what you mean, Guns. You’re hot because I made you wear a suit in the middle of summer.”

“It’s fine.”

More chuckling. “You’ve done nothing but bitch about it since we left earlier. Go get changed. I’m heading home.”

“But I thought…” I bit my tongue. Of course his insinuation about getting me naked wasn’t real. “Okay.”

He didn’t move, and the scorching heat of his gaze was as hot as the sun’s.

I shifted again. It was technically cooler in the parking structure but felt a thousand degrees worse than out in the street. My lungs burned, and I fought the urge to fan my shirt or wipe the sweat from my brow. The heat was making me dizzy.

“D?”

“What?”

“Did you think I was coming upstairs?”

“No.”

“I did tease about getting you out of the suit. Is that something you wanted?”

I scrambled for an answer but didn’t find one.

“Do you want company?”

“What?”

“Upstairs. Do you want company? Do you want me to come inside?”

“Oh. Yes… No. I mean, no.”

A disarming smile appeared, and I didn’t know what I wanted. Courage? Instructions? A push in the right direction? Confidence?

Tallus shoved away from the Jeep and moved to stand in front of me. Despite me being a head taller, Tallus’s personality dwarfed mine. I felt inadequate and inferior.

Without pause, he shoved the godforsaken wool jacket down my arms, peeling it off my sweat-soaked body. There was no breeze, but the cooler air penetrated my cotton shirt, which was blissful.

Tallus hung the jacket over his arm and took my chin, angling my face so I couldn’t look away. He spoke slowly. “Do you want me to come upstairs? Yes or no?”

A stone sat in my gut. Another clogged my throat. I spoke around it, croaking shamefully, “I’m too sober.”

“Too sober for company or fucking?”

I opened my mouth, then shut it again, unsure of the answer.

“You’ve done this sober with me before. What’s the problem? Why is it so hard?”

“You don’t want this. With me. Not really. I don’t know why you’ve… You’re messing with my head, Tallus. I can’t…”

He tightened his grip, and I stopped trying to talk.

“All those times you’ve come to my house, have I ever turned you away?”

The damn lump persisted. “No, but—”

“No buts. Invite me up, D. It’s okay to ask for something you want.”

The heat. I couldn’t breathe. I thought I might pass out. “I can’t—”

He pressed a finger to my lips. “You can. Don’t make excuses. I know you have hang-ups. I know you have massive boundaries. But enough is enough. If you want something from me, ask properly. Own it. Stop showing up at my door when you’re half in the bag.”

He waited for a beat, and I knew I was supposed to open my mouth and say something, but my tongue was thick and tied in a knot.

For the first time since I’d known him, Tallus seemed frustrated. He held out the jacket. “Here. Never mind. Fuck the case. You didn’t want anything to do with it anyhow. I’ll figure it out on my own.”

I took the jacket.

Tallus turned and walked toward his Jetta.

He was leaving. This was it. The end of the one good thing I’d been clinging to. In a minute, he’d be gone, and I’d never get him back.

I wanted to growl and snag his arm, drag him up the three flights of stairs to my room and enact ten months’ worth of fantasies and frustration, but it was impossible. Every recrimination I’d spoken against myself played on a loop inside my head.

I wasn’t worthy. I would never be worthy.

But before he turned the corner, before my brain could catch up and talk me out of it, I shouted, “Please come upstairs with me.”

Tallus slowed to a stop and spun. We locked gazes across the dimly lit garage, and not for the first time, I was humbled by Tallus’s beauty and confidence. Not for the first time, I wondered why he’d ever looked twice in my direction.

“Say it again, Diem.”

The way my full name rolled off his lips made me queasy.

My voice came out husky the second time. “Please come upstairs with me.”

His smile, the one I worshipped, the one that shone like the noonday sun and weakened my knees, appeared. “I’d love to.”

Tallus Domingo would be the death of me. Every inch he gave put me one inch closer to full annihilation. Someday, he would realize who he was tangoing with and understand why I’d been so reluctant, then he'd be out the door like a hell.

And I would be alone.

But that day wasn’t today. I had done the unthinkable and invited Tallus upstairs for reasons that had nothing to do with a convoluted case.