9. Rowan

Chapter 9

Rowan

T he day after my escapade to the Wishing Well Inn, Collin yanks me into a side corridor as soon as we leave the lecture hall. I can tell right off that he’s in a sour mood—likely because squads were finally formed today and absolutely none of the cadets he tried to recruit accepted the invitation. Everyone under him was assigned, and had made their displeasure known at morning formation. But that’s not what he is huffing about now.

“What were you thinking last night, Ro? I can’t believe you went into Doverly.”

“Can you not?” I try to rub the exhaustion from my face. What little time I had left for sleep after getting back was consumed by nerves. “Look, whatever you want to say to berate me over going, I assure you the commandant and Grayson will cover it in full detail this evening.” I just hope I can keep Ellie and Trish out of it. I know Kai thinks someone was there with me, but I hope he doesn’t know who.

Collin sneers. “Yes, I’m sure Grayson will cover everything.”

My head throbs. “What are you talking about?”

Collin grabs my wrist and I realize my attention has wandered from him to the training yard, where Kyrian is setting things up for the afternoon.

“I said, I’m talking about you whoring yourself up the command chain,” he says with quiet urgency. “You think everyone doesn’t already know that you came back last night wearing Grayson’s shirt? Do you know what they are saying about you? About me?”

“Honestly, between nearly getting killed yesterday and disciplinary mast today, I’ve not given a flying fuck about what the neighbors might think,” I pull back on my arm.

He holds fast though, and he’s stronger than me.

Anger pulses through me. “Good gods, you were there last night. You saw the state of my clothes. Was I supposed to walk back naked?”

“I would have given you my shirt, Ro. And I would have healed you properly. All you had to do was go with me, instead of opening your legs for them. But I guess since your mother won’t be able to pave your way for you this year, you decided to up your chances with command?”

“Wait.” I snap my full attention at him. “You actually think I fucked them last night?”

“What am I supposed to think when you keep rushing off to them?” He lets go of me and runs his hands through his hair, his tone softening. “No, I know you wouldn’t do that to us. But you have to start thinking of perception and reputation. Perception becomes reality. I mean I get it, you are scared. With Grayson replacing your mother for most command decisions, you need to ensure leadership looks the other way when you can’t meet standards, but that’s where you need to trust me, Ro. I’ve gotten you this far. I’ll keep holding you together. I love you. But you have to help me out. Help me, help you. You understand?”

Honestly, all I understand at the moment is how viciously my head is pounding. I’ve no strength to fight with Collin, especially since whatever insanity had come over him a few minutes ago is getting quickly replaced by concern.

“I know that look on you,” Collin takes my chin into his hands and gently t urns it to get a look at the bruise I know is coloring me from temple to cheek. “Is it just pain, or dizziness too?”

There is no judgment in his voice now. Just concern. As always. Whatever his flaws, Collin really has kept me together all these years. Even now, his healing magic is already seeping through me gently, mending everything he can. Normally, we’d both get into trouble over Collin wasting his power reserves this way—he’s supposed to keep his power well preserved for Spire-ordered healing—but Collin has worked out a way to let all superficial damage stay in place. We’ve been doing this for years now, with no one the wiser.

“Thank you,” I say as my headache eases. And I mean it.

“You know how lucky you are to not have a concussion?" Collin says.

"Lucky is one way to describe me."

“Seriously. What were you thinking going to Doverly at all? You know how dangerous places like that are, especially for you." He shakes his head, but his hands keep moving, keep healing me. “You should have heard them last night. Ungrateful bastards. They've been living under the Spire’s protection for so long, they take everything for granted. Sometimes I think command should allow a few fae through, just to remind the civilians what the rest of us are fighting against. Once they see a draken or two set fire to their homes, they’ll put two and two together.”

I breathe out with relief as the pounding in my head dissolves fully, along with the dizziness it was tugging along with it.

A ghost of a smile drifts over Collin’s face. “There you are, Ro,” he whispers. “I knew my girl was in there under all that pain. Tell me where else.”

“You should save your magic,” I protest. “I don’t want you draining yourself on me.”

“Totally worth it. Where else? Your side, right? That’s where I saw blood last night.” He slides his hand along my shoulder and beneath the collar of my shirt. “Have you been taking your daily tonics? You should be out now by my count.”

“I’m fine. I’ve been able to make my own for a year now. ”

He pinches the bridge of his nose in exasperation. "This is exactly what I'm talking about. You don’t need to make your own drafts. I can make whatever you need. I want to.”

“You are a squad leader now. You have duties beyond?—”

“- keeping you in one piece? Sometimes it’s a full time job, isn’t it?" He winks at me and I smile back because he expects me to, but I hate how right he is. Between the dizzy spells, the headaches, and the rest of my body's mishaps, I'm a certifiable mess at the best of times. And it is rarely the best of times. So yes, keeping me together is a full time job. I'm lucky Collin feels up to it.

"Chambers, why is your hand down Lexington's shirt?" Kyrian’s voice punches the air between Collin and me.

I jump. For a man Kyrian's size, he moves as quietly as a shadow.

Collin pulls away so quickly that he nearly knocks me over.

Kyrian steadies my elbow before I can make a further fool of myself.

“From what I hear, you frown on fraternization with subordinates,” Kyrian adds to Collin.

Gods. How much had the man heard of our conversation?

“Last I counted, you and I had the same number of pips on our collars now, Sorel,” Collin counters, his shoulders pulling back as he raises his chin in challenge. “So fuck off.”

A predatory smile spreads over Kyrian’s lips and I mentally beg Collin to get himself as far away as possible before Kyrian decides to take him up on the taunt. Fortunately, the man does no such thing, but what he does do—put his arm around my waist possessively—is even worse. “With pleasure, Chambers,” he says, walking us away. “I was just collecting up my squad. Have a pleasant rest of the day.”

“Get your hands off me,” I snap at Kyrian two steps later, but the man is already pulling his arm back to his side. I point my finger at his chest. “And don’t ever play me as a pawn in your cock measuring contest again.”

He laughs. “The size of Chambers’ cock is the least of my concerns. Believe me there.”

“Then what the hell was that about?”

“You know, most everyone here is terrified of me. Not without reason, I might add.”

“Was that an order to cower or genuflect? You’ll need to be more specific, sir.”

“Neither. I just find it curious that you’ve no qualms over telling me off—despite everything hanging over your head today I might add—and yet Chambers doesn’t have to so much as apologize for accusing you of rutting your way up the command chain. Don’t you?”

“Don’t I what?” I deadpan. I can’t believe the bastard had stood there and listened to that entire encounter.

“Find it curious.”

I blow out a long self-control seeking breath. “Was there something you needed beyond humiliating my lover and me?”

“Lover, eh? Sounds serious.”

“It is. We are.” I stop, my voice hardening. Enough is enough. “Was there something else you needed, sir?”

Humor fades from Kyrian’s face and he nods. “Unfortunately, yes. The commandant has moved her mast to now. We are expected in her office.”

I turn from Kyrian before he can see the blood drain from my face. There is only one reason for my mother to move the mast earlier—so that any punishment handed out could be witnessed by the entire group at evening formation.