19. Rowan

Chapter 1 9

Rowan

“ Y es,” I whisper so quietly that I can barely hear it myself. I am crazy. I must be, because how else does one get into this situation to begin with? My bedroll presses into my back, the small imperfections of the earth beneath transfering to my skin. But it’s Logan’s dark hair and eyes that seem to glow in the starlight that fully capture my attention now.

Logan kisses the edge of my mouth. He is strangely gentle, nothing like the way he was when he pounded into Alyssa the first day I met him. “I’ll need something with a little more confidence.”

Confidence? Where in all the worlds am I supposed to get that? My breath hitches as Logan’s mouth slides down my neck, the stubble he’s grown since this morning scraping along my skin. It’s a little ticklish, and a bit arousing, sending shivers down my spine.

"Don't overthink, rabbit,” Logan coaxes. “It's just a bit of… physical fun. A bit of release to quiet your mind and your body. No strings attached, I promise." His mouth is right over my pulse now, making it difficult for any coherent thought to survive more than a second. Which, I imagine, is the point. Heat is already tingling low in my belly and making my apex twinge. Whatever Logan is offering, my body wants it .

"Yes," I say with more confidence.

Logan purrs against me in approval, then scrapes his teeth right over the pulse point on my neck. A jolt of sensation shoots down my body at once, more intense than anything I've ever felt from Collin's touch.

Collin. The hum in my body shuts down, choked by memories. By reality.

I'm an adult. I know exactly where these gentle touches are going… And I know that once we get there, the current euphoria will disappear at once. Except at that point, it will be too late.

I blink, realizing that Logan is no longer nuzzling my neck. Instead, he is raised on one elbow once more, leaning over me to peer into my face. Concern etches his golden eyes. "What just happened?" he asks.

I shake my head, ready to offer an apology. The last thing I want to do is upset him.

“Don’t.” His voice hardens to command he so rarely uses, and the hand holding my wrists tightens its hold. “New rule for tonight. We say the truth. Only the truth. Tell me what just happened inside that beautiful mind of yours.”

Heat creeps over my face, which at least, is a barrier against the nipping cold. And maybe it's how close Logan is, or how genuine his honey golden eyes seem as he looks down at me, or just the force of his command against my exhaustion, but I give him the truth he asks for. "I’m scared.”

“Of me?” Logan asks.

“A part of you.”

Logan goes preternaturally still above me. “Which part?”

“Really? I have to spell it out?” I am already regretting this conversation, because the way he is looking at me—as if he is the one afraid now—makes me think that I have to do just that. “The part that goes…” I can’t do this. “I think you might be very big. Large. Long. Thick. Um -”

“He got the idea, trust me,” Kyrian says on my other side as Logan’s fa ce relaxes, mirth now playing over his too beautiful features.

"You mean my cock?” Logan clarifies, making the word sound extra dirty. The grin in his eyes says he’s doing it on purpose. “You think I have a big, thick, long cock?”

Gods. “Yes, ok?”

The grin spreads to his face. “I do. So does Kyrian.”

Brilliant.

“Now that we’ve established that we have well endowed cocks, can you explain why that is a concern?”

“Because it will hurt. A lot. And I don’t know if I can take it.”

Logan’s brows pull together and there is movement on the other side of me as Kyrian also gets up on one elbow and invites himself into the conversation. Because that’s exactly what a conversation like this needs. More men.

"Logan can do many things, but he isn't going to hurt you,” Kyrian says. He sounds absurdly sure and it’s an effort of will to not snap and how would you know back at him.

"Not on purpose." I tip my head back and close my eyes. If I am going to have this conversation, I’m sure as hell not doing it while looking at them. “I’m all wrong inside. Not like other women.” Gods take me. I can’t believe I really said that. That I’m about to say more. But just now, at this tiny moment in time, it feels safe to tell the truth. “I don’t really feel pleasure like normal people do. Usually it just hurts.”

“Not for nothing rabbit, but you were half way to pleasure just from the feel of my mouth against your neck,” Logan says. “So tell me what idiot told you that you can’t feel it?”

“Wait just a second,” Kyrian says, before I can answer. “How many men have you laid with?”

“One.”

The men look at eachother, both their jaws tightening.

“Is one good or bad?” I clarify.

“And was that one named Collin Chambers?” Kyrian presses, ignoring my question .

"It was,” Logan answers for me. There is something dangerous in his voice and I am immensely grateful that the wrath there isn't directed at me. “That rutting asshole couldn’t do his job and then said you were broken?”

“I am broken,” I say. “Truth, remember? I get dizzy out of nowhere. And migraines. And random pain in my joints. And I trip over my own feet on a regular basis. Which is why Logan’s had to work with me all this time in skills other cadets have mastered years ago. So let’s not dance around that point.”

"What about a release?" Kyrian asks. “Does that happen regularly?”

"For him?"

"Fuck him," Logan snarls. "You."

I shake my head.

"And did that arsehole tell you it was your fault?" The outrage in Kyrian's voice echoes in the hard set of Logan's face. Two sets of eyes, one honey-gold and one ocean blue focus on me intently.

“I'm—"

"Terrible at recognizing horseshit, is what you are," Logan says, then lowers his head to take what appears to be several calming breaths. When he looks up again, he is more like himself again—down to the feral grin spreading across his face.

I know that look. It was the one he got as he came up with a plan to get under Kai’s skin.

"I think our little field exercise just got a secondary objective,” Logan declares. “One that's going to do a hell of a lot more good than checking into arbitrary waypoints. Wouldn't you agree, Kyr?"

Kyrian groans, but there is a spark in his gaze too. "This is a terrible idea. You know that, right?"

"On the contrary, it is the best idea I've ever had," says Logan.

"That's a very high bar," I mutter.

Kyrian snorts.

My stomach knots as I look between the men. I don’t know what’s about to happen, but there is a small exhilaration in the fear of this particular unknown. “So, what’s the new objective exactly?”

Logan brushes his thumb over my chin, tracing my scar with sensual care. "To show you the truth about your body, of course,” he says. “That truth being that you are capable of feeling all manner of pleasure.”

I swallow, ready to deny that it’s possible, but Logan puts a finger over my lips.

“I promise you'll enjoy it. You might blush enough to heat up the whole campsite, but you'll enjoy it.” Logan’s low husky voice is waking my body up again. “You are too deliciously captivating to not know the full range of dirty wonderful sensations you are capable of. The ones you deserve.”

“Can ye be brave enough to let us show you the truth, lass?” Kyrian adds. If Logan is all energy and momentum, Kyrian is the force that’s staving off the tsunami. No less powerful, but more careful. Determined to give me the room to breathe before letting all the promised sensations come crashing into me.

Logan. Kyrian. They are gods made flesh, their bodies chiseled to perfection. And I'm?—

"What's that thought?" Logan nips my earlobe, pulling me out of my head.

“I am not very good at all this. No, don’t argue. You literally have no way of knowing one way or the other. So… so what happens if I do it wrong?"

"Then I spank your ass and we try again," says Logan.

My eyes widen.

Kyrian punches Logan's shoulder hard enough to make him wince. "Don't listen to him. He is teasing you, except you don’t know enough to even know why that’s a tease. And the arsehole knows it." Kyrian traces his finger over my ear, which is just an ear… yet it’s suddenly sending all sorts of sensations down to my core. "You can do no wrong tonight, chaos. Nothing at all."

"Now lie back and feel," Logan coaxes, his mouth returning to my neck. He trails his lips down my neck, his breath hot against my skin. One of his hands still holds my wrists, the other is now roaming unabashedly over my body, sliding along my collarbone, then lower. His fingerti ps graze the swell of my breasts through the fabric of my shirt. My breath hitches as he traces slow circles, teasing but not quite touching where I suddenly ache for his touch.

His hand drifts lower, skimming over my stomach, fingertips dipping just under the hem before continuing down. He traces patterns on my inner thigh, so close but still maddeningly far from where I'm now throbbing with need. My hips lift of their own accord, seeking more. Logan chuckles against my throat, the vibration sending shivers through me.

"This is going to be the easiest mission ever," Logan murmurs. "And we're just getting started."

As if to prove his point, his hand slides higher on my thigh, achingly slow. His fingers dance along the sensitive skin, making me quiver. Then finally— finally— he presses his palm right against my most intimate place.

I gasp as he rubs me through my clothes, the pressure and friction sending waves of pleasure crashing through my body.

Just as I manage to breathe through what Logan’s hand is working between my thighs, Kyrian shifts closer on my other side. His fingers trail along my arm, leaving goosebumps in their wake, before gliding across my collarbone, the neckline of my shirt. The swells of my breasts beneath the fabric. His large warm hand cups my breast and kneads slowly, his thumb brushing over where my nipple is already pebbling beneath the fabric.

Piercing pleasure spreads from his touch, making me arch into his hand for more.

Kyrian hums in approval.

Slowly, maddeningly, he circles his thumb around and around my nipple, never quite touching but keeping me aching for the contact. His other hand joins the first, palming my neglected breast, and I let out a breathy moan.

"You like this, don't ye lass?" Kyrian's deep voice caresses me right along with his hands. "Your breasts are perfectly made for my hands.” He rolls my nipples and I arch into his touch with a moan which turns louder as Kyrian puts his mouth over the tented fabric and sucks my nipple into his warm mouth.

I'm panting now, head thrown back as the dual sensations of Logan's hand between my legs and Kyrian's mouth on my breasts send me spiraling higher. Kyrian lowers his head, his hot breath fanning over my chest. "Ready to see how much more you can take?” he asks.

I can’t answer and the men don’t wait for me to. Instead, Logan slides his hand deftly inside my pants. I gasp as he brushes through the thatch of curls and parts my slick folds with no hesitation.

"You're already so hot and swollen," he murmurs approvingly. "I can feel how badly you need to be touched.”

“Your body knows exactly what it needs, even if your mind hasn't caught up yet,” Kyrian adds.

Logan’s fingers circle my entrance, teasing, before slowly pushing inside. I gasp at the foreign intrusion, but there is no pain, only an unexpected jolt of pleasure that makes my walls flutter around him.

"That’s it," he coaxes. "Let me make you feel good." He crooks his finger, stroking along my inner walls and sending sparks of pleasure racing through my core.

Kyrian's mouth continues to work magic on my breasts, tongue flicking over the sensitive peaks. He laves attention on one, then the other, keeping me arching and gasping beneath him.

Logan adds a second finger inside me and, before I can fully register that it’s happened, adds his thumb to the mix, focusing it on the sensitive bundle of nerves at my apex. He is pumping his fingers now, circling and stroking until I'm writhing beneath his ministrations. Just as the tension starts to crest, he pulls back, denying me release. I whimper in protest.

"Shh, I've got you," Logan soothes, “I know you are aching. Hang on just a little longer.”

Logan's fingers return, thrusting deep inside me with renewed purpose. He curls them just right, rubbing that special spot within me over and over until I'm seeing stars. His thumb presses firmly against my a pex, circling the sensitive nub in time with the pumping of his fingers. Every touch sets off a cascade of sensations that make me feel as if I’m rising higher and higher over a gaping abyss.

Meanwhile, Kyrian's wicked mouth continues to worship my breasts. He suckles one aching nipple between his lips as he rolls and tugs the other between his fingertips. Sharp zings of pleasure shoot straight to my sex with every flick of his tongue, every pinch and pull.

The dual sensations are too much to bear. I writhe, pulling on my arms. My wrists are trapped in Logan’s grip though, making it impossible to escape the errotic assault on my senses. My vision is a blur of a starlit sky, two perfectly sculpted men, and a haze of desire. Logan circles the swollen hood around my engorged bud, his rough callus scraping mercilessly against too sensitive skin. Oh gods. Gods. My inner walls clench around Logan's fingers as he works them faster, harder, pushing me beyond the brink of what I can bear.

Pleasure so intense that it borders on pain builds and builds, coiling tighter in my core.

"That's it Ro," Logan urges, his voice rough with arousal. "Let it go. Come for me, rabbit."

His words are my undoing. I shatter, my body convulsing with the force of my release. Wave after wave of intense, mind-numbing ecstasy crashes over me as Logan continues working my apex, extending my climax. Just when I dare think I can breathe, Kyrian nips my hard nipple. I come again instantly, my back bowing off the ground.

I'm only vaguely aware of their soothing touches and murmured praises as I float back down from the most powerful orgasm of my life. My first with something beyond my own hand. Logan gently withdraws his fingers, making me whimper at the loss. Kyrian presses soft kisses across my chest.

"Breathe, chaos," Kyrian says in that low sensual voice that I’m coming to love. "You did so well. Take a little break. You’ve earned it.”

My body stills, and I feel my eyes widening in shock. “A… break? You mean… ”

A savage little grin spreads over Kyrian’s face, his perfect teeth flashing in the starlight. “I mean that we aren’t done with you yet. Not by a long shot.”