Chapter 33

33

I may not have woken if it weren't for the intense pounding of my heart in my chest. Groggily, I tried to ignore the beating, but I felt the blood pumping in every part of my body, all the way down to my fingertips. The rush of blood in my ears was nearly deafening.

Rolling onto my side, I clutched at my chest. It hurt, and that only made me panic. I wanted—no, needed—to see Noah, then I knew I could calm down. Noah was the calm to the storm raging within me.

The pain finally forced me to open my eyes. I wasn't sure why my chest would hurt so much and reached up to wipe at my eyes.

As my vision cleared, so did my memory. Aster. Disarmed. Closet. Poison. Spell of unconsciousness.

I sat up quickly. My head swayed and my vision blurred, the pounding intensifying in my head. I panted, trying to calm myself and bring my heart rate down. I didn't know that this could be the side effect of an unconsciousness spell.

Because it couldn't.

I'd studied every common spell well enough in my grade school years to know that the specific spell she used would not create this reaction in anyone.

And I knew with a horrific sinking feeling that this wasn't a normal reaction.

Aster had used the poison.

What I didn't know was if she had used it on me specifically, or if she'd cast it to the entire school. Tears filled my eyes as I hoped and prayed she'd only used it on me. That she'd forced me to ingest it while I was out, and that I would be the only one to suffer from it.

I was never her intended target, but I knew her secret. And just as she'd said, the secret would die with me when my heart inevitably gave out.

I was terrified, and I couldn't do anything about it. I would die without knowing if it was for nothing. Without knowing if others died because of Aster's actions. Without having stopped her.

I'd failed.

A sob broke from my throat, and I put my head in my hands. My heart was broken not only for everyone at Forrestbriar, but for myself.

Noah didn't want me coming here alone, yet I'd done so anyway. Now, I would die without telling him how deep my feelings truly ran. Would he even be able to find me? Was the poison hurting him as well, sending him to his death? My throat burned, sickened to think of anything happening to him.

Another gut-wrenching noise came from my mouth, and I crawled to the door of the closet. I had so little energy with my heart rate this high, but I had to escape. I had to get to Noah, or I would at least die trying. I was desperate; I would claw my way out of this closet if I had to. If I could get to him, he would be okay. Again, I hoped that the poison was just used on me, a trial run by Aster.

"Noah!" I screamed, though I knew it would leave me winded. The handle didn't budge when I pulled on it, and I screamed as I continued juggling it.

His face was the only thing on my mind, and I ached knowing I wouldn't get to see him again. The deep timbre of his voice would never grace my ears, and the soft touch of his lips would never brush mine. I would never see his rare but beautiful grin, and he would never poke at me again. We would never sit across from each other and share laughter and pizza.

Wetness coated my face as I used the door handle to pull myself up to stand. Heaving breaths in and out, I moved along the shelves in the room, looking for anything that could get me out of there. I knew most of the ingredients housed here; I would just have to focus to pull the information from the recesses of my mind, which was harder than it should have been.

Straining my eyes, I read the labels through my tears and the pounding of blood. It took a great deal of effort just to comprehend the label, let alone try to remember what the ingredients could do. Pushing past the haze, I tried to think of something that would corrode the door handle or even set the door itself on fire. I was that desperate.

I cried out as the pain in my chest increased tenfold, and I collapsed to the floor. It was going to be over soon, and I hadn't gotten out of the room. Though I tried to stand again, I couldn't pull myself up.

"Noah!" I whimpered, barely able to push out the sound. Choking on the very air I breathed. I clutched at my chest, wishing it would all just stop. I needed the pain to stop.

I'd spent eight years despising him, eight years blinded by rivalry while he was falling for me. We'd spent those eight years in competition with him egging me on, taunting me with those beautiful green eyes and wicked smirk. I only wished we had more time. I wanted desperately for years with Noah. Years of him jesting with me and pushing me to be a better student. A better witch. I wanted to meet his parents, learn what Noah was like as a child. I wanted more time to see him flourish as a Potions Master and whatever he would choose as a career.

Tears steadily rushed down my face. Noah had had years to fall for me. I'd only had a few weeks, but I'd fallen for him in that short amount of time. And it hadn't been enough.

I never told him I didn't just fancy him. I didn't just grow a small, meaningless bit of affection for him. I loved him so badly, it hurt—and not because of the poison.

Anger wrenched my gut, along with the terror that Noah was out there somewhere, feeling his heart beat out of his chest. And I hadn't waited at the tree.

Filled with fear, I squeezed my eyes shut and waited for the pain to subside.