33. Daire

THIRTY-THREE

daire

“WE OFFICIALLY SLEPT through breakfast,” Gavin said as he opened the fridge and stared at its contents. It was pretty bare, as neither of us was much of a cook, and he wrinkled his nose and shut the door. “I’ll order us some lunch.”

“Good idea.” My stomach let out a low rumble, and Gavin laughed and opened a side drawer to pull out a menu for one of the restaurants downstairs.

“Some of everything?”

“Damn right.” I reached for the bag of coffee beans, but it wasn’t enough for the both of us. “Add large coffees to that.”

“On it.” Gavin glanced up and winked at me, and the way that one simple move had my chest tightening was crazy.

He’d done himself a favor and thrown on a pair of pajama bottoms instead of walking around in that fucking thong from last night, because I was sure his ass was feeling it today. I hadn’t been easy on him, not with his begging for more in my ears, and I couldn’t promise I wouldn’t want to get my hands on him if he paraded around with his perfect ass cheeks out.

Even now, bent over the kitchen island shirtless, it was hard not to want to be closer to him.

Who the hell was I?

Food and sex weren’t the only things I was craving, though, and I headed to my room to throw on a shirt and grab a pack of cigarettes and my lighter.

“Be back in a few,” I said, shoving my phone in my pocket. Gavin was already on the phone ordering our food, and when he nodded at me, I left and took the elevator up to the roof.

I hadn’t had a smoke since before the concert last night, so this was probably some new kind of record for me. I’d replaced my craving for nicotine with exploring Gavin’s body. Couldn’t say I regretted that choice. At all.

I squinted under the harsh afternoon sun as I stepped out onto the roof. It wasn’t time for the pool to open yet, so there weren’t as many people up here as there would be in a month or two. Bypassing the more comfortable outdoor seating, I made my way to a corner of the roof and slid a deck chair over to plop my ass on.

There was nothing like the view of the city from the top of the Towers. It was the one place that brought me even a semblance of peace, and that was only when a bunch of other fuckers weren’t around.

Lighting up, I took a deep drag, blowing the smoke out in the direction of One World Trade Center, its massive height dominating downtown in the distance. Somewhere between here and there, my parents were probably still around, out shopping or barhopping or whatever the hell they did with their time in the city. I wouldn’t know. Same as I didn’t know why that thought had just popped into my head out of nowhere.

What did I care if they were close by or on a whole different planet? I didn’t. I never had.

Well, maybe that wasn’t the truth. When I was younger, I did wonder. I always expected them to turn up at whatever boarding school I’d been shipped off to and take me away for a family vacation, the way all my classmates’ families did. But then I’d sit there alone during the holidays while everyone else was gone, with only a few remaining teachers and a stacked envelope of money keeping me company. The cash was the only sign they knew I existed, even though now I realized it probably wasn’t sent by them at all, but from someone on their staff. No card. No happy holiday wishes. No acknowledgement at all other than my name in a messy scrawl on the envelope.

Shaking my head, I took in another drag, not sure why my thoughts had veered off in this direction. I’d had an incredible night with someone I’d never expected, and my parents, or lack thereof, had nothing to do with it. They didn’t deserve to know anything about Gavin or be anywhere near him. He was on such a different level to those assholes, it was a joke.

I tapped my ashes into a glass tray nearby as my stomach dipped.

I didn’t regret what had happened last night, not even a little bit. But if I were honest with myself, I knew better than to mess with Gavin. It was why I’d pushed him away. For his own damn good. But he was just as stubborn an ass as me, and he’d refused to let me go.

Did that make me weak for giving in? Knowing I wasn’t the right person for him? Knowing I’d just drag him down with all my baggage and the dark thoughts that kept me up at night? Kept me taking out my bitterness with my fists?

Gavin was light. He was the only one who’d ever made an effort to try to drag me out of my own personal hell, but that wasn’t fair to him. He deserved someone as good as he was.

It was too bad his radar for attracting men was for shit. His dating history proved that. His interest in me proved that.

I stabbed out my cigarette and immediately lit up another.

Gavin didn’t smoke. Didn’t have many bad habits that I’d witnessed since I’d known him, other than his penchant for trash reality TV and the fact that he preferred gin over tequila.

He came from a good family, one he actually liked and got along with. Donovan was one of the more levelheaded guys in the group, and I knew for a fact they all spent birthdays and holidays together. Probably did all the family vacation shit, too.

It wasn’t like I’d fit in with all that. And didn’t Gavin deserve someone who would?

Scooting to the edge of the chair, I rubbed at the space between my eyes that was starting to throb.

What the hell was I doing? This thing between me and Gavin could only end one way. He wanted long term, hearts and flowers, and I was not that guy. It was inevitable, really, the end of us. So why had I even started it?

Oh, I know—I’m a selfish bastard. I’d promised that I wouldn’t hurt him, but deep down we both knew how things would ultimately go.

I was a perpetual fuck-up. Everyone knew that. A man who only knew one way to solve his problems, and it wasn’t by talking them through. So in what world did I think that I would end up with someone as good and smart as Gavin?

Fucking delusional, that’s what I was. I’d taken one look at Gavin last night and my brain short-circuited. The only thought left behind was that I needed to touch him, needed to make him mine.

Well, congratulations to me. I’d done such a great job of claiming him that I couldn’t seem to think about anything else.

I shook my head, disgusted with myself all over again. I was so screwed. I could still see Gavin staring up at me, telling me I wasn’t a hopeless cause, and for a second there I’d almost believed him—until I realized the reason he’d been in that bed with me last night was because I’d snatched him out of the arms of his date.

Yeah, I was such a stand-up guy. But all’s fair in lust and war, right? Not my fault Trevor the Tool was exactly that—and now here I was justifying my shitty behavior.

Oh well, it wasn’t like Gavin didn’t know who he was getting into bed with. I was a selfish prick—everyone knew that. It wasn’t like anyone actually expected me to do the right thing. So why should I, when everything inside me was screaming to take just a little more? To enjoy Gavin why he still looked at me like I hung the fucking moon?

My phone buzzed in my pocket just in time to stop my spiraling thoughts, and when I pulled it out and saw Gavin’s name and a message on my screen, I put my cigarette between my lips and slid it open.

GAVIN:

Lunch will be up any minute now. Unless you’re hungry for something else, because that’s UP right now.

My dick jerked at the image that brought to mind, and I pictured Gavin as he’d been sprawled out across my bed last night, naked and hard for me.

Fuck.I was in way over my head here. I didn’t know how to do this back-and-forth shit. How to flirt and be sweet and make him melt into a puddle with some sappy-ass reply.

So why did we bother sending out for food?

GAVIN:

You were hungry.

I had been, but hell, I would’ve passed on the food for another go around with him. Maybe I hadn’t been obvious enough.

For YOU.

Three little dots appeared, then disappeared, then a message with a picture of Gavin lounging in my bed in that red thong came up on the screen.

GAVIN:

Then what the hell am I doing here in your bed alone?

That was a good question. What the hell was I doing sitting up here moping when he was down in our apartment with nothing but a scrap of red material covering his cock?

Was I selfish? Yes.

Would I end up hurting him? More than likely.

Was that going to stop me from going down there and peeling that ridiculous excuse for underwear off him with my teeth?

Hell fucking no.