Chapter 20 - Elena

Werewolf strength was exceptional, but helping a six foot two powerhouse like Hanson escape a barn and head into the woods quickly wasn't easy at all. He leaned heavily on her, apologizing every so often for putting so much pressure on her.

"It's fine," Elena assured him. "Everything will be fine."

She told herself so as much as him, because the truth was, everything felt anything but fine. She had practically swapped the man she loved for the brother she loved. And just admitting that to herself was bad enough.

She loved this man, this great big lug of a man who was making her gasp for breath trying to practically carry him to safety.

"Okay, okay, stop," Hanson insisted when they had gone no more than a mile into the woods.

"We can't," Elena protested, trying to continue on, dragging him with her. "We have to keep going. We have to get you back to pack territory and then I can go back to lend a hand."

Hanson's strength seemed to return to him abruptly then as he stopped dead in his tracks, standing bolt upright. Only the way he clutched his still-bruised ribs gave any indication that he was weakened.

"There is no way in hell I am letting you go back there," he insisted. "It's too dangerous."

"Who are you to try and stop me?" Elena demanded. She had never been one for following rules or letting men tell her what to do, especially men she had a romantic inclination towards. Jason had learned that the hard way a couple of times.

But Hanson didn't answer. Instead, he looked her deep in the eye and asked, "Is it true?"

Confused and frustrated as hell, Elena looked at him and crossed her arms over her breasts. "Is what true?"

"Is what Christopher says true?"

Elena's heart twisted in her chest. What had that sleazebag told him?

Hanson took a step toward her. His free hand reached for her, and she was so tempted to take hold of it. Just barely, she managed to stop herself. She felt far too vulnerable right now. She couldn't give in to her temptations, no matter how much she wanted to fling herself into his arms.

"Are you pregnant, Elena?" Hanson asked, making the breath catch in her throat. "Is it mine?"

The sheer absurdity of his suggesting it could be anyone else's made her bite. "I don't know. Maybe. Of course it's yours, you idiot!"

"Oh! Elena!"

She watched the shock turn to excitement on his face as he moved closer. He seemed about to embrace her, to tell her how wonderful it was, but she raised her hands to brace him away from her. Too defensively, she hissed, "Don't get excited. It's not for certain."

The excitement died on Hanson's face. "You…the idea doesn't excite you?"

The hurt that spread across his face, his hands dropping to his sides, was agonizing for Elena. She remembered all too well how excited she and Jason had been that day when she had told him.

Shaking her head, she struggled to speak past the lump in her throat. Her voice was barely audible as she said, "No, I'm petrified."

The tears brimmed her eyes now and she fought them back hard.

"Because it's mine?" Hanson asked, his tone cold, accusing.

Elena's tears started to fall then. She took a half-step toward him, about to throw herself into his arms. Then she thought better of it. She couldn't be vulnerable right now. She had to be strong. She had to make it through this part.

"That would be the wonderful part," she said through gritted teeth, trying desperately not to cry.

It was Hanson who closed the distance between them. For once, she barely noticed his nakedness, only his warmth. She wanted so desperately to fall into his arms and forget everything, to act like this was her first time on this rodeo.

"I…um…Hanson, this isn't my first time…" Elena struggled to speak, placing her hands on her stomach. She was almost certain she felt an odd heaviness, a fluttering inside her, and it terrified her.

It was clear he hadn't quite realized her trauma when he growled, "Oh right. You already have a mate. If this pup is mine, what exactly do you intend to do about him ? I won't share you, Elena. I simply won't."

His words bit her deep and she closed her eyes, speaking through a clenched jaw, "Had a mate."

"I beg your pardon?" Hanson still sounded angry, as if the realization hadn't come to him yet. But it seemed to suddenly, and before she knew it, the tension around them softened and she was in his arms.

"Fuck, Elena, what happened? Where is your pup now?"

Elena flinched. Nothing but ash. She thought of the babe she had birthed only to wrap it in a white shroud and send it into the flames beneath a waning moon. Just as she had done with Jason when the moon had been waxing the following month.

"I…I don't want to talk about—" she cut herself off. Enough was enough. She had held onto this for far too long. It was eating her up inside, one questioning look at time.

Pulling back just enough to turn her head up and look him in the eye, she spoke with a quivering bottom lip, "I…I miscarried."

The horror washed over Hanson's expression in phases. First came shock, then disbelief, and finally outright horror. That's when the sympathy set in. That was the worst part of it all, how everybody pitied her. But their pity would not bring her beautiful baby boy back into her arms.

"Elena, I'm so sorry," Hanson said, pulling her close, holding her head to his chest. It was only then she realized she was crying. She wept openly for her son for the first time since she laid him on the pyre for all her old pack to watch.

"I…umm…I almost died during the birth, and my mate lost it. I recovered physically, but neither of us were ever the same after that," Elena explained, realizing that now she had begun, she couldn't stop. "Jason got worse and worse and I just, well, I went into myself. I couldn't help him because I couldn't help myself."

She wept and wept until she finally found her voice again. "He became rebellious, violent and unpredictable. He fought anyone he could. Sometimes, I think the physical pain was easier for him than the emotional kind."

"It's easier to fight a physical opponent than an invisible one," Hanson said gently, stroking the back of her head as if he wished to comfort her, as if it didn't matter that she was crying her heart out over another man and the pup she had borne him.

"Yes, well," Elena sniffled. "One day he challenged the wrong opponent. He challenged our alpha and he lost. He died of his injuries, and I guess you could say the rest is history."

Her story at an end, her tears dried up, she pulled away from Hanson and looked him dead in the eye. "I can't go through that again. I won't."

Time seemed to stand still. Hanson looked at her with a mixture of sympathy, understanding and love. All of which made Elena feel as if she wanted to burst into tears all over again.

Then, he said firmly, "You won't."

Frustration bit into her and she clenched her jaw, her hands tightening into fists. "How can you be so sure?"

He didn't answer immediately. Instead, he dropped down onto his knees before her. For just one second, she imagined he thought that some kind of marriage proposal or even a mate proposal might fix everything. But then he gripped her bare hips and pulled her to him.

You can't be serious right now! Elena thought, entirely misreading the situation. She was about to jerk herself out his grip when instead of planting a kiss between her thighs, he laid his lips again her stomach.

When he looked up at her, his chin brushed her skin, his short beard tickling her abdomen. "Because I feel it in my gut."

Elena's own gut churned. She wanted so desperately to feel what he felt, but the truth was, all she felt was fear.

"This baby will be perfect," he assured her. "We will be perfect."

Tears threatened again. It wasn't Hanson or even the baby's part in this that she truly feared. It was her; she was the one who was broken. Somehow, she knew, her just being herself was enough to mess all of this up.

But as Hanson held her, silent and understanding, she couldn't help but feel a glimmer of hope. And, for her, hope was dangerous.