4. Ashby

Chapter 4

Ashby

S omething wakes me in the night.

I sit up in bed and look around my room, studying the shadows and wondering what pulled me from sleep. When I find nothing, I lay back down and try to go back to sleep. Ten minutes pass, and my eyes refuse to close, my mind wandering. With a huff, I accept that I'm not going to be able to fall back asleep and climb from the bed. I wrap my softest blanket around my shoulders and shuffle out to the living room.

Plopping down on the couch, I grab the remote and turn on the TV. A Christmas Story is playing, and I look at the clock. Three AM. It's technically Christmas Day. I have plans to go to Mom and Vince's in the afternoon but have nothing to do until then. Deciding to let myself have a little fun, I stand up and head for the presents under my tree. There aren't many, just a few things from Mom and Vince and two boxes from my best friend Atlas.

My brows pinch together when I take in the pile and realize another small box is mixed in with the others. I pick it up and my heart flutters when I read the tag. "From Santa." Mom must have hidden it here one day when I wasn't looking. I take the box back to the couch and run my fingers over the pretty gold paper. It's wrapped perfectly and there's a small black bow on top. I almost don't want to open it and ruin the paper.

With careful fingers, I pull the folded edges of paper and peel them up without tearing any. The box slips out of the wrapping without a struggle, and I pop off the lid. I gasp when I see the small, hand-carved, wooden ornament inside. It's two bears, one large and one small. The small bear is encircled in the big bear's arms, a fierce look on the big bear's face.

The protective, possessive stance of the big bear, the size difference between the two, and the fact that the big bear's eyes are green and the little one's eyes are blue has Storm popping into my head.

The first Christmas after Storm left, I begged Mom and Vince to tell me where he was so I could visit him or, at the very least, send him a present, but they refused. I didn't understand why, and when I asked, they only told me that he was away getting some training so he could take over Vince's business someday.

I spent that entire week of Christmas in my suite in the house, refusing to speak to either of them.

When I finally emerged, Vince offered me a job as an accountant. He needed someone who could balance all of his books, ensure things looked legal, and keep him out of trouble. I agreed and told them both I was moving out. I found a place I loved in the city and put in an application. I got the acceptance letter that morning and was told I could move in the next week. I suspect Vince had a hand in getting the acceptance so quickly, but I was so ready to move out I didn't even question it. I used the card Vince gave me to pay the deposit and got some of Vince's men to help me pack up the moving truck then unload it that weekend.

I snuggle the ornament to my chest and feel tears burn in my eyes.

"Where are you, Storm?" I whisper into the dark apartment. "Why did you abandon me?"

The tears start to fall faster, and I slump to the side, curling into a tight ball. I stare with unseeing eyes. My vision blurs, my chest aches, and my heart hurts as I allow myself to feel the pain always at the edge of my mind. If I don't let myself embrace it occasionally, it comes out in an explosion that isn't pretty for anyone within the blast zone.

Loud ringing pulls me from sleep, and I groan, head pounding from my crying session. My phone rings again, and I look at the clock. It's only seven a.m. The ringing stops, and I pick up my phone, checking the notifications and realizing I have two missed calls from Atlas. I unlock the screen and dial his number.

"Hey, Ash," he answers after only two rings. "What are you doing?"

I frown. Atlas knows I'm not a morning person, so he knows I would likely be asleep. His voice sounds strained and tired, and I feel a bit of worry flickering inside me.

"Hey, Ati. I was sleeping. I had a hard time falling asleep and ended up crashing on the couch. What are you doing today to celebrate?" I ask.

"Oh fuck, I'm sorry. I didn't realize what time it was," Atlas says quickly, his voice filled with anxiety. "I'll let you go back to sleep."

"Wait! Ati!" I shout, trying to get his attention before he ends the call. "Do you want to come over? I had a rough night and could use some company today. I have your present here, too."

Atlas's sigh is audible over the phone. "I would love that. My roommates plan to throw a party and invited all their friends. I think they decided to pre-pre-game and are already two bottles deep."

"Mom and Vince's family Christmas party is later and you know you are always invited to it. Come to my place in your pajamas, you should have a nice outfit in your closet here that you could wear."

"Oh no," he says quickly. "I don't want to intrude on your family traditions."

"You're not intruding, Ati. You know I hate going over there alone since…" I cut myself off, not wanting a replay of my breakdown last night. I've told Atlas all about Storm and his role in my life. "You won't be intruding. I love you and you're my best friend. You're part of my family. I want you there. Plus mom will grill me the entire night on where you are if you don't come. She might even hunt you down herself."

I hear a soft sniffle before Atlas speaks again. "Okay, let me grab some things, then I'll head over."

"Do you want me to pick you up or send one of Vince's cars to get you?" I ask, already knowing the answer.

"No, I'll take the bus," we both say at the same time. Atlas laughs. "Whatever. I'll be over soon."

"I can't wait to see you. Thanks for keeping me company."

"Thanks for inviting me," he says softly. "You're my family too, the only family I have."

"See you soon, Ati," I say and hang up the phone.

I have his present in the closet and go to grab it. Thankfully, the store I bought it from had a wrapping service because my wrapping skills are equal to a toddler's, and I usually end up using way more paper and tape than needed.

I got him a framed picture of the two of us. It was taken at one of our family BBQs. We have our arms wrapped around each other's shoulders, big, bright smiles on our faces. He mentioned that it was his favorite picture of us together, and I loved it, too. I even got myself a matching photo for my room.

I also got him a bright pink Sherpa sweater. He always manages to slip into one of mine when he comes over to hang out and pink is his favorite color. I got it in a size too big because he loves to wear baggy hoodies in the winter.

For his final gift, I got him a gift card to his favorite takeout place with enough money on it to get him a lot of lunches. He works two jobs just to be able to pay his bills and often survives on day-old pastries from the coffee shop he works at or microwaved noodles. He's far too skinny, and I want to do whatever I can to help without making him feel like I feel sorry for him.

He tried to complain on his first birthday that we were friends, that I spent way more money on him than he did on me, but I told him about how I grew up never getting presents or even celebrating special days. Now that I had money of my own, it brought me extreme joy to spoil my friends and family. After that, he stopped complaining as much and accepted that it was just something he was going to have to deal with as my best friend.

It takes Atlas almost an hour to get here, and I know it's because he had to wait for the bus.

"There you are," I say when I open the door. He, my mom, and Vince are the only ones allowed to come up to my floor without being buzzed up. "I was getting worried that you changed your mind and weren't going to come."

Atlas's cheeks are flushed red and chapped from the wind, and his chocolate-colored hair is sprinkled with snowflakes.

"Sorry, the bus was running late because of the snow."

I hold out my hand and take his coat and scarf, hanging them on the hook near the door.

"Do you want something to drink? I have coffee, tea, hot cocoa, or juice," I say. "Oh and I ordered breakfast from our favorite diner. It should be here in a few minutes."

"I'll take a coffee now, but maybe some juice when the food arrives."

I nod and move to the kitchen, pouring us both a cup and doctoring it up the way I know we both love. Carrying the cups carefully from the kitchen, I sit them on the low table in front of the couch and sit down beside Atlas. He's already made himself comfortable and stolen my blanket to wrap around himself. He leans forward, his hand barely reaching out of the blanket to hold his mug. I laugh and sip on my own drink, happiness replacing the ache from last night.

Atlas isn't Storm and I don't think anyone will fill the hole he left behind but he's close. His friendship saved me after Storm left, and his presence always helps push back the darkness a little further.

"Merry Christmas, Ati."

"Merry Christmas, Ash."