CHAPTER FIFTY-THREE Hunter

" I need another week, Cass," I said, sitting in the dark at only half past four in the afternoon. The winter sun was low in the sky this time of year, but I didn't care. I'd gotten used to the dark these days.

"What about the holiday schedule, Hunt?" she asked. "The guys are worried they'll have to work overtime if you're still out by Christmas."

"That's two weeks away, Deputy," I reminded her. "I'll be back by then. Plus, I'll work Christmas Eve and on Christmas day."

"Can I get you anything, Hunt?" she asked, lowering her voice. "I could drop some stuff by for ya."

"You haven't heard from me, Cass. Got it?"

"Yes, sir," she replied. "But Hunt, what's going on with you and the doctor? I know it's none of my business, but you two are good together."

"He figured out that I'm a miserable asshole. End of story."

I assumed Cass would mind her own business and hang up after my blunt response, but she didn't. "That is simply not true, Hunt. I haven't seen you this happy in like…" She hesitated.

"Two years, Cass? Is that what you were gonna say?" I asked.

"Well, yes. You know what I mean."

"Shit didn't work out for us, Cass. And that's all you need to know about it. I'll be back next Monday," I said, hanging up on her.

I glanced at the blank TV screen, my reflection looking back at me. "Miserable fuck!" I muttered.

After checking my cell for the hundredth time, I exhaled slowly and closed my eyes. Forty-five minutes until the therapist would be calling. The first two calls were awful. I hated her asking me direct questions about my life. She was pushy and wanted to know how I felt about shit.

"I hate my fucking life," I'd answered after she first inquired about the purpose of me scheduling a session.

"Can you be more specific?"

"My life sucks dick," I'd added. "Specific enough?"

"Are you always this warm in nature?" she'd inquired, remaining surprisingly calm.

"My husband died a bit over two years ago?"

"I could see how that might suck dick," she'd replied, again, speaking clinically even after that line.

I laughed out loud at her retort. She definitely got me off my high horse about me wasting my time with her. I liked a person who wasn't afraid to throw my bullshit back in my face. Mark did that. Ben did that even better.

"You always speak to your… your… people like that?" I'd asked.

"You can say patient, Hunter. It'd be okay to admit you need my help," she'd corrected.

"I guess I'm stuck, doc," I'd admitted. "People think that about me, too."

"And what do you think you are?"

"An asshole," I'd said.

"Besides the obvious, Hunt?"

I immediately liked her. Bonnie Long was funny, and she was direct. For an internet shrink whose name I found because of a health insurance referral, she was cool. Once I'd convinced the guy on the insurance hotline that I wasn't suicidal, I got approved for ten telephone visits to start.

Today was appointment number four. I hated to admit that I looked forward to sparring with Bonnie today. It seemed safer to speak to someone you didn't have to face and that I'd never met. She knew jackshit about me, other than the talks, and didn't assume that I was some uptight law enforcement dude.

In fact, she was going to be impressed when I told her I'd taken her advice and made a few changes around the house. She'd warned me to take baby steps with each new action I took regarding learning to accept a loss. I'd reminded her it had been two years. I'd already accepted the loss. She'd asked why I'd called her then. Touché, wise woman .

My cell buzzed, and I recognized the 1-800 number on the screen. "Hi Bonnie."

"Life still sucking dick, Hunter?" she joked.

I looked around my living room. "Not as much today," I reported.

"Good," she chuckled. "Now tell me. What steps did you take today to win Doctor Ben back?"

"Well, let's see," I began.

Bella curled up on the sofa with me, her head on my lap. I noticed the first bit of snow drifting to the frozen ground outside. Maybe we'd have a white Christmas. I hit Speaker on my cell and sat it down in front of me. An hour went by fast when you poured your heart out.

I leaned over and turned the lamp on. It was time to stop sitting in the dark.