CHAPTER FORTY Benedict

" I 've only kissed one person," he admitted. "Mark and I were together since high school," he added, perhaps defending himself against expectations.

"I drunk kissed a few times. Nothing or no one serious ever," I responded.

"No one?" he asked. "A guy that looks like you?"

"Professional student," I replied. "Too busy for dating."

"So no dating either?"

"Not traditional dating anyway," I said. "And he wouldn't kiss. Claimed he wasn't gay."

"A casual hookup?"

His brow furrowed as the question hung in the air. We hadn't bothered to get out of his SUV yet. The humming of cool air-conditioned air kept us company while his question continued to marinate. Did I want to go there so soon?

"As it turned out," I stated. "A three-year hookup."

"That can't be true," he disagreed. "Three years and not one single kiss?"

"Not one he'd reciprocate," I confirmed. "Rocco was straight."

Hunter's eyes widened in disbelief, and then he sat back and exhaled. "Wow!"

"Do you think I'm pathetic now?"

Thank goodness he didn't hesitate to respond. "Of course not, Ben. Truthfully, I don't want to judge you as the person you were before we met. I'm only interested in this you."

I shouldn't have been surprised by his response. Hunter gave the impression that he was a no-nonsense person and seemed nonjudgemental as well. It would seem he was truly about the here and now and who I actually was while with him .

"So, you'd kiss a man with no experience?" I asked.

"I would."

"Here?" I confirmed, nervous that a kiss might actually happen. "Like, is this an okay place? We could get out of the truck. You know, stand up and try that. I think tha…"

Hunter interrupted my blabbering and placed his hand behind my head, leaning into me. I immediately closed my eyes. My pulse quickened when he pulled me closer, pausing before contact. I waited. One second. Three seconds. I opened my eyes. He was an inch away.

"You okay?" he whispered. I nodded, repositioning myself on the bench seat. "I'm going to kiss you now," he whispered. I nodded again and closed my eyes a second time. I thought I might actually die as I waited.

I had always imagined that the man I kissed for the first time would lead the effort. I wanted to be the one that played a more passive role, craving a man to take me in his arms and assume control. Rocco was that man. To an extent. The extent being that no mushy or romantic shit happened while we had sex.

Hunter pulled me against his lips and waited for just a moment as I gathered myself. The five o'clock shadow on his upper lip verified he was all man. I opened my mouth ever so slightly when he gently moved his tongue across my lips. He tasted amazing. My hand came to rest on his thigh as he manipulated the back of my head. He was assertive without being too forceful.

A sigh escaped my mouth when he darted his tongue past my teeth and teased my tongue with his. Our mouths opened wider, and he leaned over me, my head falling back against the seat. My free hand went to his chest where I rested it against solid muscle. Something deep inside stirred with recognition. He was big and manly. Two of my favorite traits in a man.

Our kissing became more intense as he forced the back of my head toward him, our mouths struggling to achieve whatever desires our bodies demanded. It was definitely a war where the battles would be worth the wait. I had the feeling that we couldn't get close enough to one another, no matter how hard we tried.

My hands left his thigh and chest and encircled his neck, pulling him on top of me and across the seat. He shifted his body so that he could lie completely on top of me. My body responded to him like I'd finally found my long-lost home.

Our lips were glued together as he explored my chest and stomach, my back arched as I rose from the seat toward him. When he slid his hand into the small of my back and lifted me closer to him, I shuddered in anticipation. I sensed Hunter would be strong, and I wasn't disappointed by being correct. I wanted him inside me.

Neither of us was willing to break the physical connection our mouths had with the others. Hunt groaned into my mouth as he pressed his hips into mine, our erections doing battle behind restrictive clothing.

Hunter pulled back, breaking the bond we'd so quickly established, and gazed into my eyes. I was transfixed by how I felt under his control. Every nerve was sprung on high alert, imagining what making love would be like with this man.

"Oh," he moaned. "I'm… I'm… oh," he continued. "Was that too much?"

I nestled my face in the crook of his neck, nonverbally begging him to not stop holding me closely. Somehow, he instinctually knew I was in the middle of something internal. I needed what was happening to me right then. I had never been with a man when such strong and overwhelming emotions rolled over me like waves on a deserted beach. Without even heeding my usual warnings about love, I knew I wanted something more from Hunter.

While I clung to him, he moved his mouth to my ear. "Are you okay, Ben?"

"I think so," I answered.

"And you're sure I didn't respond to you too aggressively without asking permission?"

"So," I began, unsure how to put my experience at the moment into words he could understand. " That is how a kiss feels," I murmured, still not letting go of him, possibly unsure I would survive if I did.

He lifted off me, propping himself up in a push-up. His eyes searched mine. "Like I said, I've only kissed one person before you," he said.

"And?" I asked, biting my lower lip.

"I was madly in love with that man, Ben. And truthfully, this… this," he stuttered, before ending his attempt to express himself.

"Felt serious?" I asked, hoping he felt like I did. While at the same time wondering how I actually felt. Serious seemed like the appropriate description, but who was I to know?

My first instinct was to ask if we could have sex, but that suddenly felt dirty. Whatever connection I was feeling, and the one I hoped he was feeling, seemed bigger than sex on our official first date.

His eyes seemed distant, like he briefly left us for a moment. I waited for him to return. "I could do serious, Ben," he stated. "I never imagined that I could again, but yeah, I could."

"With me?" I pushed, needing to actually hear the words. Words that proved I could be worthy of a chance at love. Words that said I was lovable and didn't have to settle for an arrangement with no future.

"If you'd give me a chance," he said. "I'm not the easiest guy to read at all times, but I'm faithful and understand commitment."

"Would we be like boyfriends?" I asked, suddenly feeling sixteen again. "We would be a couple as we made our way?"

"I'd be willing to try."

"Even if I don't decide to stay in Plentywood?"

"Even then," he agreed. "And if you do leave, then I guess I didn't do a good enough job to earn your heart."

I looked up at a very handsome man in a uniform. He was hovering over me while the A/C blasted and his Sheriff's radio crackled as background noise. Could a man like Hunter Copeland keep me in a small town like Plentywood?

"When did you know?" I asked.

He leaned closer and kissed the tip of my nose. "The day I met you at the clinic."

"Me too," I whispered.