23. Lila

Chapter 23

Lila

Sinking naked onto this hotel bed with Sabrina was incredible and surreal. It wasn't the first time I'd seen her undressed—came with the territory in hockey—but I'd never had my hands on her before. I'd never run my fingers through her hair or slid my palms down her back and over her perfect butt.

And I had definitely never felt her hungry, aggressive touch. I didn't think I'd ever felt sexier in my life than I did in that moment—on my back with Sabrina McAvoy on top of me, her strong hands pinning my wrists to the pillow as she kissed down the side of my neck.

"Oh my God," I breathed. "I didn't… I didn't expect you to be a top."

Her laugh was a hot breath across my skin. "Surprise?"

I was halfway to delirium already, and laughing just made me higher. Then she was kissing me again, and when I parted my legs, her hips settled between my thighs.

She released my wrists and slid one hand up into my hair while the other arm supported her weight. Now that my arms were no longer restrained, I wrapped them around her, tracing her perfect, powerful body and soft, warm skin. I hadn't been kissed or touched like this in ages. Had I ever been kissed or touched like this? Because I swore being with Sabrina was a whole new experience. My nerve endings lit up as if they'd never been touched this way before, and I couldn't help moaning into her kiss because oh my God, she was an incredible kisser.

Sabrina broke the kiss and pushed herself up. When she met my gaze, trembling and breathless, there was a hint of shyness in her eyes that caught me off-guard. She'd been so toppy from the moment we'd kissed, but now… this?

"Hey." I caressed her cheek. "You okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm good." She laughed self-consciously as a blush bloomed in her cheeks. "Just, um… Just fair warning—I haven't been with a lot of women."

"But you've been with some?"

She nodded, uncertainty still written across her beautiful face. "Just… not a lot." With an embarrassed laugh, she added, "What can I say? Denial isn't just a river in Egypt."

I smiled. "I get that. But you know what you like, right?"

Another nod.

I lifted my head and kissed her. "So… do that. If I like something different, I'll let you know."

A self-conscious look lingered, but then she smiled. "All right. Just, you know, keep your expectations—"

I cut her off with another kiss, gripping her hair tight as I explored her mouth all over again. When I was absolutely sure I'd kissed the uncertainty right out of her, I broke away just enough to breathlessly murmur, "You're doing just fine. Trust me."

Her lips curved against mine, and then we were off and kissing again. Just making out, and touching each other, and breathing each other in, and…

I could get lost in this woman. I was lost in this woman. She was more aggressive than I expected, but not overbearing in the least. And if this was her when she was uncertain, then once she found her confidence—ooh, that was going to be a ride.

She broke the kiss and started down my neck. I let her explore, just moaning and writhing under her as she touched and teased and tasted me all over. Given her cautions about her inexperience, I wasn't sure if she'd be game to go down on me.

Turned out she was seriously game for that.

As she pushed my thighs apart and went to town, I could barely find my breath. I didn't know what she was so worried about—her mouth was spectacular. Whether it was experience, instinct, or just some kind of divinely bestowed talent, Sabrina knew exactly how to lick and tease my pussy. Maybe out of tentativeness, maybe out of a desire to savor everything she did, she absolutely worshipped my clit with her tongue. Slow circles. Just the right amount of pressure in some places and lightness in all the others.

There were times in my past where this felt good, having a woman go down on me, but an orgasm wasn't going to happen. This… This was not going to be one of those times. Regardless of Sabrina's uncertainty or her lack of experience, I could already feel that telltale build; that electricity that meant she could absolutely send me over that edge.

God, yeah, baby. Take me there.

I reached back, searching for something to hold on to, but the hotel headboard didn't have anything I could grab. I couldn't find any purchase, so I clung to the pillow instead, trying not to levitate off the mattress.

Sabrina kept my hips still with her strong hands while her lips and tongue sent me into the stratosphere.

Sometimes I felt rushed at this point. Like I needed to hurry up and come before the woman I was with ran out of patience.

But with Sabrina…

God, there was nothing rushed about this. She was just as slow and decadent as I liked it, and I had this sense that I could enjoy the ride. That I could hover near that edge for a while, savoring the build instead of barreling through to the climax.

For long minutes, I indulged, blissed out on the magic she was working, all the while knowing my orgasm was well within my reach any time I wanted it.

Little by little, she pushed me closer to the edge. Close enough that I wouldn't be able to hold myself back if I tried.

I still tried… sort of. I loved the build. Loved the patient crescendo. Loved the feeling of being so close, so damn close, right on the edge, one breath away from letting go but not quite ready.

"Sabrina…" Her name rolled off my tongue like a curse and a plea in one. "God… Keep… Keep doing… Just like that." My hips bucked off the mattress like they had a mind of their own. "Oh, baby, I'm gonna come. Keep…" I bit my lip and arched my back as she slowly, gently, relentlessly took me higher.

Finally, I let myself fall, and I cried out things I didn't even understand as Sabrina kept me coming and coming until I breathlessly begged her to stop.

She brought me down as gently as she'd taken me up, easing off and relaxing her iron grip on my hips.

My head was just starting to clear when she moved up to kiss me, and I moaned as I wrapped my arms around her and searched her mouth for more of myself. Fuck. Her kiss had been amazing before. When her tongue tasted like my pussy and she was this turned on—this was heaven.

She pushed herself up and gazed down at me, a lopsided grin curling her kiss-swollen lips. "Maybe I'm not as bad at this as I thought."

I laughed, dizzy and delirious. "So humble."

"Meh. Humility is overrated."

"Uh-huh." I smoothed her hair. "Well, you've got every right to be smug and cocky, because your mouth is amazing."

She actually blushed, and it was ridiculously cute.

I wrapped my arms around her again, and this time I rolled her onto her back. Now that I was on top, I settled my hips between her parted thighs and kissed her, long and deep.

When I started down her neck, she whimpered, arching under me.

"Your mouth is awesome ," I murmured against her skin. "But now it's my turn."

And I didn't stop until she came so hard she almost cried.

If landing naked in bed with Sabrina had been surreal, lying her beside her like this—still naked and now fully satisfied—was mind-blowing.

Faith was going to be insufferable once she found out. I could almost hear her chanting, "I told you so! I told you so!"

Eh. Worth it. Yeah, my roommate had been right, but I'd wound up having sex with Sabrina, so I couldn't complain.

I ran my fingertips down Sabrina's arm. "Are you going to be able to skate tomorrow?"

She laughed, sounding a little drunk as she curled next to me and slid a hand over my stomach. "I'll be fine. Long as I'm not this dizzy tomorrow."

I chuckled and stroked her hair. "Can't make any promises."

Her amusement was a soft, warm huff against my neck. "Eh. Worth it."

I just smiled, and we lay there in blissed-out silence for a while. After five orgasms between us—two for me, three for her—it was almost hilarious how worried she'd been about being good in bed. Her mouth, her fingers, how responsive she was—I had no complaints. And I was sure she'd have wrung a third orgasm out of me if that second one hadn't been so intense, it left me too sensitive to touch. Maybe later? In the morning? Something told me this wouldn't be our only opportunity to send each other to space.

Then she'd just gain even more experience. And probably kill me in the process, but—eh, what a way to go.

"So you really haven't been with a lot of women?" I asked after a while.

"No." She shifted, lifting her head off my shoulder and propping herself up in her elbow. A few unruly strands of dark hair tumbled alongside her face as she met my gaze. "I hooked up with girls now and then when I was younger. Especially in major juniors, since I was far from home. But I didn't date a woman until after my divorce."

"Huh. So… you said you're not bi, right?"

She nodded. She studied me, brow pinched, but before I could ask my question, she beat me to it: "How did I end up married to a man?"

Face warm, I nodded. "I'm just curious. You don't have to answer."

"It's okay." She absently ran the backs of her fingers along my arm. "Like I said before, I spent years time telling people I wasn't a lesbian. So many people thought I was because I played hockey. Which is stupid—there's plenty of straight girls in hockey, you know?"

"Oh, I know." I groaned melodramatically. "The number of times I've had a crush on someone, and she turned out to be straight…"

Sabrina laughed. "Right? So I think I spent so much of my life saying, ‘I'm not a lesbian,' that I never really gave myself a chance to consider if I was. And like, as a teenager, I experimented a little. But every time I fooled around with a girl, I'd go right back to boys because I was so afraid of being a lesbian." She rolled her eyes and sighed. "I think if I'd understood bisexuality, I'd have been a bit more open-minded about it. I'm not bi, but if I'd known that was an option, maybe I wouldn't have been so resistant to exploring things with women." She paused. "It… probably makes more sense in my head."

"No, it makes sense. So you dated men even though you weren't into them?"

"I thought I was into them. I thought some guys were good-looking, and the sex was all right. Sort of."

"Sort of?"

"Well…" She blushed again. "Ty really hated when I did anything for myself. Like if I played with my nipples while he went down on me, or touched myself while he was…" She rolled her eyes and shook her head. "At least he was good at what he did, because he sure hated me doing anything to help."

"What?" I scoffed. "Why would he be upset about that? It's hot as hell!"

"It is! But he was—I don't know. I had a boyfriend before him who was the same way. Like it made him all insecure or something."

I raised an eyebrow. "So, you helping yourself along meant he couldn't get you there or something?"

"Basically."

I snorted. "Wow. Fragile much?"

"Right? Anyway, besides that part, Ty was good in bed, so our sex life was… It was pretty satisfying. It just took me way too long to realize that what I felt when I looked at a woman"—she looked right in my eyes—" that was attraction."

"Huh." I thought about it. "I never had any illusions about being into guys, so I wouldn't know what that's like. But that must've been eye-opening when you figured it out."

"Like you wouldn't believe."

"How was being married, then? Wasn't he, um…"

"Kind of a dick?"

I laughed. "Well, you said it, not me." Turning serious, I asked, "Was he that much of an asshole? I mean, you married the guy. Did you two even like each other?"

"At first. But I think we both went into it with ulterior motives."

I raised my eyebrows. "Yeah?"

"Mmhmm. He wanted the prestige of being Doran McAvoy's son-in-law, and… I don't know, I think he had some weird thing about wanting to make a woman like me into his submissive housewife."

"Oh for fuck's sake." I huffed and rolled my eyes. "Seriously?"

"Yep. The girlfriend he had before me was absolutely his type—very submissive and meek. She was perfectly happy to just be a hockey wife and a mom. Which is fine, you know? If that's what makes someone happy, more power to them. But I think for Ty, he liked the challenge. He liked taking someone who had ambition and drive, and making her into what the woman before me would've willingly been."

"So he kind of screwed over both of you."

"Oh, big time. She was his girlfriend since major juniors, and everyone was sure they'd get married. Then he suddenly dumps her, and two months later, he's hitting me up."

"Sounds like a big red flag."

"In hindsight? Absolutely. But he fed me a bunch of bullshit that she'd cheated on him, and he was laying on the charm with me."

I tilted my head. "You said you had an agenda, too."

Avoiding my gaze, Sabrina nodded. "Yeah. I wanted out of Buffalo, and I wanted to put some distance between me and the family. Then here comes this good-looking hockey player who's as passionate about the sport as I am, and he's playing in Texas." She grimaced. "I don't think he ever loved me—just my name. But I'd be a hypocrite to criticize him for that, because I think the only thing I really loved was the chance to go someplace else and start a new life." Sabrina looked in my eyes. "We both made a lot of mistakes. And we weren't good for each other or to each other. I can blame him for some things, but definitely not all of it."

"Sounds like it's good you got out when you did," I said. "For both of your sakes."

"Definitely."

I studied her for a moment. "At the risk of being way too personal…"

Sabrina ran her fingertips over my breast. "Pretty sure we're long past that."

I bit my lip as goose bumps rose all over my body from her touch. "Okay. Okay, fair point. But still, I'm just curious—if you weren't into men, how did that work with Ty? Like…" I gestured at her and myself.

"In bed?"

"Yeah."

She shifted onto her back, resting her hand behind her head on the pillow. As I settled on my elbow beside her, draping an arm across her flat stomach, she gazed up at the ceiling. "It wasn't as bad as you might think. Honestly, Ty was pretty good in bed. The sex was one of the few things I couldn't really complain about." She shook her head. "But that was just because it felt good. Physically. I… I mean, I made sure he was satisfied, but I was really never as into him as I am with women."

"Really?"

She nodded. "Like, the way I felt about him when he was making me come didn't hold a candle to the way I'd feel when I saw a woman I thought was hot. I don't know how I didn't make that connection for so long, but…" She chewed her lip. "This is going to sound bad, and it is bad, but Ty is part of the reason I figured out I wasn't bi or straight after all."

"How so?"

"Because he liked to put me in my place by letting me know how hot other women were. Like he wanted to remind me that he could do better or something."

I wrinkled my nose. "What a charmer."

"I know, right?" She rolled her eyes. "Anyway, we were watching a movie one night, and he's kind of been prickly all day. There's an actress on the screen who he's made comments about before, and in the movie, the guy just isn't into her character at all. Like he's totally oblivious to how hot she is and whatever. I guess Ty wanted to get under my skin, because he says, ‘I don't know what this dude's problem is—I would put her on the counter and lick her until her soul left her body.'"

The laugh burst out of me before I could stop it, and I clapped a hand over my mouth. "Oh my God. Seriously?"

She was giggling too, and nodded. "Yep. I think he just wanted to get a rise out of me or something. But like, as soon as he said it, the only thing I could think was… ‘yeah, me too'."

I straightened. "Oh, really?"

Her face was bright red, and she laughed as she nodded. "Yeah. I, um… The more he started making comments like that, the more I started realizing that I felt the same about women as he did. But I didn't feel that way about him. Or any other man."

"Whoa." I blinked. "That's a hell of a way to figure out your sexuality."

"Tell me about it. So after we separated, that's when I got involved with Kendra. Wasn't my first time with a woman, but it was the first time I went into it thinking, ‘okay, I might actually be a lesbian and I'm okay with that.'"

"And then you dated her?"

"For a little while, yeah." Sabrina exhaled. "I was still working through my divorce, and I was also focusing hard on getting back into condition to play hockey, starting my PTO in Seattle—all of that. So I wasn't in a good place to be pursuing anything."

"That makes sense. Did it end on good terms?"

She shrugged. "I don't think she was happy about it." With a wince, she added, "I think, judging by some of the stuff she's said to reporters, she believes I was just in it to get a feel for being a lesbian."

"I've heard that," I admitted. "But that doesn't seem like something you'd do."

"No. It wasn't. It was just really, really bad timing in a lot of ways, and I wasn't as emotionally available as she deserved. I was over Ty, but I also wasn't, if that makes sense."

"It does," I whispered, covering her hand with mine. "But you're in a better place now?"

"I am." She looked at me through her lashes, and a small smile came to life. "My divorce is over and done with. My career is on the rails. I know who I am now. So… yeah. I'm in a way better place." She swept her tongue across her lips. "That doesn't mean we have to date. This can just be—"

"It just started." I brought her hand up and kissed her palm. "It doesn't need a name or a definition tonight."

Uneasiness crept into her expression.

I released her hand, then curved mine behind her head and pressed a soft kiss to her lips. "I'm not going to show up outside your house with a U-Haul. We're teammates, and we had a bit of a rough start, and we're right in the middle of the chaos of the regular season. I'm fine with letting this evolve at its own speed."

That must've been the right answer, because tension I hadn't even noticed in her started to unwind. "Okay. Okay, that works. Because…"She bit her lip. "Whatever this is, I want to do it. But… one step at a time."

I smiled. "Sounds perfect to me. Especially because I'm really enjoying this first step."

She laughed, and the rest of that tension melted away. "I am too." She slid closer to me. "We should get up at some point. Maybe order room service or something. But…" Her lips brushed mine. "I'm not in any hurry if you aren't."

"Mmm, no." I tangled my fingers into her hair. "I'm not in any hurry at all."

"You know," Sabrina said, "if someone had told me when we first came to Pittsburgh that we'd end up like this? I'd have asked what they were on."

Feigning surprise as I picked up my wineglass, I said, "Whaaat? You didn't see all the romantic writing on the wall?"

She chuckled as she continued thumbing through the leatherbound menu. "Look, I've never been good at picking up the most blatant clues. If that was a reverse-psychology attempt at subtle flirting?" She shook her head. "You'd have been barking up this tree forever."

I laughed, almost choking on my wine. "Hmm, yeah, I'm oblivious too. Maybe that's why we had to start out the way we did." I winked. "So it was obvious when we started to like each other."

She grinned across the white-linen draped table for two. "I don't know how obvious it was. I'm not kidding—you probably wouldn't have been out of line to hold up a sign saying, ‘Sabrina, I'm trying to flirt with you,' and even then I'd have missed it."

"Oh, me too. I am the worst at picking up clues." Grinning, I added, "But the contrast between how we started and how it's going—I mean, it does help, you know?"

Her laughter was seriously the cutest thing ever. I couldn't get enough of the way her eyes danced when she laughed, or the way her whole face lit up when she smiled.

God. We've been doing this for three days, and I have it so bad for you already.

Some part of me tried to be alarmed by that, but I just ignored it. I hadn't dated anyone in a while, and I liked these ridiculous fluttery feelings. If things fizzled in a couple of months or whatever—eh, I'd cross that bridge when I got to it. Right now, I was completely stupid for Sabrina, and I didn't fight it. I straight up basked in it, because why not?

"So." Sabrina gestured with the menu. "Any thoughts on something to eat?"

Jesus, the innuendo was right there.

I shook myself and cleared my throat. "Um. I…" I looked down at my own menu. "Right. Food." I skimmed over the words. "The website said this place has amazing steak."

She made a sound that wouldn't have been out of place in bed. "Ooh, I could go for a steak. Especially after the tournament."

"Oh, come on," I teased as I brought up my glass for a drink. "Don't tell me you're tired. It was only three games of three-on-three.

She flipped me off, and I almost choked on my wine.

"You deserved that," she muttered.

I just rolled my eyes.

Truthfully, I wasn't surprised she was tired. In between the sex we'd been having at every opportunity, she'd had media availability, meet-and-greets with fans, and the tournament. Our division had ultimately lost the tournament, but it was a close game right up until the end, and Sabrina had scored two beautiful goals. Shame about that unfortunate penalty Hartford's player had taken in overtime, which had given the Western Conference the chance to win.

I was about to ask her what she thought about that penalty—if she thought the player was reckless or just made a bad decision on the fly—when a woman in a pantsuit approached our table.

"Hello, ladies." She smiled in that over-the-top way we were trained to do in front of cameras. "You're Sabrina McAvoy, right?"

Sabrina returned the smile, though hers was more friendly than phony. "I am."

The woman turned to me. "And Lila Hamilton, correct?"

"Yes." Media smile, right on cue.

She shook hands with each of us. "It's lovely to meet both of you. Listen, I'm doing some interviews and stories with players who've come to the All-Stars. Especially those who've brought partners." Her eyes flicked toward me, then back to Sabrina. "I don't want to assume, but you two are teammates, and you also seem quite… friendly." She smiled. "So is this a night out for a couple of teammates?" The reporter inclined her head. "Or a night out for a couple?"

Heat instantly rushed into my face. Jesus. Reporters could be intrusive, but they usually had a little more tact than that. Before I could even look to Sabrina to get a bead on what she thought we should say, she laughed and said, "Just a couple of friends."

The reporter seemed vaguely skeptical, judging by the way she glanced back and forth between us, but she let the subject drop. Shifting gears, she asked us a few benign questions about the All-Stars and our season with the Bearcats. The whole time, my stomach wound itself in knots, but I kept my smile in place.

I understood that we were public people, but I wasn't entirely comfortable with reporters asking us such intensely personal questions. Some of them did because they were shock jock types who liked to stir shit up. Others—like this one—just seemed to think our personal lives were easy breezy conversation. Even though women's hockey was as accepting as they came about gay players, there was still nuance and caution about coming out.

Mostly, though, it was Sabrina's answer that left me squirming in my seat. Even after the reporter had left and we continued through dinner, I still couldn't relax.

"Hey." Sabrina nudged my foot under the table. "You okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah. I'm… I'm good."

The upward flick of her eyebrow called bullshit on that.

"Not here." I made a subtle gesture around us. "When we get back to the room. It's… I just don't like the way reporters pry, you know?"

Concern replaced the skepticism in her expression, but she nodded and let the subject go. I felt bad about that; no one liked the ominous feeling of "we need to talk about something in private," and it was especially uncomfortable early in a relationship.

But we were public people and I didn't want this conversation to be for public consumption. I just hoped Sabrina forgave me for the uneasiness.

I steered the conversation away from the subject until we'd left the restaurant. It was only a few blocks from our hotel, so we'd walked. I let her set the pace on the way back since she'd skated hard today, but she seemed comfortable with her usual brisk gait. Worked for me.

The distance between the restaurant and the hotel also meant we had some relative privacy. Now that we were out of anyone else's earshot, I cleared my throat. "So you, um… You don't want anyone to know we're together." I hoped it didn't sound like an accusation, though I was pretty sure my disappointment bled into the words. "I mean, if you don't want them to know, I get it. I'm out, so I don't care if…"

She smiled and put her hand on my back, a gesture that could easily be interpreted as platonic if someone cared enough to notice us. "I want people to know. Trust me—I do. But let's keep it to ourselves for a little while first. So we can enjoy it without the cameras in our faces for a bit, you know?"

I straightened. "Oh. Right. I…" I couldn't say I hadn't thought of that—it had been a reporter asking about us after all—but I also kind of hadn't thought of it. Even three seasons into my professional career, it was still surreal that anyone with cameras actually cared about women's hockey. We'd usually get some passing attention at the Olympics, and a week later, everyone would forget for another four years women played hockey at all. And like, female hockey players dating or even marrying each other was seriously common. The thought of anyone caring that two players were together—caring for more than the duration of the Olympics, anyway—was mind-blowing.

"I guess that makes sense," I whispered.

"It does suck, though," she admitted. "And there's also the issue that the tabloids still jump at every chance to be the first to out me with a new girlfriend," she said softly. "I had that one relationship after Ty, and they've been frothing at the mouth to write about me dating another woman. We're… This isn't going to go unnoticed."

"Oh." I almost chafed my arms as my skin crawled. "I forgot about that."

"I've tried to," she muttered. "But every time anyone sees me anywhere near another woman, I start getting emails and DMs from people who want to know if there's a ‘story.'"

I cocked a brow. "Have you gotten any about us?"

With a somewhat sheepish expression, Sabrina nodded. "A few."

"Wait, really? You have?"

She avoided my gaze and nodded again. "Yeah. I guess people have noticed that there was some animosity between us, and now there isn't. Plus we've kind of been joined at the hip for a while, especially since we got to the All-Stars."

Warmth rose in my face. "Damn. And here I thought we were being subtle."

"We probably are," she said with a quiet laugh. "But when people are sniffing around for something…"

"Ugh." I groaned. "Why do they even have to care?"

Sabrina half-shrugged. "Because we're public people, so everyone assumes we're public property? And I don't care how accepting the League is—people still think queerness is scandalous."

At that, I laughed, and I slid my hand over hers as I offered a cheeky grin. "Are you suggesting there's something scandalous about us?"

She returned the grin. "We could be."

"Ooh, I like the way you think." I licked my lips. "Any chance you want to head back up to the room when we get to the hotel?"

Still grinning impishly, Sabrina arched an eyebrow. "So we can put on a game and watch hockey?"

I elbowed her gently. "Shut up, and let's get out of here."