9. Daquiri Party at Jax’s: Todd

After the interview and the date, I needed a break from thinking. Everything had become too serious, so I was thrilled to have a morning mosh at the Tam-PAH later that week with our Tampa Pups and Handlers group. Jax and Royce had invested money to keep it open, and I benefited from that. Especially in times like this, when I needed to get into that puppy headspace and simply play with my pup-brothers.

I dropped my bag on the bench and pulled off my hoodie. The dress of the day was a tight tank top and snug bike shorts with a good jockstrap under for support. Safety first when dressing. The shorts were black, but the tank was bright yellow to match my persona. My pup-name was Sunshine, and I loved wearing yellow. I had collected a mask, harness, and leather collar over the years, all in bright yellow. I got my gear on, including gloves and socks with rubber bottoms to keep from skidding. I didn't wear my collar, though, because it had big buckles, which could hurt someone. Same reason I left my glasses at home and went with contacts. The collar was more for show, like when we went to the parades, and I hoped one day I would have a handler who could attach a lead and take me for a walk. Once geared up, I hit the mat.

Some of my friends were already there, like Egypt and Dallas. Of course, Gunner was sitting on his haunches on the back mat in his blue and black mask, watching over us. He was our Alpha, and along with his handler, Chris, ran the moshes. Even though Jax and Royce invested, our Alpha team was still in charge. Marshall came in behind me and started getting his gear on. Egypt had a handler, Ms. B, who was talking with Chris, and the pair were the only girls in our group. The other guys here were singles like me.

I waved to Marshall. He was cute in his black and white, spotted Dalmatian-style mask. We weren't that close, and sadly, there had never been sparks between us. Then I was rolled over as Dallas tackled me. He had a Dallas Cowboy tank on and wore a Cowboys-blue mask. He loved football and was very outgoing. Although he was also single, like Marshall, there had never been any chemistry between us. Besides, I needed a handler, not another pup.

We wrestled around for a few minutes, and despite my best efforts, I ended up on the bottom, more often than not. Dallas was bigger than me after all. Finally, Marshall jumped in, and we ganged up on Dallas. I let loose and got into it, having fun, until I heard a familiar bark and looked up.

Jax, dressed in his gear, bounded toward the mats. His persona was Jay-Jay, and he was a hyper, bouncy thing. His build was tall and slim, but his lanky frame had started putting on more muscle since getting together with Ward, who walked over to the other handlers. Seeing the leash in his hands gave me a stab of jealousy. Would I ever find a handler? I doubted that would be Larry, though how crazy good would that be?

Then I ate the mat as Jax pounced, knocking me out of my fantasy. I pushed up and flipped him over. It was on!

A few minutes later, our Boone dog showed up. Royce's pup name was Boone, and he completed our trio. Quinn"s boyfriend and handler was more of a daddy, but that wasn't out of the norm in the pup world.

We played hard for a bit until the handlers started giving out treats and water, essentially making us take a break. Chris shared his treats and water with the other singles, but Ward and Quinn did a great job including me. But it wasn't the same as having my own man. Feeling a bit morose over it, I laid down and put my head on my paws. It got me a little more attention as Ward and Chris pet my head and Quinn scratched my back. They laughed when I rolled over and kicked my legs in the air. Jay-Jay and Boone weren't having any of my antics, though. They both promptly attacked me. Then all was forgotten as we wrestled again.

We played hard in our much-needed session until Chris called Gunner to him. That normally signaled either a change-up of some kind or the end of the session and given how long we'd been playing, I guessed it was the end. Chris tapped his watch, and all the pups, including me, made our way over to the benches to change. I was more reluctant than normal, though this was never my favorite part. I liked going into pup headspace a lot better than coming out of it. Feeling defiant, I plopped down in the center of the mats.

"Come on, Sunshine. You too." Chris motioned for me to get going.

I whined and laid down.

Chris grabbed a leash off the table where he had spare accessories laid out along with water bottles and snacks. "Oh, a little stubborn today, huh?" He walked out to the mat and snapped the leash to a small buckle on the back of my mask. "Come on, boy." He patted my head as I slowly got to my knees and followed him to the bench. He gave me a peanut butter-filled pretzel treat and patted my head. "I know you had fun, but it's time to clean up."

I climbed up to the bench and Chris helped me work my mask off. I took a long drink of water from the bottle he handed me.

"Feel better?"

"Yeah, thanks."

"Hydrate." He patted my shoulder before moving on to check on everyone else. We tended to sweat a lot when we played, so drinking water was important.

After pulling off my gloves and knee pads, I leaned back against the wall, still not wanting to leave.

"Hey, Sunshine." Jax slid next to me, and Royce moved in beside him. Their handlers were farther down, packing up their bags. "What's up?"

"Nothing."

Jax nudged my shoulder. "Doesn't seem like nothing. You normally smile fucking ear to ear at the end of a mosh. Not this sad face. What gives?"

"Tired."

Royce leaned around him and made a buzzer sound. "Try again."

"I had a few job interviews this week." I shrugged like it was nothing. "It's just. I miss ya'll." I was living alone for the first time since I started college. After Jax moved out, Royce temporarily moved in, even though he wasn't there much. At least I knew he occupied the other room. When he finally moved on, Levi came. Now he was gone too.

"You lonely, pup?" Jax asked.

"Yeah. Maybe a little," I admitted with a nod.

Jax crossed his arms. "That does it. We're having a pool party. Either of you have anything else to do today?"

"Hell no! Let's do it." Royce threw a hand in the air.

"No." I shook my head, and they stared at me like I was crazy, but I had something up my sleeve.

"What do ya mean no? What do you have going on that you can't come over for a few hours?" Jax practically pouted.

I laughed at him. "Nothing, but it's not a pool party. If we're doing this, we're having a fucking daiquiri party!"

"Sweet!" Royce threw his hand up again.

"Hmm…" Jax puckered his lips. "We have booze and a blender but not the fixings."

"I'll bring the other goodies if you have the rum and the ice."

Royce stood and danced around, rolling his arms together and chanting, "Daquiris, daquiris." And shaking his butt in a one-man conga line.

Jax and I laughed, and I tossed my hand towel at him. This was going to be a great day.

We agreed to meet at Jax and Ward's place on Bayshore in about an hour, and I had a few things to do before I went over. I needed to get home, change, stop by the store, pick up strawberries, and…see if I had any citrus in the house. If not, I could pick it up at the store. Plus, I needed a bottle of my secret ingredient—vanilla syrup! I could buy a commercial mix, but the homemade version tasted so much better and was more fun to make.

A huge part of me hoped Ward and Hudson wouldn't be there, or at a minimum, they would stay inside. I didn't want to be reminded so blatantly of what I didn't have. No handler. No boyfriend. Fuck that. It was selfish, but I wanted to simply hang out with my best buds like we used to before they got all sexed up with their rich man hunks.

A little niggle in the back of my mind said maybe I could have that. With Larry. Or at least the rich boyfriend part. I knew he would go there if I let him. I felt whatever that zing of attraction was between us, and if I let it grow, it would. But being a pup was a part of me, and I didn't know if he could ever be a part of that. If that answer was no, letting things get serious between us wasn't fair.

But maybe we could be friends, so on the way home from pup play, I called him. We had been talking a lot since the long date.

"What's up, buttercup?" he answered.

"Hey, Larry. I'm on my way to get ready for a daiquiri party at Jax's pool."

"Oh, you inviting me?"

He never failed to make me laugh. "No…" We hadn't set another date, but we had been getting to know each other better on these calls, so I wasn't in a huge hurry to do that. "I, uh, wanted to see what you were up to. That's all."

"Is that all, really? I think I've discovered that you tend to have motivations of some sort for the things you do, even if I don't understand them."

"Eh…what's to understand?" I heard him chuckle, but he wasn't entirely wrong. "Okay, maybe there is another reason for this call. Since we are fake dating and all."

"Are we? Because I don't think we have another date set up. Is that why you're calling?"

I hated him pushing for that, but I would also ignore it. "No, not really, but since I'm hanging out with my friends, I was thinking if we were actually dating for real—"

"For real, for real?"

"Shut up. Stop teasing. My point is I need to tell them we're dating. Right?" I pulled into my complex and found my spot.

"You don't have to run that by me, Todd. This is your rodeo. But if you are going to tell them, I need to tell Hudson."

"Eee-ah! I hadn't thought about it that way, but you're right."

Larry grumbled something under his breath, but before I could ask him what, he said, "It makes sense, and Hudson is my best friend. If this were, in fact, a relationship between us, I would tell him."

"Okay. We're doing this, then." I turned off my car as if that made it final.

"Sounds like it. How does that make you feel?"

"What? Are you a psychologist now?" I burst out laughing. I wasn't going to get that deep with him if we weren't having an actual relationship. And we most definitely were not.

The sun was boiling down on us, but between the frozen drinks I whipped up and the cool water in the pool, we were refreshed! We sat on the oversized steps at the shallow end with our legs stretched out in the water and sipped daiquiris.

"Ahh…this is it. Does it get better?" Royce asked. He had an oversized hat and big Audrey Hepburn-looking sunglasses on.

"For you, it doesn't." My comment was overly snarky, and the minute I said it, I wished I could take it back. Royce didn't deserve that.

He turned to me, lowered his shades, and stared at me over the top of them. "Well, Miss Pissy Pants. What's crawled up our little Sunshine's butt?"

I huffed at that, but it was the perfect opening, so I needed to take it. "Eh…sorry. I, uh, have something to tell you guys." Breaking the news about Larry would change the subject of why I thought Royce and Jax had it all while I was being left behind. Because I wasn't ready to talk about that and didn't think I ever would be. Not with them.

"What?" Royce asked.

"Yeah, what?" Jax echoed.

"I'm sort of seeing someone."

Royce slid his shades back over his eyes but didn't stop looking at me. "Someone?"

"Yeah. Someone as in Larry."

Jax scrunched up his nose. "Larry?"

"Yeah, you know. Larry, Hudson's friend. Levi's Hudson."

"The broker?" Royce asked.

"Yeah…" What was wrong with being a broker?

Jax laughed. "He's cute. I like it." He took a sip of his drink. "Does Levi know?"

"Not yet. You're the first I told."

"We should have invited him to the party." Royce kicked his feet in the water. "He's sort of in our circle now, right? I like him."

I shrugged. I didn't know if he was in our circle. It had been the three of us for a long time. Others came and went. Like Fredo. We thought he was a friend, but he'd turned out to be an asshole, and when a few bad actors trying to take Ward down offered him money to spy on us all, he took it. After that, we wouldn't easily let someone else in, but Levi had his sister to vouch for him initially, and I'd gotten to know him while he lived with me. He was a good kid. He wasn't a pup but had a newly discovered kink of his own, so he certainly didn't judge us. Maybe it would be good for him to join us. But… "Not today. It's been too long since the three of us hung out." And I was exceedingly happy that their significant others had decided to go to Drew's house. They were going to drag him and Justin back for dinner, but I wasn't planning on sticking around for that. I could use Levi as my excuse. "I'm going over to see him after this, anyway."

"Oh?" Jax asked. "Not staying for dinner?"

"Not this time. Hey, I need another drink. Ya'll ready for more?"

"Fuck yeah," Royce said, holding his nearly empty cup in the air. "I think I need some snacks too. Didn't you say something about nachos, Jay?"

"Yeah, Let's get drinks and go in for nachos and Sunshine can tell us more about Lar-ry!" He sing-songed and I knew he wasn't going to let me off the hook. Not that I minded talking about him. Larry had been nice. Surprisingly. But talking about him kind of made me feel like a liar, but we did actually go out. Twice. And maybe we needed at least one more date before the cruise, so we were dating. We simply didn't expect it to lead to anything more.

I ran the blender and freshened up our drinks, then we grabbed the food and sat in the side dining room overlooking the pool. Not only did it have the door to the pool and another large window, but a skylight overhead, all letting in that Florida gold, making the room airy and bright. Plus, the table was round and smaller than the formal dining room, so we could share the food easier.

We dug in and got a few good mouthfuls before the questions started. Jax must have been out of his mind with curiosity. He'd hardly swallowed before he asked, "Exactly how long has this little affair of yours been going on? Hmm…" He made it teasing and fun, but his mix-matched eyes were bright with curiosity.

I waved him off. "We've only been on two dates. Seriously…"

"Seriously?" Royce chimed in. "Does that mean you are serious, or you're not serious?"

"Too early." I gave him an eye roll. "Boone, please. You took your sweet time with Quinn."

"Yeah," he chuckled. "Made him earn it, unlike someone…" He glared over at Jax, who was stuffing his face.

"Wha?" Jax asked with a mouthful, cracking us all up. He'd been moved in with Ward in a matter of days once the whole Fredo thing had been sorted out.

Royce rolled his eyes. "I think what we really want to know is, are you bringing him on the cruise?"

I wanted to say so much more than I was going to. I had to play it cool. I purposefully shrugged. "If we're still together. Why wouldn't I?"

Jax slapped the table between us. "Of course you're bringing him. You'll be together. There's no way he can't love you. You're adorable."

I started choking the second he said the L-word. How could I not?

Royce slid my glass closer to me. "Nobody's talking about love. Totally too early. But yeah, you're adorable, and you'll still be together."

They genuinely seemed happy for me. I knew they would be. I only wished it was something real they were happy about.

I ditched out of the party after Ward and Quinn arrived with Drew and Justin. No way was I sticking around, even after they told me to call Larry and invite him over. I wasn't ready for that. I begged off and headed across town to Levi's, hoping he'd be home.

The drive only took about twenty minutes, which was surprising for early evening when traffic usually sucked ass. I pulled into the somewhat circular driveway. It was done with pavers instead of asphalt. There weren't any other cars in the driveway. But Hudson regularly hired a driver, and their other cars were probably in the garage—a double-door, two-car garage. Everything about the entryway screamed money. The two-story behemoth of a house was a crisp white with a Spanish-tiled roof. The railings along the front walk leading to the door and the Juliette balcony above it were all wrought iron. The oversized dark-stained wood doors looked antique and were adorned with black hardware. Yep. Money, money, money. The first time I came here, it was all intimidating, and I could imagine how Levi must have felt the first time he stepped through those doors. Or maybe not. Hudson had gone straight into daddy mode on him and blown him away. I chuckled at that. My friend Levi turned out to be a born little. They were perfect for each other.

I knocked on the door.

And waited.

And waited.

Finally, Levi opened the door a crack, peeking out. "Oh, hi. I wasn't expecting anyone."

"Can I come in? I want to talk."

Levi bit his bottom lip and looked up at me with wide eyes. And that's when I clued in that he was in his little mindset. "Uh…" He wore overalls with a tight-fitting shirt underneath. It looked like it had Daddy's Boy printed on the front. The toe of one Dr. Martens-covered foot twisted into the floor. "I'm uh…"

"You're playing?"

He nodded. Lip still securely between his teeth.

I sighed. "I understand, but is there any way you can take a little break?"

"Lemme ask, ‘kay?"

"Okay."

He closed the door. He really was a natural-born little. I was happy he was getting his needs filled. Even though I didn't totally get it, I loved my pup-play. It was a part of me, and being a little was a part of him.

Before he returned, I'd started questioning how important this was that I interrupt his playtime. Would I have wanted my playtime interrupted? No. But if he had asked, I would have pulled off my pup mask for him in a heartbeat. So I was super happy when he opened the door again. "Daddy says you can come in." He opened the door. "Sorry, harder to get out of it than to go into it. Come on."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. Come." He gestured me inside, and I followed him through the living room into the kitchen. We sat on the bar stools at the large peninsula that separated the two rooms.

"Thanks, Levi. I know how important playtime is."

He waved me off. "We play all the time. I mean it. Constantly." He rolled his eyes playfully and laughed, but I didn't want to get into his sex life. "So what's up?"

"I have to tell you something."

"Like you're dating Larry?" He winked at me.

"Yeah. He told Hudson?"

Levi nodded. "Earlier today. I wondered how long it would take you to tell me, but I didn't expect you to show up at the door."

I shrugged. "It's important. Right?"

"Yeah. Of course." He tilted his head to the side and examined me.

"What?" I asked.

"Well…" Levi sighed. "Are you sure about dating him? You know, after what happened at my birthday party."

We'd become closer friends even since then. Levi understood me better than Jax and Royce because we came from similar backgrounds. I was pretty sure he'd understand all of it. Jax and Royce, though? I didn't think they'd get it. They didn't know what it was like to be left out. They didn't know what it was like not to have everything you needed. Not even what you want—but truly needed. They had it all. I wasn't altogether sure how I'd gotten adopted by those two, anyway. I was glad I did. They'd helped me so much over the years. Not only monetarily but also in ways I didn't think they even realized. But if I told Levi, he would get it.

But I didn't.

"I'm sure. I like him. He apologized about all that." That was true. Everything but the fact that we weren't really dating. "Besides, we're not serious. You know?" Just dating until the cruise.

"Okay, but I'm going to say the same thing you said to me. I get it. I understand. And if you need to talk at all, I'm here. Always."

"Thanks."

"How does he feel about the pup-play now?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. He hasn't come to a mosh or anything, and I don't think we're ready for that. We're taking it slow."

"Okay. So all of that still stands. Get it?" He grabbed my hand and shook it firmly to prove his point.

"I get it." I stood and reached out to him for a hug I hadn't known until that moment I needed.