Chapter 5

5

A month later …

I was running late.

I should've already been on my way to my mother's house. Tonight was the night I was going to talk to my mom and tell her… shit, I didn't know what exactly I was going to say but an invitation to dinner seemed like the perfect opportunity to hash a few things out even though I hadn't found time to talk to Nathan.

Not because I was avoiding the situation.

I'd been busy.

I'd quit my job!

My plan was to take a week, search job listings, revamp my resume, then start to apply for new positions. But during my week off I started to wonder why I was going back to work for someone else instead of starting my own business. I had some money saved; if I struck out on my own and failed, my ‘Save for a House Fund' would take a hit but I wouldn't starve. Now I was taking freelance jobs building websites and copywriting. My first three jobs I did for free to start a portfolio. That paid off huge and those three people referred me to their friends. I wasn't making enough to pay all my bills but when I cut out my going-out-to-eat budget, and takeaway coffee, and wine I was already halfway to a full-fledged self-employed boss who could live off her earnings.

Something else that had happened was I'd tried to nicely back away from the outside of work semi-friendships I had with my coworkers. Which didn't turn out to be nice but not for lack of trying on my part. It was just that when I'd agreed to meet Sydni for lunch after declining the first two invitations, she'd immediately started in commenting about the other patrons. I stayed quiet like I normally did in times like these. Not because I condoned or agreed with what she was saying but confrontation gave me a rash. Like literal red splotchy patches on my chest and cheeks. Thus I avoided conflict. But since I disagreed with all the snide comments, I was stewing under the surface. When Sydni called our server fat after she took our order I could take no more. Rash be damned, it was time I started to stand up for myself and others around me.

Perhaps me yelling at her in the middle of a crowded café wasn't the best way to go but I was a fledgling badass, so when my temper flared I didn't hold back. That was when the whole restaurant learned what a bitch Sydni was and what she'd been saying about the people around us.

Or maybe that was the right call. Maybe if more people stood up in the middle of crowded restaurants and called their ‘friends' out on their horrible behavior the world would be a nicer place.

Or maybe in the future I needed to choose better friends who don't call people fat or make comments about how shiny a man's bald head is, or how skinny the woman across the room is. Actually, there was no maybe about that. I needed better friends—full stop.

So there I was at thirty-seven sorting through my life, making changes, happy with the progress I'd made. And I'd learned a few things, Tandoori Chicken was delish, Naan bread even better, different brands of spaghetti noodles didn't taste any different, not working for an asshole boss was rad, and starting from scratch on the friend front—save Hayden—wasn't difficult.

Now all I needed to do was change out of the slacks I'd worn to meet with the lovely owner of Hot Java into a pair of jeans so I could face my mother. Of course she'd love me showing up in slacks. That was why I was going to wear jeans. Petty—sure. Was I behaving like a rebellious teenager—yes. Did I care—no. I was well beyond the age where my mother had a say in my wardrobe.

I stopped short at the mouth of the hallway.

The shower was running.

Perfect .

I booked it back to the kitchen, found my Super Big Gulp cup, and filled the forty-four-ounce plastic cup to the brim with cold water.

As late as I was, I was never running late enough to dole out some payback.

I tiptoed down the hall even though Hayden thought I was going straight to my mom's after my meeting. I tried the door handle and smiled when it turned. This oversight on his part was again because he thought he was safe. Normally I'd have to use the baby flathead screwdriver I kept in my room to pick the lock.

Sucker!

As quietly as I could, I slipped inside the steam-filled bathroom and wasted no time dumping the cup of water over the curtain.

"What the fuck!"

The shower curtain swung open.

And…

That was not Hayden.

Nope.

Standing in front of me gloriously naked—wet and naked—was absolutely not my roommate.

My eyes roamed over so much defined muscle I had to be hallucinating. Either that or the steam billowing was playing tricks on my eyesight because… damn .

Perfectly formed shoulders, pectoral muscles that looked to be bigger than my boobs, smooth skin over ridges of cut abdominals, a perfect V that led to…

I vaguely heard my name but that vague was vague . My attention was riveted on something else, and that something else was way more interesting than my name.

Holy shit.

Hoe-lee-shit.

And to make matters worse, it twitched.

"It" being the massive penis.

Massive.

Huge.

"Wha…what is…what is that ?"

Then, it started shaking because the body it was attached to was shaking.

"What the fuck?"

Now that was Hayden. I couldn't be sure since he was behind me but I was fairly certain he, too, was talking about Valentine's very large penis.

"I didn't know they came in that size," I mumbled. "It's hanging mid-thigh. And the girth…"

"You mind putting your baton away, brother?"

"Shush, Hayden. I'm in the middle of discovering a bodily phenomenon?—"

"Sophie," Hayden growled.

Unfortunately, Valentine slapped the spigot and turned off the water. Then he was reaching for a towel.

"You could give the man some privacy," Hayden grunted.

"And miss his?—"

"Swear to God, I already need eye bleach. And if you say another word I'm gonna to have to find a therapist and you're paying the bill."

Under normal circumstances I'd gladly pay for Hayden's therapy but I had a business to get up and running.

"Good to see you again, Sophie," Valentine said as he wrapped the towel around his waist.

"Wait—" Hayden started.

"Don't speak to me," I cut off Hayden to declare. "We're in a verbal timeout until I can get that… visual out of my mind. No, we're in a verbal timeout forever since that is burned into my brain and I'll never be able to look at you again."

"How do you know Sophie?" Hayden inquired.

"I've seen her around a few times. We met at the grocery store?—"

"Valentine's Hot Cop?" Hayden asked.

Someone kill me .

Though after I'd just ogled the man's gigantic penis, him knowing I called him Hot Cop was the least of my concerns.

"Hot Cop?"

Was that a smirk I heard in Valentine's voice?

I wouldn't know since my eyes were still glued to the area between his legs.

What? Sue me, it was that big.

"Should've called him Hot Cock but who would've guessed he was packing?—"

"Out," Hayden commanded.

To punctuate his demand he pulled me out of the bathroom and slammed the door behind us. Then he continued to shuffle me down the hall into the living room.

"What are you doing here?" he asked when he stopped us.

"I live here."

"You're supposed to be at your mom's."

"Well, I'm not, and you were supposed to be in the shower," I accused. "Now my life is ruined."

Hayden sighed and ran his hand through his sweaty hair, making it stand up in different directions. He was used to my drama but that didn't mean I didn't tax his patience.

"How am I supposed to find a man now?" I went on. "The next penis I see will be miniature by comparison. I'll never be able to have sex again without thinking about Valentine and his?—"

"Sophie."

"Are they normally that big?"

"Seriously," he grunted.

I had questions, so many questions.

"Oakley's wasn't?—"

"I do not want to know the size of Oakley's dick," he professed.

"Well, it wasn't that big," I told him. "Or even half that size."

"Please God, stop talking about dicks."

"Fine," I huffed. "But just so you know when I get home from my mom's I'm doing internet research and if that lands me in some weird place I'm blaming you."

Hayden's gaze went to the side, mine followed, and there he was—Valentine in my apartment fully dressed in uniform.

"Jesus fuck, now she's having a cop fantasy to go with her frankendick one."

Valentine chuckled.

I didn't.

Reality hit and when it did my cheeks heated and I was ready to flee.

"I should…"

Shit. What should I do besides embarrass myself more and run to my room and crawl under my bed?

"I should," I started again. "Go change."

I heard Valentine chuckle again and it dawned on me he might think I needed to change my panties after I saw him in all his glory. And it was glorious.

"I didn't mean?—"

"Stop talking," Hayden thankfully cut me off again.

"As much as I'd love to stay, I really got to hit the road," Valentine mercifully announced.

I wanted to die a thousand deaths.

"Sophie, it was good seeing you again."

"Yep," I said to his feet, which was where my eyes were firmly planted.

"You doing okay?" he softly asked.

Gah .

"In general? Yes. In the immediate I want to die," I told him honestly.

"The shock wears off."

My eyes shot to his.

"Eventually," he added.

"Is that what you tell the women you bed?" I fired back. "Because if it is I hope you also supply detailed instructions on what to do with that ."

"She's normally not like this," Hayden defended me.

"See you around, Sophie." Valentine smiled at me, jutted his chin at Hayden, and was out the door before I could further embarrass myself.

My shoulders sagged in relief.

"What was that?" Hayden asked.

"That's what I've been asking. What was that ?"

"That was my friend taking a shower after a basketball game when he was paged to go into work."

Oh, well that explained why Valentine was in my shower, but did not explain his extra-large dick. Though I figured Hayden was done discussing the largest penis in the world.

"Is there a Guinness world record?—"

"Enjoy dinner with the She-Devil. I'll talk to you when you get home."

With that he stomped toward the hall.

"You're testy," I called out. "I'm sure it sucks having to roll that thing up in his boxers to walk so don't be too jealous. "

"Goodbye, Huxley."

Now I was seriously late.

Not that I minded. I'd gladly take a lecture from my mother about punctuality if it meant seeing Valentine again.