Chapter 10

10

"What's going on with you and Valentine?" Hayden asked.

He was going for nonchalant but I knew him better than to fall for the uninterested tone.

"Nothing."

"Soph…"

It was my turn to unload the dishwasher. A chore that was not my favorite so I often times procrastinated until as late in the day as I could. Hayden, on the other hand, always unloaded in the morning before he left to go to the gym, or a run, a game of basketball, or whatever else it was that Hayden did with his mornings after he dragged his ass home from working late into the evenings at the bar.

To further procrastinate or perhaps evade my roommate's prompt for more, I changed the subject.

"Why don't you ever sleep in? "

"Because there's life to live and shit to do and I don't like sleeping my life away no matter how late I get in. You know this. Now, what's the deal with Valentine?"

Arrg!

"Nothing."

I knew he was watching me from across the room. I felt his best-friend-bullshit-meter laser focused on me as I was shoving a stack of plates into the cabinet.

"It didn't feel like nothing the two times he was here," Hayden noted.

It didn't feel like nothing the third time Valentine was in the apartment and Hayden wasn't and he laid the single best kiss of my life on me. If that wasn't enough, just hearing Valentine tell me we had to leave before his face was buried in my pussy had made my vaginal walls clench. And when he told me if I wasn't careful he'd fuck the smirk off my lips, I nearly orgasmed. What I hadn't done was wipe the smirk off my face in hopes he'd make good on his threat.

Sadly, he didn't.

After I dealt with a work call that had interrupted us, we'd gone and grabbed bagels and a coffee and he asked me more about my mother.

"I told you, he came over and dealt with She-Devil. We shared a coffee, he brought me home, walked me to the door, and that was it."

Now nothing.

It had been a week, and except for a bunch of text messages and a few phone calls, I hadn't seen him .

Incidentally I hadn't heard from my mother at all in that week, either, but I had heard from Nathan telling me that my mother loved me dearly and was just worried about me as it's a mother's right. I should give it some time and let him know when I was ready to come over and have dinner.

In other words, he wanted to try to play peacekeeper on this latest issue even though it hadn't worked during our most recent dinner, the one which had led to my mother ambushing me. Or all the other dinners besides. He was too good of a guy to give up, and whatever it was that he saw in my mother—and God knows he had to look really deep to find it—made him love her. And by extension me. It was weird—not him loving me, because we got along great—him and my mother. That was weird and strange and I never got it and likely never would.

"You think I don't know when you're lying?"

I glanced across the room and scowled in mock affront.

"I'm insulted," I lied.

"No, you're not. You know I'm right."

Of course he was, but I wasn't going to admit it.

"He's your friend. Why don't you ask him?"

"I have."

At that I perked up and put down the silverware basket on the counter.

"You asked him?"

Why was my voice pitched so high and why did my stomach just erupt with butterflies?

"You really suck at this," Hayden returned with a knowing smirk.

Which of course made me think about Valentine's sexy threat, yet again. I seriously needed to start dating— stat . Or at least find a good diversion to distract me from thinking about Valentine every five seconds.

"Whatever, Hayden, just tell me what he said."

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"He said there was nothing going on, the two of you were just friends."

Damn. That hurt way more than it should've.

"Told you."

I went back to shoving the silverware into the proper slots in the drawer. Hayden let the topic drop and went back to doing whatever he was doing on his phone. The silence only allowed my mind to wander to all sorts of places it shouldn't go.

Sure, Valentine was hot. The times I'd been around him he'd been sweet. Well, that was when he wasn't naked or kissing me. He wasn't sweet then. Those times his sex appeal had ratcheted off the charts and made my vagina weep with need and my nipples tingle. I really needed to get a hobby or a man. Something, anything, to make me stop thinking about a man who very obviously wasn't interested in me.

"Explain to me why you haven't asked him out."

Asked Valentine out? Was he nuts?

"He's not interested," I pointed out .

"How do you know?"

Because he kissed the ever-loving hell out of me, made some whispered dirty promises, dragged me out of the apartment, then firmly friend-zoned me .

"A girl knows."

"That's bullshit, Soph. You don't know because you haven't asked. It's not always up to the man to make the first move."

Suddenly this felt less like me and Valentine and more like him and a woman.

"Are you waiting for a woman to ask you out?" I carefully asked.

"Nope. Just trying to light a fire under your ass. Valentine's a good guy. I like him. I like him for you. But if it's not him, fine. But it's time for you to get back out there. Oakley was a supreme douche but not all men are cheaters and assholes."

His words felt like a blow to the sternum.

"I'm not still hung up on Oakley and you know that."

"I know you're not. You're hung up on what he did to you. It's time, Sophie. Again, if it's Valentine, cool. But it's time."

I had no idea where this was coming from. I'd dated plenty in the last few years. That was, I'd had a lot of first dates, a few seconds, and only a couple that lasted a few weeks. And only one that had made it to the six-month mark before I broke things off.

"I date," I defended myself.

"Sure you do. If you call interrogating a man over dinner a date."

There might've been some truth in that. But only because I didn't see any reason to get involved with a man if we didn't share the same values.

"Why are you being such a dick about this?"

Hayden stood, skirted the coffee table, and faced me. Belatedly, the look of concern registered.

"Because I love you. Because you've been living behind a wall for a long time. And as much as it makes me physically violent thinking about what happened in that liquor store, it woke you up. You're coming out of hiding and it's time for you to open your eyes, look in the mirror, and see you are a beautiful, smart, funny woman. You need a man. And not for the reasons your mother thinks you do."

Jesus, the blows kept coming.

"I need a man?"

"Right. You skipped right over the you're beautiful, smart, and funny."

Wait .

"Do you want to move out?"

Hayden's mouth twisted and his eyes narrowed.

Clearly that was the wrong thing to ask.

"You know, I don't know who I hate more," he weirdly started. "Oakley for being such a monumental prick and because of that you're now afraid to put yourself out there, or your mother for making you feel like you're not what you are. And that's a beautiful, smart, funny, loyal, kind, and loving great friend. Being all of those things, it's a waste you not finding a man to give all that to. But mostly it's a fucking tragedy you don't find one to give all that back to you. And it seriously fucks me that after all these years of you being my girl you'd ask me something so fucked up."

With that very successful parting shot, Hayden stormed out of the apartment before I could apologize.

Damn .

He was right; my question wasn't cool. I knew him. I knew that if he was ready to move out he'd tell me. He wouldn't do what I'd accused him of doing.

Double damn .

I finished unloading the dishwasher and cleaning up the kitchen, giving both of us a few minutes to cool off before I went into my room to grab my phone. That scene wasn't fun but it was far from the first tiff we'd gotten into and it wasn't near as heated as some had been.

Friends argued.

Then they made amends and moved on.

But it still didn't feel good I'd messed up.

I picked up my phone off the charging pad on my nightstand and saw I had a text from Valentine.

I should've ignored it.

Someone with stronger willpower would've.

I, however, was weak when it came to Valentine.

When you get this, call me.

I scrolled up to the last exchange from earlier .

How does this sound for a coffee shop tagline? Coffee is the key to a perky day .

Within minutes Valentine had replied.

Horrible.

Ugh.

Did you want me to lie?

No. But you suck at the gentle let down.

Sorry, baby, I didn't take you as a woman who liked it gentle.

After he'd sent that I'd reread the text no less than ten times trying to figure out if he was flirting or not.

I ended up sending a lame response.

It doesn't have to be gentle as long as I'm prepared.

It was a solid five minutes before he came back with…

Noted.

After that, I didn't know what to say so I stopped texting and went back to work on Hot Java's not-marketing campaign that included a rebrand. Thankfully I had a budget for logo design and a copywriter to come up with a catchy tagline and headlines for advertisements. Clearly, slogans weren't my strong suit .

Nothing from our previous exchange hinted at why he'd want me to call him. Which meant my good sense was overridden by curiosity. I needed to talk to Hayden, but that would take more than a couple minutes and Valentine never stayed on the phone long. At least that was what I was telling myself when I called Valentine first.

I hit his contact and waited. After the forth ring I figured I'd get his voice mail. At this juncture that should've been a relief. Everything about him was confusing and scary and made me feel anxious. Not to mention turned on. Maybe in a few months when I was over my crush we could be friends. I could drop by the Hope Center and watch him play basketball before I did my volunteer thing with the kids. Not that I'd called or emailed to ask about volunteering. I wanted to but if I did that now, I might come across as a stalker.

"Hey," he answered. "Hang on a second, let me go outside."

A few seconds later the sound of music disappeared.

"Sorry about that."

"No problem. What's up?"

"What's wrong?"

Good Lord, I couldn't catch a break.

"I got your text?—"

"Sophie, what's wrong? Is your mom giving you a hard time?"

Why did he have to be so nice?

This would be so much easier if he was an asshole .

"No, I haven't heard from her since you put her in her place. So now you have my thanks, times two."

There were a few beats of silence and I was wondering if he was thinking about my fake blow job offer as gratitude.

Sweet Dolly P, I had to stop thinking about his penis and blow jobs and his face between my legs and what he could do with that big penis of his. My poor vagina had never been so well-acquainted with my vibrator.

"Did you want me to call so you could listen to me breathe?" I quipped.

"I wanted you to call so I could tell you, Ackerman's been locked up. But now I want to know why you sound like someone told you coffee has been banned for eternity."

Okay, so this would be easier if he was an asshole and not funny. And maybe if he was five steps down on the hotness chart and his penis was two inches and his hands were small and he'd admitted he hated going down on women because he sucked at it.

But this was Valentine and he was who he was and that included being funny. Which sucked. I loved funny people.

"I got into an argument with Hayden and was kinda a bitch."

"Kinda a bitch?"

"I said something uncool so yes, I was kinda a bitch, not a full-on one. Though if I'd been that he would've stayed and called me out. Instead, I just pissed him off and he left before I could tell him I was sorry."

"What was the argument about?"

You.

I didn't say that. I'd never say that. And besides, it was only sort of about Valentine. The rest was about me doing exactly what he said I was doing—hiding away behind the safety of my wall so I couldn't get hurt again. My mother caused enough ongoing hurt; I didn't need to invite more into my life.

"Nothing important," I lied.

"You're a shit liar, baby."

I'd heard that before.

"Whatever," I mumbled. "Everything will work out. It always does."

I crossed my fingers as an added signal to the universe to make that happen.

"I'm at Balls Deep. Come here and I'll buy you a drink."

"I don't need a pity drink," I said before I thought better of it.

"Come again?"

I hadn't come yet, but the way his sexy growl made my vagina involuntarily spasm was a good indication I might spontaneously orgasm despite my nightly vibrator regime.

"What I meant to say?—"

"You said what you meant," he interrupted. "Is this you thinking you're being kinda bitchy or is this edging straight to bitchy?"

My back shot straight.

"That wasn't nice," I snapped.

"Neither was you implying me asking you to shoot a game of pool and buying you a drink an offer of pity instead of what it was."

I really wanted to ask him what "it" was but I was too chickenshit.

"I think I'm gonna start my…" Thankfully I stopped speaking.

Regrettably, Valentine hadn't developed a rare case of temporary hearing loss and he chuckled.

"Uber over and come shoot some pool and have a drink. I'll get you home later."

I had no choice but to say yes or sound like a screaming bitch and a shrew.

"Okay."

"Yeah?"

God, he sounded…happy.

Down, Sophie. He's just being nice .

He's a friend.

A super sexy Hot Cop friend.

Nothing more.

"Yeah. And sorry for being kinda bitchy."

"No worries, baby. See you soon."

He disconnected.

I stared at my phone thinking I should feel relief that Ackerman guy was behind bars. And I did, but I'd barely given it more than a passing thought when I was more taken with Valentine's concern. I also should've called Hayden. But I didn't. I texted him, like the chickenshit coward I was.

Sorry. I don't know why I was so bitchy.

I had ordered an Uber and was putting on my wedges when Hayden texted back.

No worries, Huxley. And I know why.

See?

Friends argued then they apologized and moved on.

I was at the front door when I paused to text back.

Code Red inbound.

I'd have to check my calendar but I think that's in two weeks and you're never grouchy this early.

I laughed at that.

And it wasn't a lie; Hayden did mark my cycle on the calendar hanging in the kitchen. The first time I saw it I ranted and raged about it for an hour, explaining to him he was a jerk and he was lucky not to experience cramps and bleeding. It was three days before my period started when he circled the day on the calendar and in bold, upper-case letters wrote CODE RED. From then on, four days before my period started he always had my favorite salt and vinegar chips in the house, and three days before my period he made himself absent.

Since we were back to us, meaning he'd forgiven me and was back to teasing, I gave him more.

I'm going out. Don't wait up for me.

Tell Valentine I said hey and I won't be home tonight.

I rolled my eyes at the Valentine comment.

Be safe. Look both directions before

crossing the street and use protection.

Yes, Mommy.

GROSS.

I got two laughing emojis and a sideways laughing emoji and a blue heart.

I sent back a middle finger and purple heart.

His next text came as my driver was pulling into the parking lot of Balls Deep.

Just be you. The Sophie I know and he'll fall in love.

If he doesn't he's a fool and not good enough for you.

In the meantime have fun. Get yourself some and be happy .

It's time, Huxley.

It's time, Huxley.

Butterflies took flight in my belly.

All my life I'd been a chickenshit. I didn't take chances and the one time I did and put myself out there I was royally screwed over.

Just so you know, when you find her,

she better be perfect and if she hurts

you I'll claw her face off.

Knew that already. Now stop bothering me I'm busy.

At least one of us was getting themselves some tonight.

Because it wouldn't be me.

I used my app to give my driver a tip, tossed my phone in my purse, and got out of the car.

With a big breath I readied myself to face Hot Cop— my friend .