VAL, AKA THE SMOOTH OPERATOR

Lola thinks I’m full of shit. Though she nods her head and smiles patiently, she reveals a coldness when she’s lying. When she tells the truth, the woman sparks like a flame.

“I want a chocolate wedding cake,” I announce as we walk toward the rest of the party.

“My sister can’t eat chocolate.”

“How has she not fallen into an eternal depression?”

“What makes you think she hasn’t?”

I glance at her sister nearby with Roxie, Tuesday, and Bullet. My sister has talked the two younger chicks into awkwardly dancing.

“Clover would never make it as a stripper,” I tell Lola who frowns. “Now, you would make a killing if you got naked for a crowd. However, I refuse to share your hot body with anyone else. I’ve changed my mind about you dressing skanky to make men jealous of me. Now, I want you to wear one of those drab dresses like the cult family Oana was born into.”

“Is she weird?” Lola asks, searching the crowd for Oana. “Like twisted from growing up in a cult?”

“No, she’s super cool from having married a sexy biker. She’s a rocker chick now. I hear she’s a wildcat in bed. Ike’s already plowed a baby into her lady oven.”

Lola cocks an eyebrow. “That’s too much information to know about your cousin-in-law.”

“Well, you know about your meemaw’s coochie curse.”

“My great-great-grandma.”

Leaning down until our noses are inches apart, I smile. “Well, my great-great grandma’s coochie brought peace and rainbows. I believe the effects of her lady region will thoroughly defeat your curse.”

Lola rolls her eyes. “You think your stuff is always better than my stuff.”

“How can you say that when your stuff is my stuff?”

“This marriage is a business agreement.”

“Involving two people who want to grind hips until they need physical therapy to recover.”

Lola stops studying the crowd and turns toward me. She tilts her head back to see me better, and I smile at how teeny-tiny she seems right now.

“I’m not sure I like you that way,” Lola claims as a chilly breeze bursts from her mouth and other orifices to announce she’s lying.

“I made you come just through the power of my dry-humping skills.”

“I did most of the work that night.”

“Work? You only had to let me fill my hands with your plentiful bosoms and I jizzed to my heart’s delight. You call that work? Come on now. Let’s not pretend you were roofing a house that night.”

Lola smiles at my words before going cold again. “I’ve let many men play with the girls.”

“Never again, though. They’re mine. I’m claiming them and your coochie and most importantly,” I say and rest my hand on her left boob, “your heart.”

“We’ll see. I just want you to do right by my family. That’s important to my heart. I’m less interested in the coochie part.”

“You’re clearly horny right this second,” I taunt and glance down at her crotch. “Soon, sweet pussy, I’ll make you purr.”

Lola sighs. “I fear once you hit this,” she says, directing both of her hands toward her sweet pussy, “you’ll try to weasel out of the deal. I should probably withhold sex until our second wedding anniversary.”

“First of all,” I announce dramatically, “there’s less than a zero chance you can tame your pussy for two whole years. Remember how you’ll be seeing me strutting naked around the house.” I pause to flex my muscles and spin slowly around so she can get a good look at the muscled hunk she’ll soon enjoy. “Second of all—”

“Second of all?”

“Third of all,” I continue rather than acknowledge her mockery, “I’ve long wanted to be club president, but that was never going to happen in Tumbling Rock unless my brother was mangled by a tractor or killed by a falling tree.”

“That seems overly specific.”

“I had a nightmare when I was fourteen where West nearly got mangled by a tractor. He was running away from it when he was smashed by a falling tree. I assumed the dream was prophetic.”

“Sure, why wouldn’t you?”

“So, if West was gone, I could sweep into the president spot when Court wants to retire. But I’d be sad all the time. West is my bestest friend because of how most men are intimidated by my Adonis-like good looks. Only my brother and cousins can look at me without feeling like fuggos. It’s why we’re bonded so tightly.”

“Of course. I can see how your good looks would intimidate other men.”

“Exactly.”

“So maybe you won’t do well as president of the Blood-Red Suns. You’re probably too pretty for them to obey.”

“Oh, Lola, how can you talk shit about your own father like that?” I taunt, and Lola rolls her eyes as I point at Duke. “Look at him over there, enduring Auntie Justice’s interrogation. How can you say he’s a dog? Can you at least admit your pa is a golden retriever or another attractive pooch?”

“Shut up about my dad.”

“Duke’s got the quiet dignity of a German Shephard. Too bad his daughter views him as a droopy-faced bulldog.”

Lola tries to hit me in the arm, but I move back and flee her hormonal rage. I assume her anger comes from her unsatisfied pussy. Until it purrs, I might need to run away a lot.

My dad stops me from escaping. “What’s this?”

“My bequeathed is losing her mind from horniness.”

Pa-Emmett is a man capable of great seriousness and violence. However, he’s also been married to my ma for decades. Her family’s quirkiness found its way inside his heart and corrupted his brain. So, despite him wanting to remain on guard with the Blood-Red Suns nearby, he snorts at my bullshit and tries not to laugh.

“Just settle down.”

I smile at Lola who stands nearby, still wanting to punch me over teasing her about Duke. Gesturing for her to join us, I enjoy how she doesn’t immediately obey. I could never love a submissive woman. I was raised around wild women who razz each other and get their feelings hurt if no one ever razzes them back.

That’s why Lola’s antics enchant me. She’s moody in the best way. Right now, she inches toward Pa-Emmett and me. Her gaze flashes around, as if searching for allies. Her people are spread out around the homestead, enjoying the music and booze.

“Lola, this is your future father-in-law. Can you say hello?”

Her fists ball up, wanting to punch me again. I stroke her back before she can unleash her temper. Lola’s irritation fizzles out, leaving behind a lovesick woman.

I’m the guy she hopes will make her pussy purr and heart race. I’ll be the dad to her pretty babies. No matter how much she pretends otherwise, Lola McGraw has gotten her heart set on loving me.