Saylor Chapter 14

If it wasn't for Bosch hanging over our heads, like an ax waiting to fall on our necks, things would be almost perfect, or it was in my mind. I hoped Player was feeling the same way. After the other night, when we let ourselves go and finally had sex, we'd been reveling in what we were feeling for each other as well as the mind-blowing sex.

After that first time, he'd taken me to the shower and not only washed me, but he'd taken me for a second time with me straddling him as he sat on the built-in ledge in the stall. It wasn't just the fact he had those piercings that made the sex incredible and the best I'd ever had. It was him. He made sure I was a priority. He was determined each time that I'd get my satisfaction. Player wasn't a selfish lover. Adding the Jacob's Ladder and the size of his cock only made it better.

The man was blessed in that department. When I'd finally gotten my hands on him, I'd discovered exactly how large he was. I knew he stretched me further than I'd ever been, but still. The first time I went down on him had been a challenge, too, but I was up for it. And the way he moaned and then came, I knew I was successful at pleasing him despite the challenges of his size and those piercings.

I'd always enjoyed sex. I wasn't one of those women who avoided sex or gave it up only to please her partner while hating it or seeing it as a chore. These past several years without had been hard, but I wasn't willing to have sex with some random guy to get relief. The man had to mean something to me. Player, despite his initial attitude toward me, had wiggled his way into my heart. I fell in love with him despite fighting not to let it happen. A broken heart was the last thing I wanted.

I had felt my feelings changing for Jonas before our marriage ended. I loved him in the beginning. I knew I did. But over time, without him helping me to nurture and grow it, that love had stagnated and then began to die. I understood him falling for someone else. That wasn't what angered me. What did upset me was he hadn't been man enough to tell me before sleeping with her. Oh, and the countless others he undoubtedly had slept with over the whole length of our relationship and marriage. I'd been suspicious and was planning to confront him when I came back to the States, but I was injured first. I was going to ask for a divorce. It still pissed me off he was granted a divorce, not the other way around. I guess it made me feel like him getting it made me out to be deficient in some way.

If I had doubts about myself or thought I was deficient, Player worked his hardest to prove I was wrong. He lavished me with love and attention. It was kinda overwhelming, in a way. Sometimes, I'd get upset, thinking he was doing things because he thought I was incapable due to my eyesight. He always assured me that if I said or acted upset, it wasn't why he was doing it. He explained it was merely he wanted to take care of me. He told me to remember I was Juno. He knew I could do anything. I was a warrior woman. I mean, who could resist that?

The remainder of the week went by with us building our relationship more while Outlaw and others worked to find Bosch. In order to de-stress, it was decided that Player and I were going to hang out at the clubhouse tonight with everyone. We'd relax and party with the guys and the ladies. I agreed. While I wanted to do those things, I had another motive for going. I planned to insist we stay later than we typically did.

I wanted to be there when the hang arounds and the bunnies came in. I needed to make my claim on him so they'd know he was off-limits. One in particular who needed to get the message was Clover. Something in my gut told me she wouldn't take the news well. I talked to the other old ladies about my plan and my worries. All of them understood where I was coming from, and they were all for me doing it. A few said they'd stay late as emotional sisterhood support for me. I thought that was super sweet of them. Arrangements were made without the guys knowing it for their kids to be taken care of by some of the other ladies.

I was determined to feel my best, so I made the excuse to Player that Devyn needed me before we went to the clubhouse. I insisted he meet me there and that I'd come over with her. He'd seemed hesitant, but in the end, he agreed. What he didn't know was Jocelyn had Hayden at her house with Caeden and Corinne. I thought it was kinda crazy to know your grandson was not even two months older than your youngest children. When I'd mentioned it to her and Jocelyn, they laughed and agreed. Tarin said the same thing about her twin brothers, Ryker and River, who were two months older than her Melody. Plus, Hope was only a couple of years older than them.

I made sure that on this trip to the clubhouse, I was dressed as a biker babe. It was all thanks to Devyn and Tarin conspiring to help me get clothes. I have no idea where they found them, but they felt amazing, and I never thought I'd say that about a pair of leather pants. I'd always imagined them to be tight and uncomfortable. This pair was neither. They molded my body but didn't restrict movement. They were paired with leather boots that hit just below my knees.

On my top half, she hadn't tamed it down. When she handed me the first piece, I gulped as I felt it. It was half of a shirt and a small one at that. Now, I worked out. My time in the Marines had left me with an unrelenting desire to stay fit. I walked and ran with Freya, but the rest of my workouts were spent lifting weights, doing leg presses, and a bunch of other strengthening exercises in addition to power yoga. If I could find someone to spar with, which wasn't often, at the gym in town, I did it.

Yes, it was a challenge to do blind, but if I got my hands on them or vice versa, it was a workout. All this meant was I was firm and toned. That included my abs. I might not have Player's six-pack, but they were nothing to be ashamed of. My reluctance wasn't due to a desire to hide a flabby middle. I was worried it would be too much showing. What if Player hated it? I wanted to be sexy, not have anyone think I was a bunny or hang around.

"Devyn, I can't wear this!" I hissed.

She laughed. "Yes, you can. This is just part of it. Put it on. Go ahead."

Slowly, I peeled off my loose t-shirt. After showering with a roomful of women and out in the field, pissing basically in front of a company of men, I wasn't exactly shy. Besides, my bra was on. As I put the bralette on, she muttered, "I hate you bitch. Look at your abs! Why're you worrying about showing your stomach."

"It's not that I worry they're not okay to see. I don't want to be seen like I'm a damn bunny wanna-be."

"Fuck, that's not happening. No matter how sexy or scantily you dress, the inner you will always shine through. I will say, you may make Player combust, but that might be fun to watch." She giggled.

Once I had it on, she handed me another garment. It was slick like the pants. She helped me get it on and then zipped it up. It went part way, then stopped. That's when I realized it was skintight, though not uncomfortable. My boobs, covered in the small belly-baring top, seemed to burst through the upper opening. She let out a long whistle.

"Damn, Player is going to lose his mind when he sees you. All that you need now is jewelry. Your makeup and hair look good, even if I do say so myself." She chuckled.

She'd done those first. I was handed what felt like large hoop-like earrings. I put those in my ears as she hooked a necklace around my neck. I felt it when I was done. It was an ornate cross by the feel of it. The bottom tip of the cross hung to almost where my cleavage started. In this bralette, as I chose to think of it, my cleavage was substantial. I was a very full D-cup. No matter how much weight I lost, I stayed that size. The way Player worshiped them in bed, I was glad of my size. The other night, he commented that when I got pregnant, he couldn't wait to see how much bigger they'd get. He claimed he wouldn't know what to do other than smother in them. He made me laugh when he said that.

Yes, we were still not using anything as protection. I must be insane, but I wanted a baby, and from what he said, he did, too. We'd sat down to talk about it the following night after we slept together for the first time. He assured me his desire to have a baby had nothing to do with the one he lost due to Christie. I trusted he was being honest.

Devyn clapped her hands, startling me. I jumped. "Oops, sorry. I didn't mean to scare you, but I wish you could see yourself, Saylor. You are always gorgeous, but this makes you the poster woman of biker babes. Your man is going to go nuts, and those women, without a doubt, will know they can never come close to you. Even if you were in sweats and a ratty T-shirt, they couldn't, but this will drive it home like a stake through the heart. You'd better watch out, or you'll end up pregnant tonight," she teased.

Something on my face must've given away how her remark hit me because she made a humming sound before saying more. "So, tell me. Are you and Player being safe? Or are you going commando and playing the odds? Because if it's the former, you should still know some of us got pregnant while using birth control. If it's the latter, the rest of us got pregnant really quickly, playing the same game. I hope you and Player have talked about kids."

There was the ever-slightest hesitancy in her voice. I took it to mean she thought he wouldn't be for it. His player persona was one he told me he was having to work to shake with his brothers and the old ladies. It wasn't so much in what they said as it was their glances.

"As a matter of fact, we have discussed children. He and I are on the same page when it comes to them, so no worries. Is there anything I can do to help you get ready?" I didn't feel the need to tell her one way or the other. She could be surprised along with everyone else when the time came whenever it was.

"No, I just need to put on my lipstick and boots and brush my hair out a tiny bit. I'm excited. Oh, I forgot to tell you. There's been a tiny change in plans. Mom and some of the others aren't coming to the houses when it gets time for the entertainment to come. Mom asked Lolly and Kamila to watch the kids in the clubhouse in their designated room. They always like to help."

"Crap, if I knew that, I would've seen if Becca could come. She's always looking for ways to make money for her college fund. She's young but very reliable, and I know she babysits for several families in town. She's CPR and first aid certified."

"If you back her, then let's get her here one time and see how she does. We tend to limit who we allow inside the compound near our families, but if you endorse her, then she's good. If she can handle us, then we always love more babysitters. How old is she?"

"She just turned eighteen. She'll graduate high school this spring, and then she's off to college. She's saving every dime she can to pay for it. It's her and her mom, and they don't have a lot. Her dad died when she was young. He didn't have life insurance or anything. She's smart and motivated."

"If she's looking for work, we surely, with all our businesses and kids, can find her something. Or does she already work a job?"

"She tried, but most businesses won't hire teenagers because they say they're unreliable. Others wouldn't work with her school schedule. It's a shame because she works her heart out."

"No worries. Let's talk after tonight. I bet money we can give her a job or jobs. Alright, I think we're ready. Give me a minute to let Ace and Mom know we're coming over. You wanna warn Player or surprise him?"

"I want to surprise him," I told her.

I heard her giggle. Freya was with me, per usual. She walked on one side of me and Devyn the other as we headed to the clubhouse. I could hear voices and music in the distance. It was later, at least eight o'clock. We all waited until dinner was over, and everyone had a chance to settle after coming home from work before we gathered. It being a Friday night would mean blowing off steam. Everyone in the club, including the ladies, worked, whether part-time or full-time, on top of taking care of their kids, which was tiring for them, and they more than deserved a rest.

"Ready?" she asked as we came to a halt. I assumed we were at the front door of the clubhouse based on the increased volume. I heard talking, laughter, and music. For some reason, my stomach was quivering with nerves.

"Let's do it. You're sure I look alright?" I asked hesitantly. The urge to turn around and go change was growing. Her hand grabbed my elbow.

"Saylor, I would never steer you wrong. You look incredible. Player is going to love it. Maybe he'll say it after he loses his mind a bit, but still. He'll be dragging you off somewhere if you're not careful." Amusement was evident in her tone. She squeezed my arm, and then the noise increased even more. She'd opened the door on me, the sneaky thing. Freya bumped my leg, signaling me to move. I took a deep breath and took several steps.

I felt us move to a different surface under our feet. It barely registered that I'd stepped onto the common room floor before I heard exclamations, the music cut off, and there were even whistles and catcalls.

"Hot damn, wait until Player sees you, Saylor," Stalker said, close at hand on my left.

"He went to get something at your place. He should be back soon. Come over here and hide. We gotta see his face when you pop out," Renegade said from in front of me.

"You dogs better step back. If our brother, Player, sees you all hovering over his woman and salivating, he'll tear your heads off," Joker cautioned them.

"We're not salivating, well, not much, but damn. Can you blame us? Saylor, you look breathtaking. I don't want you to think that means you don't look good other times because you do. You're beautiful, but wow. This is total biker babe delicious. Player is a very lucky bastard," Loki added.

Thankfully, I'd now been around them enough to distinguish voices without them having to tell me who they were. It was harder for me to do it with the babies, although I was beginning to differentiate between their cries. I knew the toddlers and older kids as well. My cheeks warmed from the blushing I was doing. The chatter of the old ladies was breaking through the men's remarks.

"Saylor, that looks even better than Dev and I thought it would. Damn, I need to find me something similar," Tarin said.

"You're fucking gorgeous, Jewel. You don't need to dress like that. However, don't get jealous over what I'm about to say. Saylor, you're gonna knock his socks off. You look amazing and very sexy." Outlaw chuckled.

I was surrounded by excited people complimenting me more than I ever had been in my life and teasing me about the response it would get out of my man. A sharp whistle cut through our chatter.

"Gavin just texted. He says he's coming. I sent him to watch for Player." Tank's voice cut across everyone else. I was gently latched onto and moved to somewhere near the bar if my internal map was correct. I sensed a big body standing in front of me.

"Babe, it's me, Payne. You just stay still, and I'll let you know when we're revealing you. You look spectacular." I felt a hand grasp mine. He was reaching behind him to hold my hand. I thought it was sweet. I squeezed his.

"Why the hell is the music off? I leave for a few minutes, and you all stop having fun. Why are you all standing around like a bunch of mannequins? Ace, have you heard anything from your old lady? Is she ever bringing mine to join us, or do I need to go rescue her? I want her here," Player demanded. I heard the impatience in his tone.

"Hold your horses, man. We wanna show you something. Go stand over in front of Payne," Demon instructed him. I had to hold back my giggle at Player's grumbling as he moved over to stand in front of my shield.

"What the hell? I want to go get my woman. Can't this wait?"

"Well, I guess if you want to leave her here alone and defenseless among your single brothers and the prospects, sure, go look for her, but you're wasting your time. Control yourself," Payne said before he tugged on my arm, bringing me around him.

I had no idea where they hid Freya, but she came trotting over as I was revealed. I wasn't able to see his face, so I had no clue what he was doing. I heard snickers, chuckles, and a few giggles. Payne put his hand on my back. I didn't know if it was to reassure me or to hold me up. My legs felt weak.

Out of nowhere, hands grabbed my forearms, and I was tugged forward into a hard chest. One I knew immediately. Arms wrapped around my body, and hands landed on both my ass cheeks. His beard grazed my cheek as his lips brushed my ear. He whispered into it.

"Jesus H. Christ Saylor, what in the hell do you have on? And what made you wear that here?" I wasn't able to determine if he was upset with me or not.

"I'm not sure what you mean. I have on pants, a top, and a jacket. What's wrong with it? Devyn and Tarin picked it out for me. Everyone else thought I looked great in it." Deep down, I was feeling a tad hurt. Unless everyone else was lying, which I didn't think they would, I looked really good, so why was he acting this way?

"They did, did they? I don't see them dressing up like this and sashaying in here. Your tits are half hanging out, and this leather is molded to your body like a second skin. There's not anything left to the imagination," he hissed softly, so I was the only one to hear.

I'd done this not only to impress him and to feel sexy but to give me confidence when I faced the other women in a few hours. His attitude hurt. My excitement and uplifted feeling of moments ago was gone. I pushed against his chest until there was plenty of space between us.

I looked up at where I thought his face was, and I replied, "I asked them to find me something sexy that would knock your socks off and give me confidence. I thought they'd done a great job of it until you. Everyone else said I looked wonderful. Thanks for grounding me. Excuse me, I need to go to the bathroom."

"Baby, I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean…" he stumbled to get his words out. I jerked hard, breaking his hold.

Freya was pressing into my leg. She sensed my emotions. Touching her head with my hand, I gave her a command. " Kommen , come, Badezimmer , bathroom."

She'd gotten familiar with the clubhouse, so she knew where I wanted to go. I felt tears coming, and I wanted to be safely behind a locked door before they did. He wasn't going to make me cry in front of him or the others. The room was strangely quiet as I moved off. A hand grabbed my arm, but I shook it off.

"Saylor, babe, wait," he said rather brokenly, but at the moment, I didn't give a damn how he felt. I kept walking. I was over halfway there when someone pressed up against my other side. I flinched. The shadow indicated someone shorter, hence a woman.

"It's me, I've got you. Let's get you to the bathroom," Jocelyn said kindly.

Behind me, I heard the murmur of voices growing louder. Player was calling my name, and others were yelling his. I shut them out. I knew it was only a matter of a minute or so before I was in the bathroom. The door shut and then locked behind me. Jocelyn and Freya were with me. I felt along to the sink. Once there, I hung my head. What had I been thinking? That I could compete with those women by dressing sexier than I ever had. I wanted to show them I was worthy of Player, but who cared if he didn't see me that way? Tears filled my eyes.

"I'm sorry that went totally the opposite of what you expected or wanted. I didn't hear what he said, but it hurt you, I can see. You don't need to tell me what he said. Just tell me what I can do. No matter what Player whispered, you look amazing, honey. You were made to wear leather. And your breasts, damn."

I shook my head. "I was stupid to try and make myself into something I'm not."

"What do you mean?"

"It means I'm not a sexy biker babe who is ready to fight at the drop of a hat for or with her man. I'll never be able to do what other women can. I'll never totally be independent. I'm a burden."

"Which women? Us old ladies?"

"You and those bunnies and hang arounds, hell, any woman who isn't me. I shouldn't have come here like this. Can you help me get out without going through the front? I need to go back to the townhouse."

"No, I won't. You're not hiding or running from anyone, not even him. To hell with Player. The rest of us think you look wonderful. Stay. Have fun. Let him wallow in misery as he watches you have a great time without him. He's being a turd. Don't you dare leave before those women show. No matter what, he picked you. Show them and him why."

"I'm not…"

A loud pounding on the door made me stop and jump. "Saylor, open the door. I'm sorry, baby. Let me in so we can talk," Player said unhappily through the door.

"Do you want to talk to him?" she whispered.

I thought for a moment, then shook my head. My sadness and hurt feelings were being replaced by anger. I bet if one of those women he fucked all the time came dressed this way, he would've been raving about how she looked and hanging all over her. I snapped up my head.

"No, I don't. I planned to have fun tonight, and I still want to. To hell with him. As for those women coming later, they can go to hell, too. I'm better than them, regardless of what I have on, and if he can't see that, then it's his loss." I straightened my spine. I hadn't cried, so there was no need to ask her to make sure my makeup was ready to go.

"Let's go get our groove on. You love to dance. We're gonna dance our hearts out tonight," she said determinedly.

Freya came to attention when Jocelyn moved, and then I was signaled to walk by her. The lock clicked, and then she opened the door. The voices got louder.

"Thank God, Juno. Let's talk somewhere quiet," Player's relieved voice said.

"No. I'm going to dance. I'm not in the mood to talk," I informed him firmly.

"But, babe…" he began to say, but I ignored him and brushed by.

I walked back into the common room with my head up high and a smile on my face. Fake it until you make it would be my motto tonight. Deep down, I knew I was taking my hurt too seriously, but I wasn't able to stop it. Maybe it was because it was, in my mind, just another rejection of me since I lost my eyesight.