Chapter 51

CHAPTER 51

SPENCER

I t was good to be surrounded by my friends again. Having Marlow with me settled me as well. I was used to walking a tightrope of emotions, trying to balance work, friendship, even my feelings for Marlow. But tonight, it was as if all that weight was gone.

I glanced at her from the corner of my eyes, watching as she laughed at one of Sebastian's stories about his childhood. She looked beautiful in the firelight, and more than that, she looked comfortable and relaxed among my friends. It was a sight that made me happy and hopeful. I wasn't the eleventh wheel tonight. I was just like the rest of them.

It felt good to have someone at my side. I was getting a little taste of their lives.

I checked my watch and saw it was getting pretty late. But no one seemed to be too anxious to leave. I wasn't going to be the party pooper. And I was enjoying myself.

I grabbed a bottle of water from the ice chest. I wasn't drinking since I expected to be driving home soon. Graham was now sharing a story about our college days, reminiscing about a particular road trip which resulted in him almost flunking out of the semester. Everyone was laughing, even Marlow, who seemed to be very interested in our wild youths.

The night wore on with more stories and laughter. Occasionally, I would catch Marlow glancing at me and then quickly looking away. Each time, my heart would give a little leap. Yes, we had a history. A complicated one, no doubt. But tonight, it was not about our past or uncertain future, it was about us being in the moment.

"Guys, I hate to end this because it's been a lot of fun, but I'm beat," Jax said. "We're going to get out of here."

From there, the rest of us said our goodbyes, thanking Graham and Isadora for hosting. Marlow hugged Isadora, promising to be in touch. I loved that they had become fast friends.

"Ready?" I asked her.

She smiled. "Yes."

We walked out the front, the cool of the night more apparent without the warmth of the fire. I opened the car door and quickly got in. The heat was on and the interior warm thanks to the remote start feature.

"Nice and toasty," Marlow murmured with a content sigh as she snuggled into the seat.

"I thought you might appreciate that," I replied, my eyes on her as she got comfortable. She looked serene under the dim light, her cheeks flushed from the fire's warmth and probably the wine too.

We were quiet as we pulled out of the driveway and onto the road. I glanced over at Marlow now and then, trying to gauge her thoughts. And I just liked looking at her.

"I had a really good time," she said. "Thank you for taking me."

"You're welcome."

"Your partners are different when they're around their women," she commented.

I chuckled at her observation. "How so?"

"They're just softer. More relaxed," she mused aloud. "I've never seen that side of them before."

"Well, they say love can do that to a person," I replied, stealing a glance at her.

I couldn't stop thinking about the wild night back in Stone Ridge. The memory of fucking Marlow in the car was still vivid in my mind. It had been impulsive, raw, and intensely liberating. It was like a switch had flipped in me, bringing a sudden, blazing clarity. I wanted her. All of her. Not just the sex, but the companionship, the laughter, the challenge of understanding her and letting her understand me.

I had never wanted that with anyone before. It scared the shit out of me, but I couldn't shake the feeling that Marlow might be the only person who could see all my raw guts spilled out and still see the good in me.

Or she could run away screaming.

I wanted to take her back to my place. But asking her might not be appropriate. The situation in the car last night had been spontaneous. I didn't want to assume anything. She made it clear what she wanted, and I wasn't sure that was me.

We neared her apartment. Our time together was coming to an end. I didn't want it to be over. I opened my mouth to speak, to ask her to come home with me, but she beat me to it.

"We need to talk," she blurted out.

I nodded with relief. "Yes, we do."

"Would you like to come up for a cup of tea?" she asked.

I wasn't much of a tea guy, but I agreed. "That sounds great."

I wasn't ready to say goodbye yet. I found a spot to park and together we went up to her apartment.

As she unlocked her door and we stepped inside, I took in the familiar surroundings. Her apartment was all tidy again, a reflection of her personality. The plush couch, the coffee table stacked with books, the big armchair by the window that I could see her sitting in while reading or simply looking out at the city.

"Go ahead and have a seat," she said. "I'll get the pot on. Do you like cream or sugar?"

I had no idea because I wasn't an old woman that drank tea. "Dealer's choice."

I walked to the window and looked out at the city.

"Please, go sit down," she said. "Tea takes forever to make."

I sat down on the couch and tried to collect my thoughts. Suddenly, the gas fireplace blazed to life and Dire Straits played softly from a speaker mounted under her TV. I hadn't expected her to listen to Dire Straits, but it was a great vibe. Her place was cozy, warm, and entirely her.

A while later, she carried a tea service into the living room and put it on the coffee table, ironically enough. We were quiet as she poured us both cups and threw a bunch of cream in them. Then came about four sugar cubes. Apiece.

"Are you sure you even like tea?" I asked, smiling.

"Yes, it's delicious. Shut up and drink it."

I did as I was told. To my surprise, tea wasn't so bad when you couldn't taste the tea. "Okay, fine, it's good."

"Told you," she said and took a sip. "Ahh!" She wiped the corners of her mouth daintily with a napkin and her expression turned serious. "I had a great time the last few days, mostly because of you."

"Same here," I said.

"But now that we're back in the city, I'm scared things will go back to how they were in the office. The warm, fuzzy feeling I have might get snuffed out if you start chomping my head off and picking fights."

Her directness was a relief. It somehow made it easier for me to be direct back. It wasn't my usual MO, since I was never emotionally invested in women I dated, but I wanted this badly enough to try a new approach and meet her where she was at. I could express what I was feeling without worrying I was going to put myself out there and have my heart shredded to pieces. I had spent my life protecting myself from people by not letting anyone get too close. It was time to change that.

"I don't want to throw in the towel," I said, my voice firm. "And I don't want this to be casual sex anymore."

"What do you want then?" Marlow asked, her eyes searching mine.

"You," I said simply. "Us. Or at least a shot at us."

She smiled, a beautiful, hopeful smile. "Me too."

"When I said I didn't know how to do relationships, I wasn't lying," I said. "I don't know how to do it. I've never actually been in one for more than a couple of weeks. Not a real one."

"Obviously, I have, but that doesn't mean anything." She shrugged. "But I do think we need to lay down some ground rules."

"Like?" I asked.

"You can't lose your cool in the office anymore, or at me, or at anyone in the office, including your partners," she said. "Seriously, that guy is no fun."

I nodded. "Okay."

"I only say that because that isn't the behavior I'm looking for in a partner. If something is wrong, I expect you to be able to say it without lashing out. And I hope you'll let me be your teammate and work through things. Don't push me away."

I agreed. It wasn't going to be easy, but I was willing to try. "I can do that. Or I'll do my best. I'm not perfect and I'll probably need some reminders."

She smiled softly, blowing on her cup of mostly milk and sugar. "I don't think I'll have a problem letting you know when I don't like something."

I had to laugh. "I believe that."

"What do you need from me?" she asked, her voice softening.

No one had ever asked me that before. I wasn't sure what to say. "Can I take a raincheck on that?"

She gave a small laugh, her eyes sparkling. "Sure, take your time."

We fell into silence again, sipping our drinks, just being together. It wasn't awkward or strained; it was simply quiet and comfortable. There was no rush to say anything or do anything. The tension that had been so palpable between us the last few weeks was gone.

"I appreciate you giving me some time to adjust to all of this," I said. "I'm terrible at this kind of thing."

She giggled, pulling me into her for a sweet kiss on the sofa. "Just don't wait too long."

The kiss deepened, and for a moment, all the uncertainty melted away. It was just us, here, now, and it felt right. When we finally pulled back, she rested her forehead against mine, her breath warm on my lips.

I told myself not to push anything, but dammit, being near her had my heart racing. My desire for her knew no bounds. This thing needed to be handled delicately. I inhaled and only managed to make it worse. I could smell her perfume mingling with the scent of the fire from earlier. It was intoxicating.

I wanted to tell her what it felt like to be so close to her, how she made everything else in the world seem insignificant.

I reached out, gently brushing a stray strand of hair from her face. Her eyes closed. She looked content, at peace. My heart swelled at the sight.

"I'm trying," I said quietly into the silence. "I want you to know that."

She opened her eyes and gazed at me. The intensity in her look was something I had never seen before. It was a mix of hope, expectation, and a strange sort of fear that I had begun to recognize in myself as well.

"I believe you," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. "I trust you. Don't make me regret it."

Those words meant more than any other praise or compliment I had ever received. It was a testament to Marlow's faith in me, a faith I was determined not to betray. I leaned forward, pressing my lips against hers in a soft kiss.

The gentle kiss was meant to seal a promise, but the passion that burned between us was unstoppable. I struggled to keep it in check. It was her that made the first move to escalate things.

She leaned into me further, her fingers curling around the nape of my neck. I felt the warmth of her hand as it moved under my shirt. Her touch had me practically jumping out of my skin. She pulled me in closer, kissing me with an intensity that sent a jolt through my body.

Her other hand found mine, entwining our fingers together and squeezing tightly as if to communicate her own shared passion without voicing it. The connection between us was electric and undeniable. As our bodies molded together, I realized there was no turning back, no more protective walls.

It was terrifying and exciting at the same time.