13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Ethan

"G od, I can't believe this is happening." I mutter to myself, adjusting my tie in the mirror.

"What, that Caleb is getting married, or that it's the giant shit show that it is?" My brother Declan asks, coming around the corner, from the powder room behind me.

I cough a laugh, impressed that he shares the same feelings as I do about this wedding. "Both. This family is so fucked beyond recognition."

"Aye, and we get to spend the next six hours around people we see or speak to on a regular fucking basis. It feels like work, only this time, we're not getting paid for it."

"You better keep your voice down before da hears you." I tease. It's a growing joke around here that Declan is da's favorite.

"Why, you're the favorite. Why do you think he invited Freya? She's on the ‘barely known' list, and yet she made the cut."

"Don't remind me." I murmur, running my fingers through my hair. At least my face is all healed now. I don't look like I lost a round with Mike Tyson anymore and thank God for that. This wedding is being photographed by several magazines, and the last thing I need to look like is a boxer that just lost his title.

"Oh, please. You poor thing. A beautiful woman that you busted up is here, still carrying her undying love for you. Poor baby."

"Fuckoff." I sneer, but with a soft laugh, knowing that Declan's just busting my balls. "She's no more in love with me than I am with her."

"Yeah, right. Why is she here then?"

"You don't know that she's here."

"Well, if she isn't, then why did she agree to come? Mama told me that she responded, and with a plus one, no less."

My gaze darts to his. "A plus one?" I ask, not recognizing the panic in my voice. Freya told me she never dated anyone since me, and she also told me that Trudy's opinion of my family far outweighed her desire to be a part of this shindig, so I know that if she's bringing someone, it's not her. "Who the hell is she bringing?"

He smiles like the fucking Cheshire Cat. "Thought you didn't care."

"Stop fucking around, Declan."

This is when Maverick walks past. "Uh oh, do I need to bust up a fight? The ceremony's about to start."

"Fuck you, too." I sneer at him.

"What is with all the language?" Malcolm asks teasingly, as he opens the sliding doors at the front of the guest house, and enters, too. "Don't you all know that there's a man of the cloth just outside?"

"Who is being paid a fine sum for showing up here on short notice." Declan volunteers. "Jesus, I never saw da shell out so much dough for the church."

"That's because he flew the bastard here from goddamn Scotland." Maverick adds. "You know da, he's loyal to his country."

"Aye, that's why he wants young Ethan here to marry a Scot, too." Malcolm interjects.

"Fuck you all. Da doesn't want me to marry Freya." I argue. "At least, I thought he didn't."

"And do we want to marry her?" Maverick teases.

"I certainly do not." I answer honestly, adjusting my pants, tucking my shirt in tighter. "Besides, she's brought a date with her, from what I understand."

"Aye, a hot one, too." Maverick says, brows rising.

"Fuckoff. Are you serious?" I ask, thinking that Freya is not who I thought she was, or my cousin is just fucking around with me.

Maverick comes up behind me and pats me on the back. "Relax, partner. She brought Trudy with her."

The relief I feel I don't expect. I let out the breath I didn't know I was holding. "Fuck this shit. I need to get out of here."

"Good. The ceremony is about to start." Malcolm informs. "That's why I was sent in here to fetch you all."

"Thank God. Let's get this shit over with." I state. "And, mark my words, if I ever do tie the knot with anyone, you can rest assured that I won't be doing a fucking dog and pony show like this."

"Aye, that's up to da, Ethan. Don't kid yourself." Declan states, opening the sliding door. "Now, man up. Your girlfriend is right outside."

I feel my stomach clench. "Shit." Then I do a double take. "And stop calling her my girlfriend, asshole."

He smiles, and is about to tousle my hair, but I duck down, so he can't get me. We walk towards the altar together, and that's when I see her. When she sees me, our eyes lock for a moment, and I try not to stare, but it's difficult. Freya's never been in a dress around me before. She's fucking stunning. Her hair is all curled naturally, and her dress is pink silk, form-fitting, slit up one side, with spaghetti straps. I can see her sexy calves from here, and heels, something else I've never seen her in before.

Trudy whispers something in her ear and the spell is broken. She looks away from me, as I nearly walk into a giant fucking vase filled with flowers, set right before the white runner leading to the altar. Us boys make our way, like walking the fucking plank, to the altar, and we stand like soldiers, waiting to feed our brother Caleb to the lions. Da and mama sit in the front row, beaming, while I don't know how many hundreds of guests surround us. There must be at least two hundred people filling the seats. Some are standing. I see two sets of camps of photographers from leading magazines off to the side, one making their way up the plank, while the other shoots from the altar.

I watch Freya and Trudy make their way to their seats, way in the back, and she all but disappears from my view. Caleb smiles proudly as we watch Laney walk down the aisle with both her da and her mama, and all I get is a few glimpses of Freya from afar, while we listen to the reverend drone on for about ten minutes, about love and shit, boring the fuck out of me. My mind wanders back to Freya and me, and it's like she's reading my mind, as she rises from her seat quickly, adjusting something, and then she sits back down, but not before looking straight at me first. I think I detect a warm smile, but I could be imagining it. That's when I look at my da, and he gives me a warm smile, like he's reading my fucking mind, and I shudder. The man is an enigma.

We stand while Laney and Caleb sign the papers, and then, after the reverend announces them as husband and wife, a million pictures get taken of everyone. It's crazy. And that's when I realize just how important this wedding really is. It's historical. Billionaires schmoozing with other billionaires, during a union that will effectively change the face of time for our business, and for Laney's business. Hell, even for the Ford brother's business. That's when I realize how genius my da really is. And as all this sinks in, I feel a tap on my shoulder, after standing, waiting for yet another photographer to call my name, so I can be included.

I turn around and see Freya up close, looking more beautiful than I have ever seen her. "Hey." She says softly. A weak smile is on her face.

"Hi." Is all I can manage, as I try to avert my eyes from her.

"Just thought I better come and say hello, before the party starts, and you're pulled in all different directions."

"Aye. It's a busy day." I nod. I want to tell her that she looks nice, but, nice doesn't cut it. She looks like a fucking angel. It's almost painful.

"I see Trudy has a crush on your brother Maverick."

"I'd say it's the other way around. He all but pole-vaulted to her when he saw her arrive."

Freya laughs. "She is rather smitten."

"And you're sure that she hasn't screwed any of my other brothers, or perhaps my cousin?" I ask and regret the words the second they come out of my mouth. Why the fuck would I say that? You idiot! Her face changes. The smile fades. She's about to walk away and I stop her. "Fuck, I don't know why I said that. I'm so sorry."

"I do." She says under her breath, taking a sip of wine from the glass she's holding. "Because you're an asshole."

"Fine. I deserved that." I admit, looking at the floor. "The truth is, I said it because I had to distract myself from saying what I really wanted to say. And that is that you look fucking stunning." I say with so much conviction, I surprise myself. I look at her and her eyes meet mine. "I'm serious, Freya. You are so goddamn beautiful I'm fucking tongue-tied." I lick my lips. "I tried to talk myself out of telling you how gorgeous you looked, and that stupid comment came out instead." My gaze is apologetic. "I'm so sorry."

She blinks, recovering. "Why did you talk yourself out of it, Ethan?"

"I don't know." I say honestly. "I think it's because ever since I met you, I've had to have some sort of filter on."

"Why's that?" She probes.

"Lots of reasons. None that I can talk about here or now."

She turns to me, so that nobody else can hear her. Her mouth is set, her eyes are slit. "Something tells me, Ethan Harris, that the only reason why you would have a filter on is because you always thought that I wasn't good enough for you. You denied your feelings for me when we weren't together, and then you lied to me when we were together. And you lied to yourself. Your da wasn't the problem, Ethan. You were. And me sleeping with Caleb just gave you the perfect out." She's speaking through clenched teeth. "And I'm too fucking old and busy to help you sort your shit out, so you can shove all this up your ass."

I'm looking at her, seeing all the hurt that I caused her, for something so foolish, so futile, so needless. And it's like it's a fresh wound again. She continues. "Trudy talked me into coming to this wedding, thinking that I'm still in love with you, but you can rest assured, Ethan, that I am not. I have much better things to do with my time than chase a ghost. So, you can go fuck yourself."

I let her go. I don't try to stop her this time. She heads towards the guest house, alone. Trudy is talking to Laney, while Maverick gazes from a distance. The throng of people makes it difficult for me to watch where she's headed, but I weave my gaze in and out, until I see her walk inside the building. And as my reverie is broken by the photographer asking me to stand next to Caleb in the picture, I see it.

…da's seering gaze looking straight at me.

She's sitting on the couch in the living room of the guest house, when I walk inside. Everybody is partying, Maverick and Trudy are flirting, while being completely unaware of Freya's whereabouts. I bring her a glass of wine and myself a beer, and I sit down on the couch, even though I'm not invited to. "You're right." I say straight to her. "It took me a long time to realize it, but you're right."

Freya hasn't been crying. She's a strong woman. She just wanted to be alone and even though I've robbed her of that now, it's for good. I can see her chest heaving she's so angry at me, but she says nothing. "I did take the first opportunity to get out." I lick my lips and take a sip of beer before continuing. "The truth is, I was fucking scared. I'd never loved a woman before. And worse, I was so afraid because of how much I loved you, and I knew how heartbreaking it would be for me to tell you that my da didn't approve. I never wanted you to feel like you weren't enough. It was easier for you to believe that I left because of you and Caleb."

She tosses back the wine and sets the glass on the coffee table. And she waits. She knows that I'm not finished.

"I realize now that you felt like you weren't enough, anyway. Despite my efforts." I sniff. "I never let you meet my family or my friends, and you respected that, by never making me meet any of yours. You were happy just to have me, no matter in what form, and I'm such a shit for it."

Finally, she says something to me, leveling with me. "What about my lie, Ethan? Are you ever going to figure that one out?"

I nod. "Aye. It's simple. In the beginning, it was none of my business, but when things got serious, you were just protecting me, just like I thought that I was protecting you. We both made mistakes." I scoff a laugh. "Evidently, lots of women have made their way around my family, and I'm just a prude for thinking it was so risqué."

"I never cheated on you, Ethan." She clarifies.

"That was never in my mind. I know you're not a whore, Freya. That's one of the reasons why I was so drawn to you."

She tilts her head. "And why, pray tell, are you bringing all this to my attention, Ethan? Is this just to appease your da, or do you really feel like this needs to be brought out?"

"To be honest, Freya, both. You know how powerful my da is, and it's because of him that I've been having these epiphanies. He's a changed man since Laney and Peg came into our lives. And it's really got me thinking."

"So, he's pushed you to marry me, has he? Just like he pushed Caleb to marry Laney?" She tests.

"Truthfully, he likes you, and as painful and embarrassing as it is to admit, he sees how much I care for you, and he wants me to be happy."

She rises. "Ethan, that's all fine and dandy, but I'm not getting roped into a forced marriage. It's twisted and fucked and frankly, I'm surprised that Caleb and Laney are getting on as they are, since they're the first victims of this game your da is playing. I don't want to be a part of it. I've had my heart broken once from this family, and I'm not interested in doing it again."

I raise my hand. "Please. Sit down, Freya."

After an eye roll and a deep sigh, she relents. "Fine. Go on."

I swallow, going for trite. "Just answer me one question."

I have her full attention, albeit it's snide.

"Why did you come today?"

Another deep breath. "Well, despite your hopes showing, it was for Trudy. The proof is in my purse. I brought literally nothing, because I have no expectations for tonight. Trudy begged me to come and that's the only reason, frankly, why I'm here."

"Well, that's fair enough." I scoff a laugh. "I didn't want to be here, either, if you want the truth." I pause, smiling at her. "I don't want to be twisted up in my family's weird dimension, either, Freya. But I also didn't want to leave things between you and I as they were. I meant it when I said that I'd been thinking a lot about what happened, and I think it's important to work through it, so we can both move on."

She scoffs.

"What?"

"Move on. Ethan, you have no idea. After what happened with us, I can't be with another man."

My face is serious. "Well, that's a shame. Such a waste, Freya."

Her gaze darts to mine. "And what about you, huh? You're no better, Ethan."

"I'm aware of that, lass. That's why I wanted to talk to you."

"So you could clear your conscience?" Her tone is sharp, almost angry.

"Aye, I guess. And so that you know the truth, Freya."

Her gaze averts from mine. We're silent for a beat. I can tell that she's contemplating saying something, because her jaw muscles are working, so I wait, figuring that I've said enough. When she finally speaks, it tears my heart out. "Ethan, I don't think that you ever truly loved me or that I ever truly loved you. Not unconditionally, anyway. Because it wouldn't have mattered either way, if your da accepted me or if you accepted that I kept a secret from you. That's what it boils down to, Ethan. What we had, might have been something, but it wasn't love."

Her words cut me deep. I feel a ball in my throat. I am not the emotional type, but that hurt. No matter how truthful she's being, how raw and honest she's being with me right now, that hurts. "I'm sorry you feel that way, Freya. But I loved you with all my heart."

"That's…really hard to believe, Ethan. Considering that you never once looked back. You never once checked in on me, or gave me a chance to explain, and it wasn't until your family needed me, and when your da got the idea in his head that we should be together, that you came back to me. And now it's too late. No matter how much I feel for you now, it's too late. Too much pain and time has passed. And we can never have what we had then, ever again."

I sit up, resting my elbows on my knees, clasping my hands together. "Freya, that's not what I'm saying. We are two different people now. A year has passed since we had what we had. But what I am saying is that I did love you, no matter what form it was, I told you that I loved you, and I meant it. Sure, a lot has changed since then, and we can't change the past, but it's important for us to get through this, so that we can move on, no matter what that means for us, individually."

She rises again. "Ethan, this is enough. I need to…I need to get away. Clear my head. I can't…I can't talk about this anymore."

I rise with her and lift a hand. "Okay, it's okay."

"I have to go." She says and walks out the door.

As she leaves, I think to myself, God…damn, she's right.

…I need to get away, too.