23. Hudson

HUDSON

Islept all of three hours before my phone started going off so much that it vibrated right off the nightstand and fell to the hardwood with a crash that had me jolting upright in the bed, my heart pounding in my chest.

“Holy shit,” I mutter, reaching down and grabbing it from the floor, my eyes widening when I see the hundreds of notifications on the screen before it rings again in my hand.

Reed.

“What the fuck is going on?” I ask, running a hand over my hair, trying to shake off the fog of sleep.

“Turn the fucking news on. TMZ. Right now.” He says it so loudly that I pull the phone back from my ear, squinting at the sudden burst of noise.

I feel for the remote on the nightstand and click the TV on, turning to E! News. Two newscasters are in conversation, talking animatedly, but I can’t hear what they’re saying until I turn the volume up, and the screen flits to…

My phone drops from my hand into my lap.

No. No. No. Fuck. No.

Scrambling for the phone, I pick it up and bring it back to my ear. “Tell me this is not fucking happening.”

He scoffs. “It’s fucking happening, brother, and it’s on every major outlet there is. Every social media platform. Every streaming service.”

I press the speaker button and go straight to the browser, ignoring the notifications pouring in, and pull up the first article that comes up when my name is typed in. Of course it’s fucking TMZ.

PLAYBOY PLAYMAKER PREYING ON CO-EDS?

Hudson Rome seen carrying a busty blonde co-ed bridal style out of a fraternity house last night at Northwestern University and now we want to know… Who is she? And is she just another score for Chicago’s star goalie?

There’s a photo of me with Caroline in my arms, her face nuzzled into my neck, and the look on my face is grim. I knew photos would probably be taken, but what the fuck else was I supposed to do?

Thank fuck you can’t make out Caroline’s face, so at least I know she’s protected from this shit.

I don’t generally give a fuck what the media has to say, but this shit looks really bad, and I don’t want her in the middle of a media scandal.

“This is so fucking bad,” I mutter. “So goddamn bad, Reed. Like the worst possible goddamn scenario.”

God, I hope she’s okay and still sleeping last night off. I hope she hasn’t seen this shit.

His sigh is long and ragged. “I know. Chaney’s having a fucking heart attack, and I was about to drive to your goddamn house since you haven’t answered anyone’s calls or texts.”

Dropping my head back on my shoulders, I blow out a breath and try to think. I have to get on top of this. I’ve got to go to Coach, first and foremost. I’m going to come clean, tell him I’m in love with Caroline. Tell him why we kept our relationship a secret, smooth over whatever I can so it doesn’t hurt their relationship. Assure him that I’d never do anything that would hurt her and that I would do anything on this fucking planet to protect her. And that’s what we should focus on.

Protecting her.

Whatever comes back on me comes back, and I don’t give a damn as long as she’s okay.

“I was asleep. I got home late as fuck and just passed out the second I got inside. Caroline…” I say, rubbing the back of my neck, “She got drunk last night, and her roommate called me and asked me to come get her. She was worried. I got there, and some fucker was hovering over her like a creep. I almost killed him, but I had to get her out of there and get her back to the house. She was passed out the entire time.”

“I figured something happened. Fuck, we know what’s going on, Hudson, but the rest of the world doesn’t, and shit like this makes it look bad. Real fucking bad.”

“I know. Fuck, trust me, I know. At least they can’t make out who she is,” I say. The one saving grace of this absolute goddamn mess. The only way I’m even remotely going to be able to fix this is by going straight to Coach and getting PR on this. Try to find a way to clear this up and not hurt the team without anything falling back on her. “I’ve got to go to Coach, Reed. I’ve got to come clean and set things straight. Caroline will probably hate my fucking guts after, but it’s the only way to fix this and protect her too.”

“As much as I don’t want that to be true, I agree. But Hudson, he’s going to lose his mind. You realize that, right? You’ll probably be suspended in the middle of the season.”

Getting up from the bed, I pad to my closet to throw clothes on as we talk. “Look, I hate that the team gets flak because of this shit, but all I care about is protecting Caroline. If my reputation takes the hit, fuck it, I don’t care. I’ll sit out, I’ll take the trade… I’ll do whatever it takes to keep her out of this and make sure it never touches her.”

He sighs again, remaining quiet for a second. I can hear Holland in the background, talking quietly. “Holland is threatening to cut my dick off if I don’t say this, but she said you better fix this and get your girl, or she’s going to kick your ass.”

Typical Holland. I shake my head. “I’m getting dressed now. My phone is blowing the hell up. I’m going straight to Coach’s office and pray he doesn’t kill me in the process.”

“We’ve got your back, brother. Keep me posted.”

After a quick goodbye, I set my phone down on the bathroom counter, my hands gripping the granite as I try to take a deep breath.

This is the worst possible scenario when it comes to Coach finding out. Publicly and blown up in our faces.

My phone rings again, vibrating against the counter, and his name flashes across the screen. Time to face him. I sigh as I swipe across the screen, squeezing my eyes shut.

“Hey, Coach…”

“You have thirty goddamn minutes to get into this office, or you are done, Rome.” He says it so calmly, so fucking deadly, that I’m actually a little fucking scared.

“Yes, sir.” He disconnects the call without saying anything further.

That means I’ve got twenty minutes to get to his office.

He didn’t even give me a choice to check on Caroline first, and that makes my stomach twist with anxiousness. I want to make sure she’s okay.

Sixteen minutes later, I walk through the hallway of the practice facility with every eye in the building on me. Some look sympathetic, others simply curious, wondering if I’m actually guilty of what the media is accusing me of, and some avoid eye contact altogether.

Coach’s office is toward the end of the hall, so it takes me a minute to get there, and when I do, I knock only once before it swings open, revealing the man who holds my future in his hands in more ways than one.

His face is beet red, his jaw firmly set, his eyes revealing every bit of his anger.

“In. Now.”

I immediately step through the door, and before my ass even hits the seat, he’s on me.

“You wanna tell me what the fuck this is?” He throws down a printout of the TMZ article with that horrid fucking headline, spittle flying, his face turning even more red. “I thought we were done with this bullshit. You told me you were serious and you had your shit right. Clearly, you’re still that irresponsible kid that I first met. Did you even think about your team? You wanna tell me what in the absolute goddamn hell you were thinking, Rome? Huh?”

I swallow, my knuckles turning white with how hard I’m gripping the armrests of the chair, trying to keep in mind that he has no idea what actually happened, and all he is seeing are these false narratives. Even though it stings that he immediately assumed the worst in me.

But I have a feeling his blood pressure is about to skyrocket when he actually hears the truth.

“I want to start by saying that… that—” I gesture to the paper on his desk. “—is a completely false narrative, and I would never put myself in a compromising position like they’re insinuating. I have too much respect for women to do that. That’s not who I am, and nothing about that is true.”

He scoffs, pacing behind his desk as he tugs at the gray strands of his hair. “Well, I suggest you get to explaining, Rome. Because the circumstances and pictures are pretty damn incriminating. What were you even doing there? Do you know what a goddamn circus this is? Do you even know how many phone calls, emails, text messages I have gotten this morning about this? It’s a literal goddamn nightmare.”

“I understand that we have had a rocky history, Coach. It’s no secret, and I think this conversation should be one of honesty, not beating around the bush. You’ve disliked me from the very first day you became the coach of this team, and I don’t blame you.”

His gaze narrows as he leans over the desk.

I clear my throat, continuing. “I don’t blame you for feeling that way because if I was in your position, walking on to a new team with a player who was constantly in the headlines for shit, then I would have felt the same way. But I also am nothing like the man you met all those years ago. I’m nothing like the man that you knew a year ago, and while I don’t need recognition for my growth, what I do need is respect.” I pause as I gauge his reaction, but his face remains blank, and fuck if that isn’t what makes me slightly more on edge. “I have worked hard as fuck to prove myself to you, not only as a player but as a man, and you’ve never changed your opinion of me no matter how hard I’ve tried. I know this situation sets us back, but I hope that you’ll give me a real chance to explain everything. It is not what it seems.”

“I’m still sitting here, Rome,” he grumbles.

“I hate being called the Playboy Playmaker, more than you know, and I’ve been trying to free myself of that shit for so long. It was cool when I was a rookie, but I’m not that guy anymore, and I haven’t been for a long time. The girl in that photo is someone I love. Very fucking much. Someone who I was trying to protect from a scary situation she found herself in.”

His expression changes to one of surprise, his brow furrowing. “You’re dating this girl?”

I hesitate before responding, shifting in my chair as I try to find out the exact way that I need to phrase this. “Not exactly. Coach, the girl in that photo is Caroline. I am in love with your daughter.”

He laughs humorously. “Is this a joke? Are you fuckers playing a prank on me and this is your version of funny? This is serious, Rome. Quit fucking around.”

I shake my head, my jaw tightening along with my hands as they grip the chair. “Caroline and I met at the Stanley Cup party, and neither of us had any clue as to who the other was. We never expected to see each other again after that night, so the day that we met again in your office, we were both completely… knocked off-kilter. I want you to know that I did not know she was your daughter, and when I found out, I did not pursue her… well… at first.”

“Rome, I’m going to fucking kill you.” He seethes. “You’ve been sleeping with my fucking daughter? She’s in goddamn college! She’s my daughter!” He comes around the desk, and for a second, I think he might actually hit me, which I would take, but he just shakes his head, his fists clenching at his side. “Tell me why the fuck does she look like she’s unconscious?”

“I’m not sorry for falling in love with her. I never will be. I won’t apologize for the way that I feel about her because it is so pure, the best thing I’ve ever known. I’m sorry that we had a relationship behind your back, behind everyone’s back. I am. But I would do it again and again for her. I’m sorry you had to find out this way—it’s not how I wanted to tell you. But when I realized I was in love with her, I knew I had to tell you… I was going to tell you.”

“What the fuck happened to my daughter? Tell me why she looks like that in this picture,” Coach interrupts, frantically running his hands through his hair.

“First, you need to know that she’s okay. She’s safely sleeping in her bed at the sorority house. I made sure of it.” I pause, dragging my hand down my face. “Last night, she was out with her roommate at a party, drinking. Her roommate called me to come pick her up from the party because Caroline seemed really drunk and out of it.”

“What? Why would she call you and not me? I’m her father!” he cries angrily. I can hear the emotion in his voice, and I understand where it’s coming from, but I also want to protect my girl, even now. Especially now.

Nodding, I continue. “I don’t know, but her roommate thought it was better to call me. She was worried about getting Caroline home safely. Asked me to come get her. And I did. I walked in, and there was a guy standing over her while she was passed out on a bed, and I almost lost my mind. I think that’s what drew attention, me yelling at the guy, and when I picked her up and carried her back to her sorority house… people recognized me and took photos. It looked bad, but I was protecting her, Coach.”

“Is she okay?” Coach looks beside himself with worry. “Fuck, tell me she’s okay.”

“I got her home safe and put her to bed. Her roommate stayed by her side. I haven’t gotten to check on her yet today, but she was home and safe, and is probably still sleeping it off.”

He swallows heavily, staring off into space.

“Listen, sir, I had every intention of coming to you today when I saw the headlines, but you called me here first. So there you have it… That’s what really happened, and I know that you’re probably going to suspend me and, fuck, go to GM and ask for me to be traded, but I want to be clear that I would do it again if it meant keeping her safe, if it meant getting to be with her. I will always put her first. Over hockey, over any fucking thing. I love her, and I would do anything for her.”

When I’m done speaking, he’s stopped the pacing and is looking at me with something unfamiliar shining in his eyes.

“She’s my little girl, Hudson,” he says quietly, his voice breaking slightly. “She needed help, and I wasn’t there. How many times have I not been there for her? I’ve messed up for so goddamn long. I want so badly to do it over, but I can’t. I’ve only got the time left I have with her. I’m trying to be there for her now.”

“I know, sir. Caroline is amazing. She’s everything good in this world, and I’m lucky to even be a part of her life. I want to be there for her too. Your relationship is between the two of you, but you can still be there for her now, Coach.”

Rising from the chair, I take one last look at him. Our conversation is over. I’m not going to beg him to forgive me or to beg for my spot on the team.

I did what I did because it was the right thing to do. I protected the girl that I love, and at the end of the day, that’s the kind of man I want to be. And when it comes down to it, the only thing I need is Caroline.

“I know that my spot on the team might be in jeopardy, and I’m genuinely sorry that the gossip sites are spreading lies and making your job even harder than it already is. I never would want anything I do to hurt my team… my brothers. But I will never apologize for loving Caroline. I want to give her the world, and if she’ll let me? I’m going to.”

* * *

Caroline

“Rise and shine, Sleeping Beauty.”

I groan into the pillow, pulling the comforter tighter around me as I burrow deeper into the mattress. I need at least another twelve hours of sleep. No, make that sixteen.

“Care, you’ve gotta get up. C’mon.”

Seconds later, the blanket is pulled off, the cool air hitting my bare legs and arms, making goose bumps spread on my chilled skin. I crack one eye open and see Tatum standing over me, holding a bottle of water and two little blue pills in the palm of her hand, her eyebrows raised as if to say, Try me.

Begrudgingly, I sit up and rub the sleep from my eyes. “What time is it?”

“Three,” she says, extending her hand toward me for me to grab the pills, then the water.

I take both and crack the bottle open, tossing the pills down my throat and chasing them with a swig of water.

“Like a.m.?”

She shakes her head, “No, as in like p.m. As in you slept for twelve hours. As in you need to get up like right now.”

I reach under my pillow in search of my phone, and then I realize just how hungover I am. My head is pounding incessantly, and my mouth is so dry that it feels like I swallowed an entire piece of cotton.

Jesus.

“How much did I drink last night?” The night itself is completely gone from my memory. I vaguely remember arriving at the frat house and taking a shot of tequila with Tate, and the rest… poof.

Gone.

A black hole in my brain.

Which means I blacked out, and that is slightly concerning since I have only done that maybe once in my entire life.

Tate laughs drily. “Oh, Caroline, darling.” Her ass hits my bed as she shakes her head. “It was bad. Like, really, really bad.”

Groaning, I flop backward. “Please tell me I didn’t do something stupid like call Hudson and cry. Please, god.”

“Worse.”

My eyes widen. “No. No. Tell me now. Seriously.”

Tatum recounts last night in vivid detail, not leaving out a single horrid aspect, and by the time she’s done, I feel like I might actually puke. She’s right. It is so bad. I feel so stupid.

“God, you should have seen how he was with you, Care. I have never seen a man be so… gentle? He took your freakin’ makeup off. He remembered how much you hate to sleep in it, so he asked for a makeup wipe and took it off. Then, he put the Advil and water by your bed. He even took off your shoes and tucked you in. Tell me what man does that so tenderly that you could actually weep.”

My stomach plummets. Hudson.

I can’t believe I got so drunk. I’m beyond embarrassed that he had to freakin’ come get me from the frat house and carry me out. Mortified. I don’t think I’ll ever actually be able to face him again, which is sad because I miss him. So much.

“He’s head over heels for you, girl,” Tate adds. “You better go get your man and stop denying that you have feelings for him because by the time your father gets done with him, he might not even be in Chicago anymore.”

“Wait, what?” I croak. My words are as scratchy as my throat currently feels. “What do you mean?”

She sighs, sitting up. “So, uh… about that.” Pulling out her phone, she scrolls and then turns it to face me. A TMZ article is front and center on the screen.

I snatch the phone out of her hand and cover my mouth with my other hand.

Oh my god.

There’s a photo of Hudson carrying me out of the frat house. He looks so mad, like… he could actually murder someone. The title of the article is insinuating…

“Oh, Tate,” I whisper, tears immediately welling in my eyes. “My father is going to have him traded. He’ll be suspended. His career will be over, his professional reputation ruined. What about the kids he coaches… Oh god, I have to fix this. He was so worried when we started hooking up that somehow my father would find out. That the media would make it something scandalous. I thought he was just overreacting.” Thrusting the phone in her face, I cry, “Clearly not!God, how could I be so stupid? I just cost the guy that I’m in… that I’m seeing his career, all because I had to get plastered at a damn frat house because I wasn’t ready to talk to him about my feelings.” My face is completely wet from the tears streaming down my face.

“Babe, I’m the one who called him, not you. You were very much incapable of doing that. So, technically, this is my fault. And I’m so sorry I left you alone even just for a minute to get your water,” Tatum says sheepishly, remorse heavy in her teary eyes.

“No, stop, Tate. You did exactly what I would’ve wanted you to do. Thank you. For taking care of my drunk, sloppy ass and for calling him. I… It scares me to think of what could have happened with that guy had you guys not walked in…” My entire body shudders as that thought flits through my mind, and then it turns back to Hudson. Who took care of me. Who showed up even though I hurt him.

“I care about him… I think I might even love him, and knowing that… knowing that I’m the reason the media is portraying him this way and that he’s probably going to no longer be an Avalanche? No. I have to fix this. Now.”

I stand from the bed so quickly my head spins, and I head straight to the bathroom. I let the scalding water wash away last night, quickly brush my teeth, then throw clothes on before I walk back out to the room.

“I’m going to see my dad,” I tell her, grabbing my phone and shoving it into my back pocket.

“Right now?”

Nodding, I walk toward the door, desperate to make it to my dad and make this right. To fix whatever I’ve fucked up. “Yes, right now. I’ll be back.”

“Give ’em hell, baby…” Tate smirks, pecking my cheek.

I’m going to need it.

* * *

By the timeI make it to his office, the building is quiet. Most people aren’t working on Sunday, but I know today’s the day my dad likes to review plans, and he prefers to do it in his office so he won’t be distracted.

My stomach is in complete knots, my palms are clammy, and my heart… it feels like it’s shredded. I feel so guilty, so embarrassed and ashamed of last night. I can’t even stomach looking at another article that has Hudson’s name on it. Apparently, I’m into self-sabotaging because I looked his name up in the Uber and couldn’t stop the tears from falling for the rest of the ride.

My Romeo.

The man who I foolishly pushed away when I got scared. The one I wanted to leave before he could leave me.

That’s why I ran, isn’t it?

I ran away from him because I couldn’t process all of those big feelings inside of me.

The man who has protected me, taken care of me, and selflessly sacrificed so many things to simply be with me.

The only way I can fix this is by being honest and not running from my feelings like a coward, no matter how impossibly big they feel.

I know that now, because the only other option is to lose him, and that’s really not even an option, not really. I want to be with him because I do love him. I know that now. Hell, I knew it when he told me he loved me; I was just too overwhelmed to accept it. What I know right now is that I want him. And I have to fix what I broke to make that happen.

Turning the corner to the hallway that leads to my dad’s office, I’m so lost in thought that I’m not paying attention to where I’m going, suddenly running into someone hard, losing my balance.

A hand flies to my elbow to steady me, and of course…

“Hudson,” I breathe, my gaze wide as I take in the wall of a man in front of me. He looks as distraught as I feel. His eyes are tired, and the stubble on his face is slightly longer than I’m used to seeing. God, I hate seeing him like this… I hate the exhausted look in his eyes.

“Bubblegum.”

The nickname falls easily from his lips, and it makes me smile, even with the world on fire around us. It gives me hope that maybe I can actually fix this.

“W-what are you doing here?”

His lips tug up into a sad smile, one that hits me directly in the middle of my already aching chest. “Had to see Coach. Try and put out a few fires.”

I nod, biting my lip, trying to keep the tears at bay. “Hudson… I-I’m so sorry. I’m so incredibly embarrassed and more sorry than you’ll ever know that my behavior caused this whole thing. I’m going to my dad right now to talk to him, to tell him the truth and fix this. Fix all of it.”

I am obviously doing a shit job at keeping my emotions under control because I feel the hot tears sliding down my face, and I sniffle, tearing my gaze from his as I blink them away.

“Hey, hey, Bubblegum… don’t cry. Don’t do that, baby,” he whispers, stepping forward and bringing his hands to my jaw. He frames it in his hands, using his thumb to swipe away the tears wetting my cheeks. “Don’t you dare fucking apologize. I would do it again in a heartbeat, even knowing the outcome.”

“But-t hockey. It’s your job—it’s everything to you. I ruined everything. The things they’re saying about yo-u-u…” I’m stuttering, crying, full-on waterworks now, but I can’t help it. I’m devastated that I’m the cause of all of this. Devastated that this perfect man has to deal with the fallout simply because I can’t hold my liquor. Because he got caught with me. “They…”

“Don’t matter. Because I was protecting the girl I love. And that is the kind of man I want to be. The man I’m fucking proud of. Who can admit he’s head over heels in love with his coach’s daughter, who’s thirteen years younger than him.”

“And in college.” A teary laugh escapes as his grin widens.

“Who’s in college and in a sorority. Even though it’s fucking crazy and we’re on two opposite ends of our lives… I can’t live without her. And I don’t want to. Not even going to try.”

My heart slams against my chest at his declaration. He makes everything sound so easy. So uncomplicated. If only that were true.

“This is crazy. All of it. It’s a mess.”

He nods, swiping away another tear, dropping his head closer to mine. His piercing eyes see past the fear in me, past the uncertainty. “It is. But it doesn’t change a thing, Bubblegum. Not a fucking thing. I’m still just as crazy about you as I was before last night. Maybe even more now, and I didn’t think that was possible. We need to talk about everything. I know we can work through this.”

I swallow down the emotion, bringing my hands to his wrists as they frame my face. He unravels the inside of me, drawing every single thing to the surface that has bubbled underneath since the night I met him.

“I need to see my dad first, Hudson. Please, let me try to fix this, and then I want to come to you. I want to figure everything out between us, but I have to talk to him first.”

His eyes search mine, and then he nods. “I’ll be here, Bubblegum. Whenever you’re ready.”

“Thank you. For being patient. I have a lot I need to say when we talk, but just know I’m so sorry for hurting you,” I whisper, letting go of his hands and taking a small step back so I can think clearly. It’s impossible to think of anything but him when his hands are on me, his scent invading me.

“I’ve waited for you, Caroline, before I even knew that I was. I’ll wait as long as you need.”

With that, he leans forward and presses his lips to my forehead in the most tender, sweet kiss I’ve ever experienced, and my eyes sting as he turns and walks away down the hall until he’s out of view.

I suck in a breath and dry my eyes the best I can since the tears seem to keep falling and walk to my dad’s door, knocking lightly.

A few moments later, it swings open, and he’s on the other side of the door, looking so very tired. The lines are prominent around his eyes, and it looks like he’s aged five years overnight. I hate that I’m part of the reason that this is happening, not just to Hudson but to my dad too.

“Care Bear,” he whispers, and that’s all that it takes for a sob to escape my lips. He steps forward, dragging me into his arms, crushing them around me as I cry into his chest. Heavy, heart-wrenching sobs that I couldn’t stifle even if I tried. There are too many emotions coursing inside of me to contain any longer.

“Don’t cry, Caroline. God, baby girl, don’t cry. Please, I can’t stand to see you cry,” he says with his lips pressed against my hair. “Talk to me. Tell me what’s going on.”

“You can’t have Hudson traded, Dad. I need you to listen to me, okay? Please.” I pull back and untangle myself from his embrace before walking further into his office and pacing nervously. “He didn’t do anything wrong. All the stuff the media is saying, I’m sure you’ve seen it, but you can’t listen to it. That girl… It’s me in that picture. I’m the one he picked up last night.”

I wait for him to explode, but he just nods, his eyes softening. “I know.”

I freeze. “What—what do you mean you know?”

“He told me everything. About the two of you. He told me the truth—that he was protecting you. That he loves you. Is that true, Care Bear?”

Oh, Hudson.

You big, beautiful, stupid man. What have you done? I was so happy to see him I didn’t even stop to ask myself why he was here.

Nodding, I sit in the chair across from his desk, dropping my head into my hands and sucking in a deep breath before lifting my head to meet his gaze. “It is. I love him too, Dad, and if you have him traded just because of our relationship, I will never forgive you. All he’s done is make me happy from the very first day, and he is a good, kind man.”

He shakes his head. “Caroline, baby girl, there has to be consequences. He’s been seeing my daughter behind my back for months. My much younger daughter, who I asked him to look out for. A coach has to have trust with his players. I can’t just let this go.”

I spring from the chair. “Yes, you can! Dad, why would you not want me to be loved by someone like Hudson? Unconditionally, who does everything in their power to make me feel happy and safe, who protects me and makes me feel like the most beautiful person in the world? Why would you punish someone for loving me?”

“Of course I want that for you, Caroline! But baby, he is on my team. He is a professional hockey player almost double your age. You snuck around, lied to my face. How can I trust him as my player fully knowing that? It’s not about punishing him for caring about you—it’s about trust. And him being right for you. You can’t expect me to be okay with this…” he says raggedly, dragging his hand down his face in exasperation.

My jaw clenches, and I set it in determination. I love my dad, as much as I can love a man who’s been absent most of my life, and I don’t want to let him down or hurt him in any way. But I also know that if he has Hudson traded or does anything to hurt his career… the rift in our already fragile relationship will be unrepairable.

There’s no fixing it.

“That’s exactly what I expect, Dad.” I walk over to his desk and grab his hand as I speak, squeezing it in mine tightly. “I love him. I am in love with him. And you may think that I’m too young and immature to know that feeling, but you’re wrong. And I deserve to be loved by a man as selfless and amazing as Hudson. Please, don’t make me choose. Please don’t do that to me.”

His mouth opens as if he wants to respond to that but thinks better of it, and then a deep, weary sigh rumbles from his chest. “I would never ask that of you, Care Bear. I just… he’s a playboy, and you’re my baby girl. You’re my little girl, and I don’t want to see you get hurt. I only want you to be happy, and I want whatever is best for you.”

“Hudson makes me happy. He is what’s best for me, and I know that might not be easy to hear, and I understand. I’m sorry that we’ve been seeing each other in secret, but we both knew that you’d react this way, and I didn’t want him to lose everything he’s worked for just to be with me. I can’t be that reason. Please don’t let this happen. Please don’t be the reason my heart breaks… again.”

The line between his brow depends as his frown does, his eyes misting over. “I’m sorry, Caroline. I’m sorry that I left you and your mom, and I don’t think you’ll ever know how much regret I live with that I didn’t handle that differently. How it suffocates me every damn day I’m breathing. Leaving you two was the biggest mistake of my life.”

His words break something inside of my heart, something that I’ve been stitching back together for a very long time. The fragile thread bursting open at the seams.

“Dad…” I cry, hot tears blurring my vision.

He shakes his head, squeezing my hand tenderly. “Please. I should’ve said this a very long time ago, Caroline. I should’ve never left, and that’s something I’ll have to live with. I missed so many moments of your life because I was a fool. I’m fighting for a place in your life now, trying to make a spot for myself, and it’s what I deserve. I just need you to know how sorry I am. How I would do anything to turn time around and change it. To stay and never have left you.”

I’m crying so hard I can hardly catch my breath. I’ve waited so long to hear this, to hear him take responsibility for being the first man to break my heart. It doesn’t feel good—it doesn’t feel anything like I once hoped it would. It won’t turn back time and give us those years back.

I cover my mouth to stifle the sob as he continues. “I can’t do that, Care Bear. I’d do anything to make that happen, but I can’t. All I can do is fight like hell to earn my place in your life. To be the father you deserve for the time that we have left. To cherish every single second I have with you. I just hope that you can forgive me.”

I nod. “I do, Dad. I do forgive you.”

He squeezes my hand, reaching up to wipe away my tears. “I can’t lose you again, baby girl. It would be like ripping my heart straight from my chest, and I can’t do it. I love you, more than you will ever know. And if he makes you happy, if he’s going to treat you like the precious thing that you are, then I’ll just have to get over it. I’m not trying to hurt either of you; I just want to protect you… so be patient with your old man as I figure this out. I’m still processing it all.”

Leaping off the desk, I throw my arms around him, holding him tightly to me. “Thank you. For trusting me enough to know what’s best for me and for not punishing him. I don’t want anything to ever tear us apart again, Dad. I’m sorry I didn’t come to you with this—I wasn’t sure I could, but I want to build trust together moving forward. All I want is to have you in my life and to be happy.”

“That’s all I want too, baby girl. I don’t want you to ever question my love for you.”

“I know, Dad.” I sniffle, trying to stop the tears and failing miserably. “I don’t. And I need your help. I have to fix this situation with Hudson in the media.”

He nods in agreement. “I know. I’ve had PR on it since he left my office earlier.”

Woah.

“So, you knew before I came in here that you weren’t going to punish him?”

“I knew that if my baby girl loves him, then he has to be a good guy, and I would believe in her even if I wasn’t convinced about him. And I knew you wouldn’t want him to be hurt by this. I just needed to have this discussion with you, see how you truly felt about him.”

He trusted in me, even when I didn’t trust him to make the right decision.

Somehow, it only makes me love him more.