21. Caroline

CAROLINE

Aweek passes after the night in the hotel room in Atlanta with Hudson, and I’ve been so swamped with schoolwork and my internship at the rink that I feel like I haven’t taken a full breath since then. And it sucks that I haven’t been able to see him at all since he had back-to-back games and has been on the road.

We’ve texted daily and have been having a nightly FaceTime, but I miss him and am beyond excited that he lands late tonight. He already asked me to be at his house when he got there, so I’m packing a bag to spend the night with him.

“I feel like we haven’t seen each other in like a year,” Tatum says from her bed as she watches me toss clothes into my overnight bag. “Every time I get home, you’re leaving to stay with your lover boy. I miss you.”

I laugh, shaking my head. “Babe, we literally live together. Plus, I’ll be home tomorrow night anyway. He only has one night home. Let’s hang out?”

“Yes. Oh! We should go to Zeta Alpha for their party.”

I have yet to venture to any fraternity parties, sticking mostly to the house whenever I’m not with Tatum or Hudson, but it sounds fun.

“Sure, let’s do it. I’ll be home a little early tomorrow, and you can put me in whatever outfit you want since you love it so much.” I’m teasing her, but her eyes shine with anticipation when she hears me say she can be in charge of my outfit. There’s nothing Tatum loves more than dressing me up with absolute free rein.

“Say less, boo.” She smirks and glances down at her phone while I finish packing my toiletries, then checking the rideshare app to see when the car will be here to bring me to Hudson’s.

I finish throwing everything in my bag, give Tatum a quick peck on the cheek, then head out the door to the Uber.

Hudson’s supposed to get in earlier tonight than the last time I waited for him, so I’m having a few groceries delivered so I can cook him an actual dinner.

Not that I really know much about cooking dinner. But I’m going to make it work because after a grueling game and a plane ride home with my father, I know Hudson will probably be completely exhausted and starving.

Plus, I feel like doing something nice for him since he’ll need his energy for all the orgasms I’ll be getting later.

It’s the least I can do.

When the Uber turns into Hudson’s neighborhood, passing by all the large suburban houses on his street, it’s a stark reminder of how different our lives are. He owns his own house, has an established career complete with a 401K, and tons of professional accomplishments… and half the time, I don’t even know what I’m having for dinner that night. I guess it’s just easy to forget that we’re in completely different places in our personal lives when we’re having fun together.

Pulling up at the curb, I grab my bag and thank the driver before walking up the driveway. I quickly put in the code at the front door and walk inside, turning off the alarm and letting my bag slip from my shoulder to the floor in the entryway.

I’m still not used to how massive his house is—way bigger than any I’ve ever been inside. It’s eerily quiet, so I walk over to his surround sound and Bluetooth my phone to it, putting on some Harry to fill the empty space.

While his house is gorgeous and ridiculously large, the decor is also kind of… generic. There are no personal touches. Nothing on the walls, no framed photos of his family, nothing on the fridge except one lone takeout menu from a local restaurant.

I make a mental note to help this man add some color or something more “him” when my phone pings with a notification.

Groceries. Perfect timing.

I quickly get them from the porch and carry them to the huge island in the kitchen, immediately getting to work on dinner. I only have a few hours to throw something together, something that’s hopefully edible.

Once I start working, I get lost in the motions.

“Bubblegum?” I hear, followed by the front door slamming. Shit, I completely lost track of time.

“In here,” I call out, trying to blow the hair that’s slipped out of my clip from my face. I can’t use my hands because they’re currently covered in sticky cookie dough.

I’m not entirely convinced that dinner will be edible, so when I raided his pantry at the last minute and found the ingredients for cookies, I started throwing them together.

At least dessert will be edible.

Hopefully.

When Hudson walks through the door of the kitchen, his hair combed back, dressed in a dark suit with a light gray button-down, my mouth runs dry.

I can’t believe I get to ride this man’s dick weekly.

“Hi,” I say, suddenly breathless at the sight of him.

He smirks. “Hey yourself, Bubblegum. Whatcha doin’?”

I shrug. “Just making cookies…”

He walks directly to me and grabs my face, planting a not-so-chaste kiss on my lips that somehow steals even more breath from my lungs. I keep my hands to myself so I don’t dirty up his expensive-looking suit, and he clearly notices my unusual restraint. He grabs one of my hands, bringing a batter-covered finger to his mouth and sucking, swirling his tongue around the pad.

“Mmmm. Good, but nowhere near as good as you, Bubblegum,” he says, hauling me against him and lifting me off my feet in one swift motion. “Need a taste.”

Squealing, I toss my head back and laugh, “Put me down, you big oaf. I’m covered in flour and dough.”

“Even better.” His voice is deep and growly, my favorite version of my Romeo. “Don’t worry, Bubblegum.” Dipping down, he trails his tongue along my collarbone. “I’ll get you all clean. I promise not to miss a spot… and then I’ll dirty you up all over again.”

And he makes true on his promise, just like I knew that he would.

* * *

“Tellme something no one else knows about you. Not even your best friend. A secret,” Hudson says as we lie in his bed, me partially draped over his body, his fingers tracing along my skin as he speaks.

I feel like I’ve hit the jackpot with this man. He makes me come harder than I’ve ever come in my life, and he’s sweet, attentive.

Easy.

“Secrets cost, Romeo.” I grin up at him cheekily, my eyes shining bright with amusement.

He shrugs. “Fine, give me a secret, and I’ll give you one. Tit for Tat.”

For a moment, I’m quiet as I think about a secret that I’ve never told anyone, but I keep getting distracted by how good he feels beneath me. This feels… intimate. But it also just feels right, and I don’t want to stop to question it.

“I cheated on my fifth grade spelling bee.”

“That’s your big secret?” He chuckles, shaking his head.

I sit up, raising my eyebrows. “Listen, I still feel guilty about it. I thought about writing a letter to my old school and admitting it. Maybe a confession would make me feel a little better.”

“Baby, if cheating on a spelling bee is your biggest crime, then you have nothing to worry about.”

He’s teasing me, and I just grin, not bothered in the least.

I can take whatever he dishes out, and with grace.

I love bantering with him. It makes me all hot and bothered.

“Your turn. I have a feeling this is going to be juicy. Make it good,” I say excitedly as I sit up and peer into his dark eyes, resting my chin on his chest as I wait for a response.

“Fine. But take it to your grave, Evans, you hear me?”

I nod. “Scout’s honor.”

“I have a Beanie Baby collection. In my parents’ attic. I’ve been collecting since I was a kid, and I don’t actively seek them out anymore, but if I stumble across one… I’ll buy it. Sometimes on eBay for thousands of dollars…”

My eyes widen, and I try to keep it under control. I really do, but I fail. Miserably. My laughter explodes out of me full force as I completely lose my shit.

You’re telling me this hulk of a man with more muscles than I’ve ever seen on any man collects freakin’ Beanie Babies? The little vintage stuffed animals that used to come in Happy Meals back in the ’90s? Way before my time.

“B-beani-e-e Babies-s, Hudson?” I cackle, bringing my hand to my mouth to stifle the laughter.

“Don’t you judge me. You wanted a secret no one knew, and now you’ve got one. Not even the guys know, and they never will. Right, Caroline?”

I nod, trying to hold it together before I fall apart again, and he just shakes his head, pulling me towards him and swallowing every giggle that leaves my mouth until suddenly, my laughter becomes a moan.

“I have something to ask you,” Hudson says softly as he trails his fingers up and down my arms as we lie cuddled up in his bed once again. The soothing motion almost has me falling asleep, exhausted from having the best sex of my life. Apparently, I should tease him about his Beanie Baby collection more often if it results in that.

“So then ask me, Romeo,” I reply sleepily.

He chuckles, the sound vibrating against my back where it meets his chest. “So, I was thinking. I have dinner tomorrow at my parents’, and I want you to come. My sister, Hailey, and her boyfriend will also be there.”

I freeze, my entire body going rigid in his embrace. I’m awake now.

Meeting his family? Going to a family dinner? That is the literal definition of being in an official relationship and is definitely the last thing that I was expecting him to ask.

“Uh, what do you mean?” I say, scooting away slightly to slip out of his arms. I think this is a conversation that should happen face-to-face and not under the influence of the laxness of our post-sex haze. I sit up, turning to face him. “Meeting your parents, Hudson? Aren’t you the one who said no one could know about us… sleeping together? Isn’t that what we agreed? I mean… I know that some of our friends know. But they’re your parents, Hudson. They’ll know I’m your fuck buddy…”

His brow furrows. “It’s just my parents, Bubblegum, not TMZ… It’s not like they’d tell anyone that we are together if I asked them to keep it quiet. And I mean, would it be that bad if we did tell more people?”

“As in…?” I ask. “What are you saying?”

“What if we came clean, Caroline? What if we told your dad and said fuck what everyone thinks? What if we were together… publicly. Together for real. A couple. Not fuck buddies. Not casually hooking up. Whatever you want to call it. Just… more.”

I scoff, shaking my head. “Oh, tell everyone that we’ve been sneaking around behind their backs for months? Because this isn’t a relationship, remember? We agreed that we would keep things fun. Easy. Uncomplicated.”

With that, I jump up from the bed and start looking for my clothes. I have no idea what is happening right now, but I feel like I need clothes for it. I’m pacing the room, trying to find the things he took off me that are strewn around his bedroom.

I just… I don’t understand where this is coming from. I thought we were both on the same page. I thought we wanted the same thing. I thought he liked how things were going.

When did that change? Have I not been reading the room right this entire time?

Because what he’s asking? It’s not what people who are “hooking up” do. It’s what people who are dating do… after months of dating.

“Hudson, I’m in college. What would your parents say about you sleeping with a girl nearly half your age? Your coach’s daughter. I feel like you’re saying things you’re not thinerking through.”

“You’re making it sound so… taboo. We’re fucking adults, Caroline, in a consenting relationship. Who gives a shit if your father is my coach or if you’re in college. Seriously, who gives a fuck. I don’t. Not anymore.”

I laugh without a hint of humor, shaking my head. “You’re thirteen years older than me, Hudson. You’re a whole-ass adult with a mortgage and adult responsibilities. I’m a college junior whose only responsibilities are keeping my grades up enough to get a degree and accumulating student debt. You and I both know… this would never work as anything more than casual fun. And not just because of my dad… we’re in two very different places in our lives. You’re delusional if you think anything different.”

I can feel his anger from here. It hangs in the air, draping around us, suffocating us both. His fists are clenched by his side, his jaw set in anger.

“That’s bullshit.” He seethes. “Complete fucking bullshit, and if that’s the excuse you want to use, fine. But it doesn’t change shit. It doesn’t change the way that I feel. How I think you feel too.”

I’m beginning to feel like an animal trapped in a cage, and with each word he throws at me, the enclosure is getting smaller, hindering my ability to think rationally. To process what he’s really saying.

“You have lost your mind,” I say, pausing my frantic pacing. “Completely lost it, Hudson. Why are you making this more than it is?”

He finally stands from the bed, reaching out for me. “Caroline, just stop for a second, okay? Just listen to what I have to say.”

I pull my shirt on, sans bra, my gaze drifting to his.

“You’re it, Caroline, do you hear me? I’m fucking crazy about you,” he says, walking over and cradling my jaw in his hands as he speaks. “I fucking want you, and I don’t give a shit what I have to sacrifice to have you. You are worth it, Bubblegum. You’re worth whatever the fuck happens when I tell the world you’re mine.”

Swallowing, I try to push down the emotion that’s welling in my throat.

“Who cares if I’m older than you, that we’re in different junctures of our lives. People do it all the time—you just figure it out,” he adds when I don’t reply.

“I thought this was just… just chill… just hooking up, Hudson. And now you want to tell my father? Tell the world? Make it more complicated!” I cry, stepping back, trying to ignore the hurt in his eyes. That’s what I didn’t want to happen. Drama. For either of us to be hurt.

We agreed on fun. Fun I was good with. Great with, even. But when it gets messy and tangled and feelings are involved, that’s where I draw a line. Where I thought we had drawn a line.

“Well, shit changed, Caroline, and I know you feel that. I can’t be the only one that feels this way,” he says, running his hand over his hair as his eyes search mine.

Shaking my head, I back up a step. “You can’t just change things up on me out of the blue, Hudson.”

“I can’t help that I’m falling in love with you,” he yells, his voice raising in frustration. “I cannot fucking help that somewhere along the way, I started to fall in love with you, Caroline. So here we are. I’m asking you for more.”

“You don’t love me,” I whisper, reaching onto the floor for my shorts, then dragging them up my hips, avoiding his gaze. “We agreed from the very beginning that all that would ever be between us is sex, and now you’re talking about relationships and love, meeting your freaking family, and I just—I can’t do this, Hudson. I can’t.” I start throwing the rest of my things into my bag roughly, desperate to get out of this room, away from this conversation that’s making me question everything.

He’s making me question everything.

“What are you so afraid of?” he asks. “I’m risking everything to be with you, Caroline, every single fucking thing, and you’re not risking a goddamn thing. So, tell me, what are you so afraid of? So afraid that you’re pushing me away. That you’re so desperate for someone to not love you.” His voice is low, hoarse, and full of emotion. I know I’m hurting him, and I hate it. The broken look on his face, the anger in his eyes. But I’m just so overwhelmed and have to get out of here.

“I’m afraid of it all,” I force myself to say confidently, even if I feel anything but right now. “Falling in love isn’t for me, Hudson. You’re asking for something that I can’t give you. Something that you have known from the start wasn’t in the cards for us.”

He’s asking for something that I can’t give him.

My heart.

It was the biggest risk of all.