33. Cleo

33

CLEO

After we finished our food, I walked Cat over to the farm stand and bought another bag of donuts for my mom. The orchard was getting really crowded by the time we trekked back to Cat's car.

Happy to avoid the crowds, we piled into the car and headed home. I was more exhausted from all the walking and the beaming sun than I'd realized. The gentle rocking of the car could've put me to sleep if my mind hadn't been racing.

But as much as I enjoyed our apple-picking date, I knew I had to bring up the phone call at some point. We'd been forced out of our delusional vacation and forced to reckon with everything we'd avoided talking about.

I used the car ride to try and formulate my thoughts and by the time Cat was pulling the Mercedes into my parking lot, I felt like I had a pretty good grip on where I stood.

Grabbing the bag of apples from the car, I headed for my front door with Cat trailing just a few feet behind me. I tried not to think about how cute she looked in her loose flannel and torn jeans.

With each step, both of our moods grew heavier. The tension of our looming conversation started to weigh down on us.

Once I'd gotten us upstairs, we set our stuff down.

Cat leaned against the peninsula that separated the kitchen from the living room. Taking my position by the couch, I sighed. "So. Your team is coming to the championships?"

Biting her lip, Cat nodded. "If we make it and the league is cool with it. I'm sorry I didn't mention it earlier."

"I get it. It's fine." I looked back at her, her brown hair draping over her shoulders. A golden light came in through the living room windows. "What does that mean?"

With a sigh, Cat shrugged. "I don't know."

I scoffed. "So you've known about this for a few days at least, and you haven't figured out how you feel about it?"

"Kind of." From across the room, I could see her jaw tighten. "It's kind of a decision we both have to make, no?"

"That feels like a cop-out." I crossed my arms. I knew it was a combative move, but I couldn't stop myself. Everything in my body told me to protect myself. This was charted territory and the map didn't look too good.

Cat shook her head. "How could that be true?" After waiting for me to answer her, Cat continued, "I was willing to work on this. You were the one who walked away last time."

Groaning, I rolled my eyes. "That is such an oversimplification and you know it."

"How?" She quipped.

"Because you didn't make any time to visit me. You were on the road all the time and you never answered my texts or calls. You had an ego the size of fucking Mars." Shaking my head, I met her green eyes. "You quit on me and waited for me to do your dirty work."

Cat bit her lip, her face turning to a scowl. "Bullshit. You refused to come on the road. My career was taking off and you were jealous that I didn't get roped back into New Winford's orbit."

My jaw dropped. "God forbid I helped my mom with the store after my dad…"

Raising a hand, Cat shook her head. "Pause. That's not what I'm saying."

"Do you want to clarify?" Asshole was how I wanted to end that sentence. But I decided to ignore the twenty-five-year-old, hurt Cleo begging me to blow this up.

"I'm saying, there were options to hire help and to take time off, that you didn't take. I know that taking the store was always going to be your priority and I respect that." She met my eyes, not backing down from this fight.

There was a pause, silence settling over my apartment. Once again, I was thankful that I didn't have neighbors.

Shaking her head, Cat looked at her feet. "But I told you what I needed to feel invested in coming back here. And you refused to meet me halfway."

"So why didn't you end it yourself?" I swallowed hard. It was a question I'd asked myself for years as I tried to figure out where we went wrong. But if we had any hope of doing things differently this time, I needed to know.

Cat lifted her chin, meeting my gaze again. "Because you were always my person and I didn't want to quit on you. I wasn't ready to walk away."

Before I could think about it for too long, I clenched my jaw. "And this time you are going to walk away?"

"Did I say that?" Cat stood up straight, taking her weight off of the counter behind her back, and walked closer.

"Tommy seems to think so." I crossed my arms. The last thing I wanted to do was give up my control, but I felt myself desperate to melt in Cat's green eyes.

Laughing, Cat shook her head. "What if I did want this? What if I was willing to put in the effort to try again, to prove to you that I was never going to leave you? Then what?"

She was saying everything I'd been dreaming of hearing. Can I trust that it's real?

"I don't know." Biting my lip, I looked down at my feet. "I don't know if I would ever believe you."

Letting out a sigh, Cat nodded. "Do you want some space?" She'd lowered her voice, trying to be as gentle as possible

"I just need to go for a walk. Is that okay?"

"Of course it is. Do you want me to stay until you get back?" I heard Cat swallow hard, nervous that this would be the last time she saw me. And I couldn't say I blamed her. I hadn't been the most committed person since she'd come back to New Winford.

But I nodded. "You can stay. I'll just be right back."

Heading for the door, I reached my hand out to hers and gave it a squeeze. I didn't want to leave her feeling like I was completely out, because I really wasn't. Grabbing a green, bomber jacket from the front door, I slid my keys into my pocket and walked out.

When I pushed open the metal downstairs door, a cold gust smacked my face. The fall was making itself known now, no longer hesitant to cool the world off. I started my walk down Main Street, tucking my hands in the jacket's pockets.

As I walked, my mind swirled with possibilities. There was a world in which I couldn't believe a word out of Catherine's mouth. But I knew that would be indulging my most pessimistic impulse.

I walked past the Chinese food place, its open sign still blinking this late into the evening. Cat and I went on our first date there. A picture of us giddily holding hands as we walked inside came to mind. The warmth of her palm on mine was as fresh to my mind as the food inside.

We didn't have much money, just whatever we'd made at our summer jobs. But Cat never let me pay. Not for the first few months anyway.

Shaking the thought, I kept moving. The brisk air made my cheeks tingle as I moved.

There was another world, where I tried to believe Cat and give this another chance just to have her go back on everything she'd promised. But maybe it would be a pleasant few months before the facade broke.

And even still, maybe I needed to learn this lesson one more time.

Then I passed the florist's shop, the windows dark and the lights inside off. I'd bought Cat a bouquet there for our first Valentine's Day together. But she came inside at the same time and I had to hide behind the shelves of tacky decor while trying not to overhear what she picked for me.

I could still see her gawking at me when I told her the story a few months later, surprised that I could manage to be so sneaky. She told that story to everyone we met.

By the time I reached the intersection of Main Street and Pine Road, my heart rate had settled.

Fucking Cat Collins. Leave it to her to reinfect my mind with endless memories of our time together in this small town. She was right, everywhere I looked I saw her. I'd never be able to escape her, even if I did manage to push her away.

Blowing the air out of my mouth, I nodded as I turned on my heels and walked back to my apartment.

I wasn't sure if it was the cold or my pull to Cat that made my feet move so fast as I made my way down Main Street. By the time my building was in view, I was sprinting down the block, my feet pounding against the cement sidewalks.

Throwing open the downstairs door, I ran up the steps, taking two at a time.

When I unlocked my door and pushed inside, I didn't see Cat in my living room. The kitchen was clean and most of the lights were off. Finn was stationed in his cat tree by the window, likely watching me on my walk.

Please tell me I didn't scare her off. My heart was racing again, my lungs hot from running. I threw off my shoes and jacket before moving down the short hallway.

Laying in my bed, Cat looked up at the ceiling.

"Hi." I swallowed as I crossed the room and threw myself in the bed. Too embarrassed to look at her, I put my back to her and put my body in an S-shape.

From behind me, Cat pressed her body against mine and wrapped her arm around my front. Brushing my blonde hair off of my face, Cat brought her lips close to my ear and whispered, "I'm not going anywhere, Cleo. I lost you once, I'm not losing you again."

I felt a weight lift off of my shoulders as my body sunk into her embrace. Her body warmed me from the chill of the mid-fall cold. Maybe we could make this work.