Chapter 15

Idragged myself to the front door of Otto Visconti's mini-mansion and rang the bell. I sagged against the doorframe, on the cusp of losing the battle with my unshed tears.

Heidi gasped at the sight of me. "Are you hurt, Miss Clay?"

Not physically, I wanted to reply, but the words refused to come. I shook my head.

Her concern only deepened. "Can I get you anything? Maybe a blanket or warm clothes?"

I waved her off as I entered the house.

"Mr. Visconti is in the study."

I strode down the hallway to the dimly lit study. The metronome clicked rhythmically atop the piano. I wanted to rip the ticker from its perch and hurl it across the room.

Otto sat on the loveseat, wearing a pair of over-ear headphones. Sensing a disturbance in his sanctuary, he removed the headphones. "Heidi, is that you?"

I had no desire to speak. I crossed the room, planted myself on the piano bench, and began to play.

There was no conscious decision involved. The emotions simply spilled straight from my heart to my nimble fingers. The sound of Rachmaninov's ‘Piano Concerto No. 2' embraced me like a long-lost child, which arguably I was.

And now I'd been found.

Memories crashed around me as I immersed myself in the music. My grandmother's piano lessons. Pops and I sparring in the woods. Mythology. History. Tracking. And hiding, always hiding.

They knew.

They had always known.

I only made it through the first movement. Shaking, my hands withdrew from the keys. I'd just laid bare my soul. I felt exposed and vulnerable. Another listener might not recognize the enormity of this moment, but Otto would.

"Astounding," the vampire said quietly. "A solo piano arrangement like this… A true masterpiece. Thank you for sharing your tremendous gift with me, Lorelei."

My face grew hot, and I fled the study without a word. I nearly collided with Heidi, who was returning to the study with a folded wool blanket.

I kept running.

Heart pounding, I exited the house and sprinted to the woods where I'd left my motorcycle. Fire burned in the pit of my stomach. If I crossed paths with a scout or a druid en route, they would deeply regret the encounter. I turned the motorcycle northwest and sped toward the only place I wanted to be right now.

I was strung as tight as a bow by the time I arrived at the Devil's Playground. One quick glimpse in the motorcycle's mirror revealed a wild-haired woman with even wilder eyes. I barely recognized myself.

I blew past Larry at the door without exchanging our usual pleasantries and strode through the entrance. Josie stood at the bar, stroking the chimera, and speaking to her in a soothing tone. When the vampire spotted me, she snatched her hand away, as though embarrassed to be caught during a vulnerable moment.

Same, girl.

"Where is he?" I asked. My voice sounded raw.

Josie seemed to sense my state of mind because there was no snarky reply. No refusal to answer. She simply angled her head toward the private door that led to his underground bachelor pad.

A wall stood between us. No more barriers.

I practically tore the door of its hinges in my desperation to reach him.

I'd never needed anyone before, or if I had, I refused to acknowledge it.

Until now.

Desire didn't simply pulse through me; it crashed over me like a tidal wave, threatening to pull me under.

Thank the gods my buoy was near.

Blood surged through my veins like a river during a storm. By the time I arrived at the interior door, it stood open, and I was met with Kane's glistening chest. Despite his buckled trousers, his damp hair suggested he was fresh out of the shower. A memory surfaced of our close encounter on my dining room floor, when we believed we were under the influence of a lustful goat.

"Josephine rang…" He noticed my disheveled appearance. "Lorelei, what is it?"

I reached for him.

My hands made contact first, quickly followed by my lips. Strong arms lifted me. The wall supported my back as he pinned my body against it.

"Dare I ask what brought this on?"

"Later. I promise." I gazed at him from beneath a curtain of lashes. "Would you still rather have me lying down?"

"My bed is comfortable. Like sleeping on a cloud."

"Then I guess we should save it for when I feel like sleeping."

"Lady's choice."

The touch of his tongue along the curve of my neck sent pleasant shivers through me. "Any concern about an STD?" he rasped.

"I think they're called STIs now, and we're immune."

"No, I mean an STD. A sexually transmitted demon."

Right. One lesson Pops decided to skip. "Should I be concerned?"

"No."

"Good."

My hands explored his perfect form, arms and abs that had been sculpted and molded by his years in hell. I pulled him closer so that his body once again crushed mine. My fingers found his scars. The only thing ugly about them was the pain he'd endured to receive them. Nothing about Kane himself was ugly. The scars were part of him, and that made them beautiful.

My scars couldn't be seen or touched, despite the fact that they'd been ripped wide open. They hurt, and I wanted the pain to stop.

"Your buckle is in the way," I said.

He gave me a wry smile. "Only my buckle?"

"Lose the buckle and I assume the pants will follow."

"Are you certain?"

I knew what he was really asking. "Yes."

"Would you like to do the honors?"

I unfastened the buckle. And yes, the pants quickly followed.

I tried not to stare—but damn.

When I dragged my gaze higher, his lips curved up at the corners. Smug bastard.

I cocked my head. "It doesn't burst into flames like your other special sword, does it?"

"No, but you might in a few minutes."

I looked into the depths of his whisky-colored eyes. "Promise?"

We collided like two white-hot stars tumbling through space. The world blurred as his mouth claimed mine. I kissed him like I needed his mouth to breathe. Losing myself in desire, I opened my veins and poured myself into him.

His fingers were every bit as deft and masterful as I remembered. I barely registered the removal of my clothing until I was stark naked in front of the wall.

The hunger in his eyes was intoxicating. Intense heat radiated from both of us, to the point where I experienced fleeting concern for the smoke detectors. He might've been serious about the combustion.

I was aware of furniture only when we bumped into it. There was no Barry White. No smooth, sensual vocals to guide us toward ecstasy. The clattering sound of falling objects became our background music. We existed in an alternate space where nothing mattered except the two of us and this moment.

He was everywhere, filling all the space around me, and yet still I yearned for more.

Above me.

Below me.

Inside me.

He drove into me, and I welcomed each powerful thrust. My grip on control loosened. As the pressure mounted, I felt each carefully constructed knot fray and slip apart. I grasped at the threads until only the silky essence remained. It coaxed me, teased me, until the final thread snapped, and I finally let go.

Pleasure swept me away, wild and reckless. I shuddered, enjoying the ride, and floated in the abyss.

And then I was falling.

My body continued to shudder, albeit for an entirely different reason.

Fear.

Kane's room was gone, replaced by a gaping chasm. Fires burned in the distance, and the stench of sulfur nearly gagged me.

I felt a presence nearby. Kane. His face reflected confusion. Thank the gods we were both clothed.

"What is this place?" he asked.

I offered a wan smile. "Welcome to the goddess of nightmares' very own nightmare." I'd had this particular bad dream since I was a little girl. Sometimes a boulder came rolling toward me and I had to outrun it. Other times, I sensed the presence of a monstrous beast and was forced to run through a maze of stony corridors to escape it.

Kane dragged a hand through his hair. "This was my fault. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize. My emotions were out of control. There was no avoiding free fall after that."

A mighty roar shook the rocky ground beneath our feet.

Kane's brow lifted. "Dare I ask?"

I almost responded with, "I don't know, and I've never wanted to find out."

Except now I knew.

I spun around, taking a closer look at my surroundings. The brutal environment. The scents that could burn the hair from my nostrils. The brimstone and the constant threat of fire. If I walked far enough, I'd encounter a path that led from the chasm to a river called Styx. The roar belonged to Cerberus, my parents' beloved pet. This wasn't a nightmare. This was the underworld.

This was home.

The moment I made the connection, the nightmare dissolved. The next roar died in their throats. The reddish rocks crumbled. The smell of brimstone dissipated, replaced by musk, pine, and sandalwood.

Kane and I were stretched across the floor of his living room.

Still naked, I might add.

My heartbeat thrummed in my ears as I returned to reality. My muscles were sore and tired, and my breathing was ragged. I felt like I'd scaled a mountain naked and barefoot, which I arguably had.

"I've wanted to feel seen my whole life, but not that seen," I said.

"I'm sorry." Ever the gentleman, Kane swiped a folded blanket from the nearby club chair and draped it across me.

"You showed me yours. I guess it's only fair that I show you mine."

"We're still talking about nightmares, right?"

I kissed his full lips. "Worth it."

His fingers brushed my cheek. "Glad to hear it. Tired?"

"Yes and no." Despite my fatigue, I was in no mood for sleep. Too many endorphins.

"Care to test my mattress now?"

"I wouldn't object to resting on a cloud after that."

He scooped me into his arms and carried me to the massive bed. It was modern, masculine, and all black.

He set me gently on the bed and climbed in next to me. It was like being cradled by shadows.

"Want to talk about it?" he asked.

"Not right now. I hope I didn't ruin your big moment," I said.

He chuckled. "You're not actually worried about that, are you?" He pressed a reassuring kiss to my cheek. "You saw the size of the chasm. That's how earth shattering our big moment was."

I glanced at the mess on the floor. "I hope nothing's broken."

"Nothing that can't be mended."

I wanted to snuggle against him, but something in me resisted. "I guess this is the part where you tell me you've had your fun and now I can scoot on home."

He dragged his fingers gently down my arm until I shivered. "Would I ever use the word ‘scoot?'" His hand stopped on my hip and rested there. "What makes you ask that? Do you think because I'm a demon that I've had bad intentions from the start?"

"No." Truly, I didn't. It was simply another old wound rising to a very raw surface.

"Whatever it is, you can tell me," he said. His voice was every bit as soft and coaxing as his fingers, and I felt myself opening up for him. Again.

"When I was younger, I got involved with a vampire."

Kane's grip on my hip tightened. "Am I going to want to hunt this bastard down by the end of your story?"

"Good point. I won't tell you his real name. Let's call him Bob. Bob the Vampire."

"Very sexy. Tell me more."

I pressed a smile against his bare chest. "Are you familiar with the story of Eros and Psyche?"

"Beautiful maiden angers Aphrodite. Jealous, the goddess sends Eros to shoot Psyche with one of his arrows, so she falls in love with a hideous creature."

"Except the plan backfires and clumsy Eros pricks his own skin with the arrow and he falls madly in love with her. Psyche's father marries her off to him, but without any knowledge of his true identity. She's transported to an amazing house with everything she could ever want. Her new husband only visits her in darkness and advises her never to look upon him."

Kane propped himself up on an elbow. "Aren't there jealous sisters involved?"

"Yes, they convince her that she married a monster, so Psyche devises a plan to learn his true identity in direct contravention of his wishes."

Kane smirked. "And that plan goes about as well as Aphrodite's."

"There's more to the story, but the point is this—Bob sensed my power, and it bothered him that he couldn't identify the source of it. He harassed me about it, but I thought we'd put the issue to rest."

"Let me guess. Bob was a determined bastard."

"A sneaky, stubborn bastard, yes. He was simply biding his time, continuing to lure me into a false sense of security when, in fact, he'd hired a witch to give him a spell that would reveal my true identity."

"Did it work?"

"Thankfully, no. The unfortunate part was that the spell required a physical union, so his actions leading up to that point were designed with the spell in mind."

"A physical union?"

"The spell was activated during sex."

Kane blew out a breath.

"It was strategic on the witch's part. I'd be at a weak point. My defenses would be down, giving the spell its best chance to work its magic."

"Then why didn't it work?"

"Because she'd underestimated my defenses. Her magic wasn't strong enough. Bob still got to have sex with me, though, so it wasn't a complete loss for him."

"How did you learn all this? It doesn't seem like the sort of thing Bob would confess."

"Afterward he kept staring at my face, but not in an affectionate way. More like he expected something to happen. I took a little tour of his mind after he fell asleep. I was young and naive. I worried I'd done something wrong."

Kane's face darkened. "It was your first time."

I nodded. "His nightmares were mostly about me. He felt subordinate to me, and he hated it, yet he was still attracted to me, which made him feel weak and ashamed."

"Bob sounds like a real winner. What attracted you to him?"

"He noticed me."

Kane grunted. "That's it?"

"I'd been invisible for years."

"By choice."

"Yes, by choice, and yet this tall, dark, handsome man noticed me, despite my efforts to hide. He made his interest in me clear. I had no experience with that kind of directness." At that stage, I had no experience at all.

"When did you figure out he was a vampire?"

"I knew immediately, which probably made him seem more attractive than he actually was. I'd been hiding from danger my whole life. Bob was a form of rebellion, I suppose."

"What did you do to him after you peeked in his head?"

"Nothing. I left while he was still asleep, licked my wounds, and never saw him again. Pops was right. It was important to remain vigilant. It was a hard lesson, but a necessary one." And the outcome could've been much, much worse. In my mind, I got off easy—as did Bob.

"Did you love him?" Kane asked.

"No. In hindsight, I barely knew him. I only knew the image I'd created of him."

His hand skimmed my waist. "Are you concerned that's what you're doing with me? Creating an image you approve of?"

I kissed his bare shoulder. "I know exactly who you are, and I approve wholeheartedly."

"Despite what you've glimpsed of my past?"

"Especially because of that."

"I've done terrible things, Lorelei."

"Do you plan on doing them again?"

"Of course not."

"Have you taken accountability for your actions?"

"Yes, but…"

I pressed my finger to his lips. "That's all I need to hear." But there was something he still needed to hear. "I love you, Kane. All of you. The good, the bad, the ugly. The whole prince of hell package."

His eyes gleamed with amusement. "Out of curiosity, which part is ugly?"

"Okay, fine. The good and the bad."

He inched his body closer so that it was flush with mine. I could still feel the heat emanating from him. "Are you ready to tell me what drove you here in such a frenzied state?"

"I am." The wall was down. There'd be no putting back those bricks now. Out spilled the details of my unexpected meeting with the Morrigan.

"How do you feel about all that?" Kane asked afterward.

"I think I'm still in shock."

"Understandable."

"I also feel angry, which then makes me feel guilty."

"Why would anger at The Corporation cause you guilt?"

"Not that. The anger toward my grandparents. My whole life they knew the truth, yet they lied to me anyway."

"To protect you. You were only a child."

"Pops could've told me later, when I was older."

"I'm not telling you how to feel. Your anger is valid. I only ask you to consider the situation from his perspective. You had incredible power you couldn't control. He trained you the best he could. He likely feared the second you learned the truth; you'd try to use your powers against The Corporation and get yourself killed or taken against your will. He'd already lost his daughter and son-in-law. He wouldn't risk losing you, too."

"What I don't understand is why my mother would've chosen to become an avatar in the first place. I don't know much about my father's family, but I thought my mother had a happy childhood with caring parents. Addison was miserable as a human and couldn't wait to escape her life. What would've made my mom sacrifice her existence to make room for Persephone?"

"There could be any number of reasons. Perhaps she was deceived. Perhaps she met a man not unlike your persuasive Bob the Vampire—someone who promised her a life she could only dream of and convinced her to join their ranks."

It was plausible. My family hadn't been wealthy. If they'd offered her a lot of money, she would've taken it, if only to help out my grandparents. Then she met my father…

"Do you think my parents only fell in love because of Hades and Persephone? That somehow the gods found each other again and reunited, irrespective of what their human hosts felt for each other?"

"It's my understanding that the gods aren't in complete control of the avatars. While they hold most of the cards, they don't hold all of them. Addison still exists within Aite, yes?"

"Yes, but Aite pulls the puppet's strings."

"Only if Addison allows it. What do you think would happen if Aite tried to do something Addison objected to?"

"I don't know. They seem to be on the same page with everything."

"And I bet your parents were, too." He nuzzled my neck. "I view avatars the same way I view the effect money has on people. Money doesn't change anyone; it simply magnifies their inner world, who they already are at their very core. Addison's character is magnified by Aite, but Aite hasn't changed who Addison is at her core."

"Why not? If people can be influenced by those around them, why not gods within them?"

"You forgot the most important part. You can't control anyone or make them change. People only change if they want to."

He was right about that. The world would be a much different place if we could alter the behavior and actions of those around us.

"From what you've told me," he continued, "it seems that your parents loved you very much. They risked their lives to keep you safe, as did your grandparents."

"My parents didn't risk their lives. They lost them."

With a gentle hand, Kane guided my face toward his. "I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Just know I'll be with you every step of the way if you want me."

Oh, I wanted him, that much was obvious. My lips grazed his in silent acknowledgement.

"This is why we're a good fit for each other," he said.

"Because you'd never hire a witch to put a spell on me?"

He gave my backside a playful smack. "Smartass. Because we're on equal footing. Princess of the underworld. Prince of hell. Your power doesn't intimidate me. I'm in awe of it. I'm in awe of you."

I splayed my hands across his chest. "I'm in awe of you, too." Kane was a demon. He'd survived unspeakable acts; he could've easily succumbed to his baser instincts, yet he'd chosen the uncomfortable path of enlightenment, and he'd inspired those around him to do the same.

"Would you like to peek inside my head and confirm I'm telling the truth?"

I bit back a smile. "There's a fantasy you want to share with me, isn't there?"

A sly grin formed. "Is my face that obvious?"

I glanced down between us. "It isn't your face that's obvious." I dragged my gaze back to his. "Why don't you tell me the fantasy?"

"I'd much rather show you."

And he did.