Chapter 42

FORTY-TWO

Saylor

I wake the next morning with a sore throat and a bit of a headache.

But sunlight is streaming through the windows, and I can hear Canyon and Ally chattering in the kitchen. I spent the night at Canyon's after leaving the hospital, and for a moment I'm discombobulated. Last night's events come rushing back, and I sit up, taking a deep breath.

I'm okay.

Ally is okay.

And Canyon is in love with me.

The sad news is that Bertie didn't make it.

The good news is that Russell has been arrested both for her murder and for attempting to murder me. On top of that, the police opted not to press charges against Canyon once they saw the video footage. Thank fuck I'd spent the money for that over-the-top security system.

I'm grateful that it's over and that Ally wasn't hurt. What happened to Bertie is awful, and I'll need to take some time to mourn her, but not today.

Today I want to focus on the wonderful things in my life.

My friends.

Who stayed at the hospital with me until I was discharged.

Canyon.

Who saved my life and told me he loves me.

Ally.

Who suddenly seems okay with my existence.

It's a beautiful day, and I'm not going to let a little headache bring me down.

I freshen up and then pad into the kitchen.

Canyon and Ally are making pancakes, and there seems to be batter everywhere.

"Hi!" Ally has a determined look on her face. "Do you like pancakes?"

"I do." I nod.

"We found a recipe," she said, "but I'm not sure we're doing it right. We can't seem to make them round ."

"Well," I move around the island to the stove. "It helps to have a griddle that's flat and has more room than a frying pan, but here—let me show you." I remove the boxy looking pancake from the pan, put it on a nearby plate that seems to be overflowing with more boxy-looking pancakes, and check the temperature on the stove.

"It said to keep it low, so they have time to cook," Canyon says, meeting my eyes questioningly, "but I think maybe it's too low?"

"Yeah, it should be on medium-high in the beginning and then drop down to medium." I adjust the flame, and then slowly pour the batter into the middle of the pan. It forms a perfect little circle and Ally throws up her hands.

" How do you do that?"

I laugh. "Practice."

We spend the next twenty minutes practicing making perfectly round pancakes, but then Canyon pulls me to the side as Ally finishes the last batch.

"Listen, I have to get to practice. I asked Ally if she was okay staying with you for a few hours, and she said yes, but I wanted to check with you too."

"We'll be fine," I say. "Don't worry about us."

"But I do worry. I always will. That's part of being a family, right?"

"Yes, but right now, all I want you to worry about is hockey. We'll work on everything else when the season is over."

He stares into my eyes, a plethora of emotion reflected there. "I love you, Saylor."

"I love you too."

"You guys, let's eat!" Ally calls out.

"I only have a few minutes," Canyon says, grabbing a plate. "I have to leave in five."

"Eat a little," I tell him. "You'll work hard at practice."

"We added protein powder to the recipe," Ally tells me, drowning her pancakes with syrup. "To give Uncle Canyon the fuel he needs."

"Excellent. And protein makes up for how fattening pancakes are," I add, taking a bite. "Oh, these are good."

We eat in relative silence, but then Canyon is up, grabbing his bag, and out the door, promising to be back as soon as he can.

Then it's just Ally and me, cleaning up the kitchen.

I asked Canyon last night if my sleeping over was a good idea, and he told me it had been Ally's idea. That's nice, but she and I still need to have a talk about the future. I love Canyon more than anything, but she has to be okay with my presence in his life. And hers.

"Can we talk?" I ask as I put dishes in the dishwasher.

"Okay."

"Some of what I'm going to tell you is personal, and a lot of it is very mature, but I think you can handle it." I turn to her. "I love your uncle. More than anything. We want to be together. We want to live together, share our life together, and hopefully build a future together. That future includes you, but you have to be okay with my being part of your life too. I will never, ever try to replace your mom. I just want?—"

"My mom was a terrible mom," she whispers, dropping her gaze as if she feels guilty saying the words aloud. "She was never home. She was always drunk. She never could help me with homework or come to school parties. I've never really had a mom. Not like other moms. And I think…maybe… I want one."

"Do you?"

She nods, tears filling her eyes. "But I'm scared. Because I don't know if anyone wants to be my mom. No one ever wanted to be my dad either."

"Oh, baby." I can't resist pulling her in for a hug. "Canyon and I, we do want to be your parents. We love you."

"Even you?" she asks in a tiny voice. "Even though I've been so mean to you?"

"You haven't been mean," I say, stroking her back. "You were dealing with a lot of changes, emotions, grief…you didn't know who else to take it out on and I guess I was an easy target. But in a family, that's what we do. We're there for each other, even when things are tough."

"Last night you protected me," she whispers. "You threw yourself at him so I could get away, even though he had a gun. You could have died!"

"But I didn't," I soothe, pulling back so I can look into her face. "I'm here. You're here. Russell is in jail and we're okay."

"I miss my mom but I'm mad at her too."

"I think that's normal under the circumstances."

"I'm scared to love you and Uncle Canyon… I don't want you to leave me too."

"We're not going anywhere.

"You promise?"

"I do."

She throws her arms around me again and buries her face in my chest.

And I hold her.

I've always wanted to be a mom, but I hadn't expected it to be so soon. Or to an eleven-year-old. And yet, it feels right. Like I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.

"What about if you have your own babies?"

"I'd like to have a couple of babies," I say, "and I'm going to love each of them equally. Just like we're going to love you equally. There's no limit on love, sweetheart. I have a big enough heart to love all of you."

She seems to ruminate about that.

"Uncle Canyon was really sad when you were broken up."

"I was sad too."

"But you did that for me." She makes a face. "I don't want anyone to be sad because of me."

"Grown-ups sometimes make hard decisions for their children. It's part of our love for you."

"I want you to be part of our life," she whispers. "If you want to."

"I do."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome." I turn back to the sink. "Okay, so we need to clean up this mess you made and then plan what we're making for dinner. We want Canyon to be able to focus on hockey, so you and I need to pick up the slack here at the house. Deal?"

Ally grins. "Deal."

* * *

The next few days are quiet, the three of us hanging out, cooking together, and sharing chauffeur duty taking Ally back and forth to school. Canyon and I are finding a new groove with our relationship, so I haven't gone back to my house at all, but it's time. I need more clothes and to check my mail. Besides, we've decided he's going to move out when his lease ends next month and move in with me since I have more room, and I can't do anything with my duplex until Joel and Gina's lease is up.

It's a Thursday afternoon and Ally's at school, so I spend a little time catching up on things before someone knocks on the door. I glance at the video monitor on my phone and see Gina standing there.

I open the door cautiously, hoping there isn't something else that needs fixing.

"Hey, Gina."

"Hi." She hands me an envelope. "I, uh, well, Joel and I are getting divorced, so I've written you a check for the next two months' rent. The lease says we can get out of it if we give you three months to find a new tenant, so between two months there and one month's security… are we good?"

"Oh, I'm so sorry," I say sincerely. "And yes, don't even worry about it."

"Joel's already moved out and I'm packing up my stuff now."

"I'm sorry but thank you for letting me know what's going on."

She nods. "It's for the best."

Canyon pulls up as we're talking, and she waves at him. "Hi, Canyon. See you later. And thanks for everything, Saylor."

"Bye, Gina."

"What was that about?" Canyon asks, following me inside.

I wave the check at him. "She just gave me her notice. They're moving out!"

"For real? That's great. Right?"

"It is. It means you can move out of your condo and I can put this place up for sale and we can buy something new. Together."

He nods thoughtfully. "I've got a lot going on right now, babe, so I may not have time to move until summer."

"Don't worry about anything. We'll find someone to handle it. I'll pack up your stuff and Ally's, and we'll sell anything you don't want or need. I'm happy to pick up the slack. And I won't put my place on the market until after hockey season, so we have a place to live."

"Have I told you how much I love you lately?"

"Nope. But I'm listening."

He laughs, scooping me up in his arms. "I'm going to show you instead."

"I like the sound of that."

He grins and kicks the bedroom door shut behind us.