Chapter 39

THIRTY-NINE

Canyon

The game goes into the longest shootout I've ever participated in, but we manage to get the win and end the regular season on a high note. The locker room is busy, the media swarming us almost as soon as we get off the ice. There's a lot of excitement because we're going to the playoffs for the first time in a decade, and this is also the first season with Harper as our owner.

"Canyon, how does it feel to have made the playoffs?" One of the regulars in the press corps approaches me with a friendly smile.

"Hey, Mike. It's great. I mean, Ms. Barrowman put together a great group of players and a fantastic support team behind the scenes. We're excited to see where this goes."

"There was a lot of gossip when you were traded here, one of the league's top scorers going to the worst team in the league—do you think your presence here helped turn things around?"

I shake my head. "Look, it's a team and we all put forth a team effort. Did I help? I'd like to think so. But there are so many pieces to the puzzle. No one thing makes or breaks a team, in my opinion."

"On a personal level, you've had a lot of family issues to deal with. Has it made it hard to focus on hockey?"

"Of course." I nod. "My sister passed away, so there was a period of grieving, you know? We try to be tough guys, but we're only human."

"I'm sorry for your loss." Mike gives me a look filled with genuine sympathy, which is nice.

"Thank you."

"What are you most looking forward to in the playoffs?"

"Winning," I say, clapping him on the shoulder. "Winning, my friend."

I turn to a female reporter who's been waiting. "Hey, Jan."

"Hi, Canyon." She grins. "Great game."

"Thanks."

"Despite everything going on, you finished with the most points on the team this season, and the second most points of your career. What do you attribute that success to?"

"Like I told Mike, it's a team effort. I can't do it on my own. Without the guys on my line, the rest of the team, Gabe between the pipes—I can't do what I do at the level I do it."

She smiles. "And your personal life seems to be going well too. How long have you and Saylor Bonetti been dating?"

"Aw, come on, Jan. You know my personal life is off-limits."

"The whole world has seen you together."

"Hey, Jan." Bristol sweeps in and rescues me. I told her that Saylor and I broke up, because there had been some pictures of us from the Alexa Humboldt fashion show, and I wanted her to be aware in case there was any unkind or sketchy gossip. It's not mandatory to inform our PR team about our personal lives, but in a case like this, it makes things easier.

It also gives her the opportunity to step in like she's doing now and save me from overzealous journalists.

"Hi, Bristol!"

"Did you say you wanted to talk to Gabe? He's got a minute now…"

"Yes, thank you." Jan rushes in that direction and Bristol winks before strolling behind her.

"They were circling like sharks tonight," Ivan says as we head back to the showers.

"Overtime, the playoffs, Harper… there's a lot to talk about."

He shrugs. "Eh, just another day at the office."

I chuckle. "Something like that."

"You going to pick up Ally from the gallery?"

"Yeah."

"You going to talk to Saylor?"

"That's the plan."

"What are you going to say?"

"I don't know," I admit, turning on the water as I take off my gear. "I need to tell her how I feel about her. But I can't do that in front of Ally. So I have to find a way to get her alone."

"You want me and Chey to come along, say something about going for dinner or ice cream, and then she can ride with us since you only have a two-seater?"

I hesitate. "I don't know that Saylor will want to ride with me. She'll have her own car."

"Yes, but if we leave first, you can stay behind and have a few minutes with her."

"You're a good guy," I say. "The problem is…how do I tell her I love her in one breath, but then ask her to wait for me in another? Nothing has changed since we broke up."

"Then you don't tell her that. Just tell her how you feel."

"To what end?"

"What do you want, Canyon?"

"I want her, but?—"

"Why is there a but?"

"Because my niece needs me."

"Is Saylor going to stop you from taking care of her?"

"No, but?—"

He shakes his head. "There's that but again. Knock it off. Do you love her?"

"Yeah." I give him a dirty look.

Because I almost say but again.

"Then there's no but. You tell her how you feel. Ally doesn't get to dictate who you love or when you get to love them. She's eleven. She'll come around. You're in therapy. You're doing all the right things. Plan adventures together. Disneyland. Movies. Let the girls go shopping. Ally is jealous because Saylor is someone who will potentially distract you. As long as you show Ally that it's not the case, that you'll still have time for her and that the three of you can spend time together, she'll realize that having more people who love and care about her is a good thing."

"She asked me why no one ever put her first…how can I put her first and still give Saylor the attention she deserves?"

"Saylor is a grown woman with a busy career, her art, and friends. She knows that Ally needs to be a priority right now."

"Then why did she break up with me before I could articulate that?" I demand.

"Because she loves you enough to want to make things easy for you."

"Why does that feel really shitty?"

"Maybe because you know you hurt her."

Fuck.

The last thing I ever want to do is hurt Saylor.

And somehow, I did it anyway.

"Let me rally the troops," he says quietly. "Stevie, Marty, Harper, Gabe… whoever feels up to going out to dinner. Chey and I will follow you to the gallery so we can take Ally with us and give you time with Saylor. The rest, my friend, is up to you."

"I still don't know what to tell her," I mutter.

He rolls his eyes. "Start with I love you. The rest will be easy. I promise."

I really want to believe him, but I'm fucking terrified.

"It's going to take me at least thirty minutes to get out of here," he says. "So you have time to get your head out of your ass."

Tell her I love her.

I can do that.

Can it possibly be that simple?

Could saying the words really fix everything that's fucked up right now?

I hope so.

More than anything.