Chapter 1

Brooklyn

There comes a time in life when everyone realizes that they actually believe in fairytales. Every single one of us, much to my chagrin. Right on the heels of that realization comes an enlightenment of the fact that the reason for it is the simplest truth we could ever learn in our lifetime.

Everyone lies.

And we lie the best to ourselves.

The exact same thing I was doing at that moment in hopes to justify everything that happened from the moment Veronica was killed until I almost killed Alice in my bloodlust. Every day, every mistake I made flickered and spun behind my mind's eye taunting me to a point of madness.

I had good intentions for all of it from day one, even when I sought revenge. The gods know I did. We all meant well with all our actions, which lead us to a point of no return. In our righteousness, we slowly became the monsters we were hunting. A head-spin rocks my body sideways and the world around me tilts on its axis for a scary second.

I almost killed Alice.

Dominic almost killed Alice by placing her in my path when I couldn't tell a friend from a foe.

All I knew was blood.

I still remember the gnawing hunger for her blood clawing at the back of my throat.

I remember the taste too and wish I could die a thousand deaths because saliva pools in my mouth at that very moment from the memory.

A tremor zips from my tailbone to the base of my skull and I shiver slightly, eyes jumping guiltily from the twisted fingers in my lap to the pale face of my friend, which looks too small nestled in the huge pillows Samir insists she rests upon. Her sluggish heartbeat spits and stutters in her chest like the timeworn van her late father left her in case alien monsters attacked the human race.

No outer space creatures came but he was probably turning in his grave from the fact that she chauffeured monsters around in that rusted can. Behemoths that are a danger to her no matter which way you look at it. There are no doubts left about what we are anymore.

We are monsters that would've and still could cost her, her life.

In this entire nightmare, she is the only one with the heart in the right place; the only innocent one.

She should've been somewhere safe. I should've made sure of it. All the many would've's and should've's circle like vultures through my mind, tormenting me without a pause. I'd go insane if this continues; and we all know where that leads. Everyone I care about had a front row seat to that one.

"You can't keep doing this to yourself." As if reading my mind, Samir mutters under his breath from his spot against the wall so that only I could hear him without opening his eyes or lowering his face that he has tilted upwards at the high ceiling. "You are coherent enough to be a thorn in the side to all of us, but not recovered as much as you should be if the Syndicate comes knocking. You are not doing any favors for any of us if you are weak."

He's been a permanent fixture against that wall, next to the bed, after he placed Alice on it growling like a wild beast at anyone who suggests he moves. On the opposite side of the ancient Atua, the wolf is stretched out on the floor, his snout propped on his folded front paws with one eye open and the upper lip permanently curled over razor sharp teeth in a snarl as a warning. Everything is as it should be to give me that peace of mind no harm would come to my friend. Yet, guilt gnaws a hole in my stomach, warning me that the threat is here; I just couldn't see it. That if I even dared blink, Death would take her away from me forever the same way it took Veronica.

It took my breath away to realize you could love someone so much that the very feeling would be enough to fuel blinding hatred toward everyone and everything around you that wants to hurt them. That love is strong enough to make you hate yourself even, if you place them, intentionally or not, in harm's way.

Instead of sharing my epiphany, I pushed it away. Samir needed a lecture on hypocrisy for sharing his wisdom uninvited. "The same way you are not doing us any favors by not sleeping or feeding, you mean? There is no difference if I sit here or in the bedroom three doors down. I'm recovering as we speak right in front of you." Tiredly, I rubbed a hand over my face and grimaced when I looked down at my palm. Crusted blood and dirt flaked off of my skin and floated all over my pants calling me a liar. "You could make yourself useful and bring me a wet wash cloth though, if you don't mind." He answered my raised eyebrow with one of his own after he excruciatingly slowly lowered his head to make eye contact. "Or not." I amended bleakly.

His answering snort spoke volumes about my audacity to order him around, but things were different now. We were both different. He was no longer my master nor was I an obedient fool anymore. Not that I've ever been amenable and subservient. However, that never stopped him from sticking his nose where it doesn't belong.

"You can't keep ignoring or avoiding him forever either." We both knew who he was referring to. Holding eye contact, Samir dared me to look away so he could call me a coward for trying my best to avoid the panther shifter. That privilege was afforded only to Alice, so I didn't dare move an eyelash as I stared back at him. Even when the corner of my eye became itchy, you'd think my body was doing things on purpose so that I would lose the staring match with the ancient pain in my butt.

"Since when did you become a country fair fortune teller giving unwanted relationship advice to poor souls?" The knowing glint in his dark eyes that saw way too much made me keep talking so I don't scratch at my face. "I remember the times when you aspired to provoke fear from everyone around you, not eye rolling." And I proceeded to do just that. I rolled my eyes dismissively.

"I never took you for…" Samir started.

"Don't say it." All unwanted sensations forgotten, I hissed through clenched teeth, my fingernails digging into my palms of my fisted hands. A piece of hair escaped my ponytail, and the red strand licked the side of my face like a flickering flame just enough to anger me more. I yanked it back behind my ear. "I have never been, nor would I ever be, a coward!"

"Very well." Inclining his head regally at me with a mocking smirk, he narrowed his gaze. "You have always been logical with both feet rooted to the ground. There is nothing wishy washy in the Brooklyn I know. Everything Dominic did was because he loves you. You know this to be true. He was ready to rip the worlds apart to get you back. You cannot fault him for trying to do even the impossible to save his mate. Realms have been destroyed by males doing what is necessary to protect their mates and keep them safe."

"You think I judge my mate too harshly for his actions? I judge myself more for everything I did, and tainted blood is not a passable excuse for being a remorseless, unrepentant killer." The legs of the chair I was sitting on screeched loudly as they scraped over the wooden floors when I jumped to my feet, fists balled at my sides, so I don't wrap my hands around Samir's neck. "Who died and made him God so that he could decide who lives and who dies? Who?" tears burned at the back of my eyes and a fist was lodged in my throat making my voice crack. "We have no right to decide anyone's fate. None of us do. We are monsters!" a treacherous tear rolled over my cheekbone and dangled on my jawline stubbornly long enough for the older male to be able to track it with his eyes.

"Easy now, Child." Both hands lifted to the sides, palms facing me in a placating motion, as he pushed off the wall and took a step toward me. "It will take a few more days for the tainted blood to release its hold fully. Rage is still fast to overpower logic. Take a deep breath and stay calm."

All I saw was red while his voice was muted and too far away for me to hear without straining. Somewhere in the back of my mind I was aware that something was wrong, but I couldn't get a grip on my emotions to save my life. Like slippery silk, they trickled between my fingers to escape my hold.

"Men." The barely audible sound of Alice's voice doused all of my anger with the strength of a bucket of iced cold water being spilled over me, yanking me back to the present with a slingshot, like nothing ever would've been able too. Both, Samir and I, turned sharply to stare wide-eyed at the human eyeing us dazedly from the mountain of pillows. "A sure way to meet your maker before it's your time to go is to tell a pissed off woman to calm down. It goes as well as trying to pet a cat after keeping her tied in a bag for a couple of days. No offense to Dominic." My friend attempted to make a joke with a forced smile for my benefit, and my heart clenched painfully in my chest at the gammy grimace that twisted her features. "No one told the poor dude that, huh?"

My mouth opened and closed a few times, but my throat was dry, and no sound came out. All of us, including the wolf who raised his head when Alice spoke, stood frozen in disbelief. Her face swam as my eyes filled with tears and traveled unchecked when they trickled down my face. All that I managed was an embarrassing croak before I rushed the bed and collapsed on it with heart wrenching sobs that were ripped from the very center of my being.

"You," with shaking fingers I latched onto her cold hand. It felt like it was the only thing keeping me from exploding into a million pieces. "Are…awake."

"Oh, Brooklyn." She murmured and tried to squeeze my hand. I only knew this because her fingers twitched and that's all the strength she had. I tightened my hold on her instead, mindful not to break her bones.

"I am, so, so, sorry, Alice!" sobs kept wracking my hunched shoulders. "This is all my fault. All of it. But I will make it right. I promise you I'll make it right."

"The Syndicate did this, not you." Her voice broke and she started coughing weakly. Samir was there in an instant shoving me out of his way and holding her up so he could press a glass of water with a straw to her lips. "None of us…did anything…wrong."

"Shhhh don't talk." He cooed at Alice like he was hushing a newborn. "Talking can wait for when you are stronger."

He glanced at me quickly to make sure I was paying attention. "She has times where she wakes up for a minute or two, but it costs her dearly." Brushing a strand of hair from her sweaty forehead, he pressed the glass more insistently to her dry cracked lips. "Sip now, Esme."

I froze, as did he.

Well, well. What do you know.

The ancient Atua recovered quickly and continued his whispering encouragements for Alice to sip the water while I stared stunned at the back of his head. He used the ancient Persian word for beloved to address my friend. My first reaction was to snap his neck, immediately. The second reaction that rose within me had a more permanent consequence that was way too tempting, but I had to shake the urges away. I must've missed a lot of things while bloodlust was behind the wheel driving me all over Chicago.

There is a time and place for everything I have learned. So, when Samir glanced at me over his shoulder, his ancient eyes guarded, I gave him a sharp nod to tell him I planned on keeping my mouth shut and staying out of whatever was going on between him and my friend.

For now.

I could always kill him later.

That sounded like a delightful plan if I've ever heard one.

The future was looking brighter by the minute if you ask me.