Chapter 23

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

MOLLY

Blake said I was a Rolls Royce. While I'm totally flattered by the comparison, I'm equally confused by it. I would have thought he would have called me a VW Bug or a Mini Cooper. You know, cute enough but nothing special. That's how he treats me, anyway.

After walking away from him, I keep going until I'm out of the ballroom. I'm not sure I'm the right kind of person for an event like this. Not only do I not like advertising my single status to the free world, but it all feels so desperate. Which I guess I am. As in, who goes out and buys a fourth new dress when there are two that still have their tags on?

It's just that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that if I can capture his attention and not mess up my words, he'd finally see how compatible we are in all areas.

Once I reach the great room, I sit in an overstuffed chair next to the fire. I pull my phone out of my purse and call Ellen. "Hey, sis," I say as soon as she answers.

"Molly! Are you okay?" She doesn't sound okay. In fact, she sounds like she's been crying .

Instead of asking her, I say, "I'm good. You sound surprised to hear from me."

"I am," she says. "I mean, I'm lucky to talk to you once a week. Three days in a row isn't exactly normal for us."

She's right. I'm not the greatest communicator, but that mostly has to do with the fact that Ellen thinks she knows everything and she's often too free with her advice. The thing is, I kind of want her guidance now. "I have a question," I start to say but then stop.

Ellen is uncharacteristically quiet. For once, she appears to be waiting for me.

I ask, "How are things going with Henry?" She doesn't speak right away. Instead, I hear what sounds like soft sobs. "Ellie?" I only use her childhood nickname for her when I'm worried, which I currently am.

"I'm here." She inhales deeply before saying, "Henry and I broke up tonight."

"What? I thought he was going to propose soon."

"He did."

"Start at the beginning," I tell my sister.

"Henry picked me up for supper tonight. He said he had something important to ask me."

"And?"

"He asked me to marry him."

"I'm so confused right now, Ellen. If Henry asked you to marry him, why did you break up?"

"He didn't like the way I answered."

"You said no?" I exclaim so loudly an old lady across the room stares at me like she's trying to decide if she needs to call 911.

"No. I said, ‘Why not?'"

"Henry asked you to marry him and you answered, ‘Why not?'"

"Yes."

"Oh Ellen, why didn't you shout out yes? Why didn't you tell him that you'd love to marry him? "

"Because I'm not sure I want to be married." She says this so quietly it takes a minute for it to soak in.

"I thought that was always the plan," I tell her. "I know Don did a number on you, but you've always seemed like the marrying type."

"What's the marrying type?" she wants to know.

"Conservative. Steady. Normal," I tell her.

"It's perfectly normal not to tie yourself to another human being, Molly."

"Who is this and what have you done with my sister?"

"Ha, ha. I'm just saying that I'm a full person in my own right without needing a man to define me."

"Ellen, did you have a stroke? You are constantly on me to meet a nice guy so I can get married and live the American dream."

"I don't want to be the only person taking care of you. I want to know that someone else has your back."

"Why do I need taking care of? I think I'm doing a pretty good job of that for myself," I insist.

"I want you to have everything, Molly. That's all."

Shifting in my seat, I ask, "Don't you deserve everything, too?"

"It's too late for me," she says dejectedly.

"How do you figure?"

Sounding sadder than I've ever heard her, Ellen explains, "I'm not lovable like you are. I'm broken."

"Because of Don?" I never did like that guy. I thought he was a loser from the start but still, I can't believe my strong-willed sister is giving her ex this kind of power over her.

"Partially because of Don, I guess. But partly because of me. I'm not the kind of woman men put first."

"Henry loves you," I tell her. "It's obvious to everyone that he adores you."

"But I'm not first," she says. "I'm not even a close second."

"How do you figure? "

"His kids are first, second, and third. He would put each one of them before me in a heartbeat."

"But isn't that one of the reasons you love the guy?" I ask. "The fact that he's such a good dad makes him a winner in my book."

"That's one of the things I love about him," she says. "But that doesn't change the fact that I'm not on the top of his list of priorities."

"Why can't you all be at the top?" I ask. "I'm sure if something was important to you, Henry would make it a priority."

"Not if one of his kids needed him."

"Ellen, I have no idea where this is all coming from."

"Good," she says. "That means you haven't been broken yet. I don't ever want you to be broken, Molly."

I want to cry for my sister right now. She's always been the strongest and fiercest woman I know, which makes it hard to reconcile how she's acting right now. "Do you want me to come home?" I ask. I'm fully prepared to get the next train out of here, even if it means leaving my job unfinished. Even if it means never seeing Blake again. My sister is that important to me.

"Don't," she says. "I'm fine. In fact, I'm going to go home early and see the folks. I can help Mom bake cookies and convince Dad that if he keeps adding outdoor lights the neighbors are going to start a petition."

"Are you sure, Ellen?"

"I'm sure. I just need some time to think. But more than that, I need time not to think."

"Call me if you need anything," I tell her. "I'm always here for you."

"Thanks, Molly. I love you."

"I love you, too." She hangs up before I can say anything else. I have never heard my sister sound so sad and unsure of herself. I have never known her to give up on anyone or anything. In fact, she was so certain she could change her first husband that she begged him to go to marriage counseling. He's the one who walked.

Still clutching my telephone like it's a lifeline, I stare at the flames in the fireplace. As I watch them leap and jump in unexpected patterns, an unfamiliar feeling of unease consumes me.

Ellen has always been love's biggest advocate. She's always been its loudest cheerleader. Even though she didn't sound excited about Henry proposing when we talked the day I left for Elk Lake, I thought she was just being cautious. I had no idea she felt like she played second fiddle in his life.

Thoughts swirl through my head when I hear Blake say, "Are you leaving the mixer?" I didn't know he followed me out here.

Looking into his green eyes, I wonder who this man really is. He doesn't act like a guy looking for love at all.

"Sit down, Blake," I order sternly. He looks nervous as he takes the seat next to mine. "Why are you here?" I ask.

"To find my person?"

"I don't think so," I tell him. "You don't act like a man looking for love."

His Adam's apple bobs perceptibly before he asks, "How does a man like that act?"

"First of all," I tell him, "he doesn't find himself a female friend to harass."

"I never once harassed you," he says. "I was trying to help you."

"A man looking for love doesn't worry about helping a random woman find a man unless he wants to be that man. Which you've made perfectly clear is not the case with us." I repeat my question, "So why are you here?"

Instead of answering, he says, "I guess I'm just nervous."

"Are you?"

He shrugs "Maybe."

I abruptly stand up. Once I'm staring down at him, I announce, "I don't think we should hang out anymore."

"Why? "

"Because I actually want to meet someone and you're getting in my way."

I know I've hurt his feelings, but I don't care. He's confused me royally and unless he's going to throw his hat into the ring for my affection, I don't want anything to do with him.

I don't know what's going on with my sister right now, but I do know one thing: I don't want to be all work and no play anymore, even if some of my research for my job looks like play. I want to meet someone and have a life with them. I also want to feel adored by that person.

I suddenly understand what Ellen was saying about wanting to feel like she's first because that's exactly what I want.

I want to be the first person the man I love thinks of when he has good news to share or needs consoling. I want to be the most important person in his world, and I don't need someone like Blake getting in my way.

I'm not sure if I'm going to keep going to Trina's mixers, but I know that I'm done wasting my time pining after someone who is clearly not interested in me.