22. Chapter 22

I knew I'd fucked up with Gage. I deserved his anger—and probably a lot more. It was best he chose not to talk tonight. He was too full of rage—and justifiably. Things would have been said in the heat of the moment that couldn't ever be unsaid. Sending me home was the right thing but I worried he'd never want to hear my explanation and if that was the case I'd have to accept that our relationship was ending without any closure.

My exit from his house tonight felt final, like we'd never see each other again. If so, then I'd have to prepare myself for that scenario becoming a reality. There was still so much to say, secrets I wanted to share—even though the damage of keeping those secrets was already done. Christ, I just wanted to hold him and assure him we could survive this if he could believe in me. I felt things for him that I hadn't for anyone else and I wanted him to hear my truth about that and everything else. It probably wouldn't change our situation but he deserved to know about my past and hear it from me. He deserved to know why I did what I did and that it was something I'd regret doing the rest of my days.

I can't say I didn't know this secret could one day blow up in my face. How could it not? I might have paid to have my past hidden but without changing my face, there was no way to fully conceal my identity. Tonight was the perfect example. Someone from my past recognized me and made sure to tell Gage who I was. His rage was understandable but his words still sliced me deep. He was wise to cut me loose. I had no right thinking someone like him would want me. It wouldn't take long for Ray and the rest of Gage's band to hear about me. Maybe they already knew. I'd never be able to face any of them again—nor did I expect to work as a personal assistant after this news broke. Who I was would spread through this industry like a wildfire being driven by high Santa Ana winds. It wouldn't matter how good I was at being a personal assistant. It would come down to my skills during the two years I was an escort.

Maybe it was time I relocated. A change of address might be exactly what I needed to start fresh. Perhaps somewhere on the east coast? Would that be far enough away from Gage? I never meant for this to hurt him and there was no one to blame but myself. How could I have believed I could transform myself into something different? I probably didn't deserve the new life I'd created. It sure as fuck was a lie because lurking below the surface was my past, hiding there like a ghost that would continue to haunt me for the rest of my days.

Damn, my head ached. When I first came home I ran to the bathroom and vomited. I went to bed after that and sobbed like a baby. I'd never felt this kind of agony and I could only imagine how shitty Gage felt. I'd done this to him. I'd lit the fuse and watched the bomb detonate right before my eyes. I'd gone over every minute of the night, dissected it to see if I could have done something to prevent the shit-show from happening. But I never saw Alan Gerskin in the party crowd. If I had seen him I would have told Gage I wasn't feeling well and left, rather than have their paths cross like they had.

That part of my life ended such a long time ago and I stupidly thought the window of time where old clients might recognize me had long since closed. Was it fair for me to be punished for eternity over what I did for two years in order to pay off student loan debts? I didn't think so but there I was. I took a chance and lost. Ray had point-blank asked me if I had anything in my past that had the potential to embarrass his company and anyone connected to Gage and I said no. Gage had asked the same of me. Both of them had given me an out to stop this before it went too far but I was too career ambitious. I thought I could gloss over those years and pretend they didn't exist and then I worked my ass off every year since to prove I had outstanding abilities to be an assistant to very important people. Partly because my time as Bryce was long gone—and his persona was dead to me. I wasn't that person anymore and hadn't been for many, many years.

I had no idea how to recreate myself again at this age. The idea of it felt daunting with an unyielding weight attached to the task. I wasn't sure I had the energy to rise above this—or even the motivation to start over. But there was no way I could stay in Los Angeles. I wouldn't be able to afford the cost of living there by working at a regular job and once word got out I sincerely doubted anyone would hire me as a PA. Los Angeles required a high income and unless you were doing something illegal, there wasn't a huge source of jobs that paid enough to live in this city. But where would I go and what career path could I try? I had a business degree and was highly qualified in tasks that assistants would do. How would I even explain to a new employer why I was changing careers?

For two days my phone didn't ring or even ping with a text message but on Monday the calls began to come in. The first call was from Ray. I thought about ignoring it but what kind of man did that make me? I wasn't going to run from this. I lied and I got caught. I needed to accept what I'd done and own it.

"Hi, Ray," I said in an even tone.

"What the hell is going on?" Ray yelled into the phone. "Is it true what Gage is saying?"

That was a loaded question but I knew enough not to play stupid.

"I'm not sure what he's said but I'm sure it was truthful," I admitted.

"You were an escort?" Ray asked. "Because that's what he told me in the voicemail he left for me. He rambled on and on about how he bumped into an ex-client of yours at the charity event. He said he ended things with you to hopefully protect his management team from further repercussions. His message ended with him saying he needed a couple of weeks to process and he wanted to be left alone. That's all he said, so I'm asking you, man to man—did you take money for sex?"

"Yes, I did, Ray," I admitted. "I did it for about two years—a very long time ago. Mainly in the San Francisco area but a few times in LA."

There was silence for far too long but then the flood gates opened and Ray began to scream at me, hurling obscenities and nonsensical words at me. His tirade was so loud and nonstop that I couldn't decipher most of it, except I knew he was beyond pissed off.

"The day I fucking hired you I specifically asked if you had any skeletons in your closet we needed to know about and you looked me in the eyes and lied," Ray ranted. "How could you do this to me or this firm—or for fuck's sake—to Gage?"

"I was a twenty-year-old kid when I did this but even so, I knew then this was something I'd never want to surface once I was older and settled," I stated. "So, I used another name and was always paid in cash. On paper, no one knew who I really was and I stupidly thought it would stay hidden."

"You're a fucking idiot to think that," Ray hollered. "Do you have any idea what the owners of my company are going to say when they hear about this? We're not talking about people being left feeling embarrassed or with hurt feelings! This goes well beyond that! What you've done is create a fucking PR nightmare. And you had the balls to drag Gage into this? He'd have every right to sue your ass for defamation of character!"

"You have no idea how sorry I am or how horrible I feel to have this news go public—and not just for myself," I admitted. "I never meant to hurt anyone—especially Gage. It was so long ago and I was young. Didn't you ever do anything in college you regretted later or hoped no one would find out about it?"

"Don't you dare compare me to what you've done," Ray said. "You and I are nothing alike."

"I'm sure you're right about that, Ray, and I didn't mean to imply differently," I said.

"Obviously your employment with the company was terminated, effective immediately," Ray growled. "I know you and Gage hadn't gotten around to signing any kind of contract for the collaboration work you did with him, which makes it easier for you to walk away. Of course you'll get credit for the music you helped Gage write and monetarily compensated as well. Once the dust settles on the mess you made you and I can sit down and have a meeting about that."

"I don't want anything for my collaboration work and I never actually started working as his PA," I said. "This was never about money or getting a writing acknowledgment on an album jacket. I accepted Gage's offer because the prospect of working with Gage on that level was more than enough. I would have continued to work with him for free simply because it was fun to create with him. The last thing Gage is going to want moving forward is have my name attached to his in any way, so I'm going to politely decline your offer of compensation. He wanted me gone and I left. There's nothing left to say about it."

"Regardless, I can't focus on that right now," Ray said. "At the moment we have a missing lead singer who hasn't shown up for recording sessions and his band is waiting. He won't answer his phone nor is he accepting visitors at his house."

"Can't the guards let you inside?" I asked.

"No, they take orders from Gage and he threatened to fire them if they opened the door for me or anyone else," Ray answered.

"Is he okay?" I asked. "I mean, have the guards actually gone inside to check on him?" A sudden wave of panic shot through my body at the thought of Gage being locked inside that house hurt or unconscious.

Ray sighed heavily. "Gentry confirmed he had physically seen Gage and that he's alive," Ray said. "That's all I know, but here's what I want you to do."

"If he won't let you inside his house he's certainly not going to let me in," I interrupted.

"I'm not asking you to knock on his fucking door," Ray seethed. "You know the codes to get in there—I don't. For Christ's sake, use them! Let yourself inside and I'll send a car to bring him to the studio. The clock is ticking on their deadline and Gage being MIA at this particular moment is not helping the situation."

"Ray, I'm not sure what you're suggesting is a great plan," I argued. "As soon as he sees me he is going to shove me back outside and slam the door in my face and he'd be justified to do so. Not to mention, he could have changed the security codes by now."

"Nope, Gage leaves that for the guards to handle," Ray said. "The guards have a schedule to change out the security codes and it isn't set to happen for another month. You're the only one who can do this, and the way I see it, this is your shit pile to clean up, so take care of it—and do it quickly!"

Ray hung up at that point and I set my phone down on the coffee table. I must have paced my living room floor a few hundred times before I finally grabbed my car keys from a basket near the door of my condo and drove over to Gage's house before I thought better of it. I owed Ray at least this much. I parked in front of the garage and shut off the engine. The Maserati was no longer sitting there which allowed me to see the rubber marks from his tires left on the pavement when Gage slid his car to sideways stop. Remembering that moment was bone chilling. We came so close to hitting the garage door with the rear corner of the car that I had braced myself for impact.

I sat in my car and a took a minute to contemplate which door I should use to get inside. The kitchen door made the most sense, so I opened the car door and pocketed my keys before barely tapping it shut. There wasn't a chance in hell the guards hadn't already seen me enter through the gate. They were alerted the second my car pulled up to the gate. They would have seen me on the monitors and knew I had pressed in the security code to the gate and the likelihood they'd already told Gage I was there was exceptionally high.

Gage had told me nearly every square inch of his property was enforced by very high-end security with tons of surveillance cameras. The guards had eyes on everything except for the most intimate spaces inside the house that only belonged to Gage, like his bedroom. Although, I knew for a fact the hallway outside of his bedroom door was monitored by cameras. The place wasn't a fortress but it was damn secure. With any luck, the guards would overlook my presence since they knew I wasn't a physical threat to Gage but I wasn't stupid to think they'd ignore my presence either.

I took two steps away from my car then saw movement at the far corner of the long garage. It was Gentry, a massive, formidable man who was all business. He was leaning against the side of the structure wearing his standard khaki pants with a black golf shirt that had his security company logo stitched into the breast pocket. I had zero doubts he could snap someone's neck without breaking a sweat and go right back to eating his lunch without a second thought. I stopped where I was and Gentry held my gaze. His nod of acceptance to me being there was so subtle I feared I wasn't seeing it for what it was. I nodded back and took another step toward the house.

"You got lucky," Gentry said quietly.

"How so?" I asked him.

"He's outside on the back deck working on his guitar," Gentry explained. "Don't fuck this up or I'll have to physically remove you from the premises myself. The last two days around here have been brutal. I don't think we'll survive many more days like this."

"Noted," I said, "and thanks for watching out for him."

"It's my job," Gentry said.

"I understand that, but I also know you care about his well-being and that's what I'm thanking you for most," I elaborated.

Gentry gave me another nod and then he disappeared around the side of the garage without making any sound whatsoever, not even from the snap of a twig on the ground. I had no idea how they could be so stealthy for being such large men but I was grateful for their presence.

My attention turned back to the house and the stairs leading to the back deck. The closer I came to the deck the louder the acoustic guitar riffs filled the air. Lyrics soon followed that floated toward me on the breeze moving the leaves on the trees. I stood still and listened while I figured out how I was going to start this conversation but that's when the message behind the song hit me.

Never trust a man wearing an Armani suit.

Kissed like a dream, but I still came out the loser.

Deceit is a bitch who torched our future.

Don't know how you live with that, but there ain't no restitution.

Sharp dressed soul killer you met your match.

You made me fall hard. I wish I'd had an escape hatch.

There's no turning back, no way for me to forget.

You pick up your pieces and I'll go back to fucking snatch.

Chorus:

You were a devil in disguise.

Why am I so surprised?

I should have known better.

But this song is your only love-hate letter.

The only silver lining you'll get is the one inside your coat.

If I see you drowning, don't expect me to send a lifeboat.

Harsh lies come from such a pretty face but we both know how you used it.

Lesson learned but now it's time for me to split.

Fucking hell, he hated me to my very core. How the fuck did I expect to have a normal conversation with him after hearing that? He wanted nothing to do with me. Maybe it was best if I messaged Ray and had him send a car for Gage, since he was sitting outside, and be done with this. If I left now Gage might never know I was here. Then I could go home and wallow in my grief. Leaving this time was going to hurt more than it did two days ago because at least then I had some level of hope that we might eventually work things out. But now?

I had nothing.