Chapter 16

Suddenly Single—What a Trip!

Trip Tip: A special tip from my friend, Bess! Channel your inner Picasso and join the onboard painting class. Although, if you're anything like me, be prepared for your masterpiece to look more like a kindergarten finger painting than a Van Gogh. (Sorry, Trixie. It's not your fault. My specialty seems to be stick figures!)

The Smooth SailingLounge is where rousing games of bingo are played in addition to where they serve afternoon tea. It's also the spot where throngs of people decked out as pirates and wenches have congregated at the moment because, let's face it, a rousing game of bingo on board the Emerald Queen can yield a nice treasure as well—a one hundred dollar gift card to the Queen's Mall.

The Smooth Sailing Lounge is a luxurious space with hunter-green velvet seats and booths. The wide windows on either side of the room offer up stunning views of Barbados as the sun begins to set on this tropical land and the water glows with a pinkish hue.

We find Bess and Nettie nestled front and center, so Ransom and I take up our bingo cards and take a seat right next to them.

Not only is the lounge brimming with would-be pirates, but standing before us are two men and two women dressed for high seas success, acting as our official hosts for the hour as they get the game underway.

As the bingo balls begin to roll, the panel of self-proclaimed experts, decked out in fancy ragtag garb, takes turns sharing pirate lore with the crowd gathered in the lounge, now dubbed the Buccaneer Den for the evening.

"Ahoy, mateys and bingo buffs alike," the first man bellows, and his eye patch shifts a notch with every word. "Did ye know the most feared pirates were also the most superstitious? They believed a black cat aboard the ship brought good luck, but heaven help ye if ye were to whistle. They thought people had the power to whistle up a storm!"

A small round of laughter circles the room, along with a few rogue whistles.

"I see that some people like to live dangerously," I tease just above a whisper for Bess, Nettie, and Ransom to hear.

"That would be me." Nettie jabs her thumb at her chest.

"Yeah," Bess says. "And that would explain why you've gone through life whistling Dixie."

A few numbers are read and the crowd gets busy marking their bingo cards just as another pirate from the panel chimes in. This time it's a woman with a tri-cornered hat that sits perched haphazardly on her head.

"And let's not forget about pirate speak," she calls out. "Arrr wasn't just for show, you know. It was a versatile exclamation that could mean anything from yes to I'm having a good day.So, as I call out B9, feel free to let out a hearty arrr if it pleases ya!"

A few renditions of the word arrr echo through the room and Bess belts it out the loudest of the bunch.

"You would," Nettie grouses at her bestie.

A man with a fake parrot on his shoulder takes the next turn. "Ye might be thinkin' pirates spent all their time on the high seas, but did ye know they had democratic practices aboard? Aye, they voted on everything from their next target to their captain. I'm pleased to tell you that democracy was alive and well on the pirate ship."

"It's not alive and well in my life," Nettie grumbles while leaning toward Ransom and me. "Old Bessie here wouldn't let me keep the crown that Poseidon himself gifted my way."

"For Pete's sake, it was driftwood," Bess cries. "And there were sea snails lodged in it. I think I made the right choice tossing it back to Poseidon."

Ransom nods. "Good call."

The pirate panel continues to toss in little historical tidbits between calls such as C9—C as inUnder the C Sea Monster, and B14 —B as in Blackbeard. And because of their pirate-laced lore, the mood in the lounge is both lively and educational, in a pirate-y sort of way.

"And what about treasure maps, ye ask?" the woman with the tri-cornered hat interjects between numbers. "Not all pirates buried their treasure. Many spent it as fast as they plundered it. But if ye find yourselves winning at bingo tonight, feel free to bury that treasure and make yer own map. Just don't forget X marks the spot!"

Whisper of the letter X chimes through the room and I can't help but wonder if everyone here is talking about Mr. X himself. I also can't help but wonder how many of these people have tried Blackbeard's Brew. And how many are craving another hit.

The game finally culminates with a lesson on pirate attire.

"Did ye know the reason pirates wore earrings was believed to improve their eyesight?" one of the women in the front shouts to the crowd. "Or so they claimed. They believed the precious metals found in those earrings had magical curative properties. And those bandanas weren't just for fashion either—they kept the sweat out of their eyes while plundering and looting."

Nettie nods. "Much like mine does today."

Bess scoffs at the thought. "When have you ever worn a bandana?"

"When I'm looting your cabin," she counters.

"Well, that explains a lot of things—especially the missing things." Bess shakes her head as she studies her card.

"Arrr, before our game comes to its conclusion"—a burly man with a scar running down his cheek leans into the microphone—"let me impart a crucial bit of pirate wisdom upon ye all. Have ye ever heard of the dreaded scurvy?" He pauses as he scans the room and several people nod. "Aye, 'tis a disease that plagued many a pirate crew. Caused by a lack of vitamin sea or more commonly known by its letter name, vitamin C. It led to loose teeth, swollen gums, and things far worse to mention in the company of such beautiful wenches."

A titter of laughter erupts and I do believe Nettie is blushing.

He picks up an orange from a fruit bowl on the table in front of him and holds it high. "This here, me hearties, was more precious than gold on long voyages. Why? Because it's packed with what I like to call vitamin sea—as in the high seas, where our hearts belong. Aye, citrus fruits were the secret weapon against scurvy, keeping pirates hearty and their teeth in their heads where they belong."

Nettie clucks her tongue. "So that's why I lost 'em."

The crowd laughs, and someone shouts, "Vitamin sea keeps me where I belong, too—on the lido deck." More laughter ensues, mostly from me because I can identify with that. "And it keeps my sanity from rotting out of my head, too."

A cheer breaks out once again—and that last point is one I can get behind as well. If I had to go back to Maine and live anywhere near my ex, my sanity would have rotted right out of my head a long time ago.

Vitamin sea is definitely for me.

One of the pirate experts in question grins. "So, next time ye feel a bout of scurvy coming on, or if ye're just in need of a boost whilst plundering and pillaging, remember to get your fill of vitamin sea and vitamin C. It might not lead ye to treasure, but it'll surely keep ye healthy enough to enjoy the spoils!" With that, he winks and turns back to the bingo game. "Now, let's find out who's lucky enough to claim the next prize. B 22—B as in Buccaneer Den!"

Bess checks off another number on her card and Nettie grunts at her mostly vacant sheet of paper.

"Speed it up, will ya?" Nettie calls out. "I'm feeling the need for some vitamin rum punch."

The room chuckles along, but the laughter hits a crescendo just as Bess shouts, "Bingo!"