3. Chapter Three

Chapter Three

Nate

What in the ever-loving hell was wrong with me?

The look Belle gave me said it all—she agreed, I had indeed lost my mind. Either that or she was irritated I woke her when I slammed the door. Shit, I hoped Kit didn't think I was angry with him.

All this uncertainty over a boy I'd known for twelve hours.

Or was it fourteen now?

Completely irrelevant.

Brain, stay focused!

All these years I'd spent alone, never once craving or needing another in my personal space. My business was as successful as it could be in a town this size. Summer months made up for the slow winter and the break that came after three solid months of go, go, go was always welcomed. Rarely did I take time off. The longest vacation I ever had was for only a weekend and I actually shut the bar down for it. A handful of locals bitched, but they got over it.

So tell me how was it that I suddenly pictured another by my side through life's journeys? Someone I knew nothing of, though I quickly softened to the young wanderer. Would he consider settling down and making Foggy his home? Likely not in my lifetime, given our age difference. I'd be dead before he reached that point in his life. But that did bring up the fact that maybe it was time to consider a different path for myself. Instead of engaging in random hookups, I should keep my eyes and my heart open to a relationship of permanence.

I still couldn't shake the way Kit's eyes raked over me last night. I hadn't thought twice about walking out in my boxers but what an ego boost. In all actuality I should've been more considerate and not put him in an uncomfortable position, but I won't deny how invigorated I felt by his appreciative gaze.

Wanted.

Desired.

Back to those pesky urges and their all-consuming needs. Craving his hands all over me. Gliding along, mapping out every inch of my flesh. Tracing muscles that came from years of manual labor and hard work. I'd never gone to a gym. Hell, our town didn't even have one. Lift enough cases of beer and a few kegs and they magically appeared. I wasn't too bad for a man in his mid-thirties. At least I didn't think so.

Bear.

That's what I'd been called on the app I used to sate the urges and was told it was a good thing. Given my age and the fact I'd never had a relationship didn't leave me with much to go on. Was this what happened when you hit thirty-five? Was it too early to have a mid-life crisis?

To crave the touch of another, only one other, on a permanent basis was a heady feeling, a real eye opener. Was I prepared for that? My mind whirled through scenarios with a partner by my side, already zoning in on a forever. How was it this shit hit you out of nowhere?

And how was it that I only pictured him ?

I had a lot to offer a potential partner. I was a stable man with no debt, my home and business were both paid for. Everything I earned was profit, though it mostly went back into the business. This year I had planned to redo the vinyl booth bench seats. Shit, I should have ordered those already. Maybe I'd see what Kit thought of the ones I had looked at before I ordered. There I went again, wondering if someone who wasn't staying had any input into a decision that needed only to be made by me.

Who was I?

A ridiculous fool, that's who.

That's what this self-imposed mindfuck was. Kit's time here was short, and he'd likely be long gone before the new benches even came in. Maybe I should hold that task for a later time and tackle updates that were easier to complete before the busy season.

Focus on that which you can control, Nate.

Namely, the bar.

The pool tables in the game room were in great shape. I bought new cues last year and the felt was good. The jukebox was vintage and as long as I could keep it running it would outlast the modern units. These classic pieces were hard to come by and the new ones were computerized. Not that I wasn't tech savvy, well, more like tech capable, but there were times I'd take old over modern, and this was one of those instances where I preferred the past.

Many a fond memory I had of my grandmother sashaying over to old reliable and selecting the button that played hers and Granddad's favorite song by The Platters, "Only You." They would dance, hand in hand, their loving gazes locked on one another. I wanted what they had with every fiber of my being. How had I not realized before that this was what my heart craved? I'd ignored it long enough, now it screamed at me and I had no choice but to listen.

My heart sought its counterpart, the one that would look at me like I hung the moon, as my grandparents had. The one that would become my world and would trust me implicitly, and I them. It was time to let my heart win for a change. I'd been a fool, and it was time to move that goal to the top of the list.

Yes and stop lusting after that which you cannot have. Far too young and unstable. It'll only hurt you in the end.

Easier said than done.

I rolled over and punched the pillow beside me and curled into it. Wishing the shape was one of a human, and not made of cotton.

Shut up, brain. It's time to get some shut eye.

I woke the next morning to a quiet house as I walked through to take Belle out. When she'd sniffed around the yard and finally took care of business, we went back inside. I showered and then whipped up a batch of pancakes for Kit and me. I'd just finished the last of the stack, fully prepared to wake Kit, when he rolled into the kitchen yawning, not quite awake yet.

"Good morning, sleepy head."

Kit wiped his eyes in the most adorable way. "Morning."

"How'd you sleep?"

"Better than I have in a long time."

Internally, I puffed up like a proud peacock. "Glad to hear it. Eat up. We've got a big order to unload that'll be here soon. We'll need all the energy we can muster for that."

I watched as Kit loaded up his plate and dug in. He's a growing boy.

Boy.

That word bounced around in my head, my brain unable to decipher if that was good or bad. The urge to take charge and show Kit how good life could be with me overrode all sense of reason and overwhelmed me. The wheels turned nonstop as my brain overanalyzed every aspect, having gone back and forth with pros versus cons since I woke.

Numerous pitfalls came with dating one so young, though that didn't erase the desire. Conversations thus far had been limited but I knew he was at least bi, if not gay. The question hung from the tip of my tongue and I'd nearly asked a handful of times but as his employer it was crossing a line.

Oh, and fantasizing about him wasn't?

Once Kit finished, having all but licked the syrup from his plate, I gathered our dishes. "Why don't you go get ready? The truck should be here any minute now, the driver just texted me."

"Yes, Daddy," he mumbled, and we both froze. Neither turned to face the other for fear of what we may see in their eyes. Fear? Acceptance? Disgust?

Daddy.

Something I'd never been before, but damn if I didn't want to be the caring, doting lover for this sweet boy. Would he want to be mine? Would he then consider staying? What if we tried and weren't compatible? What if I was only a way to pass the time before he moved along? That would crush me. A million questions raced through my head, and damned if I could answer a single one of them.

Kit all but sprinted down the hall. Once his door slammed shut, I breathed for the first time since he uttered that word and leaned over the sink to gather my wits. Jesus Christ, what in the hell was this boy doing to me ?

Neither of us spoke a single word as we walked to the bar, arriving just as the driver backed in. "Morning, Nate," he greeted me. "Who's this?

"Morning, Trent. This is my new helper, Kit. Kit, Trent is our regular driver, though every once in a while he has the audacity to take a vacation day."

Trent laughed. "Those are few and far between, my friend, but when the Missus says we're going somewhere, I must listen. You know, happy wife, happy life and all that."

"So, I've heard. I know you're on a tight schedule so, Kit, why don't you grab the dolly in the storage room, and we'll get to work." I stacked a couple of crates and carried them in while Kit loaded up the dolly.

Kit remained quiet as we unloaded the truck and as soon as it was done he hid in the storage room putting it all away. I chose to leave him be, he'd open up when he was ready. Hell, I didn't even know what to say to him myself. The urge to go to him and tell him…tell him what exactly? I had no fucking clue, guess putting some distance between us right now was a wise choice.

I remained focused on front of the bar, counting the till and taking care of the morning prep before I unlocked the front door. When I did, Merle was there waiting.

He took one look at me and drove right in. "Trouble in paradise, Nate? "

"Oh, you think you're real funny, don't you, old man. Since when has Foggy Basin ever been paradise?" I replied as I slid his usual drink in front of him.

"Well, I wasn't talking about this wonderful town, and while it may not be your version of paradise, it is my own little slice of heaven. I know everyone here. I know where the bodies are buried, and I know if something goes down which jackass did it."

I threw my head back and laughed knowing full well his words were spot on. "Very true, my friend. Reality has hit me hard and turned my brain into a three-ring circus. All triggered by something I never in a million years would've expected. Honestly, these last twenty-four hours have triggered a whirlwind of emotions and thoughts that I don't know if I should embrace or run from."

"Well, in the past, ignoring challenges never worked for me. Only started a major ripple effect that rolled downhill until my beautiful wife slapped me upside the head and asked me what the hell was wrong with me."

Merle smiled as he recollected the fond memories. His wife was something else and he adored that woman. "My advice to you, and you can take it or leave it, Nate, is to face that bull head on. If you don't and you let that bull leave town," Merle turned his I dare you to deny it smirk of on me. "You'll regret it."

"What if the bull isn't at the same point in their life as the matador?" How had this turned into a running of the bull's story?

"Wow, your opinion of yourself just escalated, didn't it?" Merle was always quick to call me on my bullshit. "My advice to you, son, is to grab that bull by the horns and either ride it into submission or ride it until it's time to part ways. Either way, if you don't ride it, you'll regret it."

"Duly noted."

Time would tell and it was time to man up and face the bull in question. I had to change the CO2 tanks on the soda dispenser anyway which just so happened to be in the very supply room Kit hid in. "Be right back." When I got to the room, Kit was breaking down the empty boxes.

"Knock-knock." His head popped up and his face flushed. "Want to learn how to change out the CO2 tanks?"

"Sure. But I kinda need to apologize to you first." Kit's head hung and his eyes faced downward, his words were barely audible.

"Oh yeah? What for?"

He nervously scratched the back of his neck, his eyes still downcast. I didn't like this nervous, unsure version of him. "Kit." At the command in my voice, his head popped up. "What did you need to apologize for? "

"For. Ugh. This is so embarrassing. For, umm, for calling you Daddy this morning."

That single word coming from his lips a second time sent heat racing straight to my core. I didn't want him to feel uncomfortable, but it was important he didn't view this as an issue. Before my brain could engage, my mouth took over. "What if I didn't mind?" His eyes widened and I took a step forward. "What if I liked it? What if I want to be your Daddy?"

"Fuck me," Kit mumbled.

"Maybe if you're a good boy, I will. Now back to those CO2 tanks." Time to shut this down before I did something we couldn't erase. Like defile the storage room. His head bobbed up and down. He followed me to the set up on the far wall where the dispensers and tanks were installed, and I proceeded to show him how to do it. I changed one and had him do the other. "Perfect. Set them aside for the vendor to exchange. I think he comes next week but these will last us another month, give or take."

"Easy enough. Better get back out there before Merle pours himself a free beer. Wouldn't be the first time. Thinks he's slick, that one," I teased though my hands itched to pull Kit into my arms.

For the first time today, Kit smiled. "Are we good? "

Bravely, I stepped closer. My thumb traced along his bottom lip and across his jaw line. "I think we're very good, Kit. But we do need to have a more in-depth conversation when the bar doesn't have its chief nosey Nellie in it."

Kit giggled so loud Merle had to have heard it. "Understood and agreed."

When we got back out on the floor Officer Duarte, Raphael as I'd always known him by, was on the stool beside Merle chit-chatting with him.

"What were you two hens cackling about?" Merle dove right in. Raphael's hungry gaze raked over Kit. Without thinking, I wound a possessive arm around Kit's waist and released a protective growl as I pulled him against me.

Rafael threw his hands up in the air. "Sorry, Grizzly Adams, didn't mean to overstep but it is my job to make sure I know everyone in this town."

"As long as that knowing doesn't include getting into his pants, we're good to go." The beast was unleashed and there was no stopping him. How had I not known this side of me existed?

"Understood and just for the record, this isn't high school anymore, Nate. No more playing games to find out who could steal whose boyfriend and then suck him dry under the bleachers and all that happy horseshit." Raphael's words had me backing off. A memory I'd long since repressed for good reason. Raphael meant no harm and I had no right to lay claim over Kit. "Sorry, Kit," I released him. "I didn't mean to, well, you know." Now it was my turn to be the embarrassed one handing out the apology.

Kit's wide eyes met mine. I couldn't tell if it was lust, anger, surprise, or a combination but he said nothing, picked up a towel and got to work. This topic would surely be tackled during our conversation this afternoon. I just hoped it didn't end with him hitting the road. What the fuck had possessed me?

Jealousy.

Want.

Need.

Was there a way to exchange your mind for a new one or were lobotomies strictly prohibited?

Merle, the snide fucker that he was, had the biggest shit-eating grin on his face. This would only serve as fodder, fuel for his merry band of gossip hounds. His smile was a dangerous one and it rarely came without a speech.

"Either of you want to order lunch?" A change in subject was more than warranted after the show I just gave.

Fucking hormones.

"I'll take a basket of hot wings and fries and a soda. I'm on the clock," Raphael rattled off .

"Grilled cheese and fries for me," Merle ordered. I couldn't escape to the kitchen fast enough. Now I knew exactly how Kit felt this morning. The upheaval in my life over the last twenty-four hours was nothing short of insanity. Though in hindsight, leaving Kit alone with those two wasn't a brilliant decision.

You're on a roll today, Nate.

In an odd turn of normal weeknights, Kit and I were busy until well after the dinner rush was over. Nights like this didn't happen unless a certain somebody had their megaphone out and was running around town sharing things he shouldn't be. Merle. I'd be addressing this with the old man tomorrow, though my words would likely go in one ear and out the other.

I was thankful for the business, don't get me wrong, but it would be nice if folks wandered in on their own and not to stare at the new exhibit in town, like Kit and I were on display at the zoo. If you caught my drift.

"Wow, that was a crazy rush. Is it always like this? I don't remember yesterday being this busy, maybe this might be the new norm?" Kit asked.

"Nope, that's called small town madness, and everyone was here to see the show. You and me. Believe it or not, we are Foggy Basin's version of reality TV, like pets on parade. Which means that Merle has been running his pie hole down at the post office again. That prompted everybody else to come and see it firsthand."

"No shit?"

"No shit indeed. Now, while the lookie loos are off to bed, how about I grill us a couple of steaks and we have that talk."