Chapter 24

Rainey

Zeke was goneby the time I woke up, which wasn't very different from every other morning lately. The man was dedicated to his job, that was for sure. What I couldn't help feeling though was that something was off. Zeke still said all the right things, but that spark in his eye when he looked at me was gone. Had been for over a week now. I couldn't help but feel like that was a failure on my part somehow. Maybe he was getting sick of me. Maybe, just like my father, he realized that taking care of me was simply too much effort.

It was that thought that had me up and dressed around seven and latching Daisy's leash to her collar. We were headed into Blueball to see Lawson. The air-conditioning blast when I opened the glass door of the coffee shop was welcome by the time we made it downtown. Daisy was panting, a situation Lawson quickly noticed. He came around the counter with a bowl of water and set it on the floor for Daisy right by an empty table. The furry thing sank to the cool floor and lapped it up, spilling it everywhere.

"I'll clean that up, promise."

Lawson chuckled. "No worries. What can I get you?"

I straightened my shoulders. "A job, if you still have the position open."

Lawson smiled and wiped his hands on the towel thrown over his shoulder. "You want to work here?"

"Well, I've been working in restaurants since I graduated. Pretty sure a coffee shop isn't too different. I'm a hard worker, so you won't have to wrack your brain for a nice way to fire me."

Lawson laughed and it almost sounded rusty. "I don't wrestle with my conscience when it comes to firing people, Rainey. If they work hard, I pay a more-than-fair wage. If they don't want to work, I show them the door. Easy as that."

"Sounds good to me."

He gestured me over to the counter when a customer came in. I put Daisy's leash on one of the chairs ringing the table and told her to stay. She raised her eyebrows at me as if to say you think I'm getting up off this cool floor already, lady?

I waited for Lawson to take the customer's order and spin around to make it on the gleaming machine that let out steam and screeches and grinding noises. He slid the cup across the counter to the customer and turned his attention back to me.

"Come on back here and shadow me for half an hour. If you like it, I'll have you fill out the paperwork on the spot." He shot me a grin. "And pay you for the half hour since I'm a good boss."

The half hour passed in the blink of an eye and I was even more sure I wanted to work there. The bakery chef in the back was a nice middle-aged woman who instantly made me feel welcome. Lawson worked hard, doing absolutely everything needed out front. He told me I'd be mostly working the register and cleaning tables. He'd make the drinks until I felt comfortable doing that too. By the time he tapped his watch and lifted an eyebrow at me, I was all in.

"Let's do it!"

He looked as excited as me when he handed over the employment papers to fill out. "Can I ask you something before you're an employee and technically I shouldn't be asking this?" When I nodded wearily, he continued. "Why do you want to work here? And is your husband okay with you working for me?"

Daisy let out a whine, and because she'd been such a good girl while I shadowed Lawson, I patted my thigh and she came bounding over. Lawson reached for a baked dog treat they sold here. Daisy gobbled it up and gave the huge man heart eyes I didn't think Zeke would appreciate.

"Zeke doesn't know I'm applying," I admitted. "I wanted to surprise him."

Lawson folded his massive tattooed arms over his chest. "Should I watch my back in the parking lot? He didn't look too pleased we were chatting the other day."

"No! He was mad at me that day, you just happened to be in the fallout zone," I said sheepishly. "I want to get a job and show Zeke that I can be an equal partner. I've always relied on him, even in high school. Too much actually. I want him to know that I'm making an effort to build a life with him here in Blueball and that I can stand on my own two feet."

Lawson nodded, as if that was a good enough answer for him. "I'm happy for you, Rainey. I don't know of too many people mixed up in what we were who ended up with a happily ever after."

I wanted to ask him if he had found his happiness, but he inhaled and turned, back to all business. "Bring those back as soon as you can. Anytime you want to start is good for me."

Waving the papers in the air, I picked up Daisy's leash and headed for the door. "I'll be back tomorrow and we can discuss a schedule to start right away."

The walk home felt short. My sandals barely touched the ground, such was my excitement over having a job. And a plan. I hadn't realized how much not making a firm decision about staying in Blueball had been weighing me down. This felt right. Felt good. Felt like the start of the rest of my life.

Because I'd been asking questions recently, I knew that Zeke's favorite food was gourmet pizza and I had all the ingredients at home to make one from scratch. There was even a bottle of champagne in the back of the refrigerator I'd been saving. Tonight seemed like the perfect night to pop it open and celebrate my new life here with Zeke. The wedding had started out as a mere convenience, but it had turned into the best thing that ever happened to me.

I unclipped Daisy's leash once we turned onto the road that led to Zeke's house. She bounded ahead and then dashed back to my side, tongue hanging out the side of her mouth as she ran in circles around me. I thought that might be dog language for slow poke.

"Okay, okay, I'll hurry!" I started running and she barked, chasing after me. We were both breathless as we stumbled into the house. "I won!"

I could have sworn Daisy rolled her eyes at me before she buried her snout in the water bowl. Grabbing a water bottle out of the refrigerator, I guzzled it before dropping into a chair by the kitchenette table. A piece of white paper caught my attention. It had black chicken scratch writing on it. I knew right away it was Zeke's handwriting. In high school, I'd pass him a note that had pink lettering covering the entire front side of the paper and he'd send it back with one- or two-word answers on the back that were almost impossible to decipher. Doctors had better handwriting than Zeke. When I gave him crap for it, he simply shrugged and said he preferred to say what needed to be communicated. Considering he didn't talk much either, I thought he was full of shit.

This note wasn"t much better than the ones he sent me in high school. It simply said he was spending the evening with the boys and they'd probably be drinking, so he planned to spend the night at Glamper's Paradise. And then he said he'd see me tomorrow.

My heart sank. All that excitement I wanted to share with him disappeared. The worry that something was extremely wrong between us was back. I knew it took a lot to get Zeke to talk about what was bothering him, and at this point, I could only assume he was avoiding me. But nothing was going to be fixed unless we got a chance to talk it out.

I put the note down, realizing the letter from my former employer was underneath. I'd meant to throw it away earlier but had forgotten about it. Folding the final paystub into my wallet, I threw the job offer letter in the trash can. I paced the kitchen, wondering what to do. Previously, I would have shrugged it off and moved on, but I wasn't that naive girl anymore with my head in the clouds. I wanted to face my problems head-on now. Kind of hard to do when your husband wouldn't freaking come home.

Instead of pizza from scratch, I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and ate it on the couch while watching The Bachelor. Daisy had jumped on the couch with me, even though she wasn't supposed to be up on the furniture. I stroked her soft head and admitted to myself that I was lonely.

I missed Zeke. I missed his grunted answers, his lopsided grin, the way he'd shorten my name to Rain. The look in his eyes when he trained them on me, like I was his whole world and all his focus was reserved for me. The way his rough hands skimmed so carefully across my skin when he made love to me at night. Why had I ever taken all of that for granted? Why had I walked away from the most perfect human I'd ever encountered?

Picking up my phone, I called Grandma. This was also a change for me. The new and improved Rainey reached out to her loved ones when she needed advice or simply a sounding board.

"Rainette?" Grandma said, her voice almost drowned out by hoots and hollers in the background.

"Grandma? What's going on?" I was eating dinner alone in front of the television while my grandmother was whooping it up at a party. My, my, how the tables had turned.

I heard a door slam and then the background noise was blessedly gone. "Just stupid Jerry. That man comes up with a new game every night. Somehow they all involve layers of clothes coming off."

I grimaced. I did not want to discuss my grandma and her elderly friends playing strip poker or any other kind of card game. "Do you have a second?"

"Sure, honey. What's going on?"

My hand stilled on Daisy's head. "How did you know you were in love with Grandpa?"

"Oh," Grandma said softly. "Well, let's see. He was my best friend, first of all. Yet he made my heart thump wildly just looking at me from across the room. It was like I couldn't take a full breath when he was near me, but when he held me in his arms, I relaxed completely. In a world of overdue bills and domestic terrorism and the atrocity of fucking raisins in carrot cake, he was my safe space."

I meant to laugh, but what came out was more like a strangled yelp. "I love Zeke!" I wailed.

Grandma chuckled. "Oh, honey, I hope so! You married the man, after all."

Daisy whined, worried about my emotions teetering out of control, so I continued petting her head and tried to keep my shit together. "But you know that was more for the inheritance. I mean, I think he loved me when we said I do, and I think I must have unconsciously loved him too, but…"

"Oh, free bird," Grandma sighed. "Even birds who spread their wings and fly most of the day have a nest to come home to. Why are you so afraid to make a home for yourself?"

I used my shoulder to catch a tear slipping off my cheek. "I don't really know what a home looks like. Dad mostly had a bachelor pad that I was allowed to inhabit if I was super quiet."

"Your dad's a fucking idiot, and since he's my son, I can say that," Grandma snapped. "I still grieve over his death, but I was so damn happy to pick you up and take you home with me."

"You were?"

Grandma gasped. "If you have to ask that, then I didn't do a very good job letting you know. I love you, Rainette Shaw. Other than living with your grandpa, the years you lived with me were the best years of my life."

My eyes burned and my nose was actively running. "That's only because Jerry keeps stripping," I teased.

Grandma barked out a laugh, but it ended on a soft sigh. "If you love Zeke, make a home with him. Here or across the globe. Let yourself create the home you two kids want. Fill it with love and you'll be the most successful, and happy, woman I know."

I sat up straighter. Hope inflated my lungs. Maybe the distance I'd been feeling between us wasn't a problem brewing but simply Zeke giving me space to come to a decision. My head started nodding before the ideas had fully formed.

"You're right, Grandma. And I'm staying in Blueball. I just took a job working for Lawson, in fact. I'm going to make a home with Zeke right here. Just you wait!"

"That's my girl! Now go tell Zeke."

We got off the phone and I stood up, looking down at Daisy on the couch. "No time for napping, girl. We have a husband to propose to!"