Chapter 19
Zeke
"Fuck!"I snatched my hand back and shook out the pain immediately pounding in my thumb.
That was what I got for taking my mind off of what I was doing, which was building a gate after I'd finished a long line of fencing earlier this week. Too bad my brain was completely focused on the way Rainey had tipped her head back while I was buried inside of her, her long throat highlighted by the moonlight that crept under the bridge that night. Our spot had never looked so fuckin' good with Rainey moaning while straddling me.
Ten minutes later I dropped the end of a two-by-four on my foot and decided to call it a day before I ended up severely maimed by my own incompetence. Maybe a quick power nap was in order. I cleaned up my worksite and then tossed my tools in the back of my truck. I'd have to come back tomorrow and regroup. I'd also need to get better sleep tonight if I hoped to finish the project.
That thought made me grin while I started the truck and headed home. I'd been up all night with an insatiable bride. All the tension between us over the last week had exploded into a need to devour each other. Repeatedly. I couldn't believe we'd made love outside under the bridge, where anyone could have seen us. Then again in the truck at home. And in our bed every night thereafter. My body was completely satiated and my left hamstring was fuckin' sore, but my head was not at peace.
The thought of her leaving was like a black cloud that descended at random times and ruined my day. It just killed me that we could be this happy together and Rainey was still thinking of leaving. What did I need to do to get her to love me? Was that even the right question? Forcing a woman to love you didn't seem like the best move for lasting happiness, yet that was where my brain went every single time. I'd tried to show her how much I loved her, but it was like throwing pebbles into the ocean. The waves kept coming and the pebbles just sank to the bottom, unnoticed and ineffective.
Mom's ten-year-old SUV was parked in my driveway when I got home. She was sitting in one of the deck chairs out on my porch, just rocking back and forth and staring out at the yard. I knew Rainey wouldn't be here. The girls had invited her to lunch today and Audrey had volunteered to swing by and pick her up. I was always happy to see Mom, but kind of bummed about losing my nap time.
"Hey, Mom," I called as I exited the truck and hit the stairs. I leaned down to give her a kiss on the cheek before sitting in the chair next to her. "This is a lovely surprise."
Mom's mouth pulled into a small smile. "Sure. What man doesn't love his mother coming over unannounced?"
I was just happy to see her smiling. There was a time there when she didn't smile for months. "I'm not most men."
"No, you're not. Which is why I'm here."
That didn't sound good. "Okay…"
Mom pinned me with the look all mothers perfect when they want the truth out of their spawn. "Gertie told me about Rainey's inheritance. And the stipulations." She let that announcement hang there.
Guilt felt worse than slamming a hammer on my thumb. "You should work for the CIA," I grumbled.
Mom simply lifted an eyebrow.
I sighed. There was no use lying to her further. I respected my mother and she deserved the truth. She'd find out anyway as soon as Rainey got bored and left me again.
"Rainey came back to town to get married so she could inherit." I ran a hand over my face. Fuck, this was hard to admit. I knew she'd be disappointed. "She was going to marry some idiot who didn't deserve her. You know how I feel about Rainey."
Mom reached over and held my hand. "You've always loved that girl. I think from the first moment you saw her."
My lips jerked into a smile, a reflex of thinking back on that moment. I'd met her on our first day of freshman year. I was assigned the locker right below hers. I saw a pretty new girl and dipped my head, crouching down right at her feet to get to my locker, too shy to say anything. She'd looked down at me and quipped something about men falling at her feet. I'd looked up, and with the halogen hallway lights above her, she looked just like an angel. I carried her books, showed her where her first class was, and the rest was best friend history.
"I couldn't let her marry that guy, Mom. I stepped in and married her so she could get her inheritance."
Mom patted my hand. "No, you didn't."
I swung my head to gape at her.
She pursed her lips. "You married her because you saw an opportunity to finally make her yours. You married her because, even after all these years, you still love her."
I felt about two feet tall as Mom gave voice to my inner most feelings and motivations. Was I that obvious? Was I just some lovesick puppy dog, following Rainey around with heart eyes?
"Don't look so surprised, Ezekiel. I know you better than anyone on this green earth now that your father is gone." Mom looked heavenward like she always did when she spoke about Dad. "What I'm worried about is Rainey. I can see the love on her face when she looks at you, but at her core, she's a runner. Always has been. You can't tame that, son. If you want to keep her you need to make sure she never feels powerless."
"I would never?—"
"You took away her choice on who to marry, didn't you?"
My mouth dropped open again. "How did you?—"
"Wendy and I are friends and she saw what you did outside the courthouse." Mom shrugged, like that explained everything. "Small towns don't lend to secrets."
I sagged back in my chair. "Well, shit."
Mom snickered. "I may be getting old, but I'm still a mom. I have eyes and ears all over this town and don't you forget it, young man."
"Yes, ma'am." The response was automatic.
"But here's what I'm worried about more than anything," Mom said, leaning over the side of the chair and getting into my space. "Love can never work when it's a one-way street, no matter how badly you want it to work. While you make sure you're what Rainey needs, you make sure she gives you what you need too. You deserve to be loved like I loved your father. Wholly, completely, forever."
Mom's eyes filled with tears and so did mine. I remembered all the times I'd catch them holding hands, sneaking kisses, or whispering secrets softly between them. Mom and Dad had been relationship goals. And she was right. I wanted what they had. I'd been so focused on being there for Rainey I'd forgotten what I needed.
"I love you, Mom."
Mom stood and cupped my face. She smelled like lemons and home, so familiar I could have been five years old, sitting on her lap, and I wouldn't have felt more comforted than I did in this moment.
"And I love you, son."
She left, even though I offered to make her lunch. She said I looked tired and needed a nap. Moms were never wrong and their intuition was eerie. She'd gotten me thinking though and I had too much nervous energy to nap. Instead, I changed into workout shorts, foregoing a shirt altogether due to the scorching afternoon sun. I went out back with Daisy and chopped more firewood until my sweaty hands started slipping on the axe. Then I dropped and belted out as many pushups as I could without face-planting. Daisy licked my face, thinking we were playing a game, and I tried to push her away in between reps. When my chest was on fire, I hopped up to the lowest branch of the tree to the left of the house and began to belt out pullups.
All the while my brain was spinning. I wasn't sure if Rainey could love me back the way I needed. She hadn't grown up with Daniel and Emily Burns. She hadn't seen their example of true love to know how it played out in real life. She was so independent due to her childhood that maybe she couldn't begin to meld her life with another's. Maybe all this had been for nothing. Maybe I'd done exactly what I feared the second I saw her back in Blueball.
I'd fallen in love with her all over again, this time as an adult, where the stakes were higher. Odds were good she'd leave again, and instead of being brokenhearted like before…I'd be devastated.