Chapter 1

Zeke

While all myfriends from high school were procuring cases of beer and heading to the party at Jack's house, I was practicing my speech. I patted my pocket for the hundredth time since stripping off the suit pants from graduation and slipping into my well-worn jeans. Mumbling under my breath did nothing to calm my stomach as I paced my room. Now patting my back pocket to make sure the condoms I'd bought two towns over were ready to go tonight only jacked up my level of nervousness. I glanced at the notecard where I'd scribbled a few things to say.

Nothing made me nervous except her.

Rainey Shaw.

The prettiest girl at Blueball High. The life of every party. Voted best smile four years in a row by our peers. My best friend.

And tonight I planned to tell her how I really felt. All the signs were there that she felt the same way. The way she'd hold my hand with our fingers interlaced, dip her head to rest it on my shoulder, or the way her eyes would dart around a room full of people until she locked gazes with me. I also planned to give her my virginity tonight in exchange for hers.

"Zeke?" Dad stuck his head in my bedroom. "Hey, son, I don't want you drinking and driving."

I turned to face him, almost as tall as him now. He'd been my hero since the day I was born. The man was built like a linebacker and I could only hope to have his strength one day. I planned to follow in his footsteps, learning how to build all the things he did. To work with my hands and provide for my family just like he'd always done for us. He'd already been quizzing me so I'd be ready for the general contractor license exam. Now that I was eighteen, the only thing stopping me was time. With high school over, the rest of my life was about to begin. Which was why I wanted to finally tell Rainey how I felt.

"I won't, Dad. Promise. I'll stay sober and watch out for Rainey."

He dipped his head, knowing I told the truth. Everyone knew I'd take care of Rainey, even if I had to lay down my own life to do it. Sadly, it got me in trouble a lot. I'd punched at least five guys over the last four years for making lewd comments or disrespecting her.

"Okay, then, have a good time. Stay a kid just a bit longer."

He stepped forward and pulled me into his arms, whacking me on the back like he always did. I hugged him back and then we let go, walking out of my room. Dad put his arm around Mom where she waited in the living room and they both watched me go, giving me that smile they'd been giving me all day, like they were memorizing every moment of my life. I shook my head and hid my grin. They annoyed me sometimes, but I knew how lucky I was to have them.

"I'll be back late. Don't wait up."

Mom snorted as I closed the front door, Dad's bellow of a laugh reaching me out on the driveway as I approached my truck. One of them always stayed up to make sure I got home safe, no matter how many times I told them not to. I hopped in my truck and backed out of the driveway, in a hurry to get to the bridge.

Rainey and I had made the underside of the bridge at Blueball Park our spot. The space was mostly just a dirty cave, but the shade was cool in the summer and lent a perfect view of the rushing stream below during the winter. We'd had hours-long chats in our spot over the four years she'd lived here in Blueball. Rainey was a chatterbox, and I was all too happy to sit there and listen to her talk. The tree closest to our spot had our initials carved into it, with the number thirty right below. We'd made a pact a few months ago to get married if neither of us was married by thirty years old. Thing was, I planned to marry Rainey the second she was ready. We'd be each other's first in all things.

I got to our spot before Rainey, settling into the worn patch of dirt and weeds, spreading a flannel shirt of mine on the ground next to me so Rainey's clothes wouldn't get dirty. My fingers immediately went for my pocket, feeling the round band of gold I'd saved up for and bought a week ago. I'd seen the ring in the window of the jewelry store in town last year. It was two pieces of gold wire entwined and shaped into a ring. The second my gaze landed on it, I knew it was meant to be on Rainey's finger, symbolizing her and me, so twisted together we became one.

"Oh my God, Z! You should have seen Jedediah and Emily! They were totally sucking face right after graduation!" Rainey ducked under the bridge, words already spilling from her cherry-red lips. My hand darted away from my pocket.

"Wait. Are they dating?" I didn't care if they were dating, but I knew Rainey did.

"I guess so! Isn't that exciting!" Rainey plopped down next to me, the scent of her sweet perfume wafting over and making me melt into her side. Her curled blonde hair flicked against my arm and she placed her hand on my thigh, stretching out her legs like this cramped space wasn't big enough for her and her bubbly personality. Rainey was a hurricane, impossible to predict and deadly if you tried to contain her. "Jedediah has been drooling over her all year. It's about time he made a move."

My heart started pounding, and I knew this was my moment. I opened my mouth and made myself face my fears. "Speaking of making a move." My hand dipped into my jeans pocket, the tips of my fingers just brushing the ring when Rainey talked into the brief pause.

"I have an announcement!" She turned to me, blue eyes flashing and pink tinging her cheeks. Her excitement was contagious, even though she'd trumped my own announcement. She grabbed me by the front of my shirt and bounced in the dirt like she couldn't contain herself. My heart pounded, thinking she was pulling me closer to her. She licked her lips and I was instantly harder than a sledgehammer. My gaze darted down and then back up, wanting to be looking her in the eyes the second she told me she liked me too.

"You know that one chatroom with all the Harley guys?"

Warning bells clanged in my brain, but I didn't know how to stop her. Didn't know how to put the genie back in the bottle when he was determined to get out. This didn't sound like the announcement I was going to make, or the one I'd hoped she was about to make. Not at all.

"Hawk is picking me up tonight!" Rainey ended with a squeal and let go of my shirt to clap for herself.

A dark haze blanketed my thoughts. I could hear a bird chirping in the tree across the stream, but I was watching Rainey in slow motion, senses dulled.

"Who's Hawk?" I asked numbly, pulling my hand back out of my pocket. Without the ring.

Rainey's smile usually lit my world, but right now it was lighting a potent flame of anger in my chest that felt like it might consume me. "Hawk is the guy I told you about, remember? He's picking me up in just a few minutes!"

I frowned, lurching to my feet to get away from her perfume. I couldn't think with it clouding my head. "You don't own a Harley."

Rainey snorted delicately and stood too, brushing off the backside of her skintight jeans. She was wearing the shirt she'd bought with her own money. The one her grandma Gertie had forbidden her to buy. Rainey's ample breasts were practically spilling out of it. The thought of some asshole named Hawk seeing her cleavage made me want to smash the bridge to pieces.

"But Hawk does, silly. And he's taking me away for the weekend to celebrate my graduation. Isn't that so sweet?"

I gaped at my best friend, fury fighting for dominance with outright concern. "How old is Hawk?"

Rainey's smile dimmed. Normally, this would get me to back off whatever I'd said to make her less than euphoric. But not this time. Not when her safety was in jeopardy.

"He said he's nineteen."

I ran a hand through my hair. What nineteen-year-old already owns a Harley? "How do you know for sure?"

Rainey shot me a disbelieving look. "He wouldn't lie about that! He's really sweet. You just don't know him."

"Exactly!" I exploded, making Rainey's mouth pop open in surprise. "No one knows him, including you, and you want to take off for the weekend with him? Are you insane?"

Rainey stood up straight, her breasts pressing against the edge of her shirt and threatening to flash me, and snapped her mouth shut. Fuck. She was angry. Angrier than I'd ever seen her. Normally she reserved that fiery temperament for other people. Tonight it was aimed at me.

But better that than see her get kidnapped by some asshole who lies about his age and preys on young women.

"I'm going back to Grandma's to wait for Hawk. I'll see you when I get back." Rainey twirled around and started walking away.

"Baby girl." The nickname I'd always used for her came out like a desperate appeal. Absolute fear had trickled in, fanning the flames.

She lifted her nose in the air and kept right on walking.

"Rain!" I said, sharper this time. Still no response.

I gripped the back of my neck and looked up at the treetops, searching for an answer. I had no real control over Rainey's life. I wasn't her boyfriend or her parent. She was eighteen and in control of her own life.

Rainey had always been impulsive. Maybe even a little reckless. I'd chalked it up to her losing her dad in eighth grade. It was just some childhood rebellion she'd eventually work out of her system. But this? This was fucking insanity.

I waited until she was out of sight and then I ran to my truck, firing up the engine, and gunning it over the sidewalk to make an illegal U-turn right there in the middle of Main Street. I went the back way, pulling up to Gertie's block from the south. I cut the lights and the engine a couple houses down, sitting in my truck and watching Rainey walk into her house. I didn't have to wait long before I heard the unmistakable sound of a Harley coming down the road. Some fucker in a leather jacket put his foot down on the curb, not bothering to cut the engine or take his helmet off.

Rainey ran out the front door with her small backpack purse strapped to her. Gertie also came out the door, clearly yelling something that was probably similar to what I'd told her. The girl who had me tied in knots ignored her, climbed on the back of a stranger's motorcycle, and flipped her grandma the double middle finger while they zoomed down the road and out of sight. I sat there, stunned.

How the fuck had this happened?

Tonight was supposed to be our night. I was supposed to slip this promise ring on her finger and seal our love with our bodies. Tonight was supposed to be about celebrating everything that was to come now that we were adults.

I couldn't fucking breathe.

The knock on my window startled me. Gertie stood there, her eyes filled with tears. I opened the door and she immediately pulled me into a hug I couldn't return. My limbs weren't cooperating. My lungs weren't working. My brain kept flashing the sight of Rainey riding away against the back of my eyes.

"You got to let her go, son," Gertie whispered. "Let her fly and pray she comes back home."

The breath whooshed out of my lungs and my whole body shuddered. Gertie pulled back but kept her hands on my shoulders. She studied me while I fought to inhale. Fought to keep the shattered pieces of my heart inside my chest instead of spilling out onto the blacktop for everyone to see.

"Oh, honey. Rainey's like the wind. You can't catch her and tie her down. She'll only break your heart over and over again. Better to set your heart on someone else."

I finally met Gertie's gaze, seeing pain reflected back at me. I knew she meant well, but she had no idea what she was saying. My heart wasn't mine anymore and therefore wasn't mine to give away to someone else. It was already owned by the girl who'd just raced out of town without a backward glance.

I never did make it to Jack's house that night. I took the bottle of whiskey I'd planned to bring to the party after Rainey and I had time together and went back to the park. I sat on the opposite side of the bridge, staring at our spot and wallowing in pain while I sipped. I thought of all the times we sat there and shared and laughed and taken naps snuggled together. Had I really fallen in love with Rainey while she just saw me as a friend? How was that possible? How had I gotten it all so wrong?

The burn of the whiskey down my throat felt good. It gave me something else to focus on instead of the knife twisting in my chest. I hadn't quite gotten half the bottle down before the world tilted on its axis and I fell asleep right there in the dirt.

Dad found me in the early hours of the morning and dragged me home where I belonged. I spilled the whole story to him with tears tracking down my cheeks like a little boy. He didn't say much, but he took me to work with him the next day, hungover and puking my guts up. He never brought up Rainey's name that day. The physical labor soothed the rage and gave me something to focus on. Working with my hands, the burn in my muscles and the sun beating down my back, became the therapy I needed.

It was a gift that lasted a lifetime, but something I never got to thank him for.

I also never got to speak to Rainey again.