Chapter 9

9

STERLING

I felt like the biggest dick in the world as I walked away from Daphne after our brief exchange, but I'd done what I needed to do. It was bad enough that I hadn't been able to stop thinking about her. I definitely hadn't needed to see her looking at me the way she had back there.

Like she could get lost in my eyes. Worse, like she could love me if I'd let her.

I let out a harsh breath, my footsteps clipped as I took the call from her brother .

Once again, his timing had been fucking impeccable. I swore it was like he had a built-in radar for sensing when I was thinking inappropriate thoughts about Daphne. "Hey, Eric. What's up?"

"Do you have any plans for this weekend?" he asked.

I frowned. "No. Why? Do I?"

"Sure, you do," he replied happily. "You're going fishing with me. Put it in your calendar. Or your calendar app or whatever it is you rich city guys use."

I chuckled. "It's still just a calendar, and mine is pretty wide open these days."

Plus, getting away from the farm sounded like a good idea. Things were still frosty with my dad and I needed a break. I was no closer to making a breakthrough with him and I was really starting to wonder if it was even possible to repair what was broken in our relationship.

Before Mom's accident, he'd been pissed about the legacy thing, but after? It was almost like her death had snipped all ties between us. Like I was as dead to him as she was.

Thankfully, Eric spoke again, reminding me that I was still on the phone with him. "Well, I've got a lot of cars you can work on if you get too bored of that wide open calendar, but in the meantime, we're going fishin'."

"Where?" I asked, suddenly realizing the pond on the farm where we used to fish probably didn't have any fish left in it. I was ninety-nine percent sure they'd all died. "The river at the bend?"

"Nope. I bought a cabin nearby. We'll go out for the whole weekend. Bring beer."

I chuckled. "Will do, buddy. Thanks."

"I'm calling Jake too," he said. "Just so you know. I'm not sure if he'll come considering how close we are to Rachel's due date, but we'll see. He might drive out for the day. Either way, I just wanted to give you a heads-up."

"Sounds great," I said. "It'll be good to have a weekend to catch up with you guys."

"Yeah, well, it's my last free weekend before the football games start for the season," he said. "Otherwise, I'd have suggested we do it every weekend while you're here. Get you away from John a bit more often."

I groaned, dragging a hand through my hair as I left the school. "Way to call a spade a spade, but sure, I get it. It's a one-time only deal."

"Yep, but you could also come to a few practices with me," he offered. "The current high school team isn't bad, but maybe you could give them a few pointers. They're kids. They'd appreciate the help."

"Yeah, sure. That sounds good too." I'm officially ready to agree to anything as long as it gives me an excuse to get away from the farm. "I'll talk to you soon?"

"Talk to you soon," he agreed. "I'll let you know if Jake's coming or not."

"I think he already did," I joked. "Unless it's not his baby Rachel's carrying."

"Ha ha," he said dryly before he said his goodbyes.

I climbed into his truck and tossed my phone down on the passenger seat, wondering why I kept feeling so damn out of sorts these days. It'd started before I'd even left New York City, so it wasn't just the fact that I was home.

Something seemed to be nagging at me, but I couldn't put my finger on what it was. It was just this deep sense of unease, or unhappiness, or something. Every once in a while, when I was talking to either Eric or Jake, I found myself joking around with them like I used to in the old days, but these weren't the old days anymore, and whenever it happened, I felt like an impostor.

Just a guy pretending to be something he wasn't anymore, and yet, it came so naturally that I couldn't stop it. Sticking the key into the ignition, I turned over the engine and slammed back against the seat, shaking my head at the confusion muddying every damn thought I had nowadays.

It wasn't like me at all. I was confident to the point of arrogance most days, and I knew it. I'd just never cared enough to change, but now, I didn't know what was happening to me. I just felt broken.

As I put the truck in drive, I felt eyes on me, and I didn't even have to look to know it was Daphne. I knew I'd been an ass to her, and while it'd been necessary, I still didn't feel good about it.

When I spun out of the parking lot, I caught a glimpse of her standing at the exit and my suspicion was confirmed. It had been her, probably glaring daggers at me for treating her so poorly. Rolling my lips into my mouth, I patted around the passenger seat for my sunglasses and slid them on, wondering if all these odd thoughts and feelings would go away once I got back to Manhattan.

I sure as hell hoped so.

After driving around aimlessly for a while, I went back to the pond and checked my emails again, sitting on the hood of the truck with my back against the windshield and the cool fall breeze in my hair.

I got back to everyone from work who'd emailed me and dealt with a few clients. Then I watched the sun setting over the mountains in the distance, taking in the glorious autumn sky as night slowly fell.

When it got too cold to stay out here wearing what I was, I finally headed back to the house, showered, and put on some sweats. Then I went out to the pumpkin patch and started working with my dad.

Neither of us said anything, but I knew what to do and he knew I knew, so he left me to it, pretending he didn't even know I was there until he started bossing me around.

Well, this seems like progress.

"More over there, boy," he grunted at one point. "The kids love carving ‘em. We need to make sure there's enough."

A few minutes later, he barked. "Not like that. It'll fall over."

Since it meant he was speaking to me, I didn't argue or fight back. I just went along with whatever he said, getting lost in the work I'd been doing since I was a kid at this time of year.

Eventually, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and ordered a pizza, and that was when the progress slammed to a halt. The delivery guy rolled up and I glanced at my dad. "That'll be dinner."

"What have you done?" he growled as he straightened. His dark eyes narrowed as he glared at me from across the patch.

I frowned. "I ordered pizza. That a crime?"

"I don't want any," he spat, whipping his hat off his head and scrunching it up in his fist before he stalked inside.

Once again, as I watched him disappear into the house, I couldn't help but notice how baggy his clothes were. I blew out a heavy breath, following him in and grabbing the pizza from the delivery guy, but when I sat down in the kitchen to eat—by myself—my thoughts drifted back to the man upstairs.

A man who was wasting away—and not just because of age. There was no getting around the fact that John North looked bad .

His face was more wrinkles than planes, his color completely off despite his permanent tan from spending all his time outside. The silver scruff on his jaw was unkempt, like he shaved every few days but did it without a mirror.

Apart from that shut off look in his eyes, they also just seemed dull. I'd thought maybe he'd just been tired that first night, but no light or life had returned to them in the time I'd been here. Paired with the state of the farm, I was genuinely worried about what had been going on here since my mom's funeral.

From what I'd seen, my father hardly ate. It made me wonder if he'd been surviving on beef jerky and black coffee since she'd died. That was the only stuff I'd seen him consume on a regular basis. I bit into my pepperoni pizza and considered bringing some up for him, but after the way he'd reacted to a simple unexpected delivery, I assumed he'd throw it at my face.

Still, I'd leave the pizza I'd ordered for him in the fridge. Maybe he'd be interested later.

Growing up as an only child, I'd often wondered what it was like to have siblings. Thanks to having Jake and Eric in my life though, I'd never really felt like I was missing out. It had mostly just been idle thoughts about having to share a bathroom and stuff like that.

As I sat and chewed my pizza though, I finally felt the full weight of being an only child. I didn't have anyone to talk to about how poorly our dad was. No one I could ask to keep an eye on him once I left.

I lived so far away and things here really weren't looking good, yet there was no one to help me share this responsibility. Whatever had to be done, I had to do it myself.

I was sure Eric and even Jake would pop in to check on him from time to time if I asked, but I didn't even know if he'd open the door for them. Since they weren't his kids, they wouldn't force their way in either.

Janet, Eric's mom, would probably also agree to come say hi occasionally, and she stood a better chance at getting through the door, but the fact she didn't seem to come here anymore spoke volumes. I could only assume my father had alienated her after my mom's death as well.

The pizza sat like a pile of rocks in my stomach as I thought it all over. The fact of the matter was that I was all he had and he was all I had.

That was it. Our family. Just the two of us. Two people who hadn't spoken more than a few words to each other in five years and one of whom couldn't even bear to look at the other for more than a moment at a time.

Neither my money nor my luxury career could help fix what was broken here, and while I could pay for the maintenance and repairs, ask people to check in on Dad, and try to keep tabs on him myself from the city, none of that would really change anything either.

At this point, I simply didn't know what would. All I knew for an absolute fact was that if something didn't give, the next call I would be getting from Allisburg would be to come home for Dad's funeral, and despite the distance between us, I couldn't bring myself to accept that.