Chapter 56

56

DAPHNE

R achel, Lizzy, Jake, and I were watching the parade from the sidelines, standing among the huge crowd that had gathered downtown. People were waving flags and laughing, phones in the air to take pictures and selfies as the music blared and the festive atmosphere made bubbles of happiness float through my veins.

I genuinely loved everything about this time of year. Every event had a certain magic to it, and not even the chill in the air or the slight breeze could get me down today.

It might also have had something to do with the way I'd woken up, but I was trying very hard not to think about that. There was a baby right next to me, for heaven's sake. I couldn't start panting over the memory of hearing Sterling's breathing hitch just as I'd woken up, or the fact that his heart had been pounding practically out of his chest.

I definitely couldn't think of how hard he'd been pressed up against me or the drop of wetness I'd felt gathered on his tip. A shiver raced through me when I wound up thinking about it anyway.

Last night and this morning, he'd looked at me like I was the most desirable woman on the planet. Like he'd die if he didn't get to touch me right away. I'd loved it. I'd never felt so sexy or so wanted in my life, but it wasn't just that either, it was also the way he'd looked at me after, like he couldn't stand the thought of going away.

Sterling could be a pretty shut-off person. Those dark eyes of his rarely betrayed anything he didn't want someone else to see, but these last couple days especially, it was difficult to even think that there had been a time when I hadn't been able to read him.

It was almost like he'd broken down his own walls to let me see exactly how much and how deeply he felt for me, and my heart fluttered every time I thought about it. I was more convinced than ever that what we had was so real that it might just go the distance—if only he wasn't leaving tomorrow.

I let out a sigh I'd thought was soft, but Rachel glanced at me immediately, questions mingling with the amusement in her eyes as she spoke up to be heard above the din of the crowd and the music. "What was that all about?"

"Sterling," I admitted, knowing that she knew that anyway. "We went home together last night after the reunion. I know it was a mistake, but I took your advice and went for what I wanted."

"Good on you," she said without a shred of judgment in her tone. "I'm proud of you for it. I'm glad you finally stopped worrying so much about your brother and that you're putting yourself first."

"Yeah, well, putting myself first also means that I'm going to have my heart broken all over again tomorrow."

Jake had obviously been listening to us, and he glanced at me, shrugging before he looked back out at the floats. "I wouldn't be so sure about that. I'll believe that he's leaving when he's gone."

"What are you talking about?" I asked. "He is leaving, Jake. I don't want him to and I don't think you want it to happen either, but it's happening."

"So everyone says." He shrugged again, his eyes locked on the float carrying his two best friends. They were near the front of the parade, waving enthusiastically and smiling, but I saw their lips moving and I knew both of them well enough to know they were having a pretty heated conversation.

"If he's still leaving, then what's going on between you guys now?" Rachel asked, bringing my gaze back to hers. "Are you going to go visit him in New York? Is he going to be coming here to visit more often? What are you going to do?"

"No idea," I admitted openly. "We haven't talked about it at all. I'm just rolling with the punches at this point. I can't cope with all the drama and I've told Eric to stay out of it, but I don't think he is."

"He'll come around," Jake said confidently, then blew out a heavy breath. "If there's still something to come around to in, like, a week's time."

"That's another thing," I said. "I'm not liking all these ‘ what-ifs ' either. I want to be with him, but that's the only thing I know for sure. I don't just want to be his friend and I think I would be crushed if he just falls off the face of the earth again like he did last time when he left, but all of that is up to him."

"It doesn't have to be," Rachel said after thinking about it for a moment. She glanced at me, pain in her eyes as she gave me a sympathetic look. "You could go with him. I'd hate it, but you could always give New York a try?"

"No," I said immediately, my head shaking before I'd even begun considering it. "It wouldn't be fair to either of us. It sounds like his life over there is very much work-driven and I'd be desperately unhappy, just sitting around waiting for him to come home while all he wants is to be in his office."

"Well, it was worth a mention," she said, adjusting the strap on the baby carrier and smiling as she looked down at her little girl. "Besides, Lizzy would miss you too much."

"Oh, Lizzy would, huh?" Jake teased, but I saw a shadow of something clinging to his eyes and I had a pretty good idea I knew what it was.

As unfathomable as living so far away from Rachel was to me, he'd been doing it with Sterling for years. It had to be hurting him too to know that his friend would be leaving again so soon. My heart went out to him, but at the same time, it was already hurting so much for me that there wasn't much space left for sympathy for him and Eric.

To a certain extent, I even kind of blamed my brother for this. I'd known all along that Sterling would be going back after the reunion, sure, but I couldn't help wondering if it might've made a difference if Eric had accepted us. I sighed, shaking my head at myself at the thought.

No, no more what-ifs, remember? They're not doing anyone any good. Stop it.

As I refocused on the parade, shouts started ringing through the crowd. I frowned, confused for a moment until I spotted a plume of spoke at the front of the long line of floats. Blinking hard, it took me a moment to make sense of what I was seeing.

Just a minute ago, everything had been fine, but now, as I struggled to process, the crowd around me was thrown into chaos. People started screaming and pushing at each other to get away. Sirens were blaring from somewhere far away.

It was only when I saw the flames through an opening in the crowd that I fully comprehended what was going on. One of the floats had caught fire and an ear-splitting bang rang out as it crashed into the float ahead of it.

My ears rang, my heart suddenly dropping to my toes. Jake grabbed Rachel and I was vaguely aware of him screaming my name as the acrid scent of smoke reached my nostrils. "Daphne! Daph, we need to get out of here."

"Take Rachel and go," I yelled as the sound of his voice finally snapped me out of the surreal sense that this was just a dream. A nightmare but a dream nonetheless. "Go, Jake! Get them to safety!"

The people around us had started moving now too, shoulders smacking into me as I pressed forward through the crowd. Before I could even think about what I was doing, I was fighting my way in the opposite direction to the surge, heading toward the fire and the scene of the crash instead of away.

My mind was in a haze, my heart in my throat and my stomach swirling with sick. This can't be happening. It can't be happening.

The float that had caught fire had been near the front. Eric and Sterling had been on a float near the front. I bit my teeth, squeezing my eyes shut against the burn of the tears behind them. They'll be fine. They have to be fine.

Everywhere around me, people were trying to get away. Shouting and screaming, they tried ducking, weaving, and pushing. The sidewalks were emptying out, but thick smoke was filling the air and those sirens didn't seem to be getting any closer.

Please, let them be okay. Please. Please. Please.

I elbowed and shoved my way to the street, finally spilling into and ducking under the tape that had been spun at the edge of the parade. Those that had been riding on the floats behind the crash were watching the scene unfold with horror in their eyes, some still rooted to their spots while others were already making a run for it.

Knowing they had a better vantage point to see what was going on ahead, I grabbed hold of the float closest to me, hurdled onto the side of it, and put my hand up to my forehead to shield my eyes. What I saw made terror lace itself around my internal organs.

If I'd thought there was chaos around me, it was nothing compared to what was happening around the crash site. The football float was on its side, the players helping each other to get away while some had dashed to the fiery float ahead.

Dirty and covered in dust, grime, and slick sweat, those who had been closest were trying to help, grabbing fire extinguishers from store owners on the main street and the parade officials who had been on patrol.

As I watched, two of the players pulled the pins on the extinguishers they were holding, spraying white froth at the engine compartment of the float, which seemed to be where the fire was concentrated. I looked around wildly, seeking out my brother and his best friend.

I didn't see them at first, but the smoke and the hurried rush of people around the floats made it hard to see anything at all. Finally, I spotted Sterling emerging from around the front of the float that had caused the carnage.

He pushed up on his toes, his head on a swivel as he scanned the crowd, desperately searching. I threw my arms up, waving as I screamed in an effort to get his attention. "Sterling! Sterling, I'm here. Where's Eric?"

I knew it was next to impossible that he would hear me, but by some miracle, as I kept shouting, his gaze found my own. My heart stopped as relief rushed through me. He was dirty and his shirt was torn, but he seemed to be okay.

Where's Eric, though? Where's my brother?

I launched myself off the float I'd been on, sticking close to the line of them in an effort to reach the crash site as fast as I possibly could. Sterling was in one piece, and I needed to get to him. I ran as fast as my feet could carry me, but with every pounding footstep of my sneakers hitting the asphalt, one question repeated over and over again in my mind.

Where's Eric? Where's Eric? Where is he?