Chapter 47

47

STERLING

T he last night of the fall festival was usually a huge party, but this year, it seemed to be lacking. There was nothing overtly wrong, but the atmosphere wasn't nearly as festive, and everything about it just felt off.

At least I was getting to spend some time with Jake before I left. He'd finally gotten Rachel out of the house to enjoy the festival with the baby, and the three of us had found a cozy corner inside a tent that had been decked out as a bar and bistro.

Rachel had taken Lizzy to meet a few of the locals and Jake and I were at our table, him staring at me with wide eyes after I'd admitted I was going back to New York. He frowned deeply, quiet for another beat before he finally found his voice again.

"Why?" he asked. "Is this about your Dad?"

"Surprisingly, it's not." I sipped my beer and enjoyed the scent of pumpkin spice and fall in Allisburg while I still could. "Dad and I have been doing better every day."

"I noticed the last time I was there that you won the fight about hiring more help," he said. "That doesn't explain why you're leaving, though. If you and your dad are getting along and the farm is doing better with you here, then why the hell would you go?"

I shrugged, but there was nothing nonchalant about the way I felt about the decision I'd made. "It's time for me to go home."

"This is home," he said, still frowning and inclining his head to one side as he regarded me thoughtfully. "I miss having you around and this is where you belong. I mean, look around. I remember how the farm used to draw massive crowds for the festival when we were younger, but it's different now. It's getting worse every year. You could change that. Restore it to its former glory."

I chuckled. "I'm not so sure about that. Downtown isn't doing too bad."

He arched both eyebrows at me. "Really? Because the vibe just isn't the same here, man. Besides, I saw how hard those guys were working on the farm. You can't tell me you haven't thought about ways to make it thrive again now that you've got more hands on deck to help."

"Of course, I have, but I'd need to get my dad onboard, too. Things are better with us, but they're not that good yet."

He sighed. "Do you really think they're going to get better if you leave again? You only just started getting onto the right track with him."

"I know," I admitted, glancing around the tent decorated with foliage and twinkle lights.

Round tables dotted the space and giant heaters had been placed in intervals around it. On the outskirts, fires roared and people were merry, drinking and dancing to the tune being played by a local band up on the makeshift stage.

It was the exact scene we used to have on the farm back when my mom had still been in charge of the festival, but Jake was right. Something really was different.

In a way, it felt like the festival had taken on a life of its own. It now had an entire planning committee instead of just my mom and a few of her friends lending a hand. The committee had done a good job of it and I couldn't put my finger on what was bothering me, but it really just wasn't the same.

Jake picked at the label of his beer, his eyes searching the crowd until they came to rest on his wife. He smiled.

"She's not going to be happy with you, you know," he said before glancing back at me. "Daphne finally told her what's been going on and she's super excited. She thinks you're going to put a ring on it and give Lizzy a whole bunch of kids to play with when she's a little bit older."

My heart gave a dull pang. "You know then?"

"Please." He rolled his eyes. "My wife tells me everything, but I'm good at keeping secrets. I'm not so sure I'd have been good at keeping this from Eric, but I would've tried. For you. Why didn't you tell me?"

"Eric," I said. "I didn't want to ask you to lie to him on my behalf. It just didn't feel right. I've been gone a decade and you guys have been as tight as ever for all that time. To get between you when I didn't even really know what was going on between us would've been a dick move."

"Fair enough," he said after thinking it over for a beat. "What happens with that now, though? You're just leaving?"

My chin dropped in a nod, but my heart was rebelling against it. It had been that way ever since I'd made the decision. I'd chosen to let my brain lead the way instead of following my heart, and the useless organ in my chest wasn't enjoying the ride.

"There's no point staying here, man," I finally said. "Daphne has never pushed me for more. Never even mentioned a relationship. It's always just been about me going back."

"Did you ask her if she wants you to stay?"

I shook my head. "Again, there's no point. I can't stay even if she wants me to. Eric would probably rent a crowd to run me out of town with burning pitchforks."

He snorted. "I doubt it. He missed you too, North. I know you guys aren't seeing eye to eye on this, but he'd come around if you would stick around for long enough that he could get his head wrapped around it. No one even knew you two had a thing for each other."

"We weren't exactly advertising it," I said, shrugging. "Both of us knew that Eric would lose his shit, and besides, it was new. There wasn't much to say at first."

"And now?" he asked. "What is there to say now?"

"It's not going to work out."

As much as it killed me to say it out loud, it was the truth.

The LaSalles were close. Closer than any other family unit I knew personally. They still had a weekly family dinner and they ate together on Sundays too. Daphne lived on her parents' property and Eric was just down the street.

They were that perfect family everyone strove to create for their children. The one people like me would always be jealous of. They told each other everything, had family game nights, and truly enjoyed each other's company.

As far as I knew, this was the first time ever that Daphne and Eric weren't talking to each other and I hated—no, I loathed—being responsible for that. From what Eric had told me, they'd had their arguments about her boyfriends in the past, but this seemed more serious than that.

And it was all because I hadn't been able to keep my hands to myself.

Plus, it didn't seem fair to abandon all the hard work I'd put into getting where I was.

It was better this way. I was just still struggling to accept the truth of that.

Jake seemed to be struggling too. He scoffed at me. "How do you know it's not going to work out? Has the time you've spent together been bad?"

"No." I screwed my eyes shut as memories of her suddenly started playing through my mind.

Walking into the kitchen that night to find her covered in flour. Her easy laughter that day I'd nearly cracked her forehead. Talking to her on the pier.

Jake made a frustrated noise at the back of his throat. "If it hasn't been bad, then how do you know it's not going to work out?"

"I don't want to get between her and Eric. He and I are on the outs. Stuff like that, so early in a relationship? It just doesn't bode well. Besides, I love the LaSalles. I don't want to cause friction there, man."

"I hear you, but I don't think you would be." He held my gaze as he sipped his drink. "They're an amazing family. Marty and Janet would probably be thrilled if you got serious with Daphne and Eric would learn to accept it too."

"Or it could go the other way and I'd be the one alienating her from them this time. Maybe not me directly, but the situation, I mean," I said, arching an eyebrow at him. "You ever think about it like that? If Eric refuses to have me around them, Daphne would dig in her heels as well. They're both damn stubborn people, and eventually, she would become distant from her own family. All because she would be with me."

"I don't see it playing out that way, but I guess it's not impossible." He paused for a beat, his eyes slowly moving back to his wife and daughter as they traveled around the space. "Take it from me. Getting to be with the person you're meant to be with is worth a little bit of discomfort at the beginning. Do you think it was easy for me, choosing Rachel above anyone in Fiona's crew? Rach was a nerd. Always buried in her books or painting landscapes with Daphne after school."

I chuckled. "I remember that, but you guys have always worked."

He snorted. "Tell that to her dad. I was older. A football player with a bit of a reputation. It wasn't as easy as you seem to think." Shaking his head, he switched things up again. "Ultimately, my decision to stay after graduation came down to wanting to help my dad with the family business and knowing that this was where I belonged. With Rachel by my side."

He looked right at me and I could see how much he meant all this, his eyes blazing with sincerity. "You belong here too. You could move back home and work with your dad full-time. Work things out with Eric and take Daphne on a real date. See where it goes."

I did belong here. I knew that now. But I felt like a burden on the LaSalles and I'd spent so much of my life working toward where I was now that I couldn't just give up on it.

The way I saw it, Northfield Farms would always be here. Before I left, I would convince my dad to hire those guys to help him on the farm permanently, and even when I got back to Manhattan, I'd keep an eye on things from afar.

Jake was also going to keep going with the upgrades, and neither he, my dad, or the farm hands needed me physically present to do their jobs. The farm would survive, and at the first sign of trouble, I could be back to help.

Being on Wall Street would allow me to keep making the money Northfield Farms needed to start thriving on its own again.

It was a win-win—except that I wouldn't have Daphne—but this was a win for her family as well. A win-win-win for everyone but me. And I was okay with that. I was falling on my sword for the sake of the greater good.

I nearly snorted out loud at the thought.

Jake stood up when Rachel and Lizzy arrived back at our table. She smiled at both of us, cuddling the now sleeping baby close to her chest. "We should go, honey. Are you boys about done?"

He nodded, sliding an arm around her shoulders before giving me a final, meaningful look. "Think about what I said. I missed you, bro. So did Eric. We could find a way to make it all okay. We'll see you at the reunion tomorrow."

Rachel frowned but waved goodbye as he turned her around, and they left. I drained the last of my beer, planning on leaving myself until Daphne walked in. With her long locks pulled into a high ponytail and a big smile on her face, she looked gorgeous.

I groaned and sat back down. Even if all I could do was watch her from a distance and make sure she was okay, at least I would still be protecting her. Peter was probably around here somewhere, which meant I couldn't be far.

Yeah, right. Keep telling yourself that's all it's about . I leaned back in my chair and signaled my waiter for another beer. If she was here, I wasn't going anywhere quite yet.