Chapter 36

36

DAPHNE

T he first day of the festival had gone off without a hitch. I was mighty proud of myself for getting through so many customers so efficiently today. It set a good tone for the rest of the week.

Closing down the bakery with June, I pressed the basket of baked goods I was carrying tighter against my hip so I wouldn't accidentally drop it as I turned the key. "Thanks for letting me take these. Rachel's not heading out tonight, so I thought it would be nice to bring some to her house."

"She's going to appreciate that," June replied, running a hand through her hair as she took a satisfied look around the parking lot. "We knocked it out of the park today, honey. I can't believe we actually got through it. This place was so full!"

I chuckled, offering my fist for her to bump and converting it to a high-five when she frowned. She smacked her palm into mine, grinning, and we turned and walked to our cars together. When we reached my truck, I gave her a friendly wave.

"See you tomorrow, June. Let's hope we can keep this up."

"With you at the helm, we sure will," she said confidently, returning my wave before she proceeded to her own car.

As I climbed in, I checked my phone again. A few of my other friends had been texting me today, wanting me to join them at the festival tonight. I'd received a few texts from Sterling, but none of them mentioned any plans he wanted to make.

I sighed, tossing the phone onto the passenger seat and turning over my engine. If there was anyone I would've wanted to walk the festival with tonight, it would've been him. There was a night market selling pumpkin-spice everything, and every year, all the trees downtown were strung with warm, orange twinkle lights.

I was still trying my absolute best not to get ahead of myself with him. Constantly reminding myself that he was leaving soon, I was hellbent on not falling for him, but I'd always wanted to have him by my side for the festival.

It was part of a little fantasy I'd had going when I'd had a crush on him in high school, and every year when I arrived downtown on the first night, I revisited it. It would've been nice to make it a reality, but since I hadn't seen him today and he hadn't asked me to go with him, I decided I'd go with my friends.

At least that way, I'd still get to be with people I loved to celebrate the beginning of my favorite event in town. Once I arrived at Rachel's, I returned Aimee's text, telling our friends that I'd meet them later. Then I picked up the baked goods I'd brought over and strode to the Garrison's front door.

Letting myself in, I smiled and called out to let her know it was just me. "Rach? Are you here? I brought you something."

"In the kitchen," she replied. "Do you want some tea?"

"I'd love some." I carried my little basket with me, grinning at my friend when I found her with Elizabeth resting in a sling tied to Rachel's body. "Dear Lord, are you wearing your baby?"

"It's a thing," she said laughingly, extending one arm so I could give a sideways hug. "Apparently, wearing her is good for both of us. There's a ton of benefits to it. I wasn't sure if I believed it before she was born, but it's growing on me. Plus, it had the added advantage of freeing up my hands."

I chuckled. "Well, the hands thing I understand, but you're going to have to explain the other benefits to me. She doesn't really look that comfortable."

"She just got out of my stomach. Trust me, she likes this." Rachel smiled. "Before you ask anything else about me or her, we're fine. Everything is good. I need some adult conversation. I've had enough of baby talk for now, so let's focus on you. How are you? What's going on out there in the world?"

As soon as she asked the question, all I wanted to do was tell her everything about Sterling and me. I so desperately wanted to hear her thoughts and get her opinion, but even as I debated it, I already knew I wouldn't go through with it.

I trusted Rachel with my life, but I didn't want to put her in a position where she had to keep something like this from her husband just so I could get it off my chest. It wasn't fair and I really didn't want to cause any issues between them.

As we waited for the tea, I decided for the first time in my life not to be completely honest with her. "Well, I mean, you know what it's like around town once the festival starts. That's what's going on out there. Don't worry. You're not missing anything really."

She sighed, sitting down on a chair from their dining room that she must've dragged in here before. "That's a disappointment. There's nothing new or interesting going on at all? How is that possible?"

I chuckled, shrugging my shoulders as I leaned against the counter. "The bakery was super busy today, if that's interesting to you. We probably made as much money just today as we usually do in a month."

"That's good," she said with a genuine smile. "Sterling and his dad will be happy. Let's hope it's enough to keep the farm afloat for another year, huh?"

I frowned. "Since when do you care? I thought you were still mad at him."

She shook her head, a slightly far-away look in her eyes all of a sudden. "After all his help the night Lizzy was born, I was already letting go of the past, but it turns out that he also spoke to Jake on their race back to town. He apologized for everything and he took responsibility. What he did still sucks, but we've decided it's time to forgive him. Look to the future instead of the past and all that."

I swallowed hard, finally folding back the napkin I'd placed over the baked goods I'd brought and grabbing a brownie. Rachel laughed, happily snapping one up too when I pushed it over to her. "Thanks for this, Daph. You have no idea how much I've been craving it."

I managed a smile, but even I knew it looked tight. As Rachel nibbled the tiniest little piece off the side of the brownie, her gaze swept across my face. "Are you sure you're okay? You've been a bit off the last few times I've seen you. Eric's worried too."

"I'm fine," I lied, my heart aching about Sterling once more.

While I was really happy that Jake and Rachel had finally decided to bury the hatchet for good, it just felt like they were all moving on as the same tight-knit, happy group they'd always been, while I was stuck on the outside. Again.

To make matters worse, I couldn't look to the future with him. Because he and I didn't have one of those.

Trying to push past the hurt, I forced another smile at her. "Jake must be happy that they finally talked, huh?"

"Yeah, he is," she said quietly, swaying from side to side a little bit when Elizabeth started squirming. "We're going to miss him when he goes back to New York. That's for sure. Did you know he came and dropped off a whole mountain of baby stuff for us? I think he had it special ordered from the city because the brands are all fancy and stuff."

"That's cool," I said, but I felt like I'd just received a blow to the chest, confirming what I'd been suspecting all along.

Despite my best efforts not to let my heart get involved with whatever was going on between us, I'd failed. I'd been trying so hard not to get my hopes up, but the truth was that I had been looking at this thing we were having through a haze.

A haze of hopes and what-ifs. No matter the amount of times I'd reminded myself that it could never be serious, hearing Rachel talk about him going back to New York as if it was a matter of fact and bringing up how he'd bought them baby stuff hurt so much that I knew my reminders hadn't worked.

That night of Lizzy's birth, he and I had talked about having babies. I'd imagined buying baby stuff for our kids, even if neither of us had actually said out loud that we thought the other might be the right person.

The baby stuff was minor in comparison to him leaving again, though. While I had been daydreaming about us maybe one day buying baby stuff together, we didn't have a baby to shop for right then. Obviously, he would be shopping for the baby that was already here. I'd shopped pretty extensively for this baby myself.

It was more that hearing that he'd shopped for them had knocked me out of that idle fantasy pretty hard. Because we weren't ever going to be shopping for baby stuff together. Maybe if he wasn't leaving, but that had been the part that had really torn me up.

To Rachel's mind, and to Jake's, and to Eric's, there was no possibility of Sterling staying. Probably because he wasn't. He wasn't going to choose to move back to Allisburg to be with me. He was going back to New York and they'd miss him, but I'd be heartbroken because I hadn't freaking listened to myself.

How could I have been so damn stupid?

"Daph?" Rachel asked, her voice breaking me out of my spiraling thoughts. "You're not okay. What's going on with you, honey? You look like you're about to burst into tears."

That's exactly how I feel.

Swallowing them down, I cleared my throat and screwed my eyes shut for just a moment. "No. I'm good. Really. I've just been working super hard. Actually, I'm pretty beat. I think I'm going to head out. Will that be okay?"

"Of course," she said, worry shining like a beacon in her eyes. "Jake went to grab a drink with Sterling and Eric. He's bringing us back some food when he comes home. Are you sure you don't want to stay? We could always just watch a movie or something? Just us girls. You can eat with us when he gets back and go home after?"

"Thanks, but maybe another time." I pushed away from the counter, feeling guilty that I hadn't even stayed long enough for a cup of tea, but I needed to get out of here. "I'll pop in again later this week. Once I'm a bit more used to the pace of work for the festival."

"Okay, babe." She shot me a worried smile and walked me out.

When we reached the door, I turned to give her another quick hug. "Don't come out. It's too cold. I'll see you guys soon."

I dropped a kiss on baby Lizzy's head too. Then I took off, deciding to blow off my friends and go home instead of heading over to the festival. I just wasn't up to it.

I'd lied to my best friend, I'd realized that I had feelings for a guy who would never be my boyfriend, and the future I'd been conjuring up in my mind whenever Sterling made comments about marriage or babies was completely out of the question.

Thinking that this was about as bad as things could get, I headed out to go home—only to run into someone I hoped I would never see again, and then I realized that with him back in town now too, everything was about to get much, much worse.