Chapter 33

33

STERLING

A fter helping my dad in the pumpkin patch all day, we were just about ready for the opening of the fall festival in two days' time. I'd been driving around the farm after we'd gotten done, trying to work out what to do with all the information my father had dumped on me this morning.

I'd been wrestling with it ever since, trying to process what he'd said and to reconcile with what I'd always thought to be true. Doing that wasn't easy.

As a young teenager, when I'd started getting really into football and doing well at it to boot, Dad had started distancing himself from me. He came to all my games and proudly cheered me on with my mom. It wasn't that he was a bad dad or an uninvolved one, but the distance had been in the little things.

He'd stopped asking me to help him out on the farm, staying away from home for longer hours as he toiled trying to get it all done himself. At the time, he'd told me it was so that I could focus on school and football, but I'd had my suspicions. He'd also stopped taking me to the pond to fish or telling me when he was going to take a drive around the farm to check on things.

In fact, we'd stopped spending any time at all together when it wasn't as a family, eating meals that my mom had prepared or whatever. I hadn't thought much of it at first. In fact, I'd been kind of ecstatic. It had given me a lot more free time to spend with my friends and girls, and I didn't even have to feel guilty about not helping because he'd told me to go.

When the time had come to start applying to colleges, he'd pushed me to look far and wide, encouraging me to explore all avenues. While I did what he'd told me to do, he'd become even more distant and I'd thought it was because he was pissed I was looking at colleges at all.

I hadn't understood it, considering how hard he'd been pushing, but it'd been the only thing that had made sense. All this time, I'd thought it was that. Finding out that it had always been because he'd thought I didn't want this life had thrown me for a hell of a loop.

At the same time, I was grateful to him for it because I hadn't wanted this life. For the longest time, I had done everything I could not to have it, but now, having seen what else was out there and having lived it for a decade, I was wondering if it was time to settle down.

As I drove, I saw Daphne's car at the bakery. Only hers.

Suddenly, I wanted to talk to her about what had happened. Maybe it was the excitement of the past few days or the fact that I was seeing that maybe, just maybe, I had a future here, but I decided to take the plunge.

When she turned around and saw that it was me instead of June standing in the doorway, she looked like a deer in the headlights. An adorable deer, though. One that was covered in flour. Her beautiful chestnut hair was pulled up into a rough, messy bun on top of her head and white powder covered her apron, her sleeves, and even her legs.

"Hey, Daph. Have you got a minute? I saw your car outside and I figured this might be a good time for us to talk."

She blinked rapidly, but then she nodded, tilting her head as her gaze tracked my movements into the kitchen. "Are you okay? I thought you didn't come here."

I shrugged, my hands still in my pockets as I took a slow look around the room. The wooden kitchen table and the wall of ovens, the prep spaces, and all the mixers and equipment that covered the counters.

"It's hard for me. I won't lie. I've only been here a few times since I've been back. One was to drop off the pumpkins, once was when I pulled you out of the fire, and one other time was to talk to Jake."

Sympathy softened those sparkling blues as she nodded. "If it's too hard for you, we can go outside. I don't know what you want to talk about, but?—"

"I'm fine," I said, interrupting her because I didn't want her worrying about me. "I wouldn't have come in here if I wasn't."

"Okay," she said slowly. "So what's up? How you doing with everything? I spoke to your dad the other day. He seems pretty sad."

I'd been so focused on talking to her about us that the sudden change of subject caught me off guard. "You mean how am I doing with everything going on with my family, don't you?"

"Of course." She frowned. "What else would I be talking about?"

"Well, us," I said, my gaze hooking on those gorgeous blues. "I know you said we were good, but I figured we needed to talk about it at some point. That being said, what's worrying you about my family?"

I half-sat on one of the counters, leaning against it as I gripped the edge with my fingers. Intent on at least trying to do this thing right, I knew I needed to hear her out. To listen to what was bugging her before I'd be able to have a real conversation with her about anything else.

Surprise registered on her features at what I'd said, but then she blinked a few more times and refocused on me as she cleared her throat. "Us? Uhm, okay. I guess we could, but uh, have you talked to your dad?"

"I have, in fact," I said. "This morning, finally. I've been trying to since I got back, but he kept shutting me down."

"And now?"

I shrugged, inhaling deeply before exhaling through my nostrils. "Okay, look. I'm going to level with you. I'm not used to talking to anyone about this, but you seem to be genuinely worried about my dad and I want to tell you about it. You might just have to be patient with me while I do."

"I can be patient," she said calmly, pulling up a stool and sitting down at the counter. "Whenever you're ready, the floor is yours."

I thought it over for a beat before I started, gripping the countertop even harder as I pushed against my natural resistance against opening up about my real life at home. All through high school, no one outside of Eric and Jake had really known how tough things had been at my house.

I'd always made a point of putting up a front, and that front lasted to this day. No one at college or at work knew anything about my life either.

Breaking down some of the walls took some work, but as I focused on Daphne's eyes, I just eased into it, finding the words starting to come easier the more I spoke. "It turns out my dad didn't want to be a farmer. I never knew that. I always thought he was all-in on this life, but I found out this morning that what he was all-in on was my mom. She was the reason he did what he did."

I was still looking at Daphne, but her face was getting hazy as I lost myself to my thoughts, voicing them out loud for the first time ever. "All these years, I thought he was pissed at me for leaving, but now, he says he never was. He was never angry. Never disappointed. He didn't want me to feel trapped in Allisburg, but I used to. I used to feel like this place was a cage."

"What about now?" she asked. "Do you still feel that way?"

I shook my head. "No. I definitely don't, but it's a lot to get my head wrapped around after believing it so fully for so long."

"Is there anything I can do to help?" she offered as I blinked her back into focus.

Sighing as I shook my head again, I pursed my lips and shrugged. "I wish, but I'm pretty sure this is something I'm supposed to figure out myself."

A soft smile spread across her lips. "I'm here if you need me, but for what it's worth, I'm glad you had a conversation with your dad. When I spoke to him the other day, it sounded like he missed you. Like he needed to get a few things off his chest."

I cocked my head. "Maybe it was talking to you that finally made him open up to me, so thanks for that. It was about time he and I got real with each other."

"What about Fiona?" she asked. "Are you planning on getting real with her too now that she's back in town? I mean, you guys have a lot of history and it seems to me that she might want an open conversation with you too."

As I held her gaze, I realized that she seemed kind of jealous. I liked the thought of that a lot more than I should've, and I suddenly couldn't resist the urge to be closer to her anymore. Sliding off the counter, I started closing in on her.

"Daphne LaSalle, is that a little hint of the green monster I hear rising to the surface?" I asked as I advanced slowly across the small kitchen.

She scoffed, but her eyes were glued to mine and I saw the mix of emotions in them. "The green monster? Why would I be jealous? You and Fiona were together for a couple years and you and I have only kissed a few times."

"I seem to remember us doing a little bit more than just kissing."

Her teeth sank into her lower lip as I stepped between her legs where she was sitting on the stool, her head dropping back so she could keep her eyes on mine. "Sure, but you probably did a lot more than kissing with her too."

"Ten years ago." I put my hands on Daphne's hips. "We were kids and you were Eric's little sister. I wasn't allowed to look at you, but I wanted to."

Her lips parted in shock. "You did?"

"So bad." I brought my mouth to her ear, whispering against it. "Fuck, Daph. You did things to me, even back then. I just couldn't do anything about it."

"What about now?" she whispered in return. "I'm still Eric's little sister."

"Yeah, but we're not kids anymore." I pulled back to look deep into her eyes as I cupped her jaw in my palms. "You still do things to me. Things I've never experienced before."

"Not even with Fiona?"

My head was shaking before she'd even finished the question. "Especially not with Fiona."

I closed the final bit of distance between our bodies, spreading her legs wide open with my hips and pressing my front to hers. I knew that meant she'd feel how hard just having this conversation had gotten me, but that was exactly why I did it.

It looked like Daphne needed some reassurances from me, and strangely, I was more than happy to give them. I'd never felt the need to do it before, but as I lowered my mouth to hers, I had this burning desire to make her feel secure with me.

To let her know that these days, she was the only woman I could think of. Regardless of my past and how many women I'd been with, Daphne was the only one I could see a future with.