Chapter 23

Chapter Twenty-Three

Everest's lungs hurt. They always did after shifting. This time his heart also hurt, but it wasn't a physical pain that would heal.

The lion took another couple of steps toward him.

He'd been a heartbeat away from killing Cadel because, in his mind, it hadn't been Cadel. It had been another man who'd once betrayed him.

The lion nudged him, his furry cheek rubbing against Everest's, almost knocking him over.

"I'm fine," he rasped out, his throat still raw from the shift. That was the lie of the millennium.

Cadel made a noise, and it was clear he didn't believe Everest. Everest kissed the lion's forehead and put his arms around him. The warm fur against his skin was exactly what he needed.

"It wasn't you that I was killing," Everest whispered in Cadel's ear.

The lion nodded .

For a few heartbeats, neither of them moved. Everything hurt, and he was so tired. He couldn't remember the last time he'd slept properly, and now the past was waking him up, and he was still stuck in it, which was worse than dreaming of it.

What if he hadn't stopped when Cadel shifted?

His lover turning into a lion is what has broken the memory. Because the man he'd been killing was a witch. He swiped at his cheek, not sure if the tears were for his past or because his eyeballs were dry from the shift. He wanted to blame the latter, but he wasn't ready to add to his pile of lies.

Cadel licked his other cheek. His tongue was rough like wet sandpaper, and Everest's newly reformed skin was far too sensitive. He tried to push away and ended up falling on his ass while the lion didn't budge. Cadel licked him again.

"Ugh. Lion spit."

Cadel made that noise, like he was laughing. Perhaps he was. It was enough to bring a smile to Everest's lips. The lion nosed at his neck and licked his shoulder.

"Okay, enough," he said with a small laugh.

There was a knock on the door, and then it opened before Everest had a chance to say anything. Cadel moved to stand in front of him, a low growl vibrating through his body.

The hair on the back of Everest's neck pulled tight, and his stomach clenched.

Oh…that was a serious growl. The others had all been in play or a casual warning. This was the ‘take one more step, and I will rip your throat out' growl.

"What is the meaning of this?" Everest snapped out.

"I heard something and thought there was a problem." The wolf shifter glanced at the large lion in Everest's lap.

"The only problem is you interrupting our…play." Everest gave the man a lingering look feigning interest. "You know how it is between shifters. Shift forms and keep the fun going. Now please shut the door so I can return to enjoying my lion's tongue on my cock." He lifted his eyebrows and let his stare harden.

Cadel opened his mouth and roared.

It was enough to make Everest gasp and for his phoenix blood to run cold. That had never happened in this life, and he wasn't going to search for previous instances. His fingers threaded through the lion's fur as if that was all that was keeping him in the present. It wouldn't be enough to stop Cadel from chasing after the wolf shifter.

The wolf shifter paled.

Cadel took one step forward.

The shifter scuttled back and slammed the door closed.

Everest laughed. Cadel smacked him on the head with his tail.

"I got rid of him, didn't I?" He whispered against Cadel's fur, and then he spoke normally. "Get your tongue busy, and don't spill a drop."

The lion rolled his eyes in a gesture that was so human it was comical. The comment also earned Everest another slap on the back of his head with the lion's tail.

Cadel crouched ready to pounce, and shifting heat rippled over Everest. If he hadn't just shifted himself, it would've been tempting to join in. Cadel, in human form, glanced up from his hands.

"You are impossible." His voice was low, a rumbling whisper that did all kinds of things to Everest's blood and bones as it seemed to reverberate within him.

His lips parted, but he didn't have anything to say. He didn't think Cadel would appreciate him lying on the floor and asking to be fucked, even though that was what he wanted. But if Cadel kept using that voice …

Cadel leaned forward, and for a heartbeat, Everest expected to be licked again. This time, his voice was a little more than a gravelly whisper. "I can smell what you're thinking."

Everest swallowed. "What a pity you can't take a hint."

Cadel's lips brushed the curve of Everest's ear. "You're not getting anything until you tell me what's going on."

"I can't without slipping."

Cadel huffed out a breath. "If I hadn't seen you burning the bed, I might have believed this was a ploy for sex."

"I'm not subtle about getting what I want."

"True." Cadel nodded. He stood smoothly and hauled Everest to his feet.

"Not sure I like being manhandled, unless?—"

Cadel cupped his jaw so Everest was forced to look at him. "I'm going to manhandle you into the shower, sir. And I will do what is needed to keep you here."

"If you keep using that voice…" He was sure the shift was to blame. The ramping up of shifting heat was closely tied to lust.

Cadel didn't even glance down as his fingers closed around Everest's dick. "If I'd known all I had to do was growl in your ear for you to obey me, I would've done it much sooner."

Everest put a hand on Cadel's chest. The hair didn't feel the same as his fur, but he liked it all the same. "Oh, I'm not going to obey you just because your voice makes me hard."

He stepped back and walked towards the bathroom. He didn't glance over his shoulder to see if Cadel was following. He didn't need to.

Cadel closed the bathroom door, and Everest turned on the shower. It didn't matter how the Shadow Board was listening to them; this would disrupt them, and he fully intended to whisper in Cadel's ear .

"I hope you like the water hot," Everest said as he stepped under.

"I do."

With Cadel in the shower, there wasn't much room. Not that they needed much.

"It's becoming harder to stay present," he whispered.

Cadel put his arm around him and pulled him close. "I've noticed. You said it wasn't me you were killing."

No, but he almost had. If Cadel hadn't been a shifter, he wouldn't have been able to stop. "It's the same life."

Cadel's hand smoothed over Everest's back. "And why is that life so important?"

"Because it's when everything went wrong." He leaned against Cadel, not wanting to speak about it in case he blinked and was there. He wasn't even sure where there was. The language and the names of places—he didn't recognize them, so he couldn't place them in time or space. All he knew was that it was a warm climate, and he was someone of status. As were his brothers.

Perhaps they had ruled another country long ago.

Perhaps they had done it many times, and each time, they had failed. Why should he expect this time to be any different?

"Tell me, sir." Cadel's voice rumbled through him and lodged in his balls.

His dick twitched, rubbing against the hair on Cadel's thigh. "Mmm. That is a dangerous combination."

"You are a dangerous combination."

"Thank you. That's the nicest way anyone has described me in this life." He was trying hard to resist rutting against Cadel.

"Tell me about the life." His large hand cupped Everest's ass cheek and gave it a squeeze. "I won't let you disappear, sir."

Or come, apparently .

"It was a long time ago…I don't have more than that. We used memory witches, mind readers, to access our past lives."

"Smart if there's no written language."

"I think there was, but I can't be sure. Not without digging and…" The memory tugged at him, and he concentrated on the way Cadel's fingers kneaded his ass cheek. Did he have any idea what that did to him? Each time he squeezed, Everest's hips tilted, grinding his cock against Cadel's thigh. "Are you hoping I'll grind against you and come?"

"That might be a side effect of me doing my job."

So he was aware and not worried about it. "For someone who thought they were straight until a few days ago?—"

"Most straight guys don't appreciate the male form as much as I do. I don't think I was ever straight."

Everest lifted his chin and looked up at him. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Exactly what I told you last night. It was easier to date women than to allow myself to try something else, so I didn't acknowledge it."

"I mean, you've barely tried anything."

"Finish your story, or you won't be getting finished." Cadel smiled. "Sir."

"I feel like you're not taking this seriously. Are you deliberately being a brat?"

"All those words were English, but they made no sense."

"I'm guessing you didn't taste much of anything. Did you try anything other than vanilla?"

Cadel growled, but it was the playful one.

"Fine. Talking about the past is painful for me." He slid his arms around Cadel's waist and breathed in the scent of his skin. The beating of Cadel's heart was a steady rhythm against his ear. "My memory reader became my lover, against my brothers' warnings." Again, he was sure there had been more of them, but he wasn't sure how many. "He accessed some of my memories without my permission and found a binding spell. He wanted to bind me. Said it would make us both stronger. That it was like a fated mates bond. I refused." He closed his eyes and concentrated on the physical sensations around him.

Cadel's touch, the way his cheek rested against Everest's head, the hot water hitting his back and trickling down his crack.

"He…he ripped open all the doors." Everest wasn't sure that was the visualization he'd used back then, but because it's what he used now, it's what he'd seen.

"So this isn't the first time you've had access to your past lives."

"No, perhaps that's why I'm struggling so much. My mind was already damaged, and the doors weak." They weren't banging against the frames anymore—some of them were ripped off their hinges, and every room tried to drag him inside. They weren't invading his sleep; they were taking over. He hadn't known where he was this morning. "I shifted and killed him, but the damage was already done."

"And then what happened?"

"You woke me up."

"Did your lover want to bind with you out of love or to use you?"

"The latter, I think. I'm scared that if I deliberately go in to work out what happened, I won't be able to escape."

"It's okay. We'll figure something out." Cadel held him tighter.

"I'm terrified I won't wake up if I go to sleep. Or worse, I'll wake up, but I won't be here. I'll be seeing the past. I nearly killed you."

"Yeah. You did. And you didn't know your name, so I couldn't snap you out of it. "

"Your words didn't make any sense because I didn't know the language. English hadn't evolved."

"No shit. So we need a cue. Something that will bring you back to the present. And while touch works, I can't touch you when you're a phoenix."

"It's bloody stupid being made of fire. I can't eat or drink, and I can't land on anything flammable. All I can do is perch on a rock and set things on fire."

"And live many times over. Some people might be envious."

"All paranormals live many times over. You just don't remember it."

"And neither do you."

"That's why we now have our books. So that we don't make the same mistakes." Everest shook his head. "Or at least that is the reasoning. Olier is the reason we have the books. He looked after our history."

"Yet you have the memories. You could answer the question about why paranormals exist. Why you exist."

"If I go to the end of that corridor, I'm never coming back. Besides, what does it matter? We exist, and we are here. And at some point, the humans are going to have to deal with that. Again." He rolled his hips, and the hard length of Cadel's cock nudged at his belly. "Thank you."

"I really didn't do anything."

"You did because I didn't slip."

"So all I have to do is touch you every waking moment?" His fingers had moved and were very close to brushing against Everest's hole.

"Yes, that would be perfect."

"And I'll have to stalk you through your dreams."

"You don't want to be there, and I wouldn't put you in such danger." He'd been tempted to trap Quentin for prying, but maybe Kaine's mate would be able to help him. He shouldn't be letting hope rise. And he shouldn't be thinking about the past in case he stumbled and became lost. "Now, I told you what I remembered, so you need to keep your end of the bargain."

Cadel kissed his temple, and Everest tilted his head to catch his lips.